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  • -You know, it can be hard to make big life decisions,

    -你知道,要做出重大的人生決定是很難的。

  • but I have someone here who can help.

    但我有一個人在這裡誰可以幫助。

  • It's time for "Life Coach with Jerry Seinfeld."

    現在是 "傑瑞・宋飛的生活教練 "時間。

  • -♪ Life Coach with Jerry Seinfeld

    生活教練與傑裡-塞恩菲爾德

  • -I am joined now by Jerry Seinfeld.

    -現在有請傑瑞・宋飛加入我的行列

  • Jerry, are you there?

    傑瑞,你在嗎?

  • -Jimmy, I am here. I am ready.

    -吉米,我在這裡。我已經準備好了

  • Let's do some comedy!

    讓我們做一些喜劇!

  • -Jerry, you are not afraid to speak your mind.

    -傑瑞,你不怕說出你的想法。

  • I love hearing your take on things.

    我喜歡聽你對事情的看法。

  • So we asked viewers at home -- -I do, too.

    所以我們問了家裡的觀眾------我也是。

  • -To -- -I love my mind.

    -我愛我的心。

  • -Thank you. -And I love my take on things.

    -謝謝你.-我喜歡我對事物的看法

  • -We asked viewers at home to send in questions

    -我們請家裡的觀眾發來問題。

  • that they need your coaching on.

    他們需要你的指導。

  • Are you ready to give out some tough advice?

    你準備好給出一些艱難的建議了嗎?

  • -I am. But I'm going to tell you right now,

    -我是這樣想的但我現在要告訴你。

  • my advice to most people with most questions

    我對大多數人大多數問題的建議

  • is just going to be,

    就是要。

  • shave your head, move to Phoenix.

    剃光頭,搬到鳳凰城去。

  • -[ Laughing ] Okay, good.

    -好的,很好。

  • -Just start over.

    -重新開始吧

  • That's gonna be my advice 99% of the time,

    這將是我99%的建議。

  • no matter what your problem is.

    不管你的問題是什麼。

  • -Yeah. I understand.

    -是的,我明白

  • -Okay. But I love this kind of thing,

    -好吧,但我喜歡這樣的事情。

  • 'cause I do have opinions on everything.

    因為我對所有事情都有意見

  • They're not correct. They're just mine.

    他們不正確。他們只是我的。

  • -Okay. This first one --

    -好的這第一個...

  • "My girlfriend goes to bed early..."

    "我女朋友很早就睡覺了......"

  • -Yes. And you're also a moron,

    -是的而且你也是個白痴

  • because all you have to do is get in bed with her.

    因為你所要做的就是和她上床。

  • First of all, do what she wants to do.

    首先,做她想做的事。

  • If she wants to go to bed early, you go to bed early.

    她要早睡,你就早睡。

  • -Yeah. -She will fall asleep!

    -是的 她會睡著的!

  • Then you get up and do what you want.

    然後,你起來做你想做的事。

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • Idiot!

    笨蛋!

  • -Exactly -- I told you --

    -沒錯... 我告訴過你...

  • That is exactly right. What are you doing --

    這是完全正確的。你在做什麼...

  • Why are you causing a problem? -Yes, let her fall asleep!

    你為什麼要製造麻煩?-是的,讓她睡吧!

  • She's never going to know.

    她永遠不會知道。

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • -Causing such a big problem while she's awake?

    -在她醒著的時候製造這麼大的麻煩?

  • She's got -- Yeah, exactly. -Yeah.

    她有 - 是的,沒錯。-是的,沒錯。

  • You think she can hear your eyes open?

    你覺得她能聽到你睜開眼睛的聲音嗎?

  • She can't.

    她不能。

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • -Here's another question.

    -還有一個問題

  • "My unemployed friend has been crashing at my place

    "我那個失業的朋友一直在我這裡過夜

  • for six months."

    6個月。"

  • That's not the problem yet.

    這還不是問題所在。

  • -You are not Paul McCartney.

    你不是保羅-麥卡特尼

  • You cannot let it be.

    你不能讓它成為。

  • [ Laughter ] Tell this person --

    [笑] 告訴這個人 -

  • You have to confront them, yes. You're going to do it --

    你必須面對他們,是的。你要做到這一點 -

  • You know, if you don't tell them about this,

    你知道,如果你不告訴他們這件事。

  • you're going to act it out in other ways,

    你要用其他方式來表現它。

  • slamming cupboards

    翻箱倒櫃

  • and, you know, knocking things over.

    而且,你知道,敲東西了。

  • Get -- Tell him, "Look, this is bothering me."

    告訴他 "聽著,這讓我很困擾"

  • Don't be so -- Don't be so weak.

    別這麼... 別這麼軟弱。

  • And shave your head and move to Phoenix.

    然後剃光頭,搬到鳳凰城去。

  • -Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Alright, here's one.

    -是啊,是啊,是啊,是啊。好吧,這裡有一個。

  • "My brother is about to have his first child..."

    "我的哥哥即將有他的第一個孩子..."

  • -No! Shut up. It's none of your business.

    -不!不! - 閉嘴!這不關你的事

  • Saffron is a beautiful name.

    紅花是個美麗的名字。

  • It's a beautiful color.

    這是一個美麗的顏色。

  • None of your business.

    不關你的事。

  • And need I say... -Yeah.

    還需要我說...-需要我說...

  • -...shave your head and move to Phoenix.

    -剃光頭,搬到鳳凰城去。

  • -Yeah. No, no, you don't even have to say that. Yeah, exactly.

    -對啊是啊。 不,不,你甚至沒有說。是啊,沒錯。

  • I like this one. "I'm a bridesmaid in a wedding..."

    我喜歡這個"我是婚禮上的伴娘..."

  • -Yeah. You can, but Cabo's pretty good.

    -是啊,你可以的,但卡波很不錯你可以,但卡波的相當不錯。

  • I would go to Cabo. Why not? That's pretty good.

    我會去卡波。為什麼不呢?這是相當不錯的。

  • That's not a bad wedding place.

    那是個不錯的婚禮場所。

  • Anything you don't want to do is probably --

    任何你不想做的事都可能... ...

  • You're going to enjoy it.

    你會喜歡它的。

  • That's -- That's my kind of M.O. in life.

    這... ... 這就是我的生活方式。

  • Anything my wife wants me to do,

    我妻子要我做的任何事情。

  • I absolutely don't want to do it,

    我絕對不想這樣做。

  • and I'm always glad I did it.

    我總是很高興我這樣做。

  • -You don't -- For the most part, you don't want --

    -你不... 大部分情況下,你不希望...

  • like to do things?

    喜歡做的事情?

  • -No. Whatever -- Whatever anyone wants me to do,

    -不,不管是什麼..,

  • I don't want to do it. If I want to do it,

    我不想做如果我想做。

  • if it was my idea, even that, I don't want to do.

    如果這是我的主意,即使這樣,我也不想做。

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • -So, if you have an idea of something you want to do --

    -所以,如果你有一個想法 你想做的事情 -

  • -Yeah. -There's -- What percentage?

    -是的,有多少百分比?

  • -50/50, I'm gonna like that.

    -50/50,我會喜歡的。

  • -[ Laughs ] -And it's my idea.

    -這是我的主意。

  • -50/50. -So anybody else's idea --

    -50/50.-那麼其他人的想法 --

  • That's why I can't stand vacations,

    這就是為什麼我無法忍受假期的原因。

  • because a vacation is someone else's idea

    因為度假是別人的主意

  • of what you're going to like.

    的你會喜歡。

  • -Yeah. -They think you'll like this.

    -是的 他們認為你會喜歡這個的

  • They think you want to zip-line and kayak.

    他們認為你想滑索和皮划艇。

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • -You go, "Do I look like the guy who zip-lines and kayaks?"

    -你會問:"我看起來像滑索和皮划艇的人嗎?"

  • -Zip-line is like, you know, like --

    -繩索就像,你知道,就像 --

  • like I need to know what it feels like to be dry cleaning.

    就像我需要知道它是什麼感覺 是乾洗。

  • That's what zip-lining is.

    這就是拉鍊的作用。

  • I want to have that experience. I would do a zip-line

    我想有這樣的經歷。我會做一個滑索

  • where after the zip-line, they put me in clear plastic

    在滑索之後,他們把我放在透明的塑膠中

  • and on a hook in the back of somebody else's car

    並在別人的車後掛上鉤子

  • back to the hotel.

    回酒店。

  • Give me the full experience of being dry cleaning.

    讓我充分體驗到了做乾洗的樂趣。

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • -"Jerry, I've been secretly

    -"傑瑞,我一直在偷偷地。

  • using my girlfriend's expensive shampoo..."

    用我女朋友昂貴的洗髮水..."

  • -Ah, good. I like that.

    -啊,好。啊,很好。 我喜歡這樣。

  • Yeah.

    是啊。

  • No. There are other things you do that make you a bad person,

    不,你做的其他事情讓你成為一個壞人。

  • but not this. [ Laughter ]

    但不是這個。[笑聲]

  • This -- This, I like.

    這個... 這個,我喜歡。

  • Screw her. Screw the fancy shampoo people.

    去她的去他媽的那些花哨的洗髮水的人。

  • -Yeah. -Keep the scam going

    -是啊 繼續騙下去吧!

  • as long as you can.

    只要你能。

  • I think it's very creative.

    我覺得這很有創意。

  • Very inventive. [ Laughter ]

    非常有創意。[笑聲]

  • -"Very creative." You are ridiculous.

    -"很有創意"你真可笑

  • [ Giggles ]

    [笑聲]

  • Alright. Here we go. Last one here.

    好吧,我們開始吧。在這裡,我們去。最後一個在這裡。

  • "We've been ordering lots of takeout during the last year..."

    "去年我們叫了很多外賣..."

  • -This is -- Again, this is so simple.

    -這是... ...這又是如此簡單。

  • I cannot believe the stupidity of this.

    我無法相信這是愚蠢的。

  • Just take a bottle of ketchup

    就拿一瓶番茄醬

  • and open each one and put it in.

    並分別打開放進去。

  • Put it in.

    把它放進去。

  • And let her catch you doing that.

    讓她抓到你這樣做。

  • -And then if she -- Yeah. -Let her find you,

    -然後如果她... - 是的 讓她來找你吧

  • when she comes home from work, sitting there...

    當她下班回家,坐在那裡... ...

  • -Doing that all day long. -...putting them in

    -整天都在做這個-...把它們放進

  • one after the other. But, yeah,

    一個接一個。但是,是的。

  • maybe you and the shampoo guy could hang out.

    也許你和洗髮水的傢伙可以掛出。

  • -Or -- -Or --

    -或... 或...

  • -Shave your head and move to Phoenix.

    -剃了頭搬到鳳凰城去吧

  • -Thank you very much.

    -謝謝你,非常感謝

  • That's all the time we have for "Life Coach."

    這就是我們對 "生活教練 "的全部時間。

  • My thanks to the great Jerry Seinfeld!

    我感謝偉大的傑瑞-宋飛!

-You know, it can be hard to make big life decisions,

-你知道,要做出重大的人生決定是很難的。

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人生教練與傑瑞-宋飛:剃頭,搬到鳳凰城|今夜秀 (Life Coach w/ Jerry Seinfeld: Shave Your Head, Move to Phoenix | The Tonight Show)

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    林宜悉 發佈於 2021 年 03 月 18 日
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