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  • -Today is Friday, and that's usually

    -今天是星期五,這通常是

  • when I catch up on some personal stuff.

    當我趕上了一些個人的東西。

  • You know, I check my inbox, I return some e-mails,

    你知道,我檢查我的收件箱,我回一些郵件。

  • and I, of course, send out thank-you notes.

    當然,我也會發感謝信。

  • [ Cheers and applause ]

    [歡呼聲和掌聲]

  • -Wow. -Feels good to hear applause.

    -哇哦-聽到掌聲的感覺真好。

  • We haven't heard that in a year. That's amazing.

    我們已經一年沒聽到這個消息了。這真是太神奇了

  • -Wow! -Thank you, guys.

    -哇!-謝謝你們,夥計們

  • [ Cheers and applause ]

    [歡呼聲和掌聲]

  • I was running a bit behind today.

    今天我的進度有點落後。

  • -Really? -Yeah.

    -真的嗎?真的? - 是的

  • So I was getting -- -Why's that?

    所以我得到了... -為什麼?

  • -Well, remember all those tattoos I got removed?

    -還記得我去掉的那些紋身嗎?

  • -Yeah. -I'm reapplying them.

    -是的 我正在重新應用它們。

  • -Are you serious? -Yeah, I second-guessed it.

    -你是認真的嗎?-是的,我猜到了。

  • -Really? -Yeah.

    -真的嗎?真的? - 是的

  • So I spent all day doing that.

    所以我花了一整天的時間來做這件事。

  • And I forgot to write out my thank-you notes.

    而且我忘了寫出我的感謝信。

  • So I was just wondering, can I write it out right now?

    所以我就在想,我現在可以寫出來嗎?

  • Do you guys mind? [ Cheers and applause ]

    你們介意嗎?[歡呼聲和掌聲]

  • I appreciate that.

    我很感激

  • James, can I get some thank you note writing music, please?

    詹姆斯,能不能給我一些寫感謝信的音樂?

  • ♪♪

    ♪♪

  • -Okay. -Wow.

    -好吧

  • -He's just Zooming in. That's not even James.

    -他只是在放大那甚至不是詹姆斯。

  • -Wow. -I think his picture froze.

    -哇哦-我想他的照片被凍結了

  • -He looks great. [ Laughter ]

    -他看起來棒極了。他看起來很好。 [笑]

  • -You know it feels good to be here for this.

    -你知道來這裡的感覺很好。

  • -What's that? [ Music stops ]

    -那是什麼?[音樂停止]

  • [ Laughter ] -I haven't been here all year.

    我一整年都沒有來過這裡。

  • This is the first time in a year I've seen you --

    這是一年來我第一次見到你... ...

  • -Yeah, you were waiting, and I was about to do it.

    -是的,你在等著,而我正準備這麼做。

  • -You guys are working. I had to be at home,

    -你們在工作我必須在家。

  • hanging out. -Yep, I understood.

    掛出。-是的,我明白了

  • -Goofing off. -But then here it is.

    -傻乎乎的.-但後來就到了

  • -But you guys held the fort down, yeah.

    -但你們守住了堡壘,是的。

  • Glad it's here. -Wow.

    很高興它在這裡。-哇。

  • -Just, thank you. I love you.

    -只是,謝謝你。只是,謝謝你。 我愛你。

  • I'm glad I'm here. That's all.

    我很高興我在這裡。就這樣吧

  • -All right, man. You know what?

    -好吧,夥計。好吧,夥計 - 你知道嗎?

  • [ Applause ]

    [掌聲]

  • It's all about timing, you know? -Yeah, it is.

    這是所有關於時機的問題,你知道嗎?-是的,是這樣的

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • 'Cause my heart, just -- You know what I mean?

    因為我的心,只是... 你知道我的意思嗎?

  • It's, like -- It feels good to see you.

    就像... ... 見到你感覺很好。

  • It feels good to see The Roots. Feels good to see an audience.

    看到 "根 "樂隊感覺很好看到觀眾的感覺真好

  • -Yeah, yeah, yeah. [ Cheers and applause ]

    -是啊,是啊,是啊。[歡呼聲和掌聲]

  • -Go ahead. I can't wait to hear these.

    -說吧我等不及要聽這些了

  • -Feels good to see you.

    -很高興見到你

  • -Yeah, I can't wait to hear these.

    -是的,我等不及要聽這些了。

  • -You can't wait, yeah. It's about to happen.

    -你不能等待,是的。你不能再等了,是的。 它即將發生。

  • -Well, I love them. They're my favorite part of the show.

    -我喜歡他們他們是我最喜歡的部分的節目。

  • -Yeah. Well, here it is, right here for you.

    -好的好了,在這裡,就在這裡給你。

  • ♪♪ -I also love --

    我也愛...

  • [ Laughter ] -Many things --

    [笑] -很多事情 --

  • There's many things that we could do.

    有很多事情我們可以做。

  • -I love many things. But go ahead, you go ahead.

    -我喜歡很多東西但你去吧,你去吧。

  • -I just want to talk to the control room,

    -我只想和控制室談談。

  • see if we can turn your microphone off.

    看看我們是否可以把你的麥克風關閉。

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • They said yes.

    他們說是。

  • -[ Imitating mic cutting out ] I --o --ove it.

    -[模仿麥克風切出] 我 - -o --

  • -All right. [ Laughter ]

    -好吧。[笑聲]

  • -My mic wasn't... [ Laughter ]

    -我的麥克風不是...[笑聲]

  • -I was doing a bit. I was doing a bit.

    -我是做了一點。我是做了一點。

  • I was doing a bit, pretending my mic was cut.

    我當時做了一下,假裝我的話筒被剪了。

  • 'Cause, you know what the most important thing --

    因為,你知道什麼是最重要的事情... ...

  • This is the only -- This is the last thing I'm gonna do.

    這是唯一... 這是我最後要做的事情。

  • This is the lesson I learned through all of this

    這是我從這些事情中得到的教訓。

  • whole horrible, all of the stuff,

    整個可怕的,所有的東西。

  • all the horrible things were happening,

    所有可怕的事情都在發生。

  • the people -- the best to me.

    人 -- 對我來說是最好的。

  • That's all. -Your mic cut out.

    就這樣吧-你的麥克風被切斷了

  • That was a beautiful thing you just said.

    你剛才說的真漂亮。

  • -Yeah, go ahead. I'm good.

    -是的,去吧是啊,去吧。 我很好。

  • -Oh, that was -- I wish we had the microphone on.

    -哦,那是... ... 我希望我們有麥克風。

  • -Oh, what's that? [ Laughter ]

    -哦,那是什麼?[笑聲]

  • ♪♪

    ♪♪

  • -Thank you, Biden's press conference,

    -謝謝你,拜登的新聞發佈會。

  • for feeling like going to a Yanni concert

    因為我想去看甄妮的演唱會

  • after four years of listening to Slipknot.

    在聽了四年的Slipknot之後。

  • [ Laughter and applause ]

    [笑聲和掌聲]

  • -Oh. -I like Yanni.

    -哦-我喜歡Yanni.

  • -Come on.

    -來吧

  • ♪♪

    ♪♪

  • -Thank you, "Godzilla vs. Kong," for giving vaccinated couples

    -謝謝你,"哥斯拉與金剛",給了接種疫苗的夫婦們

  • the ultimate reason to go out,

    出去的最終原因。

  • watching two hours of a different couple fighting.

    看了兩個小時的不同的夫婦戰鬥。

  • [ Applause ]

    [掌聲]

  • "It's not us!" -"Not us, baby."

    "這不是我們!"-"不是我們,寶貝。"

  • -"It's not us. That's all that matters."

    -"這不是我們的問題。那才是最重要的。"

  • ♪♪

    ♪♪

  • Thank you, giant ship blocking the Suez Canal,

    謝謝你,巨輪擋住了蘇伊士運河。

  • for causing flashbacks for anyone that's had

    導致回想任何人,有

  • to move a couch into a New York City apartment.

    把一張沙發搬到紐約市的公寓裡。

  • [ Laughter, cheers, applause ]

    [笑聲,歡呼聲,掌聲]

  • You know what I'm talking about.

    你知道我在說什麼

  • -My fingers. -"What if we move it this way?"

    -我的手指-"如果我們把它移到這邊來呢?"

  • -"Flip it like an L! Flip it like an L!"

    -"像L一樣翻轉!像L一樣翻轉!"

  • ♪♪

    ♪♪

  • -Thank you, Pepsi's new Peeps-flavored soda,

    -謝謝你,百事可樂新推出的Peeps味汽水。

  • for turning "Is Pepsi okay?"

    因為把 "百事可樂好嗎?"

  • into, "No, seriously, is Pepsi, like, okay?"

    成,"不,說真的,是百事可樂,喜歡,好嗎?"

  • [ Laughter and applause ]

    [笑聲和掌聲]

  • -Mmm. Yellow can.

    -嗯黃罐。

  • -Did you get that? -I got it.

    -你拿到了嗎?-我明白了

  • -What'd you think? Okay.

    -你覺得呢?你覺得呢?

  • -Eh... [ Laughter ]

    -嗯... [笑]

  • -Never mind. -Eh...

    -沒關係-嗯...

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • -They can't all be winners. You know what I mean?

    -他們不可能都是贏家。你知道我的意思嗎?

  • -You talking about the jokes or the soda?

    -你說的是笑話還是蘇打水?

  • -Everything.

    -所有的事情。

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • If everybody's a winner --

    如果每個人都是贏家...

  • Somebody's gotta watch the parade.

    總得有人去看遊行

  • That's all I'm saying. You know what I mean?

    這就是我要說的。你明白我的意思嗎?

  • Every joke can't be a winner. Every soda can't be a winner.

    每個笑話都不可能是贏家。每一杯蘇打水都不可能是贏家。

  • Go ahead. [ Laughter ]

    來吧。[笑聲]

  • -That joke was pretty good. -Yeah, I loved it.

    -這個笑話很不錯-是的,我喜歡

  • -Is it your favorite? -I'm just saying,

    -這是你最喜歡的嗎?-我只是說說而已

  • as a general note, all things can't win.

    俗話說,萬物不勝寒。

  • Somebody's got to be number two. You know what I'm saying?

    總得有人當二號人物你知道我在說什麼嗎?

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • -Why would you point to me when you said "number two"?

    -為什麼你說 "二號 "的時候要指著我?

  • -No reason. [ Laughter ]

    -沒有理由。[笑聲]

  • -I don't want to point any fingers, but, uh...

    -我不想指責別人,但是... ...

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • -You have three pointing back at you.

    -有三個人指著你。

  • -Every finger's pointing at me. -You have 10 fingers?

    -每個手指都在指著我.-你有10根手指?

  • -Wow. -Two thumbs.

    -哇哦-兩根大拇指

  • -Two thumbs.

    -兩根大拇指。

  • ♪♪

    ♪♪

  • -Thank you, Joe Biden supporting universal pre-k,

    -謝謝你,喬-拜登支持普及學前教育。

  • although I'm pretty sure it's just so that

    雖然我敢肯定,這只是為了使

  • you'll have somewhere to leave Pete Buttiegieg

    你會有地方離開皮特-布提格格的

  • between 9:00 and 3:00.

    9點到3點之間。

  • [ Applause ]

    [掌聲]

  • He's young. -He's just a young man.

    他還年輕-他只是個年輕人

  • -He's a young man. -He's a young man.

    -他是個年輕人-他是個年輕人

  • -Don't judge. -Come on.

    -別評頭論足-來吧

  • ♪♪

    ♪♪

  • Thank you, spring, for introducing us all

    謝謝你,春天,為我們大家介紹

  • to the fun new game, allergies or COVID?

    到有趣的新遊戲,過敏或COVID?

  • [ Laughter and applause ]

    [笑聲和掌聲]

  • -"That's it -- I got it!" -"I got COVID.

    -"就是這樣--我拿到了!"-"我拿到了COVID。

  • What do I do?" -"Scratchy throat, yes."

    我該怎麼辦?"-"抓喉嚨,是的。"

  • -Don't go to WebMD!

    -不要去WebMD!

  • Oh, my gosh, I'm gonna die.

    哦,我的天哪,我要死了。

  • ♪♪

    ♪♪

  • Thank you, spring cleaning. I can't wait to clean my house

    謝謝你,春季大掃除。我已經迫不及待地想打掃房子了

  • and wipe down every surface after spending a full year

    擦拭每一個表面,用了一整年的時間

  • cleaning my house and wiping down every surface.

    清潔我的房子,擦拭每一個表面。

  • [ Laughter, cheers, applause ]

    [笑聲,歡呼聲,掌聲]

  • Oh, dude, you can do your best impression.

    哦,夥計,你可以做你最好的印象。

  • -Oh, yeah. [ Imitating spray bottle ]

    -哦,是的。[模仿噴霧瓶]

  • -A Windex bottle. -Ready? Do it.

    -一瓶Windex.-準備好了嗎?準備好了嗎?

  • -Ready?

    -準備好了嗎?

  • -[ Imitating spray bottle ]

    -[仿製噴霧瓶]

  • [ Imitating window squeaking ]

    [模仿窗戶吱吱作響]

  • [ Imitating spray bottle ]

    [仿製噴霧瓶]

  • [ Imitating window squeaking ]

    [模仿窗戶吱吱作響]

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • [ Imitating birds chirping ]

    [模仿鳥兒的叫聲]

  • [ Imitating gunshot ]

    [模仿槍聲]

  • [ Imitating bird falling ]

    [模仿鳥落]

  • Pbht!

    Pbht!

  • [ Laughter ] -Man...

    [笑聲] 男人...

  • -It's been a while. -Yeah, well...

    -好久不見了.-是啊,嗯...

  • -Steve Higgins, everybody. -It's been a while!

    史蒂夫-希金斯,各位-好久不見!

  • Come on! We're back!

    來吧,我們回來了!我們回來了!

  • -For your consideration, Emmy voters.

    -艾美獎的選民們,請你們考慮一下。

  • [ Laughter ] Right?

    [笑聲] 對嗎?

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • -Any voters. -Any voters.

    -任何選民-任何選民。

  • ♪♪

    ♪♪

  • Thank you, firing up the grill the first time this season,

    謝謝你,這個季節第一次開烤爐。

  • for reminding me that I meant to clean the grill last September.

    提醒我去年9月就想清洗烤架了。

  • [ Applause ]

    [掌聲]

  • "Eh, it'll burn off."

    "恩,會燒掉的。"

  • "That makes it taste better."

    "這樣味道會更好。"

  • -"You need the grill, you need the soot,

    -"你需要烤架,你需要菸灰。

  • you need the grease."

    你需要油脂。"

  • -"That makes the burger taste better."

    -"這讓漢堡的味道更好。"

  • -"Without it, it's just propane."

    -"沒有它,它只是丙烷。"

  • -"That's like eating -- I'd rather eat nothing."

    -"這就像吃飯一樣,我寧願什麼都不吃。"

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • "I'd rather starve myself." -"I'd rather starve myself

    "我寧願餓死自己。"-"我寧願餓死自己

  • than eat off a -- A guy who eats off

    比吃了 - 一個人誰吃了 -

  • a clean grill --" -"Is a real idiot."

    一個乾淨的烤架--"-"是一個真正的白痴。"

  • -"Yeah. Is no good in my book.

    -"是啊,在我的書裡是不好的。

  • Might as well kick him in the cojones."

    還不如踢他的肋骨。"

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • -"That's what I would do. If someone tried to cook me

    -"我也會這麼做。如果有人想煮我

  • a clean burger on a clean grill..."

    一個乾淨的漢堡在一個乾淨的烤架上..."

  • -"Right." -"I'd kick that person

    -"對"-"我會踢那個人

  • in the cojones."

    在cojones。"

  • -"It's the only logical thing to do!"

    -"這是唯一合乎邏輯的事情!"

  • -"Exactly." -"You got logic on your side.

    -"沒錯。"- "你有邏輯在你這邊。

  • You got mathematics, you got logic,

    你有數學,你有邏輯。

  • you got everything on your side

    左右逢源

  • telling you you're in the right."

    告訴你,你是在正確的。"

  • -"I'm so happy you're my neighbor."

    -"我很高興你是我的鄰居。"

  • -"Me too! I'm so glad we live in this --

    -"我也是!我很高興我們生活在這個...我很高興我們生活在這個------。

  • in this shipping container in the back of the Walmart.

    在沃爾瑪後面的這個貨櫃裡。

  • I love it." -I think it's --

    我喜歡它。"-我想這是...

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • -It's been a year! Come on, man.

    -已經一年了!來吧,夥計。

  • Little rusty. -Little rusty.

    小生鏽。-有點生鏽了

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • ♪♪

    ♪♪

  • -Thank you, matzah, or as I call you, swole saltines.

    -謝謝你,馬紮,或者我叫你 "swole saltines".

  • There you have it, everybody! Those are my thank-you notes!

    大家都有了吧!這是我的感謝信!

-Today is Friday, and that's usually

-今天是星期五,這通常是

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