That's what they think about us, you're lazy.

這就是他們對我們的看法，你很懶。

You're the lazy generation.

你們是懶惰的一代。

Get a job, get some money, get your own place,

找份工作，賺點錢，有自己的地方。

get out of your parent's home.

滾出你的父母之家。

Jesus died on the cross so he could live

耶穌死在十字架上是為了讓他活著

with his dad for eternity.

和他的爸爸永遠在一起。

(upbeat music)

(歡快的音樂)

Thank you, thank you, meltdown.

謝謝你，謝謝你，崩潰了。

Thank you, meltdown people.

謝謝你，崩潰的人。

Come on, keep it going.

來吧，繼續下去。

Those guys, come on, meltdown.

這些傢伙，來吧，崩潰了。

I'm not kidding, let's set a record tonight.

我不是在開玩笑，今晚我們來創造一個記錄。

Don't stop clapping.

不要停止鼓掌。

Let's see if you can clap for 10 straight minutes.

看看你能不能連續鼓掌10分鐘。

I'll just tell the jokes.

我就講講笑話吧。

Don't stop clapping.

不要停止鼓掌。

If you don't like a joke, verbally boo out loud.

如果你不喜歡開玩笑，口頭上要大聲噓一聲。

But do not stop clapping.

但不要停止鼓掌。

Everyone watching at home hates this moment.

在家看的人都恨不得這一刻。

They will never know what it's like to be here.

他們永遠也不會知道這裡是什麼樣子的。

And get a camera on me.

並拿相機對著我。

Stay the fuck out.

他媽的別管了

You stay out.

你不要插手。

Stay the fuck outta here.

你他媽給我滾出去

This is our time.

這是我們的時代。

This is our time down here.

這是我們在這裡的時間。

Get outta here, stool.

滾出去，凳子

Get the fuck outta here.

滾出這裡。

Do not stop.

不要停止。

Don't you fucking stop.

你他媽還不消停。

I hope someone's just now turned into the channel.

我希望剛才有人轉入頻道。

They have no idea this is set up.

他們根本不知道這是一個圈套。

Guys, seriously.

夥計們，說真的。

I have jokes to tell.

我有笑話要講。

I have jokes to tell.

我有笑話要講。

I have jokes to tell.

我有笑話要講。

I have jokes to tell.

我有笑話要講。

Always act like the mic chord is too in the way.

總是表現出話筒和絃太礙事的樣子。

I have jokes.

我有笑話。

Guys.

各位

I have jokes.

我有笑話。

I seriously have them.

我真的有他們。

Come on.

來吧。

Keep it going, do not stop.

繼續下去，不要停下來。

- That's the longest applause I've ever seen.

- 這是我見過的最長的掌聲。

- It's so great.

- 它是如此之大。

(people clapping)

（人們鼓掌）

- Are y'all serious right now?

- 你們是認真的嗎？

Are y'all being serious right now?

你們現在是認真的嗎？

- You wanna go out?

- 你想出去嗎？

- I fucking love you guys.

- 我他媽的愛你們。

Goodnight.

晚安了

(people cheering)

(人們的歡呼聲)

You serious?

你是認真的嗎？

Are you fucking serious?

你他媽的是認真的嗎？

All right, let me do an encore, let me do an encore.

好吧，讓我再來一次，讓我再來一次。

Sit down.

坐下來吧

Sit down.

坐下來吧

Sit down.

坐下來吧

Keep it going, I'll try to do one joke.

繼續，我試著講一個笑話。

9/11 in Europe, do they say 11/9?

歐洲的911事件，他們說11/9嗎？

You know they do, and it's disrespectful.

你知道他們是這樣做的，這是對你的不尊重。

You guys have been great, thank you very much.

你們一直很好，非常感謝你們。

I'm pro-abortion.

我是支持墮胎的。

All right, shut up, that is ridiculous.

好了，閉嘴，這太荒謬了。

That is stupid.

這是愚蠢的。

Pro-abortion for one reason.

支持墮胎的原因之一。

I honestly believe that some of those babies

我真的相信，其中一些嬰兒

would've grown up to be abortion doctors.

長大後會成為墮胎醫生。

Just recently watched The Dark Knight again.

最近剛又看了一遍《黑暗騎士》。

Can't all be abortion jokes.

不能都是墮胎的笑話。

We're going to go into some Batman stuff.

我們將進入一些蝙蝠俠的東西。

Hope that works.

希望能成功。

Oh, good transish.

哦，好的transish。

Good transish.

良好的transish。

That's an industry term,

這是一個行業術語。

and if you don't know it's 'cause you have a (bleep) job.

如果你不知道，那是因為你有工作。

Good transish.

良好的transish。

Love The Dark Knight.

喜歡《黑暗騎士》。

Love Batman.

喜歡蝙蝠俠。

One thing I don't get is he's kind of a dick

有一點我不明白的是他是個混蛋

when he leaves Commissioner Gordon.

當他離開戈登局長時。

They're always together having a conversation.

他們總是在一起哈拉。

He ropes him into the conversation,

他把他拉進了談話。

and then he just unknowingly leaves,

然後他就這樣不知不覺地離開了。

like he can't say bye.

像他不能說再見。

No one could know when I'm leaving.

沒有人能知道我什麼時候離開。

No, no, I'm out of here.

不，不，我要離開這裡。

I don't want anybody to know, I'm Batman.

我不想讓任何人知道，我是蝙蝠俠。

It would be weird though if Batman

這將是奇怪的，雖然如果蝙蝠俠

legitimately did say goodbye.

合法地說了再見。

Dressed like that, just hanging out.

穿著這樣的衣服，只是在外面閒逛。

Well guys, you know me.

好了，夥計們，你們知道我。

I got to get to going.

我得走了。

No, it's good seeing you.

不，很高興見到你。

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

是啊，是啊，是啊。

No, no, it's good seeing you guys.

不，不，很高興見到你們。

Sucks it's always in these conditions.

糟糕的是總是在這種情況下。

But you know, we're doing what we can.

但你知道，我們正在做我們能做的。

I think that's one thing you can wake up in the morning

我想這是你早上起床後可以做的一件事。

and pat yourself on the back about.

並拍拍自己的背約。

You know how many times I've shot these things

你知道我拍過多少次這些東西嗎？

it doesn't grab onto anything,

它不抓住任何東西。

comes right back at me.

就在我身上。

Hits me in the face, I got a black eye,

打我的臉，我有一個黑色的眼睛。

you don't know, I wear a mask.

你不知道，我戴著面具。

Oh, look at that, don't have to wind it back up again.

哦，你看，不用再繞回來了。

No, I'm gonna put it on slow.

不，我要把它放慢。

I wanna finish this conversation.

我想完成這次談話。

Yeah, no, I heard that your wife was in the hospital.

是的，不，我聽說你妻子在醫院裡。

Yeah, yeah, I got an email.

是的，是的，我收到了一封郵件。

I got an email.

我收到一封郵件。

It's weird, I had a cousin

很奇怪，我有個表哥。

who went in for a kidney transplant,

誰去做腎臟移植手術。

which is weird.

這是奇怪的。

Everyone's got two, you only need one.

每個人都有兩個，你只需要一個。

I know, I'm stuck.

我知道，我被卡住了。

I'm snagged.

我被抓住了。

I'm snagged.

我被抓住了。

A lot of young adults in their late 20s

很多20多歲的年輕人。

starting to live at home with mom and dad now.

開始和爸爸媽媽住在家裡了。

Uh oh, epidemic sweeping the country.

嗯哦，流行病席捲全國。

Kids are lazy.

孩子們都很懶。

That's what they think about us.

這就是他們對我們的看法。

You're lazy.

你是懶惰的。

You're the lazy generation.

你們是懶惰的一代。

Get a job, get some money, get your own place,

找份工作，賺點錢，有自己的地方。

get out of your parent's home.

滾出你的父母之家。

Jesus died on the cross

耶穌死在十字架上

so he could live with his dad for eternity.

這樣他就可以和他爸爸永遠生活在一起了。

Forever.

永遠的。

I was standing in the sex shop.

我當時站在性用品店裡。

I was looking at the toys.

我在看玩具。

Just looking at the fake ass.

只是看著假屁股。

You know what I'm talking about?

你知道我在說什麼嗎？

Even if you don't know what I'm talking about,

即使你不知道我在說什麼。

you kind of know exactly what I'm talking about.

你完全知道我在說什麼。

You know what I'm talking about,

你知道我在說什麼

it's just an ass.

它只是一個屁股。

Just a vagina and an anus.

只是一個陰道和一個肛門。

That's all it is.

就是這樣的。

We know the deal.

我們知道交易。

Stared at it for five minutes

盯著它看了5分鐘

sizing it up.

衡量它。

At the end of five minutes I was like, you know what,

五分鐘後，我就想，你知道嗎？

yes, I would have sex with that.

是的，我會與之發生性關係。

I would do that.

我會這樣做。

Yes, I would.

是的，我會的。

I would.

我會的

No one's ever gonna know if I did or not,

沒有人會知道我有沒有做。

then yes, of course,

那麼是的，當然。

I was going to masturbate anyways.

反正我是要自慰的。

Let's get some music in there, you know what I mean?

讓我們在那裡得到一些音樂， 你知道我的意思嗎？

Hey, going down to the field?

嘿，要去野外嗎？

Why don't you take the equipment with you?

你為什麼不帶上裝備？

Have the closest thing you can get to a sex scrimmage.

有最接近的性角逐。

Guys don't know when they're gonna masturbate.

男人們不知道他們什麼時候會自慰。

We don't know when we're gonna do it.

我們不知道我們什麼時候做。

It just happens.

它只是發生。

You'll be home, no one's there.

你會回家，沒有人在那裡。

Hey, anybody here?

嘿，有人在嗎？

Okay.

好吧，我知道了

Okay.

好吧，我知道了

All guys do that before they decide

所有的人在決定之前都會這樣做

they're gonna masturbate.

他們會自慰。

(high-pitched squealing)

（高亢的尖叫聲）

I have to, now I have to.

我必須這樣做，現在我必須這樣做。

Can't do this for my whole life.

總不能一輩子都這樣吧。

I gotta jerk off.

我得打飛機了。

That's how it is, we don't know when we're gonna do it.

就是這樣，我們不知道什麼時候才能做。

We just do it.

我們就這樣做。

You buy that fake ass,

你買那個假屁股。

you gotta start putting a schedule together.

你得開始把一個時間表在一起。

You gotta know what Tuesday looks like on Sunday.

你得知道週日的週二是什麼樣子。

You know what I mean?

你知道我的意思嗎？

Hey, what time you gonna be home from work again?

嘿，你什麼時候再下班回家？

For sure?

確定？

For sure 4:30?

肯定4: 30？

For sure 4:30?

肯定4: 30？

It doesn't matter why I'm asking.

我為什麼問這個問題並不重要。

Gotta factor in how long it's gonna take

必須考慮到它要花多少時間。

to climb into the attic where you've hidden it.

爬到你藏東西的閣樓裡去。

Behind the early Christmas purchases.

聖誕節提前採購的背後。

Ah, there you are, come on.

啊，你在這裡，來吧。

I'm ready with excuses.

我已經準備好了藉口。

If somebody walks in, not somebody, my girlfriend.

如果有人走進來，不是別人，是我女朋友。

Not just somebody.

不僅僅是某個人。

If just somebody walked in, that's on me.

如果只是有人走進來，那是我的責任。

You know what I mean?

你知道我的意思嗎？

That's on me.

這是我的。

If just somebody walked in,

如果只是有人走進來。

I made bad choices well before this moment,

在這一刻之前，我就已經做出了錯誤的選擇。

if just somebody walked in.

如果只是有人走進來，

I deserve it, I deserve that.

我活該，我活該。

Just anybody.

任何人都可以。

Oh hey, sorry.

哦，嘿，對不起。

Girlfriend, if my girlfriend walks in, I'm ready to go.

女朋友，如果我的女朋友走進來，我就可以走了。

Oh my god, what are you doing?

哦，我的上帝，你在做什麼？

I don't know, practicing?

我不知道，練功？

I love you, okay?

我愛你，好嗎？

Turns out I love you.

原來我是愛你的。

I want to be better at this for you.

我想為你做得更好。

Okay?

好嗎？

Lot of shows on television,

電視上很多節目。

and a lot of different comedy clubs in this country

和很多不同的喜劇俱樂部 在這個國家。

will not actually support a Christian comedian.

其實不會支持一個基督徒喜劇演員。

So I appreciate that.

所以我很感激。

One, for them having the courage,

一，為他們有勇氣。

asking God, saying should we have him on?

問上帝，說要不要讓他上？

God being like, I vouch for him, he's got some good stuff.

上帝就像，我為他擔保，他有一些好東西。

He's gotta know a bit.

他應該知道一點。

I mean, watch out.

我的意思是，小心。

You're on the Christian comedy circuit

你是基督教喜劇團的

and you don't got a know a bit,

而你卻一點都不知道。

get out of the business and get back into the Bible.

擺脫生意，回到聖經中去。

Get right back into the Bible,

馬上回到聖經中去。

that's sort of my catch phrase,

這是我的口頭禪。

get back into the Bible.

回到聖經中去。

If you guys know anything

如果你們知道什麼

about the Christian comedy circuit,

關於基督教喜劇圈。

I refuse to believe that the entire crowd

我拒絕相信整個人群

doesn't like Christian comedy.

不喜歡基督教喜劇。

A lot of Christians don't even like Christian comedy.

很多基督徒甚至不喜歡基督教喜劇。

Talk about the Bible with you guys.

和你們一起談論聖經。

I wanted to do a quick prayer just to kind of kick it off.

我想做一個快速的祈禱，只是為了開個頭。

I told John to kind of start the show that way,

我跟約翰說了，讓他這樣開始表演。

pretty upset that he didn't do it,

很不高興，他沒有做到這一點。

and that is gonna be his own issue

這將是他自己的問題

when he's eternally suffering in hell.

當他在地獄裡永遠受苦的時候。

Let's go and bow our heads.

我們去低頭吧。

If you're watching at home, and I assume you are,

如果你在家裡看，我想你也是。

or I don't know where you'd be.

否則我不知道你會在哪裡。

I watch TV in my backyard.

我在後院看電視。

Get inside.

進去吧

Let's bow our heads.

讓我們低頭。

Let's bow our heads.

讓我們低頭。

Let's go and bow those heads.

我們去給那些人磕頭吧。

Bow our heads.

低頭

Who wants to bow their heads?

誰願意低頭？

Let's bow our heads.

讓我們低頭。

Let's bow our heads.

讓我們低頭。

Heavenly Father,

天上的父親。

above us, beyond us, within us, outside of us.

在我們之上，在我們之外，在我們之內，在我們之外。

Over here, over there, always looking down on us

在這裡，在那裡，總是看不起我們。

from heaven trying to tickle us, get out of here, Jesus.

從天堂來的，想撓我們的癢癢，離開這裡，耶穌。

Get out of here, dude.

離開這裡，夥計。

Get out of here, dude.

離開這裡，夥計。

What's his deal, you know?

他是什麼人，你知道嗎？

Anybody ever ask that?

有人問過這個問題嗎？

What's his deal?

他是什麼人？

What's he been through?

他經歷了什麼？

Quite a bit.

相當多。

Quite a bit.

相當多。

Quite a bit.

相當多。

Father, we ask you tonight

父啊，我們今晚求你

to help us pray for the homosexuals.

幫助我們為同性戀者祈禱。

Uh oh, where's this joke going?

呃，哦，這玩笑開到哪裡去了？

I don't know, either.

我也不知道

Help us tonight to pray for the homosexuals,

今晚幫助我們為同性戀者祈禱。

a group so bold, so brazen,

一群人如此大膽，如此厚顏無恥。

they chose a rainbow flag to signify

他們選擇了一面彩虹旗，以示

their accomplishments and their struggles,

他們的成就和他們的鬥爭。

knowing full well that the people who hate them

明知故犯

have always hated colors.

一直以來，我都很討厭顏色。