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自動翻譯
  • - Kids are lazy.

    - 孩子們都很懶。

  • That's what they think about us, you're lazy.

    這就是他們對我們的看法,你很懶。

  • You're the lazy generation.

    你們是懶惰的一代。

  • Get a job, get some money, get your own place,

    找份工作,賺點錢,有自己的地方。

  • get out of your parent's home.

    滾出你的父母之家。

  • Jesus died on the cross so he could live

    耶穌死在十字架上是為了讓他活著

  • with his dad for eternity.

    和他的爸爸永遠在一起。

  • (upbeat music)

    (歡快的音樂)

  • Thank you, thank you, meltdown.

    謝謝你,謝謝你,崩潰了。

  • Thank you, meltdown people.

    謝謝你,崩潰的人。

  • Come on, keep it going.

    來吧,繼續下去。

  • Those guys, come on, meltdown.

    這些傢伙,來吧,崩潰了。

  • I'm not kidding, let's set a record tonight.

    我不是在開玩笑,今晚我們來創造一個記錄。

  • Don't stop clapping.

    不要停止鼓掌。

  • Let's see if you can clap for 10 straight minutes.

    看看你能不能連續鼓掌10分鐘。

  • I'll just tell the jokes.

    我就講講笑話吧。

  • Don't stop clapping.

    不要停止鼓掌。

  • If you don't like a joke, verbally boo out loud.

    如果你不喜歡開玩笑,口頭上要大聲噓一聲。

  • But do not stop clapping.

    但不要停止鼓掌。

  • Everyone watching at home hates this moment.

    在家看的人都恨不得這一刻。

  • They will never know what it's like to be here.

    他們永遠也不會知道這裡是什麼樣子的。

  • And get a camera on me.

    並拿相機對著我。

  • Stay the fuck out.

    他媽的別管了

  • You stay out.

    你不要插手。

  • Stay the fuck outta here.

    你他媽給我滾出去

  • This is our time.

    這是我們的時代。

  • This is our time down here.

    這是我們在這裡的時間。

  • Get outta here, stool.

    滾出去,凳子

  • Get the fuck outta here.

    滾出這裡。

  • Do not stop.

    不要停止。

  • Don't you fucking stop.

    你他媽還不消停。

  • I hope someone's just now turned into the channel.

    我希望剛才有人轉入頻道。

  • They have no idea this is set up.

    他們根本不知道這是一個圈套。

  • Guys, seriously.

    夥計們,說真的。

  • I have jokes to tell.

    我有笑話要講。

  • I have jokes to tell.

    我有笑話要講。

  • I have jokes to tell.

    我有笑話要講。

  • I have jokes to tell.

    我有笑話要講。

  • Always act like the mic chord is too in the way.

    總是表現出話筒和絃太礙事的樣子。

  • I have jokes.

    我有笑話。

  • Guys.

    各位

  • I have jokes.

    我有笑話。

  • I seriously have them.

    我真的有他們。

  • Come on.

    來吧。

  • Keep it going, do not stop.

    繼續下去,不要停下來。

  • - That's the longest applause I've ever seen.

    - 這是我見過的最長的掌聲。

  • - It's so great.

    - 它是如此之大。

  • (people clapping)

    (人們鼓掌)

  • - Are y'all serious right now?

    - 你們是認真的嗎?

  • Are y'all being serious right now?

    你們現在是認真的嗎?

  • - You wanna go out?

    - 你想出去嗎?

  • - I fucking love you guys.

    - 我他媽的愛你們。

  • Goodnight.

    晚安了

  • (people cheering)

    (人們的歡呼聲)

  • You serious?

    你是認真的嗎?

  • Are you fucking serious?

    你他媽的是認真的嗎?

  • All right, let me do an encore, let me do an encore.

    好吧,讓我再來一次,讓我再來一次。

  • Sit down.

    坐下來吧

  • Sit down.

    坐下來吧

  • Sit down.

    坐下來吧

  • Keep it going, I'll try to do one joke.

    繼續,我試著講一個笑話。

  • 9/11 in Europe, do they say 11/9?

    歐洲的911事件,他們說11/9嗎?

  • You know they do, and it's disrespectful.

    你知道他們是這樣做的,這是對你的不尊重。

  • You guys have been great, thank you very much.

    你們一直很好,非常感謝你們。

  • I'm pro-abortion.

    我是支持墮胎的。

  • All right, shut up, that is ridiculous.

    好了,閉嘴,這太荒謬了。

  • That is stupid.

    這是愚蠢的。

  • Pro-abortion for one reason.

    支持墮胎的原因之一。

  • I honestly believe that some of those babies

    我真的相信,其中一些嬰兒

  • would've grown up to be abortion doctors.

    長大後會成為墮胎醫生。

  • Just recently watched The Dark Knight again.

    最近剛又看了一遍《黑暗騎士》。

  • Can't all be abortion jokes.

    不能都是墮胎的笑話。

  • We're going to go into some Batman stuff.

    我們將進入一些蝙蝠俠的東西。

  • Hope that works.

    希望能成功。

  • Oh, good transish.

    哦,好的transish。

  • Good transish.

    良好的transish。

  • That's an industry term,

    這是一個行業術語。

  • and if you don't know it's 'cause you have a (bleep) job.

    如果你不知道,那是因為你有工作。

  • Good transish.

    良好的transish。

  • Love The Dark Knight.

    喜歡《黑暗騎士》。

  • Love Batman.

    喜歡蝙蝠俠。

  • One thing I don't get is he's kind of a dick

    有一點我不明白的是他是個混蛋

  • when he leaves Commissioner Gordon.

    當他離開戈登局長時。

  • They're always together having a conversation.

    他們總是在一起哈拉。

  • He ropes him into the conversation,

    他把他拉進了談話。

  • and then he just unknowingly leaves,

    然後他就這樣不知不覺地離開了。

  • like he can't say bye.

    像他不能說再見。

  • No one could know when I'm leaving.

    沒有人能知道我什麼時候離開。

  • No, no, I'm out of here.

    不,不,我要離開這裡。

  • I don't want anybody to know, I'm Batman.

    我不想讓任何人知道,我是蝙蝠俠。

  • It would be weird though if Batman

    這將是奇怪的,雖然如果蝙蝠俠

  • legitimately did say goodbye.

    合法地說了再見。

  • Dressed like that, just hanging out.

    穿著這樣的衣服,只是在外面閒逛。

  • Well guys, you know me.

    好了,夥計們,你們知道我。

  • I got to get to going.

    我得走了。

  • No, it's good seeing you.

    不,很高興見到你。

  • Yeah, yeah, yeah.

    是啊,是啊,是啊。

  • No, no, it's good seeing you guys.

    不,不,很高興見到你們。

  • Sucks it's always in these conditions.

    糟糕的是總是在這種情況下。

  • But you know, we're doing what we can.

    但你知道,我們正在做我們能做的。

  • I think that's one thing you can wake up in the morning

    我想這是你早上起床後可以做的一件事。

  • and pat yourself on the back about.

    並拍拍自己的背約。

  • You know how many times I've shot these things

    你知道我拍過多少次這些東西嗎?

  • it doesn't grab onto anything,

    它不抓住任何東西。

  • comes right back at me.

    就在我身上。

  • Hits me in the face, I got a black eye,

    打我的臉,我有一個黑色的眼睛。

  • you don't know, I wear a mask.

    你不知道,我戴著面具。

  • Oh, look at that, don't have to wind it back up again.

    哦,你看,不用再繞回來了。

  • No, I'm gonna put it on slow.

    不,我要把它放慢。

  • I wanna finish this conversation.

    我想完成這次談話。

  • Yeah, no, I heard that your wife was in the hospital.

    是的,不,我聽說你妻子在醫院裡。

  • Yeah, yeah, I got an email.

    是的,是的,我收到了一封郵件。

  • I got an email.

    我收到一封郵件。

  • It's weird, I had a cousin

    很奇怪,我有個表哥。

  • who went in for a kidney transplant,

    誰去做腎臟移植手術。

  • which is weird.

    這是奇怪的。

  • Everyone's got two, you only need one.

    每個人都有兩個,你只需要一個。

  • I know, I'm stuck.

    我知道,我被卡住了。

  • I'm snagged.

    我被抓住了。

  • I'm snagged.

    我被抓住了。

  • A lot of young adults in their late 20s

    很多20多歲的年輕人。

  • starting to live at home with mom and dad now.

    開始和爸爸媽媽住在家裡了。

  • Uh oh, epidemic sweeping the country.

    嗯哦,流行病席捲全國。

  • Kids are lazy.

    孩子們都很懶。

  • That's what they think about us.

    這就是他們對我們的看法。

  • You're lazy.

    你是懶惰的。

  • You're the lazy generation.

    你們是懶惰的一代。

  • Get a job, get some money, get your own place,

    找份工作,賺點錢,有自己的地方。

  • get out of your parent's home.

    滾出你的父母之家。

  • Jesus died on the cross

    耶穌死在十字架上

  • so he could live with his dad for eternity.

    這樣他就可以和他爸爸永遠生活在一起了。

  • Forever.

    永遠的。

  • I was standing in the sex shop.

    我當時站在性用品店裡。

  • I was looking at the toys.

    我在看玩具。

  • Just looking at the fake ass.

    只是看著假屁股。

  • You know what I'm talking about?

    你知道我在說什麼嗎?

  • Even if you don't know what I'm talking about,

    即使你不知道我在說什麼。

  • you kind of know exactly what I'm talking about.

    你完全知道我在說什麼。

  • You know what I'm talking about,

    你知道我在說什麼

  • it's just an ass.

    它只是一個屁股。

  • Just a vagina and an anus.

    只是一個陰道和一個肛門。

  • That's all it is.

    就是這樣的。

  • We know the deal.

    我們知道交易。

  • Stared at it for five minutes

    盯著它看了5分鐘

  • sizing it up.

    衡量它。

  • At the end of five minutes I was like, you know what,

    五分鐘後,我就想,你知道嗎?

  • yes, I would have sex with that.

    是的,我會與之發生性關係。

  • I would do that.

    我會這樣做。

  • Yes, I would.

    是的,我會的。

  • I would.

    我會的

  • No one's ever gonna know if I did or not,

    沒有人會知道我有沒有做。

  • then yes, of course,

    那麼是的,當然。

  • I was going to masturbate anyways.

    反正我是要自慰的。

  • Let's get some music in there, you know what I mean?

    讓我們在那裡得到一些音樂, 你知道我的意思嗎?

  • Hey, going down to the field?

    嘿,要去野外嗎?

  • Why don't you take the equipment with you?

    你為什麼不帶上裝備?

  • Have the closest thing you can get to a sex scrimmage.

    有最接近的性角逐。

  • Guys don't know when they're gonna masturbate.

    男人們不知道他們什麼時候會自慰。

  • We don't know when we're gonna do it.

    我們不知道我們什麼時候做。

  • It just happens.

    它只是發生。

  • You'll be home, no one's there.

    你會回家,沒有人在那裡。

  • Hey, anybody here?

    嘿,有人在嗎?

  • Okay.

    好吧,我知道了

  • Okay.

    好吧,我知道了

  • All guys do that before they decide

    所有的人在決定之前都會這樣做

  • they're gonna masturbate.

    他們會自慰。

  • (high-pitched squealing)

    (高亢的尖叫聲)

  • I have to, now I have to.

    我必須這樣做,現在我必須這樣做。

  • Can't do this for my whole life.

    總不能一輩子都這樣吧。

  • I gotta jerk off.

    我得打飛機了。

  • That's how it is, we don't know when we're gonna do it.

    就是這樣,我們不知道什麼時候才能做。

  • We just do it.

    我們就這樣做。

  • You buy that fake ass,

    你買那個假屁股。

  • you gotta start putting a schedule together.

    你得開始把一個時間表在一起。

  • You gotta know what Tuesday looks like on Sunday.

    你得知道週日的週二是什麼樣子。

  • You know what I mean?

    你知道我的意思嗎?

  • Hey, what time you gonna be home from work again?

    嘿,你什麼時候再下班回家?

  • For sure?

    確定?

  • For sure 4:30?

    肯定4: 30?

  • For sure 4:30?

    肯定4: 30?

  • It doesn't matter why I'm asking.

    我為什麼問這個問題並不重要。

  • Gotta factor in how long it's gonna take

    必須考慮到它要花多少時間。

  • to climb into the attic where you've hidden it.

    爬到你藏東西的閣樓裡去。

  • Behind the early Christmas purchases.

    聖誕節提前採購的背後。

  • Ah, there you are, come on.

    啊,你在這裡,來吧。

  • I'm ready with excuses.

    我已經準備好了藉口。

  • If somebody walks in, not somebody, my girlfriend.

    如果有人走進來,不是別人,是我女朋友。

  • Not just somebody.

    不僅僅是某個人。

  • If just somebody walked in, that's on me.

    如果只是有人走進來,那是我的責任。

  • You know what I mean?

    你知道我的意思嗎?

  • That's on me.

    這是我的。

  • If just somebody walked in,

    如果只是有人走進來。

  • I made bad choices well before this moment,

    在這一刻之前,我就已經做出了錯誤的選擇。

  • if just somebody walked in.

    如果只是有人走進來,

  • I deserve it, I deserve that.

    我活該,我活該。

  • Just anybody.

    任何人都可以。

  • Oh hey, sorry.

    哦,嘿,對不起。

  • Girlfriend, if my girlfriend walks in, I'm ready to go.

    女朋友,如果我的女朋友走進來,我就可以走了。

  • Oh my god, what are you doing?

    哦,我的上帝,你在做什麼?

  • I don't know, practicing?

    我不知道,練功?

  • I love you, okay?

    我愛你,好嗎?

  • Turns out I love you.

    原來我是愛你的。

  • I want to be better at this for you.

    我想為你做得更好。

  • Okay?

    好嗎?

  • Lot of shows on television,

    電視上很多節目。

  • and a lot of different comedy clubs in this country

    和很多不同的喜劇俱樂部 在這個國家。

  • will not actually support a Christian comedian.

    其實不會支持一個基督徒喜劇演員。

  • So I appreciate that.

    所以我很感激。

  • One, for them having the courage,

    一,為他們有勇氣。

  • asking God, saying should we have him on?

    問上帝,說要不要讓他上?

  • God being like, I vouch for him, he's got some good stuff.

    上帝就像,我為他擔保,他有一些好東西。

  • He's gotta know a bit.

    他應該知道一點。

  • I mean, watch out.

    我的意思是,小心。

  • You're on the Christian comedy circuit

    你是基督教喜劇團的

  • and you don't got a know a bit,

    而你卻一點都不知道。

  • get out of the business and get back into the Bible.

    擺脫生意,回到聖經中去。

  • Get right back into the Bible,

    馬上回到聖經中去。

  • that's sort of my catch phrase,

    這是我的口頭禪。

  • get back into the Bible.

    回到聖經中去。

  • If you guys know anything

    如果你們知道什麼

  • about the Christian comedy circuit,

    關於基督教喜劇圈。

  • I refuse to believe that the entire crowd

    我拒絕相信整個人群

  • doesn't like Christian comedy.

    不喜歡基督教喜劇。

  • A lot of Christians don't even like Christian comedy.

    很多基督徒甚至不喜歡基督教喜劇。

  • Talk about the Bible with you guys.

    和你們一起談論聖經。

  • I wanted to do a quick prayer just to kind of kick it off.

    我想做一個快速的祈禱,只是為了開個頭。

  • I told John to kind of start the show that way,

    我跟約翰說了,讓他這樣開始表演。

  • pretty upset that he didn't do it,

    很不高興,他沒有做到這一點。

  • and that is gonna be his own issue

    這將是他自己的問題

  • when he's eternally suffering in hell.

    當他在地獄裡永遠受苦的時候。

  • Let's go and bow our heads.

    我們去低頭吧。

  • If you're watching at home, and I assume you are,

    如果你在家裡看,我想你也是。

  • or I don't know where you'd be.

    否則我不知道你會在哪裡。

  • I watch TV in my backyard.

    我在後院看電視。

  • Get inside.

    進去吧

  • Let's bow our heads.

    讓我們低頭。

  • Let's bow our heads.

    讓我們低頭。

  • Let's go and bow those heads.

    我們去給那些人磕頭吧。

  • Bow our heads.

    低頭

  • Who wants to bow their heads?

    誰願意低頭?

  • Let's bow our heads.

    讓我們低頭。

  • Let's bow our heads.

    讓我們低頭。

  • Heavenly Father,

    天上的父親。

  • above us, beyond us, within us, outside of us.

    在我們之上,在我們之外,在我們之內,在我們之外。

  • Over here, over there, always looking down on us

    在這裡,在那裡,總是看不起我們。

  • from heaven trying to tickle us, get out of here, Jesus.

    從天堂來的,想撓我們的癢癢,離開這裡,耶穌。

  • Get out of here, dude.

    離開這裡,夥計。

  • Get out of here, dude.

    離開這裡,夥計。

  • What's his deal, you know?

    他是什麼人,你知道嗎?

  • Anybody ever ask that?

    有人問過這個問題嗎?

  • What's his deal?

    他是什麼人?

  • What's he been through?

    他經歷了什麼?

  • Quite a bit.

    相當多。

  • Quite a bit.

    相當多。

  • Quite a bit.

    相當多。

  • Father, we ask you tonight

    父啊,我們今晚求你

  • to help us pray for the homosexuals.

    幫助我們為同性戀者祈禱。

  • Uh oh, where's this joke going?

    呃,哦,這玩笑開到哪裡去了?

  • I don