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  • -Thank you very much, everyone.

    -謝謝大家

  • Welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome to "The Tonight Show"!

    歡迎,歡迎,歡迎,歡迎來到 "今夜秀"!

  • [ Cheers and applause ]

    [歡呼聲和掌聲]

  • Thank you for being here.

    謝謝你來這裡。

  • Well, guys, I hope everyone had a good weekend.

    好了,夥計們,希望大家週末過得愉快。

  • I needed a break, so yesterday I flew to Cancun and back.

    我需要休息一下,所以昨天我飛到坎昆再飛回來。

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • Yeah, everyone is still talking about this.

    是啊,大家還在討論這個問題。

  • Following the backlash over his trip to Cancun,

    繼他的坎昆之行引起反響後。

  • Senator Ted Cruz spent the weekend trying his best

    參議員特德-克魯茲在週末竭盡全力

  • to help the people of Texas.

    來幫助德州的人民。

  • -Senator Ted Cruz doing damage control

    特德-克魯茲參議員在進行損害控制

  • after his controversial trip to Cancun last week.

    在他上週的坎昆之行引起爭議後。

  • -Cruz sharing these images over the weekend,

    -克魯茲在週末分享了這些圖片。

  • loading water into Texans' cars,

    把水裝進德州人的車裡。

  • many online critical of the post.

    許多網上責備的帖子。

  • -Yeah, people were upset when they realized

    -是的,當人們意識到這一點時,他們很不高興

  • Cruz was loading water into his car.

    克魯茲正在往車裡裝水。

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • "I'm gonna use this to refill my waterbed."

    "我要用這個給我的水床加水。"

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • Yeah, it seemed like an okay gesture until everyone

    是啊,這似乎是一個不錯的姿態,直到每個人都...

  • noticed the label on the bottles said Ritz Carlton Cancun.

    注意到瓶子上的標籤說麗思卡爾頓坎昆。

  • [ Laughter ] A little souvenir.

    [笑]一個小紀念品。

  • Actually, Cruz wanted to do more,

    其實,克魯茲還想做更多。

  • but he had a parasailing lesson at 3:00, so he --

    但他3點要上滑翔傘課 所以他...

  • People were also upset that Cruz tweeted those pictures himself.

    人們也對克魯茲自己在推特上發佈這些照片感到不滿。

  • Even white people who only posted black squares

    連白人都只貼黑方塊

  • on Instagram were like, "You gotta do more than that."

    在Instagram上都喜歡, "你得做更多的。"

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • Ted Cruz is like the friend who offers to help you move,

    特德-克魯茲就像那個主動幫你搬家的朋友。

  • but every time you see him,

    但每次你看到他,

  • he's just carrying the same box of pillows.

    他只是拿著同一盒枕頭。

  • It's like, "I have to take this call. Can you get the table?

    這就像,"我必須要接這個電話。你可以得到的表?

  • Hello. Yeah. Yeah, just get the heavy things."

    你好啊是啊,是啊,就拿重的東西。是啊,只是得到重的東西。"

  • Yep, the photo-op didn't work out too well.

    是的,拍照的效果並不好。

  • Most people just drove away

    大多數人都是開著車走的

  • when he tried showing them his vacation photos.

    當他想給他們看他的度假照片時,

  • He's like, "You ever think you can get

    他說,"你有沒有想過你可以得到。

  • behind the bar at a Senior Frog's?"

    在高級蛙的吧檯後面?"

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • But Cruz tried to be helpful in other ways.

    但克魯茲試圖在其他方面提供幫助。

  • Later, he showed Texans how to make frozen margs

    後來,他向德克薩斯人展示瞭如何製作冰凍的瑪格。

  • with the snow in their living rooms.

    與他們客廳裡的雪。

  • [ Audience oohs ]

    [觀眾嚯嚯]

  • Seriously, you know Cruz is having a rough 2021

    說真的,你知道克魯茲在2021年的日子很不好過

  • when fueling a riot at the Capitol is

    當助長國會大廈的騷亂時... ...

  • nowhere near his biggest problem.

    遠遠不是他最大的問題。

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • Things are so bad for Cruz, he spent today thinking about

    事情對克魯茲來說太糟糕了,他今天花了很多時間來思考。

  • the good ol' days when people just thought

    良辰吉日

  • he was the Zodiac Killer.

    他是十二生肖殺手。

  • [ Laughter and applause ]

    [笑聲和掌聲]

  • Also, we're in a pandemic.

    還有,我們現在正處於流行病中。

  • Shaking hands, handing out water, serving food.

    握手、遞水、送飯。

  • Right now, a Carnival cruise is safer than a Ted Cruz.

    現在,嘉年華遊輪比泰德克魯茲更安全。

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • Yeah, Cruz is trying to redeem himself

    是啊,Cruz正在努力挽回自己的損失。

  • after his Mexico trip, but I don't think it's working.

    在他的墨西哥之行後,但我不認為它的工作。

  • Check out what fellow Texans sent to his house yesterday.

    看看昨天德州的同胞們給他家送來了什麼。

  • This is real.

    這是真實的。

  • ♪♪

    ♪♪

  • Yeah. [ Laughter ]

    是啊。[笑聲]

  • [ Applause ]

    [掌聲]

  • That's real.

    那是真的

  • In honor of Cruz, they played that mariachi classic,

    為了紀念克魯茲,他們演奏了那首經典的瑪利亞奇舞曲。

  • "El Baggo de Douche."

    "El Baggo de Douche"。

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • Meanwhile, Cruz was like, "Play as loud as you want.

    同時,克魯茲還說:"你想怎麼玩就怎麼玩。

  • I'm in Tijuana."

    我在提華納。"

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • Some entertainment news -- I saw that Disney+ has added

    一些娛樂新聞 -- 我看到Disney+已經增加了以下內容

  • a warning to a show that you might not expect.

    一個你可能想不到的節目的警告。

  • Watch this.

    看這個。

  • -The return of the iconic "Muppet Show,"

    -標誌性的 "布偶秀 "的迴歸。

  • now coming with a serious new warning --

    現在有一個嚴重的新警告 -- --

  • a content disclaimer at the beginning of 18 episodes,

    18集開頭的內容免責聲明。

  • warning viewers of the program's "negative depictions

    警告觀眾該節目的 "負面描述"。

  • and/or mistreatment of people or cultures."

    和/或虐待人民或文化的行為"。

  • -Yeah, and just to be safe,

    -是的,為了安全起見。

  • Gonzo's nose will also be blurred.

    岡仁波齊的鼻子也會變得模糊不清。

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • I think they made the right move.

    我認為他們的做法是正確的。

  • In one episode, Fozzie does a stand-up routine

    在一集裡,福滋表演了一個脫口秀節目

  • that begins with, "hickory, dickory, dock."

    以 "山核桃,山核桃,碼頭 "開頭的。

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • Here's some big music news.

    這裡有一些重大的音樂新聞。

  • After 28 years together, Daft Punk is splitting up.

    在一起28年後,Daft Punk要解散了。

  • I'm gonna be honest, they picked a pretty weird time

    我說實話,他們選的時間很奇怪

  • to stop wearing their masks.

    停止戴口罩。

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • One of the guy's friends was like, "Don't worry.

    這傢伙的一個朋友說:"別擔心。

  • You'll find another mute, helmet-wearing synth-pop artist

    你會發現另一個啞巴,戴著頭盔的合成器流行音樂人。

  • who pretends he's a robot that you can start a band with."

    誰假裝他是一個機器人,你可以開始一個樂隊。"

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • Hey, get this.

    嘿,得到這個。

  • I saw that a 18-karat-gold PlayStation 5 is on sale

    我看到了18K金的PlayStation 5正在銷售中

  • for half a million dollars.

    50萬美金。

  • Here's a photo. Look at this.

    這裡有一張照片。看看這個。

  • Wow. Yeah.

    哇哦是啊。

  • Apparently, one of these shows up in the new movie

    很明顯,其中一個出現在新電影裡了

  • "Scarface: The Tween Years."

    "刀疤臉:Tween years."

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • Well, guys, while most of the country waits to get vaccinated,

    好了,夥計們,當全國大部分人都在等待接種疫苗的時候。

  • two women in Florida were caught trying to cut the line

    佛羅里達州的兩名婦女被抓到,試圖切斷線路。

  • in a pretty strange way.

    以一種很奇怪的方式。

  • Watch this.

    看這個。

  • -The Florida Department of Health says

    -佛羅里達州衛生局說

  • two women dressed up as "grannies"

    婆婆媽媽

  • to try and get a second coronavirus vaccine this week.

    以嘗試在本週接種第二支冠狀病毒疫苗。

  • The sheriff's office says the women were 44 and 34 years old,

    警長辦公室說,這兩名女子分別為44歲和34歲。

  • apparently wearing bonnets, gloves, and glasses

    戴帽子、戴手套、戴眼鏡

  • when they went to the Orange County Convention Center.

    當他們去橙縣會議中心的時候。

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • -The nurse was like, "Names?"

    -護士說:"名字?"

  • And they were like, "Uh, Grace and Frankie?"

    他們很喜歡,"呃,格雷斯和弗蘭基?"

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • Officials got suspicious when the women didn't call six times

    女子六次都沒有打電話,官員就起了疑心

  • to confirm the appointment.

    以確認任命。

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • -Yeah.

    -是的

  • -Yeah, the women gave themselves away

    -是啊,那些女人把自己送出去了

  • when they seemed unfamiliar with CBS's prime-time lineup.

    當他們似乎對CBS的黃金時段陣容不熟悉時。

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • In Florida, the only way to prove that you're a senior

    在佛羅里達州,唯一能證明你是高三學生的方法就是

  • is if you have a lower back tattoo of Andy Williams.

    是如果你有一個安迪-威廉姆斯的下背部紋身。

  • Wait, that's not true. Are you sure?

    等等,這不是真的。你確定嗎?

  • And finally, this is strange.

    最後,這很奇怪。

  • I saw that federal agents in Ohio just made

    我看到俄亥俄州的聯邦探員剛做了... ...

  • a pretty, pretty surprising discovery. Check this out.

    一個漂亮的,令人驚訝的發現。看看這個。

  • -Customs agents in Cincinnati found something stronger

    -辛辛那提的海關人員發現了更強大的東西。

  • than sugar on a shipment of Corn Flakes.

    玉米片上的糖比。

  • The cereal was topped with 44 pounds of cocaine

    麥片上有44磅的可卡因

  • worth nearly $3 million.

    價值近300萬元。

  • -It's serious.

    -這是嚴重的。

  • The suspects are expected to receive a sentence of 20 years

    嫌疑人有望獲刑20年

  • to cinnamon life in prison.

    到肉桂生活在監獄裡。

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • I think the whole incident explains why

    我想整個事件說明了為什麼

  • the Corn Flakes mascot went from a rooster to this.

    玉米片的吉祥物從一隻公雞變成了這個。

  • [ Rooster crowing ]

    [公雞叫聲]

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

-Thank you very much, everyone.

-謝謝大家

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