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  • -Our next guest is the host of "Mike Vecchione Investigates,"

    -下一位嘉賓是 "Mike Vecchione調查 "的主持人。

  • available at Apple Podcasts.

    可在Apple Podcasts獲得。

  • Please welcome one of our favorites back

    請歡迎我們最喜歡的一個人回來

  • to "The Tonight Show" stage, the very funny Mike Vecchione!

    "今夜秀 "的舞臺上,非常有趣的邁克-韋奇尼!

  • ♪♪ [ Cheers and applause ]

    [歡呼聲和掌聲]

  • -Thank you so much, everybody. It's great to be here.

    -謝謝大家很高興能來這裡

  • First, I would like to thank Mr. Jimmy Fallon for bringing

    首先,我要感謝吉米-法倫先生為我們帶來了

  • live stand-up comedy back to television.

    現場脫口秀回到電視上。

  • Amazing.

    驚人的。

  • And shout-out to New York City.

    並向紐約市喊話。

  • We're coming back, baby.

    我們會回來的,寶貝。

  • We're gonna make it. We're gonna make it.

    我們會成功的我們要做到這一點。

  • There are some things I'm going to miss about

    有些事情我會懷念。

  • the pandemic, though.

    的大流行,但。

  • For example, walking into a restaurant

    例如,走進一家餐廳

  • and having my temperature taken like I'm being executed.

    還把我的體溫測得像被處決一樣

  • I enjoy it. "This is to make you feel safe!"

    我喜歡這樣"這是為了讓你感到安全!"

  • I like it when the hostess takes a break

    我喜歡女主人休息時的樣子。

  • and I go up and take the thermometer

    我上去拿著溫度計

  • and I just start using it on people for comedy reasons.

    我只是開始使用它的人 對於喜劇的原因。

  • A couple walks in.

    一對夫婦走了進來。

  • You know, I point it to the woman

    你知道,我把它指給那個女人

  • and I go, "You're pregnant.

    我走了,"你懷孕了"。

  • You're pregnant."

    你懷孕了。"

  • Then I point it to the guy and go, "You're not the father."

    然後我指著那個人說:"你不是他父親。"

  • I've been going to the gym.

    我一直在去健身房。

  • And there's a lot of paperwork at the gym now.

    而且現在健身房裡有很多文書工作。

  • I go there. The guy gives me like 10 forms.

    我去那裡。那人給了我10張表格

  • I go, "Yeah, I'm not trying to purchase the gym.

    我走了,"是啊,我不是想買健身房。

  • I'm just trying to get a workout."

    我只是想鍛鍊一下身體。"

  • He goes, "We're trying to determine whether you're

    他說:"我們想確定你是否是。

  • healthy enough to be at the gym."

    健康到可以在健身房。"

  • I'm like, "Hey, buddy, let me save you some trouble.

    我想,"嘿,夥計,讓我給你省點麻煩。

  • I'm not healthy enough to be at the gym.

    我不夠健康,不能去健身房。

  • If I was healthy enough to be at the gym,

    如果我足夠健康,在健身房。

  • I wouldn't be at the gym, okay?

    我不會在健身房,好嗎?

  • I'd be at home eating doughnuts."

    我就在家裡吃甜甜圈。"

  • I try to keep up with my mental health.

    我努力保持心理健康。

  • I'm doing affirmations.

    我在做肯定論。

  • And the affirmation I do is "Millionaire Mindset."

    而我做的肯定是 "百萬富翁心態"。

  • Every morning, I sit on the couch, I close my eyes,

    每天早上,我坐在沙發上,我閉上眼睛。

  • and I repeat the phrase, "I am a very powerful millionaire.

    和我重複一句話:"我是一個很有實力的百萬富翁。

  • I am a very powerful millionaire.

    我是一個非常強大的百萬富翁。

  • Hey, guys, I'm a very powerful millionaire."

    嘿,夥計們,我是一個非常強大的百萬富翁。"

  • Girlfriend walks out, shakes me,

    女友走出來,搖了搖我。

  • interrupts my mind-set, you know?

    打破了我的思維模式,你知道嗎?

  • And she goes, "You left the dishes in the sink last night.

    她說:"你昨晚把盤子忘在水槽裡了。

  • Is that what we're doing?

    我們是在做什麼?

  • Leaving the dishes in the sink?"

    把碗筷留在水池裡?"

  • I turn to her.

    我轉向她。

  • I'm like, "Do you know who you're talking to?

    我說:"你知道你在跟誰說話嗎?

  • I am a very powerful millionaire.

    我是一個非常強大的百萬富翁。

  • You can't talk to a very powerful millionaire that way."

    你不能這樣和一個很有權勢的百萬富翁說話。"

  • But later, I found out she had been doing

    但後來,我發現她一直在做。

  • "A Billionaire Mindset."

    "億萬富翁的心態。"

  • But arguments can escalate in quarantine.

    但在隔離區內,爭論會升級。

  • They really can.

    他們真的可以。

  • For example, my girlfriend is from Indiana.

    例如,我的女朋友來自印第安納州。

  • And did you guys know that people from Indiana

    你們知道印第安納州的人嗎?

  • do not like to be called hillbillies?

    不喜歡被人稱為鄉巴佬?

  • Yeah. That is a slur.

    是啊,那是個汙點這是一個汙點。

  • The politically correct term is "farm-to-table."

    政治正確的說法是 "從農場到餐桌"。

  • The farm-to-tables don't like it

    農場到餐桌的人不喜歡它

  • when you call them hillbillies.

    當你叫他們鄉巴佬的時候

  • It gets their overalls in a twist.

    這讓他們的工作服變得很彆扭。

  • So, the argument -- it's escalating.

    所以,爭論... ... 愈演愈烈。

  • She goes, "You're always mad at me.

    她說:"你總是對我發火。

  • That's the problem."

    這就是問題所在。"

  • I go, "I don't think that's true."

    我走了,"我不認為這是真的。"

  • She goes, "It is, and to prove it,

    她走了,"是的,為了證明這一點。

  • I'm going to start a log.

    我要開始一個日誌。

  • Every time you get mad at me,

    每次你對我發火的時候。

  • I'm going to write it down in the log."

    我要把它記在日誌上。"

  • I was like, "Look, no disrespect,

    我當時想,"你看,沒有不尊重。

  • but you have a tendency to overreact sometimes,

    但你有時會有反應過度的傾向。

  • so I would like access to the log."

    所以我想訪問日誌。"

  • She goes, "No, you will not have access to the log."

    她說,"不,你不會有訪問日誌。"

  • I go, "Well, then I'm gonna start my own log.

    我走了,"好吧,那我就開始自己的日誌。

  • Every time you deny me access to your log,

    每次你拒絕我訪問你的日誌。

  • I'm gonna write it down in my log."

    我要把它寫在我的日誌裡。"

  • And that was the last argument we had.

    那是我們最後一次爭論。

  • We don't argue anymore because it's too much paperwork.

    我們不再爭論了,因為它的文件太多。

  • I figure if I want to do that much paperwork,

    我想如果我想做那麼多的文書工作。

  • I'd go to the gym.

    我會去健身房。

  • I'm a Catholic, and I've been praying for you guys.

    我是個天主教徒,我一直在為你們祈禱。

  • You're welcome.

    不客氣

  • When you're Catholic, what you do is, you go to church.

    當你是天主教徒時,你要做的是,你去教堂。

  • It's open now. It's legal.

    現在是開放的。它是合法的。

  • You say a prayer. You light a candle.

    你說一個祈禱。你點一根蠟燭。

  • But I'm a very competitive Catholic.

    但我是一個很有競爭力的天主教徒。

  • So before I light my candle,

    所以在我點燃蠟燭之前

  • I blow everybody else's candle out.

    我把別人的蠟燭都吹滅了。

  • I've been losing massive amounts of weight in the quarantine

    我在隔離區裡瘦了一大圈。

  • because I've been doing intermittent fasting.

    因為我一直在做間歇性斷食。

  • And the philosophy behind intermittent fasting

    而間歇性斷食背後的哲學

  • is that you're not supposed to eat all the time.

    是你不應該一直吃。

  • Sometimes, you're not supposed to eat.

    有時候,你不應該吃東西。

  • And I was doing it as a child

    我小時候也是這樣做的

  • because my father had a gambling problem.

    因為我父親有賭博的問題。

  • He would lose the money that we were gonna use to buy food --

    他將失去的錢,我們要去 使用購買食物 -

  • he would lose it on football.

    他在足球上會失去它。

  • And my friends were no help.

    而我的朋友們也無能為力。

  • They're like, "Mike, are you going to eat this week?"

    他們會說,"邁克,你這周要吃什麼?"

  • I was like, "I don't know. Did the Dolphins win by 3?"

    我當時想,"我不知道,海豚隊是不是贏了3分?海豚隊是不是贏了3分?"

  • That's all my time. You guys are amazing.

    這是我所有的時間。你們是驚人的。

  • Thank you so much. New York City, baby!

    非常感謝你。紐約市,寶貝!

  • ♪♪

    ♪♪

  • -Mike Vecchione, thank you for being here in the studio!

    麥克-韋奇尼,謝謝你能來這裡!

  • Mike Vecchione!

    邁克-韋奇尼!

  • Check out "Mike Vecchione -- You can't see,

    看看 "Mike Vecchione -- 你看不見。

  • but you're getting a standing ovation

    但你得到一個站立的掌聲

  • from those 10 people right there.

    從那10個人那裡。

  • We love you, buddy. Thank you for doing that.

    我們愛你,夥計。謝謝你這樣做。

  • Check out "Mike Vecchione Investigates"

    看看 "邁克-韋奇尼調查"

  • at Apple Podcasts.

    在蘋果播客。

-Our next guest is the host of "Mike Vecchione Investigates,"

-下一位嘉賓是 "Mike Vecchione調查 "的主持人。

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B1 中級 中文 TheTonightShow 健身房 富翁 邁克 天主教徒 爭論

邁克-韋奇尼:每日肯定和間歇性斷食|吉米-法倫主演的《今夜秀》。 (Mike Vecchione: Daily Affirmations and Intermittent Fasting | The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon)

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    林宜悉 發佈於 2021 年 03 月 11 日
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