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  • -This is great news today.

    -今天是個好消息

  • The White House announced that

    白宮宣佈

  • stimulus checks are being sent out

    刺激經濟的支票被送出

  • as soon as this weekend.

    最快這個週末。

  • [ Cheering and applause ]

    [歡呼和掌聲]

  • But a lot of Americans are wondering,

    但很多美國人都很疑惑。

  • "What's the best way to spend my $1,400?"

    "我的一千四百塊錢該怎麼花?"

  • Well, don't worry. I'm here to help.

    好了,別擔心。我是來幫你的

  • Let's break it down.

    我們來分析一下。

  • Okay, so you start with $1,400.

    好吧,所以你從1400美元開始。

  • First, we should subtract some expenses,

    首先,我們應該減去一些費用。

  • like utilities.

    像公用事業。

  • Then, there's also groceries.

    然後,還要買菜。

  • But, after that, you're left with --

    但是,在那之後,你就剩下... ...

  • I forgot about automatic payments.

    我忘了自動付款的事了。

  • Netflix, Hulu, Amazon, HBO, Disney+.

    Netflix、Hulu、亞馬遜、HBO、Disney+。

  • If you sign up for all streaming services,

    如果你註冊了所有的流媒體服務。

  • that's roughly $2,000 a month.

    這大概是2000美元一個月。

  • They add up quickly.

    它們很快就會增加。

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • Now that the vaccine is here, everyone, you know,

    現在疫苗來了,大家都知道了吧。

  • is rescheduling their destination wedding to Cabo.

    正在重新安排他們的目的地婚禮到卡波。

  • [ Laughter ] Uh...

    [笑] 呃...

  • Taco bell is bringing back the Quesalupa.

    塔可鍾要把Quesalupa帶回來了。

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • 7-Eleven is adding fish bites to the menu

    7-Eleven的菜單中增加了魚肉餅的內容。

  • and, if you eat one of those,

    而且,如果你吃了其中的一個,

  • that calls for an emergency hospital visit.

    需要去醫院急診的。

  • [ Laughter ] After you get out,

    [笑] 在你出來之後。

  • you'll probably reevaluate your health and your life choices,

    你可能會重新評估你的健康和生活選擇。

  • so you'll buy a gym membership.

    所以你會買一個健身房會員。

  • But you'll give up after a couple weeks

    但幾個星期後你就會放棄了。

  • and just get a Peloton, instead.

    而只是得到一個Peloton,而不是。

  • [ Laughter ] You'll use it twice,

    [笑]你會用它兩次。

  • maybe three times, then just hang clothes on it.

    也許三遍,然後就把衣服掛在上面。

  • [ Laughter ] You go to return it,

    [笑]你去還它。

  • but, on the way, you spot a Jiffy Lube

    但是,在路上,你發現了一個Jiffy Lube。

  • and you remember you need an oil change.

    你還記得你需要換油。

  • [ Laughter ] While you're there,

    [笑] 當你在那裡。

  • the guy says that your car needs a new brake booster.

    那人說你的車需要一個新的剎車助力器。

  • You don't even know what that is, but it's $150.

    你甚至不知道那是什麼,但它是150美元。

  • [ Laughter ] While you're waiting for that,

    [笑] 當你在等待的時候。

  • a band of hooligans steal the Peloton out of your car,

    一群流氓從你的車裡偷走了Peloton。

  • along with all the cash in your wallet.

    以及你錢包裡的所有現金。

  • [ Laughter ] You have a couple bucks in your pocket,

    你的口袋裡有幾塊錢。

  • so you head to a nearby casino, just to feel alive.

    所以你就到附近的賭場去,只是想感受一下生活。

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • You gamble everything you have on blackjack

    你把所有的錢都賭在21點上

  • and you win 600 bucks.

    而你贏了600塊錢。

  • [ Laughter ] The head of the casino walks over

    [笑聲] 賭場的負責人走了過來

  • and says he loves your gambling style

    還說他喜歡你的賭博方式

  • and offers you a free suite in the hotel.

    併為您提供酒店的免費套房。

  • You're feeling great, so you bet $300,000

    你感覺很好,所以下注三十萬

  • in a game of craps.

    在遊戲的骰子。

  • [ Laughter ] You lose it all.

    [笑] 你失去了這一切。

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • You don't actually have the money,

    你其實並沒有錢。

  • so the owner brings you to a back room

    所以老闆帶你到後院去

  • and one of his goons cuts off your finger.

    他的一個手下砍掉了你的手指。

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • So, when all is said and done, you're left with --

    所以,當所有的事情都說完了,你就剩下... ...

  • drum roll, please --

    請擊鼓

  • [ Drumroll ]

    [鼓聲]

  • -$313,537

    -$313,537

  • and nine fingers. So, there you go.

    和九個手指。所以,你去那裡。

  • [ Cheering and applause ] Hope that helped, everybody.

    [歡呼和掌聲] 希望這能幫助大家。

-This is great news today.

-今天是個好消息

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B1 中級 中文 TheTonightShow 笑聲 賭場 歡呼 掌聲 美元

吉米分解1400美元的經濟刺激支票|吉米-法倫主演的 "今夜秀"。 (Jimmy Breaks Down the $1,400 Stimulus Checks | The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon)

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    林宜悉 發佈於 2021 年 03 月 13 日
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