I'm about to show you some books

我給你看幾本書

that you should avoid at all costs.

你應該不惜一切代價避免的。

It's time for my latest installment

現在是我的最新一期節目

of my Do Not Read List. Here we go.

我的 "不讀名單"。我們開始吧

♪ Do not read, do not read ♪

不讀，不讀

♪ Do not read these books, these books ♪

不要讀這些書，這些書

-And before we start, I just want you all to know

-在我們開始之前，我只想讓大家知道

that every book that I'm about to show you is 100% real.

我給你看的每本書都是100%真實的。

These are actual books. You can find them on Amazon

這些都是真正的書。你可以在亞馬遜上找到它們

or wherever you get your books from.

或者你從哪裡得到你的書。

These are real.

這些都是真的。

Let's see what's on my Do Not Read list.

讓我們看看我的 "不讀名單 "上有什麼。

This first one up here is a book called

這上面第一個是一本書，叫

"Computer Programs for the Kitchen"...

"廚房電腦程序"... ...

[ Laughter ] by Terence F. Dicker.

[笑聲]由Terence F. Dicker撰寫。

There's -- There's Terence Dicker.

那是... 那是Terence Dicker.

He's got his computer out on the table

他把他的電腦放在桌子上

next to all the food he made.

旁邊所有的食物，他做。

You can barely tell the computer's out there.

你幾乎看不出電腦的存在。

I get -- I get hangry just looking at it.

我... 我光是看著它就覺得噁心。

Let's -- Oh, look at the back here.

讓我們... ... 哦，看後面這裡。

It says, "Exciting ways to ease

它說："令人激動的方式來緩解

kitchen and cooking chores with a personal computer."

廚房和做飯的家務活，用個人電腦。"

Let's see an example.

我們來看一個例子。

Oh, here's one right here.

哦，這裡有一個就在這裡。

Keeping track of your kitchen inventory

跟蹤您的廚房庫存

by hand-typing a 26-page computer program...

通過手打26頁的電腦程序... ...

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

...that has probably almost 4,000 lines of code.

...大概有近4000行代碼。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

So that will save me a ton of time.

所以，這將節省我大量的時間。

That's pretty cool.

這是非常酷的。

Thanks. Thanks, Chef Dicker.

謝謝，謝謝，迪克大廚謝謝，迪克大廚

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

Next book... [ Applause ]

下本書...[掌聲]

...is called, uh...

...被稱為，呃... ...

Oh, yeah. This is a good one here.

哦，是的。這是一個很好的一個在這裡。

This is called "The Educated Cat:

這就是所謂的 "教育貓"。

How to Teach Your Cat to do Tricks."

如何教你的貓咪做技巧。"

Uh, yeah.

嗯，是的。

Like apparently playing a dueling piano

就像明顯的彈鋼琴決鬥

at an old saloon, maybe. For cats.

在一個老酒館，也許。對於貓來說。

Let's see what other tricks you got in here.

讓我們看看你還有什麼花樣。

I love cat tricks, man.

我喜歡貓的把戲，夥計。

Oh, this one's an interesting trick here.

哦，這個是一個有趣的技巧在這裡。

It's two cats kind of crammed in a stroller.

這是兩隻貓那種擠在嬰兒車裡。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

That's interesting.

這很有趣。

Let's see what other tricks they got here.

讓我們看看他們還有什麼花樣。

-That was the trick? [ Laughter ]

-這就是訣竅？[笑聲]

-Yeah, that's the trick. [ Laughter ]

-是的，這就是訣竅。[笑聲]

Here's another trick here. This is a good one.

這裡還有一招。這是個好辦法

It's another cat in a stroller. [ Laughter ]

這是另一個貓在嬰兒車。[笑聲]

They put the glasses on the cat. -I see.

他們給貓戴上了眼鏡-我明白了

-Oh, man.

-哦，夥計

-"America's Got Talent," are you watching?

-《美國達人秀》，你在看嗎？

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

Some good tricks, man. [ Applause ]

一些好的技巧，男人。[掌聲]

"You tricked me, man.

"你騙了我，夥計。

I thought you had a cat in the stroller."

我以為你的嬰兒車裡有一隻貓。"

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

"I did, actually."

"其實我是這麼做的。"

I thought it didn't have 20/20 vision.

我以為它沒有20/20的視野。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

He tricked you again.

他又騙了你。

He's perfectly fine. [ Laughter ]

他是完美的罰款。[笑聲]

Good. Good stuff. Let's check out another one.

好，好東西好東西。讓我們來看看另一個。

This one's a children's book.

這本是一本兒童讀物。

It's called "Mac's Choice:

這就是所謂的 "麥克的選擇"。

A Story About Choices and Drug Use."

一個關於選擇和吸毒的故事。"

There's a caterpillar and a cockroach on the cover there.

封面上有一條毛毛蟲和一隻蟑螂。

This is cool. I saw this earlier.

這是很酷的。我剛才看到了這個。

It's signed by the author,

這是作者的簽名。

and gifted to a kid by an aluminum company.

並被一家鋁業公司贈送給了一個孩子。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

Makes sense.

有道理。

Let's just go to the end here, see what happens here.

讓我們走到這裡的盡頭，看看這裡會發生什麼。

It says, "Mac was all alone now.

上面寫著："麥克現在只有一個人。

He started to shake badly as his body craved more cocaine."

他開始嚴重顫抖，因為他的身體渴望更多的可卡因。"

[ Laughter ] -Wait. What?

[笑] 等待。等等，什麼？

-"Anyway, good night, kids." [ Laughter ]

-"無論如何，晚安，孩子們。"[笑聲] - "無論如何，晚安，孩子們。

Turn the lights off.

把燈關掉。

[ Laughter continues ]

[笑聲繼續]

-Wait. -Have a good night's sleep.

-等一下 睡個好覺吧

Next is a young adult novel. They're always popular.

下一個是青春小說。他們總是很受歡迎。

They're always having helpful lessons about growing up, life.

他們總是有關於成長、生活的有益經驗。

This one should help, as well.

這個應該也有幫助。

This one is called "Mom is Dating Weird Wayne."

這個叫 "媽媽在和怪異的韋恩約會"。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

Look, we've all been there. Mom is looking for love,

你看，我們都有過這樣的經歷。媽媽正在尋找愛。

hits the dating scene, and suddenly a dude

在約會現場，突然一個傢伙

dressed up as Dracula starts coming over for dinner.

穿成德古拉的樣子，開始過來吃飯。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

"If you vant to, you can call me dad."

"如果你想，你可以叫我爸爸。"

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

"We're not there yet.

"我們還沒到那一步。

We're not there yet, dad.

我們還沒到那一步，爸爸

So I'm gonna call you Vlad."

所以我要叫你弗拉德。"

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

We're down to our last book, guys, unfortunately.

不幸的是，我們只剩下最後一本書了，夥計們。

This is a -- Please. -Oh.

這是一個...-哦

-Come on, man. -Anyway, look,

-來吧，夥計-好了，看吧

there's other things we have to get to.

還有其他的事情，我們必須得到。

There's interviews, there's a show.

有采訪，有表演。

You know, it's a busy week, you know?

你知道，這是一個忙碌的一週，你知道嗎？

-Okay. So we're down to our last book.

-好吧，我們只剩下最後一本書了。

It's a how-to book.

這是一本如何操作的書。

It's called "Two-Hour Vests," by Mary Jo Hiney.

叫做 "兩小時馬甲"，作者是瑪麗-喬-希尼。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

Vests I can make in two hours?

馬甲我可以在兩個小時內做好？

Now we're talking.

現在，我們正在談論。

Let's see what we can make here.

讓我們看看我們能在這裡做什麼。

There's a lot of them.

有很多人。

We have the "Young at Heart," the "Now and Forever,"

我們有 "年輕的心"，"現在和永遠"。

"Moments in Time," "Breath of Fresh Air."

"時間的瞬間"，"呼吸新鮮空氣"。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

Let's see that one.

讓我們看看那個。

"Breath of Fresh Air," which is nice and breezy there.

"呼吸新鮮空氣"，那裡很好，很輕快。

Ooh, yeah, look at this.

哦，是的，看看這個。

Yeah, that makes sense. Because when I think of

是啊，這是有道理的。因為當我想到

"fresh air" I think of the color brown.

"新鮮的空氣 "我想到的是棕色。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

Kamal, can I get some "fresh air" music, please?

卡馬爾，能給我來點 "新鮮空氣 "音樂嗎？

♪♪

♪♪

Let's read this right here.

讓我們在這裡讀這個。

"Breath of fresh air.

"呼吸到了新鮮的空氣。

Small talk smothers you.

閒言碎語讓你窒息。

You prefer quiet company.

你更喜歡安靜的陪伴。

Soft and simple contemplation by the fire.

柔和而簡單的火堆旁的沉思。

To all who love you,

致所有愛你的人。

your serenity and ease are a breath of fresh air."

你的寧靜和自在讓人心曠神怡。"

Yeah. "Your vest speaks softly

是啊。"你的馬甲說得很輕柔

of the comfort that you desire."

的安慰，你想要的"。

[ Laughter and applause ]

[笑聲和掌聲]

So by wearing it, you're the breath of fresh air.

所以，穿上它，你就是呼吸到了新鮮空氣。

-Ah, yeah. -You get it now?

-啊，是的-你現在明白了？

-Yeah, yeah.

-是的，是的。

-That's all the time we have for "Do Not Read."

-這就是我們 "不要讀 "的全部時間。

If you have a book that you think should be on

如果你有一本書，你認為應該放在

our next Do Not Read list, send your titles to

我們的下一個 "不讀清單"，請將您的書目寄至

donotread@tonightshow.com.

[email protected]。

Stick around. We'll be right back with Shailene Woodley.

留下來吧我們馬上回來和Shailene Woodley見面。

[ Cheers and applause ]

[歡呼聲和掌聲]

♪♪

♪♪

-Took two hours. Two hours -- that's it.

-花了兩個小時兩小時... 就這樣

♪♪

♪♪