WELCOME TO "A LATE SHOW."

歡迎來到 "深夜秀"。

I'M YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT.

我是你的主播，史蒂芬-科爾伯特。

I'M VERY EXCITED.

我非常興奮。

ARSENIO HALL.

ARSENIO HALL.

EXACTLY.

正是如此。

I WOULD HAVE BUT I HAD THE COFFEE IN MY HAND.

我本來想喝的，但我手裡有咖啡。

I DIDN'T WANT TO SPILL ANYTHING.

我不想灑任何東西。

AND OUR DEAR FRIEND TIM MEADOWS, TOO.

和我們親愛的朋友TIM MEADOWS，太。

HOLD ON A SECOND.

等一下。

WELL, FOLKS, IF YOU CHECK THE PAPER, YOU KNOW PEOPLE DON'T

好了，夥計們，如果你看了報紙，你知道人們不知道

READ PAPERS ANYMORE.

再也不看報紙了。

IT'S MOSTLY THE WEB, BUT IF YOU LOOK AT THE WEB, YOU'LL SEE THE

這主要是網絡，但如果你看了網絡，你會發現。

PANDEMIC CONTINUES TO RAGE ON.

PANDEMIC繼續肆虐。

WE'VE NOW BEEN IN LOCKDOWN FOR OVER 11 MONTHS, AND IF YOU'RE

我們已經關閉了11個多月了，如果你是... ...

BEGINNING TO GET THE CRAZY FEELING THAT ISOLATION HAS

開始有了孤獨的瘋狂感覺。

STARTED TO DRIVE YOU CRAZY, YOU ARE NOT CRAZY.

開始把你逼瘋了，你沒有瘋。

YOU ARE CRAZY.

你是瘋了。

BECAUSE ACCORDING TO CNN, PANDEMIC PARANOIA IS A REAL

因為據美國有線電視新聞網報道，PANDEMIC PARANOIA是一個真實的。

THING.

事情。

OR IS IT?

或者是嗎？

WHO PAID YOU TO SAY THAT, CNN?

誰僱你說的，CNN？

HOW WOULD YOU KNOW I'M PARANOID?

你怎麼會知道我是變態狂？

ARE YOU WATCHING ME?

你在看我嗎？

THERE'S A CAMERA RIGHT THERE!

這裡有一個攝像頭在那裡！

AND THERE!

在那裡！

WHO PUT THIS MIC ON ME?

誰把這個麥克風放在我身上？

ME?

我？

I MUST BE IN ON IT!

我一定要加入！

SCENE.

場景：

( LAUGHTER ) EVIDENTLY, THE PARANOIA IS BEING

證據顯示，帕拉諾亞正在被

BROUGHT ON BY THE PANDEMIC, REQUIRED SOCIAL ISOLATION, AND

擴散、所需的社會孤立和

AN UNCERTAIN ECONOMIC ENVIRONMENT, WHERE PEOPLE WORRY

一個不穩定的經濟環境，在那裡人們擔心。

ABOUT WHETHER THEY MIGHT BE ON THE VERGE OF LOSING THEIR

關於他們是否有可能失去自己的權利。

LIVELIHOOD.

生活方式：

THAT'S NOT PARANOIA.

那不是帕拉諾亞

THAT'S JUST NORMAL HUMAN FEAR.

這只是正常的人類恐懼。

IF YOU CRY AT A BIRTHDAY PARTY WHEN THE CLOWN COMES OUT, THAT'S

如果你在生日派對上哭了，當小丑出來的時候，那就是... ...

A PHOBIA.

A PHOBIA.

IF YOU'RE ONE OF THE KIDS IN "IT," IT'S REASONABLE TO

如果你是 "IT "中的一個孩子，那你就有理由

AVOID THE SEWER.

避免下水道。

OF COURSE, DISINFORMATION FEEDS INTO PARANOIA, AND THAT'S WHAT

當然，資訊不暢通會讓人產生偏執狂，而這正是

LED THE CAPITOL INSURRECTION.

發起了資本保險。

YESTERDAY, THE SENATE HELD HEARINGS INTO WHAT CAUSED IT,

明天，參議院舉行了聽證會，調查原因。

BUT HERE'S THE THING: TWO OF THE QUESTIONERS UP ON THE DAIS

但問題是，有兩個問題上了檯面。

THERE, WERE SENATORS WHO SUPPORTED CHALLENGING THE

有一些參議員支持對《公約》進行質疑。

CERTIFICATION OF ELECTORAL VOTES ON JANUARY 6 THAT LED TO THE

1月6日的選舉投票證明，導致了這次選舉。

RIOT: JOSH HAWLEY AND TED CRUZ.

RIOT： 約什・霍利和特德・克魯茲。JOSH HAWLEY AND TED CRUZ.

THAT'S LIKE HAVING A CANNIBALISM TRIAL PRESIDED OVER BY JUDGE

這就像有一個CANNIBALISM審判由法官主持。

HANNIBAL LECTER: "WOULD THE PROSECUTION PLEASE

HANNIBAL LECTER: "請檢察機關...

SLATHER THEMSELVES IN HONEY MUSTARD AND APPROACH THE BENCH."

抹上蜂蜜芥末，走到凳子上。"

THE SESSION WAS MOSTLY ASS-COVERING, BUT WE DID LEARN

本屆會議雖然是在掩飾錯誤，但我們還是學到了很多東西。

ONE INTERESTING FACT: AN F.B.I.

一個有趣的事實：一個F. B. I.。

ALERT ABOUT A POSSIBLE "WAR" AGAINST CONGRESS REACHED THE

反對國會的可能 "戰爭 "的警報傳到了美國國會。

D.C. AND CAPITOL POLICE THE NIGHT BEFORE THE ATTACK.

華盛頓特區和首都警方在襲擊前夜。

SO IT LOOKS PRETTY DAMNING THAT THE POLICE WERE WARNED AND DID

所以，看起來非常該死的是，警察被警告，並採取了。

NOTHING.

什麼都沒有。

BUT NOT THAT SIMPLE, ACCORDING TO ACTING D.C. POLICE CHIEF AND

但不是那麼簡單，據華盛頓特區現任警察局長和。

COP WHO DOESN'T REALIZE HIS■ç PARTNER WALKED AWAY 10 MINUTES

警察不知道他的同伴10分鐘就走了。

AGO, ROBERT CONTEE.

AGO，ROBERT CONTEE。

CHIEF CONTEE TOLD CONGRESS THAT THERE WAS A PERFECTLY GOOD

坎迪酋長告訴國會說，有一個完美的好辦法。

REASON HIS DEPARTMENT IGNORED THE F.B.I.'S WARNING:

他的部門無視聯邦調查局的警告的原因。

>> WE'RE TALKING ABOUT A REPORT THAT CAME FROM THE OFFICE ON THE

>> 我們正在討論一份來自辦公室的報告，內容是關於...

DAY BEFORE, THAT NIGHT, AFTER 7:00 P.M. THAT WAS SENT TO EMAIL

前一天，那晚，晚上7點後，被髮到了電子郵件上

BOXES.

盒子：

I WOULD CERTAINLY THINK SOMETHING AS VIOLENT AS AN

我肯定會認為像暴力的東西，如一個人。

INSURRECTION AT THE CAPITOL WOULD WARRANT, YOU KNOW, A PHONE

首都的保險會保證，你知道，一個電話。

CALL, OR SOMETHING, >> Stephen: HE'S GOT A POINT.

打電話，或者做一些事情， >> 史蒂芬：他有一個觀點。

THERE'S A REASON WHY NO ONE SAYS, "I THINK I'M HAVING A

為什麼沒有人說 "我想我有了"，這是有原因的。

HEART ATTACK!

心臟攻擊！

QUICK, EMAIL AN AMBULANCE!" NOW, ONE GUY WHO ACTUALLY HAS A

"快，給救護車發郵件！"現在，一個人誰真正有一個。

REALLY GOOD REASON TO BE PARANOID IS THE FORMER

成為 "傘兵 "的真正好理由是以前的...

PRESIDENT'S PERSONAL ATTORNEY RUDY GIULIANI, SEEN HERE

主席的私人律師RUDY GIULIANI，見此。

SUDDENLY REALIZING HE GAVE THE PROSTITUTE HIS REAL NAME.

恍然大悟的他給了那個賣淫者他的真名。

RUDY IS FACING A $1.3 BILLION LAWSUIT FROM DOMINION VOTING

魯迪正面臨著多米尼克投票公司的13億美元的訴訟。

SYSTEMS FOR SPREADING THE LIE THAT THEY STOLE THE 2020

散佈他們偷走了2020年的謊言的系統。

ELECTION.

選舉：

AND WHILE PUBLICLY HE'S BEEN TALKING TOUGH, PRIVATELY, HE'S

而當公開他一直在說難， 私下裡，他是。

RUNNING LIKE A FRIGHTENED TODDLER, BECAUSE PART OF A CIVIL

像個受驚的小孩一樣奔跑，因為這是公民的一部分。

LAWSUIT IS BEING GIVEN A SUBPOENA BY A PROCESS SERVER,

訴訟是由一個程序服務器提供的傳票。

AND TURNS OUT, GIULIANI SPENT A WEEK DOING EVERYTHING HE COULD

結果是，朱利安尼花了一個星期的時間，做了他能做的一切。

TO AVOID BEING SERVED THE LAWSUIT.

為了避免被送達訴訟。

LOOK, I GET IT.

你看，我得到它。

IF A GUY WALKED UP TO ME AND SAID "ARE YOU RUDY GIULIANI?" I

如果一個人走到我面前說 "你是魯迪-吉利安尼嗎？"I

WOULDN'T WANT TO ADMIT IT, EITHER.

不想承認它，無論是。

RUDY'S SERVICE-DODGING TACTICS WERE PRETTY CREATIVE.

RUDY的服務躲避戰術很有創意。

HE REPORTEDLY IGNORED REQUESTS TO SIMPLY ACCEPT IT VIA EMAIL,

他據說忽略了要求，簡單地通過電子郵件接受它。

AND HAD HIS DOORMAN LOCK THE DOOR TO THE BUILDING WHENEVER

他的門衛隨時都會鎖上大樓的門。

THE FORMER MAYOR ENTERED THE LOBBY-- WHICH IS THE FIRST TIME

前任市長進入休息室 -- 這是第一次。

ANYONE HAS LOCKED A DOOR TO KEEP RUDY IN.

有人鎖了一扇門讓RUDY進來嗎？

ALTHOUGH, MAYBE NOT THE LAST?

雖然，也許不是最後一次？

BUT THINGS REALLY CAME TO A HEAD ON FEBRUARY 7, WHEN A PAIR OF

但事情真的到了頭，2月7日，當一連串的。

PROCESS SERVERS AND GIULIANI GOT INTO AN AWKWARD STANDOFF DURING

PROCESS SERVERS和GIULIANI陷入了尷尬的僵局。

A NASTY WINTER STORM.

凜冽的冬雨。

HOW NASTY WAS THIS STANDOFF?

這場對峙有多噁心？

WELL, THE DETAILS ARE...

好了，細節是... ...

GIULIANI LEFT HIS BUILDING AND GOT IN A FORD EXPLORER S.U.V.

GIULIANI離開了他的大樓，上了一輛福特探險者S.U.V.。

AND CLOSED THE S.U.V. DOOR AS A PROCESS SERVER LUNGED FORWARD

並關上了S.U.V.的門，因為一個處理器服務員向前衝去。

WITH A BAG FULL OF DOCUMENTS, WHICH MEANT THE LAWSUIT WAS

帶著滿滿一袋文件，這意味著訴訟是

LODGED BETWEEN THE S.U.V.

住在S.U.V.號之間。

DOOR, AT WHICH POINT, THE DOORMAN GOT INVOLVED, JABBING

門，在哪個點，門衛被捲入了，刺耳的聲音。

HIS UMBRELLA INTO THE S.U.V.

他的UMBRELLA進入S. U. V.

DOOR, AND THE DRIVER AND DOORMAN THEN PULLED THE BAG OF LEGAL

司機和門衛就把那袋合法的東西拉了出來。

DOCUMENTS OUT, ALLOWING GIULIANI TO CLOSE THE S.U.V. DOOR AND

文件出來了，讓GULIANI關上S.U.V.的門，然後......。

DRIVE AWAY.

開車離開。

WHAT A DRAMATIC ESCAPE!

多麼戲劇性的逃亡！

YOU CAN WATCH IT ALL PLAY OUT IN DICK WOLF'S NEW SHOW,

你可以在迪克-沃爾夫的新節目中看到這一切。

"LAW & ORDER: S.U.V."

"法律與秩序，S.U.V.S.U.V."

DUM-DUM!

DUM -DUM！

LAUGH I HAD NOT HEARD THAT BEFORE.

我以前沒聽過這句話。

THAT CERTAINLY SOUNDS STUPID.

這聽起來肯定是愚蠢的。

BRAVO.

BRAVO。

WHEN IT COMES TO REDUCING THE COUNTRY'S PARANOIA, YOU KNOW

當談到減少國家的PARANOIA時，你知道嗎？

WHO'S NOT HELPING?

誰不幫忙？

NASA.

美國航天局：

BECAUSE WE JUST FOUND OUT THAT THEIR MARS ROVER'S GIANT

因為我們剛剛發現，他們的火星羅孚的巨大的

PARACHUTE CARRIED A SECRET MESSAGE.

鸚鵡帶著一個祕密資訊。

NO SURPRISE-- AMERICAN SPACE EXPLORERS LOVES HIDDEN MESSAGES.

毫不奇怪，美國太空探索者喜歡隱藏的資訊。

WE ALL REMEMBER NEIL ARMSTRONG'S FAMOUS FIRST WORDS ON THE MOON:

我們都記得尼爾-阿姆斯壯在月球上著名的第一句話。

>> THAT'S ONE SMALL STEP FOR MAN.

>> 這是人的一小步。

I AM THE EGG MAN.

我是雞蛋人。

I AM THE WALRUS.

我是沃爾魯斯。

KOO KOO KA-JOOB.

辜辜嘉祖。

PAUL IS DEAD.

保羅死了。

>> Stephen: SO LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT THE ACTUAL SECRET MESSAGE

>> 史蒂芬：所以，讓我們來看看真正的祕密資訊。

INSIDE THE ROVER'S PARACHUTE.

在路虎的降落傘內。

AH, YES, A CODE...

啊，是的，一個代碼...

THAT I TOTALLY GET.

我完全明白了。

SURE.

當然了

BUT JUST IN CASE ANY DUMMIES AT HOME DIDN'T GET THAT AS QUICKLY

但是為了以防萬一，家裡的笨蛋們沒有那麼快明白這一點。

AS I DEFINITELY DID, THEY ALSO PROVIDED THIS KEY THAT REVEALS

正如我所做的，他們還提供了這個密鑰，揭示了。

THE PHRASE "DARE MIGHTY THINGS."

PHRASE "敢於做偉大的事情。"

LOOK, NASA, CONGRATS ON THE LANDING.

聽著，美國太空總署，恭喜你著陸了。

WE'RE ALL REALLY IMPRESSED.

我們都很感動。

IT'S BEAUTIFUL.

它是美麗的。

AND THE PARACHUTE, KIND OF A COOL GAME BUT YOU'RE NOT

和傘，有點像一個很酷的遊戲，但你不是。

HELPING.

幫助。

WE'RE ALREADY CHOCK-FULL OF GOVERNMENT CONSPIRACY THEORISTS

我們已經充滿了政府的陰謀論者。

DOWN HERE ON EARTH.

在這裡的地球上。

MIGHT AS WELL JUST MAKE IT SAY, "THIS IS WHERE WE HID THE

還不如讓它說："這就是我們隱藏的地方。

VOTES!" AND THEY'RE NOT DONE!

投票！"而他們還沒有完成！

NASA OFFICIALS SAY WE CAN EXPECT TO SEE MORE HIDDEN MESSAGES.

美國宇航局官員說，我們可以期待看到更多隱藏的資訊。

WOW-- WOW-- WOW!

哇... 哇... 哇！

THAT SEEMS PRETTY SUSPICIOUS.

這似乎很可疑。

QANON FOLKS ARE DEFINITELY GOING TO WANT TO INVESTIGATE, SO WE

卡農的人肯定會想調查，所以我們...

SHOULD PROBABLY HELP LOAD THEM ONTO ROCKETS AND SHOOT THEM

也許可以幫助把它們裝到槍管上，然後射擊它們。

INTO SPACE.

進入空間：

WHERE THEY GO ONE, THEY GO ALL.

他們去哪裡，他們就去哪裡。

NOW, THE PANDEMIC MAY BE ENDING SOONER THAN WE FEARED, BECAUSE

現在，PANDEMIC也許會比我們擔心的更早結束，因為：

WE GOT ANOTHER INJECTION OF POSITIVE VACCINE NEWS TODAY:

我們得到了另一個注射 積極的疫苗新聞今天。

THE F.D.A. CONFIRMED THE JOHNSON & JOHNSON VACCINE

F.D.A.證實了約翰遜和約翰遜公司的VACCINE。

PREVENTED ALL DEATHS AND HOSPITALIZATIONS IN TRIALS.

在審判中避免了所有死亡和住院；

THAT'S AMAZING!

太神奇了！

SOON WE'LL HAVE AS MUCH CHOICE IN VACCINE BRANDS AS WE DO

很快，我們就會有和我們一樣多的疫苗品牌選擇。

FLAVORS OF MOUNTAIN DEW.

味道的山露。

"YOU GOT THE PFIZER?

"你得到了全息機？

I GOT THE MALIBU HONEY MELLON BAJA BOOSTER."

我得到了MALIBU的蜂蜜梅隆BAJA BOOSTER。"

( LAUGHTER ) THE F.D.A. COULD APPROVE THE NEW

F.D.A.可以準許新的。

VACCINE AS SOON AS SATURDAY.

疫苗儘快星期六。

AND UNLIKE THE ONES CURRENTLY OUT THERE, JOHNSON & JOHNSON'S

與現有的產品不同，JOHNSON & JOHNSON's的產品也是如此。

IS SINGLE SHOT.

是單發。

ALTHOUGH, THE COMPANY ITSELF STILL REQUIRES A DOUBLE JOHNSON.

雖然如此，公司本身還是需要一個雙倍的約翰遜。

DO NOT GOOGLE THE PHRASE "DOUBLE JOHNSON."

不要用谷歌搜索 "雙約翰遜 "這個詞。

THE J&J SHOT IS A BIT LESS EFFECTIVE THAN PFIZER AND

J&J SHOT比PFIZER和J&J SHOT的效果要差一些。

MODERNA, BUT IT COULD MAKE THE PATH TO HERD IMMUNITY MUCH

MODERNA，但它可以使牧民免疫力的途徑更多。

SIMPLER BECAUSE, UNLIKE THE VACCINES THAT HAVE TO BE STORED

更簡單的原因是，與必須儲存的疫苗不同。

AT AROUND NEGATIVE-80 DEGREES, THE NEW ONE CAN BE STORED AT

在負80度左右的溫度下，新的可以儲存在以下環境中

NORMAL REFRIGERATION TEMPERATURES FOR AT LEAST THREE

正常的冷凍溫度至少為三個月。

MONTHS.

月數：

THAT'S SHELF LIFE!

這就是貨架生活!

IT'S THE PICKLES OF THE VACCINE WORLD.

它是疫苗世界的皮克爾斯。

PLUS, A LITTLE OF VACCINE ON YOUR TUNA SALAD?

另外，在你的TUNA沙拉上加一點疫苗？

TWO CHEF KISSES IN ONE MONOLOGUE!

一段獨白中的兩個廚師之吻!

THERE'S EXCITING NEWS IN THE WORLD OF MAIL DELIVERY.

在郵件遞送的世界裡，有一個令人振奮的消息。

YEAH, BRACE YOURSELF!

是的，準備好了！

THE U.S. POSTAL SERVICE JUST UNVEILED THEIR NEW FLEET OF

美國郵政剛剛發佈了他們的新車隊。

DELIVERY TRUCKS, AND THE FUTURE IS ADORABLE!

送貨車，未來很可愛!

THAT THING IS JUST A COUPLE EYEBALLS AWAY FROM A PIXAR

那東西離皮克斯動畫只有幾顆眼球的距離。

MOVIE.

電影：

YOU REALLY GET THE FEELING THAT ENGINE IS GOING TO BE GOING

你真的感覺到發動機要走了。

"PUCKET-A, PUCKET-A, PUCKET-A."

"PUCKET -A，PUCKET -A，PUCKET -A。"

BUT THIS TRUCK ISN'T ALL LOOKS.

但這輛卡車並不全是樣子。

THIS BABY COMES WITH A TON OF COOL FEATURES. LIKE AUTOMATIC

這個寶貝有很多很酷的功能。像自動

FRONT AND REAR BRAKING, TELEMATICS COMPATIBILITY, AND

前後制動、電傳系統兼容性、以及

EVEN A 360-DEGREE CAMERA.

甚至是一個360度的攝像頭。

THAT WAY, OWNERS OF THE OCULUS V.R. HEADSET CAN JACK IN AND

這樣，OCULUS V.R.頭戴式耳機的用戶就可以插入，並可以在手機上使用。

FULLY IMMERSE THEMSELVES IN THE ADRENALINE-PUMPING RUSH OF

完全沉浸在ADRENALINE-PUMPING RUSH中。

DELIVERING A VALPAK.

提供一個VALPAK。

BUT OF COURSE THERE'S A CONTROVERSY.

但當然有爭議。

MANY OF THE NEW TRUCKS WILL BE ELECTRIC, BUT NOT ALL OF THEM.

許多新卡車將是電動的，但不是全部。

AND "THE PRECISE MIX HAS ALREADY ELICITED CRITICISM FROM

而 "精確的混合物已經引來了以下方面的責備

ENVIRONMENTALISTS."

環境主義者。"

I UNDERSTAND THEIR CONCERN.

我理解他們的擔憂。

YOU WANT THE GREENEST VEHICLE POSSIBLE WHEN YOU'RE DELIVERING

當您送貨時，您需要的是最環保的車輛。

THOUSANDS OF POUNDS OF AMAZON RAIN FOREST THAT ARE NOW AMAZON

數千磅的亞馬遜雨林，現在已經是亞馬遜的了。

BOXES.

盒子：

NOW, IF YOU'RE LOOKING FOR MORE REASONS TO FEEL PARANOID,

現在，如果你想找更多的理由讓自己覺得自己是個偏執狂的話

REMEMBER, SOMEONE MIGHT BE TRYING TO KIDNAP YOU.

記住，有人可能會試圖綁架你。

AND IT'S YOU.

而這是你。

BECAUSE A MAN IN ARIZONA JUST FAKED HIS OWN KIDNAPPING TO GET

因為亞利桑那州的一名男子剛剛偽造了他自己的綁架案，以獲得。

OUT OF WORK.

沒工作了

DID IT WORK?

工作了嗎？

WE'RE STILL ON THE AIR.

我們還在空中。

SORRY.

對不起。

HERE'S THE SELF-HOSTAGE-TAKER: BRANDON SOULES, IN HIS

這裡有一個自我挾持者：布蘭登-蘇爾斯，在他的

COMBINATION MUGSHOT/MISSING PERSON PHOTO.

合併MUGSHOT/失蹤人員照片。

BRANDON, I SALUTE YOU, SIR.

布蘭登，我向你致敬，先生。

SURE, YOU COULD HAVE JUST CALLED IN SICK, BUT YOU FAKED YOUR OWN

當然，你本可以請病假，但你卻裝作自己的樣子

ABDUCTION.

戒除：

THAT'S A LEVEL OF INGENUITY AND RESOURCEFULNESS THAT I'M

這是一個水準的創造力和資源，我是。

GUESSING YOU DON'T PUT IN AT WORK.

我猜你在工作中沒有投入。

AND THIS WAS NO SIMPLE RUSE.

而這不是簡單的詭計。

POLICE FOUND SOULES ABOUT 55 MILES OUTSIDE OF PHOENIX, WITH

警方在菲尼克斯郊外約55英里處發現了靈魂，其中包括：

HIS HANDS TIED BEHIND HIS BACK BY A BELT, A PURPLE BANDANNA

他的手被皮帶綁在背後，一條紫色的手帕。

STUFFED IN HIS MOUTH, AND HE WAS GOING IN AND OUT OF

塞進他的嘴裡，他進進出出。

CONSCIOUSNESS.

意識：

AGAIN, YOU COULD HAVE JUST TOLD YOUR BOSS YOU HAD A FEVER.

再一次，你可以直接告訴你的老闆你發燒了。

HOW DOES THIS GUY GET OFF THE PHONE WITH TELEMARKETERS?

這傢伙是怎麼跟電信商下電話的？

"WELL, I'D LOVE TO HEAR MORE ABOUT REFINANCING, BUT--

"好吧，我很想聽到更多關於精煉的資訊，但是--

OH, MY GOD!

哦，我的上帝！

THE SCORPIONS!

天蠍座！

THE SCORPIONS!

天蠍座！

THEY'RE DRAGGING AWAY MY DOG!

他們在拖走我的狗！

TAKE ME INSTEAD!

帶我進去！

TAKE ME TO YOUR QUEEEEEN!" CAN WE-- DO WE HAVE A MINUTE?

帶我去你的廁所！"我們可以... 我們有一分鐘嗎？

CAN WE PUT THAT PHOTO BACK UP, JIMMY?

我們可以把那張照片備份，JIMMY？

CAN WE PUT THAT PHOTO BACK UP.

我們能不能把那張照片放回去。

I WANT TO POINT OUT THE POLICE TOOK THIS PHOTO BEFORE THEY

我想指出，警察在他們之前拍了這張照片。

HELPED HIM.

幫助了他。

THE POLICE WENT, "HOLD ON.

警察走了，"等一下。

GET MY CAMERA PHONE.

得到我的攝影機電話。

I'M GOING TO WANT TO REMEMBER THIS."

我要去想記住這一點。"

( LAUGHTER ) HOW DO YOU TIE YOUR OWN HANDS

你怎麼把自己的手綁起來？

BEHIND YOUR BACK WITH A BELT?

腰帶在背後？

THAT'S-- THE GUY SHOULD BE IN VEGAS!

那是... ... 這傢伙應該是在維加斯！

SOULES'S CLEVER RUSE STARTED TO COME UNDONE WHEN HE TOLD THE

蘇爾斯的聰明詭計在他告訴我的時候開始失效了。

POLICE THAT HE HAD BEEN KIDNAPPED BECAUSE HIS FATHER

警察說他被綁架了，因為他的父親。

HAD A LARGE AMOUNT OF MONEY HIDDEN THROUGHOUT THE DESERT.

有一大筆錢藏在整個沙漠裡。

JUST A SLIGHT EXAGGERATION.

只是一個輕微的誇張。

HIS FATHER DIDN'T HAVE A LARGE AMOUNT OF MONEY HIDDEN IN THE

他的父親沒有大筆的錢藏在家裡。

DESERT, BUT HE DID HAVE AN EXCEPTIONAL AMOUNT OF

沙漠，但他確實有一個特殊的大量的

KNUCKLEHEAD SON.

手指頭兒子。

AFTER THE POLICE INVESTIGATED, THEY ARRESTED HIM ON A CHARGE OF

警方調查後，以下列罪名將他逮捕：

FALSE REPORTING TO LAW ENFORCEMENT.

向執法部門謊報情況。

AUTHORITIES WERE SUSPICIOUS WHEN THEY RECEIVED THE RANSOM NOTE:

AUTHORITIES是可疑的，當他們收到RANSOM注意到。

"I HAVE ME, AND IF YOU WANT ME, PAY ME.

"我有我，如果你想要我，就給我錢。

MAKE THE CHECK OUT TO ME.

請把支票給我。

TO PROVE I MEAN BUSINESS, I'VE ENCLOSED MY BABY TOE.

為了證明我是認真的，我已經把我的小腳趾包起來了。