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  • (light music) (keyboard clicking)

    (輕音樂)(鍵盤點擊)

  • - Can masturbating make you go blind?

    - 手淫會讓人失明嗎?

  • 100%, and here's how.

    百分之百,這就是方法。

  • Here to help us grapple

    在這裡,以幫助我們抓住

  • with the issue is chronic masturbator, Trevor Wallace.

    與問題是慢性手淫者,特雷弗-華萊士。

  • - I wouldn't say chronic.

    - 我不會說是慢性病。

  • Chronic's like nine times a day.

    慢性病的像一天九次。

  • I'm more like 8.5.

    我更喜歡8. 5。

  • - Doctors say the act of masturbation is perfectly normal

    - 醫生說,手淫的行為是非常正常的。

  • and a healthy sexual practice.

    和健康的性行為。

  • But, are you really gonna trust doctors?

    但是,你真的會相信醫生嗎?

  • They're a bunch of perverts who won't even come

    他們是一群變態,連來都不會來的人

  • into the room until you take your clothes off.

    進入房間,直到你把衣服脫掉。

  • - Oh.

    - 哦。

  • Never really thought about it that way.

    從來沒有這樣想過。

  • - [Natasha] Let's say you've been jerking it for years

    - [娜塔莎]讓我們說,你一直在抽搐多年

  • and it's never affected your eyesight.

    而且從來沒有影響過你的視力。

  • But, you're estranged from your folks.

    但是,你和你的家人疏遠了。

  • - We stopped talking

    - 我們不說話了

  • after they called me a limp wrist boy

    在他們稱我為軟腳蝦之後。

  • during my beer pong world tournament, you know.

    在我的啤酒乒乓世界錦標賽期間,你知道的。

  • It's not limp.

    這不是瘸子。

  • - [Natasha] So, you have no idea

    - [娜塔莎]所以,你不知道。

  • that you have a family history of high blood pressure,

    你有高血壓家族史。

  • and every time you tug,

    而每當你拉扯。

  • blood rushes from your head to your groin.

    血液從你的頭部湧向腹股溝。

  • Unbeknownst to you,

    不知不覺中。

  • you're straining your already delicate retinal veins.

    你緊張 你已經脆弱的視網膜靜脈。

  • And you're in the midst of a pong tournament,

    而你正在進行乒乓球比賽。

  • so you've been wanking before every match.

    所以你每次比賽前都會手淫。

  • It's the only way to get in the zone,

    只有這樣才能進入這個區域。

  • or what the Japanese team calls kenjataimu,

    或日本隊所說的kenjataimu。

  • the period of clear thoughts post ejaculation

    暢想期

  • when a man is free from sexual desires, 100% confirmed.

    當一個男人沒有性慾的時候,100%證實。

  • You might end up winning the tournament,

    你可能最終會贏得比賽。

  • but you'll never see your trophy

    但你永遠也看不到你的戰利品。

  • because you're about to go blind from masturbating.

    因為你快要因為手淫而失明瞭。

  • - Okay, okay, no, no, no.

    - 好吧,好吧,不,不,不。

  • Let's say I, like, quit ponging and start, like,

    比方說,我,喜歡,退出乒乓,開始,喜歡。

  • popping blood thinners.

    彈出血液稀釋劑。

  • Like, then will I be chill?

    就像,那麼我將會是冷酷的?

  • - It won't matter

    - 不要緊的

  • because you'll still have a vitamin A deficiency

    因為你還是會缺乏維生素A。

  • because you refuse to eat carrots.

    因為你拒絕吃胡蘿蔔。

  • - Okay, yeah.

    - 好吧,是的。

  • I'm not a little bunny boy, all right?

    我不是小兔崽子,好嗎?

  • - [Natasha] But, healthy eyes need vitamin A to function.

    - [娜塔莎]但是,健康的眼睛需要維生素A的功能。

  • And because of your refusal to eat retinol-rich foods,

    而因為你拒絕吃富含視黃醇的食物。

  • your body has just a tiny supply,

    你的身體只有很小的供應量。

  • which you deplete every time you cream your shorts.

    每次你在短褲上塗抹奶油時都會消耗掉。

  • You're putting salad dressing on the wrong cucumber.

    你把沙拉醬放錯了黃瓜。

  • Masturbating is about to make you go blind.

    自慰是要讓你盲目的。

  • - Okay.

    - 好吧,我知道了

  • Fine, well I'll get better eyesight.

    好吧,好吧,我會讓自己的視力變得更好。

  • I'll get Lasiks, whatever the fuck.

    我去做Lasiks,管他呢。

  • Masturbating will not make me go blind now, right?

    手淫不會讓我現在變成瞎子吧?

  • - Wrong, because you're bored of the regular tugging routine

    - 錯了,因為你厭倦了常規的拉扯程序。

  • and decide to do the stranger.

    並決定做陌生人。

  • Sitting on your hand to make it go numb

    坐在你的手上,讓你的手變得麻木

  • so when you rub, it feels like you're getting yanked

    所以當你摩擦的時候,感覺就像被人拉扯一樣

  • by a rando is great. - Okay.

    由一個遊俠是偉大的。- 好吧,我知道了

  • - Too great,

    - 太厲害了

  • because you spunk so hard you get it in your eye,

    因為你噴得太猛,會把它弄進眼睛裡。

  • which you then rub with your numb hand

    然後你用你的麻木的手揉搓

  • which currently lacks all sensation.

    目前缺乏一切感覺的。

  • A simple eye rub turns into a deep corneal scratch.

    簡單的揉眼就變成了深層的角膜劃痕。

  • And corneal damage is the leading cause of blindness,

    而角膜損傷是導致失明的主要原因。

  • 100% confirmed.

    100%確認。

  • Your five-finger-discount jerk-off has caused you

    你的五指打飛機給你帶來了麻煩

  • to go blind.

    以致於失明。

  • - I knew I should have just invested in a fleshlight

    - 我就知道我應該買個肉光燈的

  • for Hanukkah.

    為光明節。

  • But what if I never, like, splooge in my eye.

    但是,如果我從來沒有,喜歡,splooge在我的眼睛。

  • Then, that's chill?

    那麼,這就是冷酷?

  • - Not chill because the problem is still in your face.

    - 不寒而慄是因為問題還在你的臉上。

  • Orgasms cause muscles in the face to contract.

    高潮會使面部的肌肉收縮。

  • These tiny twitches shouldn't be an issue,

    這些微小的抽搐應該不是問題。

  • but you're very good at what you do.

    但你很擅長你所做的。

  • So, every time you make whoopee with yourself,

    所以,每一次和自己做胡蝶的時候。

  • you go cross-eyed.

    你去橫眉冷對。

  • It's a long weekend,

    這是一個漫長的週末。

  • so you've been making yourself googly-eyed

    所以,你一直在讓自己的眼睛發呆。

  • from Thursday night to Sunday evening.

    從週四晚上到週日晚上。

  • You've made an o-face so many times it's

    你已經做了很多次O型臉了。

  • now gonna stay that way.

    現在要保持這種方式。

  • You'll never see straight again.

    你永遠不會再直視。

  • You've gone blind from masturbating.

    你自慰的時候眼睛都瞎了。

  • - Okay, this is starting to freak me out.

    - 好吧,這開始嚇到我了。

  • Hypothetically, if I never masturbate again,

    假設,如果我再也不手淫了。

  • then I'll be okay, yeah?

    那我就沒事了,是嗎?

  • - It's too late.

    - 太晚了

  • Because you've just read Swiss physicist,

    因為你剛剛讀了瑞士物理學家的書。

  • Samuel Auguste Tissot's "Treaties on Masturbation".

    塞繆爾-奧古斯特-蒂索的《手淫論》。

  • - I have? - You have.

    - 我有嗎?- 你有

  • It's the 1760s, so this is the only book.

    現在是1760年代,所以只有這一本。

  • And in this self-proclaimed medical text,

    而在這本自稱是醫書。

  • Tissot states masturbation saps humans

    天梭表示手淫會消耗人類的體力。

  • of essential oils required for sight.

    視力所需的精油的。

  • You freak out and run to the local pharmacy,

    你嚇壞了,跑到當地的藥店。

  • which in 1760, is just a witch living in a tree.

    在1760年,這只是一個住在樹上的女巫。

  • She gives you a tincture

    她給了你一種酊劑

  • of what she considers essential oils,

    她認為精油的。

  • spit from her lizard which she tells you to rub

    她的蜥蜴吐出的口水,她讓你擦拭。

  • on the soft tissue that makes up your eyes.

    構成眼睛的軟組織上。

  • The lizard spit burns right through your retinas.

    蜥蜴的口水會直接燒穿你的視網膜。

  • But, you think the painful sensation is penance,

    但是,你認為這種痛苦的感覺就是懺悔。

  • sin leaving the body.

    罪離開身體。

  • The next time you read something,

    下一次你看東西的時候。

  • it'll have to be a book on tape because you just went blind

    必須是一本書的錄音帶,因為你剛剛瞎了眼。

  • from masturbating.

    從手淫。

  • - All right, this Tissot guy kinda sounds crazy.

    - 好吧,這個天梭的傢伙聽起來有點瘋狂。

  • Do we know, like, if he's a real physicist?

    我們知道,像,如果他是一個真正的物理學家?

  • - Let's find out.

    - 讓我們來看看。

  • Hi, I have some questions from internet user 11639.

    你好,我有一些網友11639的問題。

  • - From the year 11,639?

    - 從當年的一萬一千六百三十九?

  • - Yeah, Tissot, how'd you come up with this idea?

    - 是啊,天梭,你是怎麼想到這個主意的?

  • - Research, years and years of thorough scientific research.

    - 研究,多年的深入科學研究。

  • - So, you've done the clinical trials?

    - 所以,你已經做了臨床試驗?

  • - Whatever you say, witch.

    - 隨你怎麼說,巫婆。

  • - Are these some of your instruments?

    - 這些都是你的工具嗎?

  • - Oh, yeah, top-of-the-line physics stuff.

    - 哦,是的,頂級的物理學的東西。

  • There's this little do-hickey

    有一個小的do -hickey

  • and this thingy that gets very hot.

    而這個東西會變得非常熱。

  • Watch out.

    小心點

  • Not sure why, maybe God.

    不知道為什麼,也許是上帝。

  • - So, how do you know that losing semen makes you sick?

    - 那麼,怎麼知道遺精會生病呢?

  • - Simple logic.

    - 簡單的邏輯。

  • If you lose too much blood, you die.

    如果你失血過多,你就會死。

  • Semen is basically blood, just white.

    精液基本上都是血,只是白色的。

  • So bingo-bango, semen makes you sicko.

    所以賓果,精液會讓你變成變態。

  • (Tissot coughing)

    (天梭咳嗽)

  • Ah, that will fix it.

    啊,這將解決它。

  • - Did you just cut off your arm to stop coughing?

    - 你是不是為了止咳而砍掉了自己的手臂?

  • - Did you just cut off your arm to stop coughing?

    - 你是不是為了止咳而砍掉了自己的手臂?

  • Get out of here, witch.

    離開這裡,巫婆。

  • And take that handsome aristocrat with you.

    還帶著那個帥氣的貴族。

  • - So yes, you can go blind from masturbating.

    - 所以是的,手淫會失明。

  • It's just a matter of when and how.

    只是時間和方式的問題。

  • - Well, goodbye my sweet friend.

    - 好了,再見了,我親愛的朋友。

  • Do you guys have like a trashcan

    你們有像一個垃圾桶

  • or like maybe somewhere I could, like, hang it up?

    或者像也許某個地方我可以,喜歡,掛起來?

  • - Oh, you just put it in the hard drive.

    - 哦,你只是把它在硬盤驅動器。

  • I'm doctor-expert, Natasha Vaynblat

    我是醫生專家,Natasha Vaynblat。

  • and your worst fear has been confirmed.

    你最擔心的事情已經被證實了。

  • - Oh, what about regular sex?

    - 哦,那正常的性生活呢?

  • Can you go blind from regular sex?

    經常做愛會失明嗎?

  • - Absolutely not.

    - 絕對不是。

  • From regular sex, you die.

    從正常的性生活中,你會死。

  • - So, I'm dead right now?

    - 所以,我現在已經死了?

  • 'Cause this looks like a little Heaven setting.

    因為這看起來像一個小天堂的環境。

  • Is that what happened?

    是這樣的嗎?

  • 'Cause I had sex last night.

    因為我昨晚做了愛

  • Nice, nice.

    不錯,不錯。

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B2 中高級 中文 手淫 眼睛 娜塔莎 拉扯 視力 精油

擼管會讓我失明嗎?(ft.特雷弗-華萊士)--你最擔心的事情被證實了。 (Can Jerking It Make Me Go Blind? (ft. Trevor Wallace) - Your Worst Fears Confirmed)

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    林宜悉 發佈於 2021 年 02 月 10 日
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