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  • First of all--

  • Yes, sir.

  • We've known each other a long time, and--

  • We have.

  • Is it Helen, or Ellen?

  • Ellen.

  • It's Ellen with an E. I told someone I just set that out

  • there.

  • Ellen, we go back.

  • I wanted to tell the crowd first of all,

  • because they probably want to hear about your birthday party.

  • Everyone's been buzzing about it.

  • [AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]

  • She had a big rager.

  • I got a fallout invite, which was great.

  • I went down there.

  • I had a show that night in Irvine.

  • You did?

  • Did my hour show, went up all the way.

  • Great guy syndrome.

  • I don't know how I do it, but I got there.

  • And it was-- first of all, I didn't know there was a cover

  • charge, but that was fine.

  • You know what, because I saw inside

  • there were so much stuff, and I get it now.

  • 50 seemed high, but $50, that's nothing to me.

  • It's like $45.

  • So paid that, that was fine.

  • Went in-- oh, the celebs, Ellen Louise.

  • It was-- is that your middle name?

  • Oh.

  • Ellen, I went in there, and they were really

  • packed in there like sardines.

  • They were everywhere.

  • I saw-- and I bother all of them, as you know.

  • Did you?

  • Oh yeah.

  • I really get in their grill.

  • And I never have anything to say, it's a real nonversation.

  • I walk right up and I just start "vavavavava."

  • They don't know what's going on.

  • I saw Aniston was talking to Kris Jenner right away.

  • And the funny thing about Kris Jenner was Kim

  • was close by, and--

  • Kardashian-- and she was--

  • I think she was winding down, Kris Jenner

  • didn't want to leave.

  • And I was thinking, what if my mom was at my same party

  • when I was a kid?

  • It would be so crazy.

  • Because Kim was like, let's go.

  • And she's like, 10 more minutes.

  • She's like, mom.

  • She's like, wait in the car then.

  • She's like, ugh.

  • So, that's me, I always had to wait in the car.

  • So I go in.

  • I did see Adele, who I talked about on this show.

  • She was lovely, of course.

  • Too many people to mention.

  • I caught myself.

  • Remember there's some music toward the end?

  • Yes, I did.

  • And a bit of a hodgepodge.

  • It was like Reese got up, and all these great singers there--

  • Pink and Melissa Etheridge.

  • So I was looking to watch, and there

  • was one of your rapper buddies, and then

  • there was Jennifer Lawrence.

  • It was French Montana.

  • Yeah, yeah.

  • So I go hey, like I was trying to look,

  • and then he whipped out some medical marijuana

  • and a big rolled up doobie of it.

  • Oh.

  • And so--

  • Now you're talking about Diddy.

  • Oh yeah.

  • He took a hit.

  • You know I know all the lingo-- he took a pop off it.

  • [LAUGHS]

  • And then I was in the middle, and then he looks at me like,

  • huh?

  • And I go, yeah.

  • Because I don't want to be like a narc, you know.

  • Like I want to--

  • so I go, hey, man, pass it over.

  • So I get it, and then of course I'm like--

  • [INHALING SOUND]

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • I take the biggest hit, and I cough maybe 40 minutes,

  • like classic, stupid, corny, shouldn't even be in a movie.

  • Now I'm like [HUFFS] and then I give it back,

  • and I go, hey, good batch, or whatever.

  • I don't know what to say.

  • I try to be cool.

  • I go, is that Hawaiian?

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • Is that Vietnamese purple-haired northslope hash?

  • That's the last I had in high school,

  • so I threw that in there, it didn't ring a bell.

  • And then I was like this-- everything's cool for a second,

  • and then--

  • [BLOWING]

  • --like, it hit me.

  • Oh boy, it was like--

  • you know in those nuclear movies where

  • it's like flattens everything?

  • That's half the [INAUDIBLE] my brain just went down.

  • And I was like,

  • (SINGING) hello darkness, my old friend.

  • (TALKING) Oh, they changed the song.

  • Oh no, they didn't.

  • And then I was starting this space out a bit,

  • you know, because I was sort of in a half coma.

  • And things are moving, it was a bit of the matrix.

  • So I go, hey, I gotta take off.

  • And so I was like--

  • [WHIRLING SOUND]

  • --and then I see Oprah, and then I go, I should talk to Oprah.

  • This is the new guy.

  • Now I don't care.

  • I was nervous before, and I was like--

  • [PURRING SOUND]

  • --like feline, and then the little embers

  • in my brain that were still alive go, nope, abort, abort.

  • I went "szhoop" last second like Waze, "Get off here."

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • And so she's like this, "Hel-oh."

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • This weekend, I went through, and I just didn't really

  • bother anyone else.

  • I think DeCaprio got away with a fist bump, and the rest of them

  • were now is just a little like hexagonal at this point,

  • like a kaleidoscope.

  • I was going to the exit, like, just get me out of here.

  • So I get in the elevator, and there was--

  • which is lit like Ralph's.

  • It's so bright, you know what I mean?

  • It's like the produce section.

  • Like gizmo, I'm like, "Eign!"

  • And then, ding, get out, go to my car, slide in.

  • My driver goes, you OK?

  • I go, absolutely not.

  • And I think I got home, do not remember going home.

  • And I'm still in the same outfit.

  • Well--

  • [AUDIENCE CLAPPING]

  • I saw you, but we didn't talk.

  • We didn't talk.

  • No.

  • I did see you.

  • In fairness, I thought you were Justin Bieber

  • for the first half hour, but and it's

  • only because of your haircut.

  • Not where you look right.

  • But-- you know, when you're the belle of the ball,

  • this is the main attraction.

  • So I feel like even some of these celeb types,

  • I know I don't want to bug, because everyone's talking.

  • So you don't want to--

  • I don't want to cut in on you and Bradley

  • Cooper, or something, you know.

  • Hey, can I steal her?

  • So I just--

  • Like the Bachelor.

  • Yeah.

  • Can I get five minutes?

  • So I just left you alone, but it never sort of swung around.

  • But it was just so fun, because I see people I never see.

  • Yeah.

  • I never have-- I really only have a party rarely,

  • not even every year for my birthday.

  • And that was kind of the party to end all parties.

  • But I saw you over by the bar, and I was going to make my way

  • to you, and I couldn't.

  • There's nothing to say.

  • I mean, I was out of it.

  • And I was already drunk, because it was night time.

  • So I already came in a little hot.

  • A lot of people did.

  • Yeah.

  • A lot of people were hurting the next morning.

  • I didn't get to that photo station, because I--

  • Oh, you didn't.

  • Well--

  • The photo booth was so fun.

  • Everybody took advantage of that.

  • Everyone crushed it.

  • I think Olivia Munn just waited for anyone to show up.

  • Olivia Munn put herself in.

  • She got in a lot of them.

  • It's a little bit of a flat Stanley situation.

  • She was like, one with Olivia!

  • And they were great, but everyone is very nice there.

  • It's the people you don't see.

  • It's like the Oscars, that you just see people that you never

  • see in real life.

  • And what a blast, though.

  • It was great.

  • We have to take a break, and I want

  • to talk about-- we have really known each other a long time.

  • We have things to talk about.

  • Mhm, 100%.

  • Maybe.

  • Hi, I'm Andy.

  • Ellen asked me to remind you to subscribe to her channel

  • so you can see more awesome videos.

  • Like videos of me getting scared, or saying

  • embarrassing things, like "ball peen hammer."

  • And also some videos of Ellen and other celebrities,

  • if you're into that sort of thing.

  • [YELPS]

  • [BEEPING]

  • God [BEEPING]

First of all--

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David Spade Thought Ellen Was Justin Bieber at Her Birthday Party(David Spade Thought Ellen Was Justin Bieber at Her Birthday Party)

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    kuma 發佈於 2021 年 05 月 13 日
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