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  • So, uh, last night I was driving home, and I stopped at a convenience store, and I like them, I like them.

    昨晚我在開車回家的路上順路去了一趟便利商店。我很喜歡便利商店,真的。

  • 'Cause they have all kinds of things there, and they have every magazine you'd want, and here's what you can do, too. Here's a tip.

    因為他們有賣各式各樣的東西,你想要的任何雜誌統統都有賣。接下來我要告訴你一個可以省錢的小撇步。

  • You can stand there in the store and read all the magazines for free.

    你可以站在店裡看免費的雜誌。

  • You don't have to buy them. You just read them while you're there, and then with the money that I save, I buy my lotto tickets, my booze, and my bus pass.

    你根本不需要花錢買。你就在那邊把雜誌全部看完,然後我所省下的錢, 我會去買彩券、買酒以及買公車月票。

  • Yeah... so... I'm always thinking.

    沒錯... 我永遠都在動腦筋。

  • And when I was in there, I noticed that the fountain drink station.

    然後我在店裡觀察的時候,注意到了飲料機台。

  • Have you noticed the fountain... Do you get your drinks there? Anybody?

    你們有注意過飲料機... 你們有人會在那裡買飲料嗎?有嗎?

  • Okay well, if you do, or you don't, here's what I've noticed, right here. I'd like to show you something.

    好吧,無論你們會不會買,這是我注意到的事情。我想要給你們看個東西。

  • Um, I can't believe this. I really can't.

    我不敢相信。我真的不敢相信。

  • This is the smallest cup that they have, right here.

    這就是他們那裡最小的杯子。就是這個。

  • That! You see my hand? You see the size of this?

    這個!你看到我的手了嗎?你有看到這個大小嗎?

  • This is the Gulp. It's twenty ounces. It's almost as much as two cans of soda, alright?

    這是大口杯,有 20 盎司的容量。這可是差不多兩罐鋁罐汽水的量欸?

  • I ordered an orange juice in a hotel this size. It was two hundred dollars.

    我曾經在飯店點過相同大小的柳橙汁,花了我兩百美元。

  • Giant! Alright, but that's how they get you, because this is 69 cents.

    超巨大!但這就是它們引誘你的花招,因為這只要 69 分錢。

  • Now, and why would you get... For ten cents more you get double the size. You get the Big Gulp, right here.

    可是你為什麼會想買大口杯呢?畢竟你只要多花 10 分錢,就可以買到有著雙倍份量的重量杯。就是這個。

  • First of all... This is crazy!

    首先... 這簡直是瘋了!

  • And it would never fit under my jacket when I'm sneaking it into the movie theater.

    就算我想把這偷渡進去電影院,也沒辦法藏在外套底下。

  • And, why on Earth would anybody want this much soda, when they could have THIS much soda?

    然後,如果你可以買更多汽水,你怎麼只會想買這麼一些呢?

  • I call this three-weeks-in-the-desert.

    我稱這個為「沙漠求生三週指南」。(註:意指只有在沙漠中求生才需要這麼多液體)

  • It's ridiculous! This is insane! I am not joking about any of these.

    太不可思議了!完全瘋了!我沒有在開玩笑。

  • You know our stomachsby the way, in case you don't know thisour stomachs are the size of our fist. That's really how large our stomachs are.

    順帶一提,以防你們不知道,我們的胃只有拳頭大小。我們的胃就這麼大。

  • I can fit my entire arm!

    我整隻手臂都能塞進去了!

  • If you drink this much Coke, it's about 800 calories.

    如果你喝這麼多可樂,總熱量差不多是 800 大卡。

  • And I guess why... the 7-11 symbol means, if you drink this much, you're gonna gain somewhere between 7 and 11 pounds.

    我終於懂 7-11 的標誌是什麼意思了,就是說當你喝進這麼多糖分後,你會胖上 7 到 11 磅 (約 3.17 公斤到 4.99 公斤)。

  • This is huge! Look how much bigger this is. I brought my regular drink in.

    太巨大了!你看這比平常還大多少。我把我日常的飲料帶來了。(註:Ellen喜歡在節目拿喝酒開玩笑)

  • This is so much bigger than the size...

    這比平常的大小還要大...

  • And I know what you're thinking. You're saying, "Ellen, I only get coffee there." Well, they have a cup for you too.

    我知道你們在想什麼你們在說:「Ellen,我只在那買咖啡。」 這樣的話,它們也有一個杯子給你。

  • You think this is a joke. It is not a joke.

    你覺得這是開玩笑。我沒有開玩笑。

  • This is a coffee mug. It's called the Ultimate Gulp.

    這是一個咖啡杯。它叫做「終極重量杯」。

  • How tired are you that it takes you this much coffee to wake up?

    你到底有多累,需要到這麼多咖啡才能打起精神?

  • This is bigger than my head! The size of this... look at the size of this! Huge!

    這比我的頭還大!這大小... 你看看這大小。超巨大的!

  • Walking around sipping this like...

    想像一下,你走在路上,然後喝著這個...

  • Wouldn't you be embarrassed to walk in... "Sorry, I'm late Judy"

    你進到公司說:「抱歉 Judy 我遲到了。」的時候不會尷尬嗎?

  • "I needed to grab a gallon of coffee real quick on the way."

    「我非得要在路上很快速地買一大杯咖啡。」

  • And this is... this is a... Like some people use their mugs on their desk to put their pens in and store their things.

    然後這是... 這是一個... 有些人會把杯子擺在桌上拿來放筆或是其他小東西。

  • You can put a fax machine in here.

    我可以直接把一台傳真機塞進去。

  • This is insane! I don't know what's happening to people that they need this much liquid.

    簡直是瘋了!我不知道為什麼大家需要喝這麼多的液體。

  • The only pick-me-up I ever need is dancing.

    我想要振奮精神的時候,只需要跳舞就行了。(註:Ellen在每一次開場白之後,就會跟現場觀眾跳舞)

So, uh, last night I was driving home, and I stopped at a convenience store, and I like them, I like them.

昨晚我在開車回家的路上順路去了一趟便利商店。我很喜歡便利商店,真的。

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