字幕列表 影片播放 列印英文字幕 - Robert was on board, so later that week, I hired a professional tailor to help design the chili suit based on a detailed sketch I had drawn. - The easiest way is probably to put the chili in-- I guess from the neck part, right? - Sure. Our plan was to have the chili reservoirs mimic the distribution of fat on a larger man's body so it wouldn't look suspicious under clothing, and with the help of a guy from Craigslist, our tailor was able to take all the measurements he needed. - The chili is gonna go here. - Mm-hmm. - And we can get more in here too. - You could probably do, like, a cup there, right? - Yeah. Yeah. - Cup or so? - Yeah, a cup, yeah. - Yeah. Okay. - All right, so we'll see you around, then. - Yeah. Thank you so much. And a few days later, we received a completed prototype of a heat-resistant polyvinyl fluoride suit designed to hold over 100 servings of fresh chili. The individual reservoirs would be linked by a network of tubes that would all lead to a battery-powered peristaltic pump for dispensing the chili. Using our intake funnel, we loaded in over 30 pounds of Robert's product that had been blended into a thin paste to ensure an even flow without compromising the flavo. So with that, I activated the pump, and it was time to see if this could work. [motor whirring] As I had hoped, the pump dispensed the chili at a steady pace, which was good, but I realized we had overlookd a crucial detail. The chili suit prevented bathroom access, and because of its weight, removing it during a game would not be an option. So I experimented with a design that would allow me to deposit my excretions directly into custom rubber underwear connected to a secondary pumping system so I could eject it into a toilet via a second tube down my right arm. But once I had some clothing o, I realized the potential for a costly mix-up was too great. So I had the bottom part of the suit redesigned with strategic holes in the groin and buttocks regin that would allow the wearer to relieve him or herself without taking off the suit. But there was still the issue of the temperature. To meet health department standards, Robert said the chili would have to remain above 135 degrees Fahrenheit at all times. But when I put it on, the heat was so intense that I could barely have it against my skin for more than a few seconds. So I tracked down some heat-resistant polymer gel that could insulate the body against the most extreme temperatures. - Feel anything? - No. - Good. - I did a preliminary test with a blowtorch on various parts of my body to ensure the gel would protect even my most sensitive regions. [groaning] And after getting gelled up from head to toe, the burning sensation had completely vanished. Yeah. It seemed like we had solved every problem, but there was still one final thing I had to take care of. The pump on my chest that made the chili suit function was made out of metal, and to get into Rabobank Arena, every ticket holder has to pass through a metal detector. So I figured if I could convince security that I had a medically necessary pacemake, they wouldn't be suspicious when the alarm went off. So I taped a real pacemaker to my chest and then headed to a walk-in clinic to request an X-ray that would hopefully trick the physician into writing me a doctor's not. - I would need to actually examine you and see why is it that you need the X-ray. I have to have a reason why. - Well, I'm paying you for it, so what do you care? - I'm actually-- legally, it's being... monitored to see why we're ordering an X-ray. - Oh. Well, what's the minimum I need to say to get one? - Either some area hurts of your chest or-- - Sure. - You're having a cough. - Okay. Yeah. - Are you-- what are you experiencing? - Yeah, both those. Yeah. - Mm-kay. - Just step as close as you can, and you're gonna take this shirt off, okay? - Your undershirt will be fine, but I gotta get rid of the buttons, okay? - Okay. Okay, sure. - Take a big breath. Hold it. - And once the doctor saw the pacemaker on my X-ray... - It looks like it's in well position and no abnormalities. - She wrote me a doctor's note that would hopefully get me through security. Thank you so much, Doctor. And that meant it was finally time to buy a ticket to the next Bakersfield Condors home game.