WELCOME TO "A LATE SHOW."

歡迎來到 "深夜秀"。

I'M YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT.

我是你的主播，史蒂芬-科爾伯特。

IT'S GROUNDHOG DAY!

今天是 "土撥鼠日"！

WE'VE GOT A HUGE SHOW TONIGHT.

我們今晚有一場盛大的演出。

I'M GOING TO GIVE IT AWAY RIGHT NOW.

我現在就要把它送出去。

WE'VE GOT ZENDAYA.

我們已經得到了ZENDAYA。

WE'VE GOT ZENDAYA, AND WE'VE GOT FARTHER JIM MARTIN A JESUIT

我們有禪達亞，我們有更多的吉姆-馬丁，一個耶穌會的人。

PRIEST COMING ON.

牧師來了。

IT'S GROUNDHOG DAY!

今天是 "土撥鼠日"！

LIKE EVERY OTHER DAY SINCE MARCH 12.

就像3月12日以來的每一天。

BUT TODAY IS ACTUAL GROUNDHOG DAY, FOR NO APPARENT REASON,

但今天是真正的土撥鼠日，沒有任何理由。

AMERICA SEEKS WEATHER PROPHECY FROM METEOROLOGICAL

美國從氣象學中尋求天氣預言。

PROGNOSTICATOR PUNXSUTAWNEY PHIL, SEEN HERE WITH NO IDEA

PROGNOSTICATOR PUNXSUTAWNEY PHIL，在這裡看到了不知道。

WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON.

什麼是地獄是怎麼回事。

IT'S BEEN A ROUGH RUN SINCE LAST GROUNDHOG DAY, SO WE ALL HAD OUR

從上一個土撥鼠日開始，我們就一直在艱難地奔跑，所以我們都有了自己的想法。

FINGERS CROSSED FOR SOME PROMISING RODENT FORECASTING

祈望有一些有希望的租金預測。

FROM PHIL AND HIS COUNCIL OF FONDELORS.

菲利普和他的親友會給我的。

BUT, SADLY, OUR HOPES FOR SPRING WERE SPURNED, BECAUSE PHIL SAW

但不幸的是，我們對春天的希望被激發了，因為菲爾看到了。

HIS SHADOW, WHICH MEANS THERE WILL BE SIX MORE WEEKS OF

他的影子，這意味著還有六個星期的時間。

WINTER.

冬天：

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, PHIL!

看在上帝的份上，菲爾！

I CAN'T TAKE IT!

我不能接受它！

I DON'T WANT TO BE STUCK INSIDE SIX MORE WEEKS STARING AT SNOW

我不想再在屋裡呆上六個星期，盯著雪看。

OUTSIDE THE WINDOW!

窗外！

I AM READY TO BE STUCK INSIDE STARING AT RAIN OUTSIDE THE

我已經準備好在屋裡盯著窗外的雨了

WINDOW!

WINDOW!

BUT THERE IS, THERE IS A CHANCE THAT PHIL'S NOT GIVING US THE

但是，有，有機會，菲爾不給我們的。

STRAIGHT DOPE HERE.

直接在這裡吸毒。

YOU SEE-- STICK WITH ME, IN 2020, PHIL PREDICTED

你看... ... 堅持下去，在2020年，菲爾預測

AN EARLY SPRING, UT AS THE A.P.

A.P.A.P.A.P.A.P.A.P.A.P.

POINTED OUT, HE DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT A PANDEMIC.

指出來，他沒有說過任何關於氾濫成災的事情。

WAIT A SECOND.

等一下。

IS THE ASSOCIATED PRESS IMPLYING AMERICA'S PREEMINENT MAGICAL

是聯合報社暗示美國的優先魔術。

WOODCHUCK ISN'T A BOARD-CERTIFIED EPIDEMIOLOGIST?

伍德克不是一個董事會認證的epidemiologist？

I HOPE THEY CAN BACK THAT UP WITH SOMETHING.

我希望他們能用一些東西來證明這一點。

THE CEREMONY WAS A LITTLE DIFFERENT THIS YEAR.

今年的儀式有點不同。

DUE TO THE PANDEMIC, INSTEAD OF ANY GROUNDHOG GROUPIES, THE

由於PANDEMIC，而不是任何土撥鼠集團，這是個很好的機會。

AUDIENCE WAS PACKED WITH CARDBOARD CUTOUTS.

觀眾席上擠滿了紙板箱。

THAT MEANS THERE WERE NO PROPER WITNESSES.

這意味著沒有合適的證人。

I DEMAND A HAND RECOUNT OF THE GROUNDHOG!

我要求對土撥鼠進行手工清點！

STOP THE SHADOW!

停止陰影！

STORM GOBBLERS KNOB!

暴風眼把手!

ALSO, CHANGE THE NAME!

還有，改個名字！

IT SOUNDS REALLY DIRTY.

聽起來真的很髒。

MAKE IT SOMETHING NICER, LIKE DRIBBLER'S CROTCH.

把它做成更漂亮的東西，比如DRIBBLER'S CROTCH。

OR STICKLER'S LICK.

或者說是 "棍棒之舔"。

OR DUFFLER'S MUNCH.

或者杜夫勒的午餐。

THERE'S BIG NEWS TODAY FROM THE BUSINESS WORLD AND THE REGULAR

今天，商業世界和主流媒體都有重大新聞。

WORLD, TOO, BECAUSE AMAZON ANNOUNCED THAT THEIR C.E.O.,

世界，也因為亞馬遜宣佈，他們的C.E.O。

JEFF BEZOS, WILL BE STEPPING DOWN.

傑夫・貝佐斯，將退位。

BEFORE LEAVING OFFICE, HE WILL BE COCOONED IN BUBBLE WRAP AND

離職前，他將被裹上泡泡紙和

PUT IN A BOX EIGHT TIMES HIS SIZE.

放在一個八倍於他尺寸的盒子裡。

MAYBE THROW IN A LITTLE S.D.

也許可以扔進一點S. D.

CARD OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

卡片或類似的東西。

BEZOS IS THE RICHEST MAN IN MODERN HISTORY, WORTH $196

貝佐斯是當代歷史上最富有的人，身價196美元。

BILLION.

億元。

THAT'S BILLION WITH AN "ILLIONMENT.

這是十億與 "億"。

AND HE HAS HAD A GOOD YEAR.

他有一個好年頭。

IN FACT, HIS WORTH CLIMBED SO MUCH BETWEEN MARCH AND SEPTEMBER

事實上，他的身價在3月和9月之間暴漲了很多。

OF 2020 THAT HE COULD HAVE GIVEN ALL 876,000 AMAZON

的2020年，他可以給所有876,000亞馬遜。

EMPLOYEES A $105,000 BONUS AND STILL HAVE BEEN WEALTHY AS HE

僱傭了105,000美元的獎金，還能像他一樣富有。

WAS BEFORE THE PANDEMIC.

是之前的PANDEMIC。

KEY PHRASE THERE: "COULD HAVE GIVEN."

關鍵句在那裡，"本來可以給。"

SO, ON ONE HAND, HE IS AN OBSCENELY RICH PLUTOCRAT WHO

所以，一方面，他是一個OBSCENELY富有的PLUTOCRAT誰。

HOARDS WEALTH AS THOSE EMPLOYEES NOT YET REPLACED BY

高管財富是指那些尚未被取代的僱員。

ROBOTS HAVE TO PEE IN BOTTLES FOR LACK OF BATHROOM BREAKS.

機器人因為缺少廁所休息時間，不得不在瓶子裡撒尿。

ON THE OTHER HAND, HE GREENLIT "FLEABAG," SO...

另一方面，他綠燈 "水袋"，所以... ...

IN HIS ABSENCE, BEZOS WILL BE TURNING OVER THE REINS TO THE

在他不在的情況下，貝佐斯將把韁繩移交給了我們

COMPANY'S LONGTIME CLOUD-COMPUTING BOSS, ANDY

公司長期的雲計算BOSS，ANDY。

JASSY.

JASSY：

NOW, I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT JASSY, BUT HIS LAST NAME RHYMES WITH

現在，我對賈西一無所知，但他的姓和他的名字是一樣的

"SASSY" AND SASSY JASSY SOUNDED IF FOR ME.

"SASSY "和 "SASSY JASSY "聽起來像是給我的。

UPON SASSY JASSY!

UPON SASSY JASSY！

I NEED A CUP OF COFFEE AFTER THAT.

我需要一杯咖啡之後。

IT'S BEEN A PRETTY GOOD SHOW SO FAR, PRETTY GOOD.

到目前為止，這是一個非常好的節目，非常好。

THIS IS MINE TO LOSE.

這是我的損失。

IN THE END, I'M JUST IMPRESSED THAT THE COMPANY THAT DELIVERS

最後，我只是感到驚訝的是，該公司提供的。

MY DOG FOOD AND NESPRESSO PODS HAD A MORE PEACEFUL TRANSFER OF

我的狗糧和NESPRESSO PODS有了更和平的交接。

POWER THAN THE UNITED STATES GOVERNMENT.

權力比美國政府。

OH, SPEAKING OF WHICH, I'VE SEEN MY SHADOW, AND I PREDICT WE'RE

哦，說到這個，我已經看到了我的影子，我預測我們會... ...

GOING TO HAVE TWO MORE WEEKS OF IMPEACHMENT.

將有兩個多星期的執行。

THIS MORNING, HOUSE DEMOCRATS RELEASED THEIR TRIAL BRIEF,

今天早上，眾議院民主黨人公佈了他們的審判摘要。

WHICH ARGUES "THE FORMER PRESIDENT IS SINGULARLY

其中主張 "前主席是單獨的，他是一個人。

RESPONSIBLE FOR THE VIOLENCE AND DESTRUCTION THAT UNFOLDED IN OUR

應對在我們國家發生的暴力和破壞事件負責。

SEAT OF GOVERNMENT ON JANUARY 6," AS HE "SUMMONED A MOB TO

1月6日，"政府所在地"，因為他 "召集了一群暴徒，到...

WASHINGTON, EXHORTED THEM INTO A FRENZY, AND AIMED THEM LIKE A

華盛頓，勸他們進入一個法國，並像一個目標他們。

LOADED CANNON DOWN PENNSYLVANIA AVENUE."

"在賓夕法尼亞大道上裝載的大炮。"

YES, THEY WERE IN A FRENZY, AND BY THE LOOKS OF IT, SOME OF

是的，他們在法國，而且從外觀上看，一些人的

THEM WERE CLEARLY LOADED.

它們顯然是裝滿了。

THE BRIEF OPENS WITH A SIMPLE TIMELINE OF FACTS: THE PRESIDENT

簡報以一個簡單的事實年表開場。主席

REFUSES TO ACCEPT THE RESULTS OF THE 2020 ELECTION.

拒絕接受2020年選舉的結果；

THE PRESIDENT INCITES INSURRECTIONISTS TO

主席邀請保險業者參加會議

ATTACK THE CAPITOL.

攻擊首都。

INSURRECTIONISTS INCITED BY THE PRESIDENT ATTACKED THE CAPITOL.

被總統挑起的保險商襲擊了首都。

THE PRESIDENT IS DERELICT OF DUTY DURING THE ATTACK.

主席在襲擊中失職。

OKAY, THAT CHECKS OUT.

好吧，那檢查出來。

HE IS A DERELICT, AND THEY SMEARED THE CAPITOL WITH DOODY.

他是個白痴，他們用 "嘟嘟 "塗抹了首都。

THIS AFTERNOON, THE FORMER PRESIDENT'S LAWYERS PUT OUT

今天傍晚，前總統的律師們推出了

THEIR OFFICIAL RESPONSE TO THE DEMOCRATS' IMPEACHMENT CHARGES,

其官方對民主黨人的不公正指控的迴應。

AND THEY PROVED THEMSELVES TOP LEGAL MINDS BY ADDRESSING THE

而他們通過解決這些問題，證明了自己是頂尖的法律顧問。

FILING TO "THE MEMBERS OF THE 'UNITES' STATES SENATE."

提交給 "美國參議院議員 "的文件。

YES, THE UNITES STATES SENATE, BOTH REPUBLICARNTS AND

是的，美國參議院、兩屆共和國和

DEMOCRABS.

DEMOCRABS：

UNITES STATES.

美國：

THE DISGRACED FORMER PRESIDENT'S TEAM ARGUED THAT "HE CANNOT BE

不滿的前主席團隊辯稱，"他不能成為......"。

CONVICTED BY THE SENATE BECAUSE HE IS NO LONGER IN OFFICE."

被參議院宣判有罪，因為他已經不在位了。"

SO, OKAY, ONCE YOU LEAVE A JOB, YOU'RE IMMUNE FROM PROSECUTION?"

所以，好吧，一旦你離開工作，你就可以不受起訴了？"

CANNIBALISM?

CANNIBALISM？

NICE TRY, YOUR HONOR, BUT I DON'T EVEN WORK AT WHITE CASTLE

不錯的嘗試，你的榮譽，但我甚至不工作在白宮

ANYMORE."

ANYMORE。"

BUT THE PRESIDENT-- OH, SO GOOD.

但是主席... ... 哦，好極了。

RIGHT TIME OF NIGHT.

夜晚的正確時間。

RIGHT TIME OF NIGHT, MAN ( WHISTLES )

夜晚的正確時間，男人（哨子）。

STEAM, ONIONS, ALL IS FORGIVEN.

蒸汽，洋蔥，一切都被原諒了。

BUT THE PRESIDENT'S DEFENDERS GO BEYOND LEGAL ARGUMENTS.

但是，主席的辯護人超越了法律上的爭論。

THEY DON'T EVEN WANT THERE TO BE A TRIAL.

他們甚至不希望有一個審判。

TAKE IMPEACHMENT LAWYER AND SEA CAPTAIN WHO RUNS A HEDGE FUND,

聘用經營對沖基金的律師和船長。

DAVID SCHOEN.

DAVID SCHOEN.

HOUSE MANAGERS, LIKE ERIC SWALLWELL, HAVE SAID THAT

房屋經理，如埃裡克-斯沃爾韋爾，曾說過

THEY'RE GOING TO USE NEWS FOOTAGE OF THE RIOT TO PROVE

他們要用暴動的新聞鏡頭來證明。

THEIR CASE.

他們的案例：

SCHOEN BELIEVES THAT'S A BAD IDEA-- FOR AMERICA.

肖恩認為這對美國來說是個壞主意。

>> WE KNOW NOW, APPARENTLY, THAT MR. SWALLWELL AND THE OTHER

>> 我們現在知道，顯然，斯沃爾韋爾先生和其他的人，SWALLWELL和其他人

MANAGERS INTEND TO SHOW VIDEOTAPES OF THE RIOTS AND

經理們打算播放暴亂的錄像帶，以及

PEOPLE CALLING IN, PEOPLE BEING HURT, POLICE OFFICERS

人民打電話進來，人民受到傷害，警察。

TALKING.

說話。

WHY DOES THE COUNTRY NEED THAT NOW?

為什麼國家現在需要這個？

WE NEED TO HEAL NOW.

我們現在需要療傷。

WE NEED TO MOVE FORWARD.

我們需要向前邁進。

>> Stephen: YES, HEALING COMES FROM NOT PROVIDING ANY EVIDENCE.

>> Stephen: 是的，醫治來自於不提供任何證據。

AS IT SAYS IN THE HIPPOCRATIC OATH, "FIRST, SNITCHES GET

正如《希波克拉底誓言》中說的那樣："首先，打小報告的人得到的是：

STITCHES."

STITCHES。"

SCHOEN'S NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO WANTS AN EVIDENCE-FREE TRIAL.

SCHOEN不是唯一一個想要無證據審判的人。

SO DOES SOUTH CAROLINA SENATOR, AND SPOKES-MODEL FOR THE JOWL

南卡羅來納州參議員也是如此，而且是下巴的代言人。

BRASSIERE, LINDSEY GRAHAM.

BRASSIERE, LINDSEY GRAHAM.

LINDSEY WAS ON THE FOX NEWS, AND HE HAD A WARNING FOR HOUSE

林賽上了福克斯新聞，他對房子發出了警告。

IMPEACHMENT MANAGERS.

執勤管理人員：

>> TO MY DEMOCRATIC COLLEAGUES, IF YOU VOTE TO CALL ONE

>> 致我的民主黨同事們，如果你們投了票，請給我打電話。

WITNESS-- NONE WERE CALLED IN THE HOUSE-- GET READY FOR A LONG

證人... ... 沒有人被傳喚進屋... ... 準備好迎接漫長的時間

TRIAL.

審判：

BUT IF YOU OPEN UP THAT CAN OF WORMS, WE'LL WANT THE F.B.I. TO

但如果你打開了那隻蟲子，我們就會讓FBI來處理

COME IN AND TELL US HOW PEOPLE ACTUALLY PREPLANNED THESE

進來告訴我們，人們是如何實際準備這些。

ATTACKS AND WHAT HAPPENED WITH THE SECURITY FOOTPRINT AT THE

襲擊事件以及發生了什麼事情，在安全腳印。

CAPITOL.

CAPITOL：

YOU OPEN UP PANDORA'S BOX IF YOU CALL ONE WITNESS.

你打開了潘多拉的盒子，如果你叫一個證人。

>> Stephen: THAT'S TRUE, THAT'S TRUE, LINDSEY.

>> 那是真的,那是真的,LINDSEY。

UPON IT'S A SLIPPERY SLOPE TO

UP IT'S A SLIPPERY SLOPE TO TO

INFORMATION.

資訊：

YOU CAN ALWAYS TELL WHO THE GOOD GUYS ARE.

你總能知道誰是好人。

"MAKE SURE THERE ARE NO WITNESSES."

"確保沒有目擊者。"

THERE'S THIS LITTLE FRINGE GROUP IN THE PARTY WHO BELIEVES IT'S

黨內有一小隊人馬，他們認為自己是...

WRONG TO ATTACK THE CAPITOL BUILDING.

攻擊國會大廈是錯誤的。

AND THEY'RE FOCUSING THEIR ANGER ON GEORGIA REPRESENTATIVE AND

他們把怒火集中在格魯吉亞代表和

WOMAN ZOOM-CALLING FROM THE OUTHOUSE, MARJORIE TAYLOR

瑪喬麗-泰勒在屋外打出的 "OMOM "電話

GREENE.

GREENE：

GREENE'S A PUBLIC BACKER OF QANON.

GREENE的公共支持者的QANON。

SHE'S CLAIMED THAT MASS SHOOTINGS, INCLUDING SCHOOL

她聲稱，大規模的槍擊事件，包括學校的

SHOOTINGS, WERE STAGED, AND SHE HAS SUPPORTED THE EXECUTION OF

槍擊，是階段性的，她支持的執行的

DEMOCRATIC LEADERS.

民主黨派領導人：

SO, A MODERATE REPUBLICAN.

所以，一個溫和的共和黨人。

AND YESTERDAY, GREENE'S VIEWS INSPIRED A STRONG REACTION FROM

今天，GREENE的觀點引起了來自美國的強烈反響。

SENATE MINORITY LEADER AND "BODIES" EXHIBIT REJECT, MITCH

參議院少數黨領袖和 "團體 "的情況。EXHIBIT REJECT, MITCH.

McCONNELL.

麥康奈爾：

McCONNELL RELEASED A STATEMENT SAYING THAT THE BASELESS

麥康奈爾發表聲明稱，《無本之木》是一個很好的選擇。

CONSPIRACY THEORIES GREENE SUPPORTS "ARE CANCER FOR THE

陰謀論 GREENE支持 "是癌症的"。

REPUBLICAN PARTY AND OUR COUNTRY."

共和黨和我們的國家。"

YES, IT'S CANCER, BUT I WILL POINT OUT THAT FIVE YEARS AGO,

是的，這是癌症，但我會指出，五年前。

THE G.O.P. FOUND A SUSPICIOUS LUMP AND THEN NOMINATED THE

G.O.P.發現了一個可疑的腫塊，然後提名

TUMOR FOR PRESIDENT.

主席的腫瘤。

McCONNELL KEPT TEARING INTO GREENE, CALLING HER BELIEFS

麥康奈爾不斷撕扯著格林尼，稱她的信仰。

"LOONY LIES."

"LOONY LIES."

YOU ALSO MIGHT REMEMBER "LOONY LIES" AS THE SHORT-LIVED CLASSIC

你也可能會記得 "懶惰的謊言"作為短命的經典

CARTOON STARRING PORKY PIG.

PORKY PIG的卡通明星。

♪ ♪ ♪ >> F.D.R. EATS BABIES, FOLKS.

>> Stephen: THERE IS SO MUCH DIVISION IN THE REPUBLICAN

>> 史蒂芬：共和國的分歧太大。

PARTY, THEY REALLY NEED A MAN OF TRUE INTEGRITY TO UNITE THEM.

黨，他們真的需要一個真正有智慧的人來團結他們。

UNFORTUNATELY, ALL THEY'VE GOT IS HOUSE MINORITY LEADER AND

不幸的是，他們所得到的是眾議院少數派領袖和。

MAYOR ASSURING THE TOWN THE BEACH IS MOSTLY SHARK-FREE,

市長保證海灘上沒有鯊魚。

KEVIN McCARTHY.

KEVIN McCARTHY.

McCARTHY HAS RESISTED CALLS FROM DEMOCRATS TO KICK GREENE OFF HER

麥卡錫拒絕民主黨人要求格林下課的呼籲。

HOUSE COMMITTEES.

眾議院委員會：

INSTEAD, HE'S PROMISING TO HAVE A "CONVERSATION" WITH HER ABOUT

而他卻承諾要和她進行一次 "對話"，談的是

THE MOUNTING CONTROVERSIES SOMETIME THIS WEEK.

本週一段時間的安裝爭議。

WELL, THAT SHOULD BE PRODUCTIVE.

嗯，這應該是生產。

AS McCARTHY PROVED WITH HIS RECENT TRIP TO MAR-A-LAGO, HE

正如麥卡錫最近的馬拉加之行所證明的那樣，他... ...

KNOWS HOW TO PUT HIS FOOT DOWN.

知道如何把他的腳放下來。

AND HIS KNEE DOWN, THEN HIS OTHER KNEE DOWN, SO HE CAN

和他的膝蓋下來，然後他的另一個膝蓋下來，所以他可以。

SMOOCH SOME CRAZY BUTT.

摸摸一些瘋狂的屁股。

McCONNELL'S NOT THE ONLY ONE UPSET WITH THE CONSPIRACY WING

麥康奈爾不是唯一一個對陰謀論派感到不滿的人。

OF THE G.O.P.

G.O.P.

YESTERDAY, WE FOUND OUT THAT ROUGHLY 60-70 FORMER BUSH

今天，我們發現，大約有60-70名前布什

OFFICIALS HAVE DECIDED TO LEAVE THE PARTY, AND AS ONE PUT IT,

官員們決定退黨，正如一個人所說的：

"THE REPUBLICAN PARTY AS I KNEW IT NO LONGER EXISTS."

"我所知道的共和黨已經不存在了"

YES, IT'S UNRECOGNIZABLE.

是的，這是不可否認的。

WE JUST HAD A REPUBLICAN PRESIDENT WHO TOLD OVER 30,000

我們剛剛有一個共和黨總統，他說了3萬多個字

LIES ABOUT SERIOUS SUBJECTS LIKE ELECTION FRAUD AND A GLOBAL

關於選舉舞弊和全球選舉等重大問題的謊言。

PANDEMIC.

PANDEMIC：

THE PREVIOUS REPUBLICAN PRESIDENT ONLY TOLD LIES ABOUT

前任共和黨總統只對我說了謊話。

SMALL STUFF LIKE WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION AND

大規模殺傷性武器等小件物品，以及

GOVERNMENT-SANCTIONED TORTURE.

政府制裁的酷刑。

THOUGH, I ADMIT, BOTH MEN WERE OBSESSED WITH YELLOW CAKE.

雖然，我承認，兩個人都迷上了黃色的蛋糕。

I'M SURPRISED THESE PEOPLE ARE SURPRISED.

我很驚訝這些人都很驚訝。

NOW, WE'VE ALL BEEN DOING THIS JOB FOR A WHILE NOW, AND WE'VE

現在，我們都已經做了一段時間的工作，我們已經。

SEEN A LOT OF EVIDENCE THAT THIS KIND OF BEHAVIOR FROM

看到很多證據表明，這種行為從。

REPUBLICANS WAS COMING.

共和黨人要來了。

TAKE FORMER BUSH ADVISER AND PARBOILED AMERICAN, KARL ROVE.

就拿前布什顧問和被烤熟的美國人卡爾-羅夫來說吧。

BACK WHEN ROVE WAS IN THE WHITE HOUSE, HE SARCASTICALLY REFERRED

當羅夫在白宮的時候，他曾諷刺過

TO HIS CRITICS AS "THE REALITY-BASED COMMUNITY," AND

對他的責備是 "以現實為基礎的社區"，以及。

CLAIMED THAT PEOPLE LIKE HIM "CREATE OUR OWN REALITY," A

聲稱像他這樣的人 "創造了我們自己的現實"。

REALITY, IN WHICH I'LL POINT OUT, HE CHOSE TO BE KARL ROVE.

現實中，我會指出，他選擇了卡爾-羅夫。

NOW, WHEN ROVE SAID THAT, WE ALL SAW WHERE THIS WAS HEADED.

現在，當ROVE說，我們都看到了這個頭。

BECAUSE IF THAT REPUBLICAN ADMINISTRATION COULD GET AWAY

因為如果那個共和黨政府能夠脫身...

WITH CREATING THEIR OWN LITTLE SPACE-TIME CONTINUUM WITH THE■ç

與創造自己的小時空連線▄■▄■。

MAGIC OF MAKE-BELIEVE, IT JUST GOES TO FIGURE THAT IT WAS ONLY

魔法的假象，它只是去計算，它只是一個。

A MATTER TIME BEFORE EVERYBODY ELSE DID IT.

在大家都這樣做之前的一個時間問題。

IT'S JUST LIKE THE HEDGE FUND BROS GETTING MAD AT THE PEOPLE

這就像對沖基金兄弟對人民發火一樣。

ON REDDIT.

在REDDIT上。

THEY'RE NOT UPSET THAT SOMEONE'S MAKING UP SOME ARTIFICIALLY

他們並沒有因為有人編造了一些假象而感到不安

INFLATED VALUE TO GAME THE MARKET.

膨脹的價值來博弈市場。

THEY'RE JUST OFFENDED THAT PEOPLE WHO AREN'T IN THEIR

他們只是對那些不屬於他們的人感到不快。

COUNTRY CLUB ARE ALLOWED TO PLAY.

鄉村俱樂部可以玩。

SO WHEN IT COMES TO CRAZY CONSPIRACY THEORIES, YOU CAN'T

所以，當涉及到瘋狂的陰謀論時，你不能。

PUT THE GENIE BACK IN THE BOTTLE, AND NOT JUST BECAUSE

把基因放回瓶子裡，不只是因為。

THOSE SAME REPUBLICANS 13 YEARS AGO WERE FINE WITH RUMORS THAT

這些同樣的共和黨人13年前曾對傳言感到滿意，即

THE GENIE IS A SECRET MUSLIM.

基因是一個祕密的穆斯林。

REMEMBER "SECRET MUSLIM?" THAT WAS 2007, ALONG WITH OBAMA

還記得 "祕密的穆斯林？"那是2007年，隨著奧巴馬。

WAS BORN IN KENYA AND THE TERRORIST FIST BUMP, NOW KNOWN

出生在肯亞和恐怖份子的拳打腳踢，現在知道了。

AS THE ONLY WAY WE'RE ALLOWED TO TOUCH EACH OTHER.

作為唯一的方式 我們被允許接觸對方。

SO, IF CRAZY CONSPIRACY THEORIES ARE, IN FACT, A CANCER ON THE

所以，如果瘋狂的陰謀論是，事實上，一個癌症上的。

REPUBLICAN PARTY, PEOPLE LIKE MITCH McCONNELL AND KARL ROVE

共和黨、米奇-麥克康奈爾和卡爾-羅夫等人。

HAVE SPENT THE LAST 20 YEARS SELLING CIGARETTES TO THEIR

在過去的20年裡，我一直在賣雪茄給他們的家人。

BASE.

基地：

THEY TOLD MILLIONS OF PEOPLE THAT IF THEY CONSUMED THEIR

他們告訴幾百萬人，如果他們消費了他們的身體，他們就會有更多的機會。

ALTERNATE REALITY, THEY'D BE THIS.

另一種現實，他們會是這樣的。

NOW THEY'RE ACTING ALL SHOCKED THAT INSTEAD, THEY LOOK LIKE

現在他們表現得很震驚，因為他們看起來像...

THIS.

這。

SPEAKING OF WHICH, EVERY DAY WE LEARN MORE DETAILS ABOUT THE

說到這裡，我們每天都會了解到更多的細節。

CAPITOL RIOTERS.

CAPITOL RIOTERS。

AND EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE, THESE DETAILS ARE JUST SO PLAIN DUMB.

每一次，這些細節都是如此平淡無奇。

ACCORDING TO RECORDS OBTAINED BY CNN, SO FAR, AT LEAST EIGHT OF