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  • (electronic music)

  • - I am eating my feelings.

  • This is a very depressing eating show.

  • Today I have pizza.

  • I'm gonna eat for you guys.

  • (audience laughing)

  • This was not part of the plan.

  • The plan was for me to drink, talk about dicks,

  • and eat.

  • (sobbing)

  • Food always makes you feel better.

  • Oh.

  • (sobbing)

  • Oh god.

  • (applause)

  • - Hey, Nikocado Avocado.

  • Danielmole Guacamole.

  • - Nice to meet ya.

  • - Nice to meet you.

  • Thanks for meeting me at the complimentary

  • Hampton Inn breakfast buffet.

  • - Are you staying here?

  • - No.

  • That's what these robes are for.

  • - You know, I don't think we're supposed

  • to be sitting at the buffet.

  • - Why?

  • - Because you don't sit at the buffet.

  • - A buffets a bar, you can sit at a bar.

  • - I guess.

  • But why do we have to be here so early?

  • - Because that's when the buffet is at its hottest.

  • That's Hamptonality.

  • Get you some forks.

  • Here you go.

  • - All right.

  • - Where you from?

  • - I'm from Columbia.

  • - Are you really from Columbia?

  • - No, no.

  • I live there with my husband.

  • - Hold on, let me try some of these eggs.

  • Explain to me what muck-banging is.

  • - It's actually muck-bong.

  • It comes from Korea.

  • - That sounds racist.

  • - No.

  • - Mukbang.

  • You say it like it's kinda racist.

  • - I'm saying it how they pronounce it.

  • Mukbang.

  • Like if you go to France.

  • You say I'm in Fran-ce.

  • You don't say France. - Fran-ce.

  • So if I'm in China I say,

  • (mock accent) I'm in China.

  • (audience laughing)

  • Is what you're saying?

  • So mukbang.

  • - The word means eating broadcast.

  • The idea was that they'd put their camera down,

  • they film themselves eating

  • and then other people would eat with them.

  • - When do you jerk off?

  • It seems sexual.

  • - Some people do that

  • but that's not my target audience.

  • - You're getting millions of views.

  • - I know but not from masturbators.

  • Do you want syrup?

  • - On pancakes, sure.

  • That's plenty of syrup.

  • You didn't have to syrup the (bleep) tongs.

  • - Oh I'm sorry. - That's for goddamn sure.

  • - I'm sorry. - Don't worry about,

  • don't worry about it.

  • I noticed in the beginning of your videos,

  • you looked a little bit smaller.

  • - It's nice to be here

  • and I'm gonna be doing this a lot more regularly now.

  • Oh yeah.

  • I've gained like 50 pounds.

  • - This isn't healthy.

  • - I know it's not.

  • Let's figure out a way to do this.

  • Oh my god.

  • - [Tosh] What about the amount of food?

  • Why is it so much?

  • - Well I mean it doesn't have to be a lot

  • but I like to eat a lot just 'cause.

  • - No but you're eating an unhealthy amount.

  • You wouldn't eat that much in a normal sitting would you?

  • - Oh no, no, no.

  • - Right, so why are you doing that amount of food?

  • - 'Cause it's a great excuse to get fat.

  • (laughing)

  • - How many videos are you posting a week?

  • - I post like five days a week.

  • - Five mukbang sessions a week?

  • You're gonna die. - I know.

  • (audience laughing)

  • You're getting full already?

  • - Literally getting full already.

  • - You would never be able to do this.

  • - No, I wouldn't.

  • I would be, for like the premature ejaculator mukbangers.

  • - Oh.

  • (audience laughing)

  • - Getting hot.

  • Getting the food sweats.

  • By the way, why are you always crying in your videos?

  • (crying)

  • Are you that emotional?

  • - I am.

  • Well, the food doesn't help either.

  • - Oh 'cause you just feel gross?

  • - Well, you feel like shit

  • but then also like it throws your hormones out of wack

  • and I'm already naturally emotional.

  • So I just, sometimes I cry.

  • - What the (bleep) was wrong with that Alfredo pizza

  • you were eating?

  • - [Nikocado] The one in Columbia?

  • - [Tosh] Yeah, it was big and it was flat.

  • Cheese looked hard.

  • - [Nikocado] Was I crying?

  • - [Tosh] Yeah, yeah you were,

  • of course you were crying.

  • - It taste better than it looked.

  • - Hey, let me grab one of those.

  • - This?

  • Here.

  • That's raw waffle batter.

  • Isn't that bad for you?

  • - Raw waffle batter?

  • I thought this was a waffle smoothie.

  • (audience laughing)

  • Tell me about how this has affected your poops.

  • Are they enormous?

  • - Yes.

  • But people think I eat shit all the time.

  • - Well just mukbang shit.

  • How long after one of your videos

  • before, uh oh.

  • - It's usually immediate.

  • - It's immediate?

  • - Yeah and it's not the food I'm eating,

  • it's whatever is there that gets pushed down.

  • - Is it diarrhea or is it solid?

  • - No, if I eat something that's really really spicy

  • than that hurts.

  • - Yeah, you said your butt hole bleeds a lot.

  • - It doesn't bleed but it hurts.

  • These fire noodles, I'm obsessed with.

  • They really make my a-hole bleed.

  • (burps)

  • Excuse me.

  • Not bleed, sting.

  • Sting like a wasp.

  • - Why fire noodles?

  • - They're popular.

  • - Running low on eggs here!

  • - If it wasn't popular, the Korean fire noodle challenge,

  • I would not be on the toilet crying twice a week.

  • (softly humming)

  • - Them good eggs are on the bottom.

  • Hey, what's up with the bird?

  • You shouldn't let your bird eat that food.

  • That's bad for them.

  • - I know but his names Mr. Noodle.

  • - Just because his name is Mr. Noodle

  • doesn't mean he should eat noodles.

  • - Okay, you caught me.

  • - No one is gonna tell you that feeding your bird

  • hot noodles is a good idea.

  • - Well, you know they can't feel spice.

  • They don't have spice receptors.

  • - I didn't know that.

  • - Yeah, so. - Nevermind.

  • Go ahead and feed them.

  • (audience laughing)

  • Why do you get hot sauce in your eye so much?

  • (panting)

  • - I have no idea why that happens.

  • I'm just doing my video

  • and hot sauce splatters into my eyeball.

  • Every time.

  • Every (bleep) time.

  • - Do you want me to tell you why it's happening?

  • - Why?

  • - 'Cause you (bleep) sit so low.

  • If you had a taller chair,

  • maybe your eyes would be out of harms way.

  • - I don't know, I think I need to get googles

  • from now on.

  • - Pass me the orange juice, please.

  • How long have you been married?

  • - A year and a half.

  • Hey everybody, look who I'm with.

  • - The husband.

  • - [Tosh] You still kiss or do you skip that?

  • - [Nikocado] No, we kiss.

  • - What is this a mukbang gang bang?

  • Easy, spitfire, we need some of these.

  • - Hey, Peggy.

  • These pancakes already got syrup on 'em.

  • - [Woman] That's Hamptonality.

  • - That guys doing the heavy lifting for us.

  • Real piece of shit.

  • (audience laughing)

  • You seem to be riddled with diseases

  • but they're all self diagnosed

  • so I'm calling bullshit.

  • - I don't know why I'm in so much pain

  • and I don't want to go to a doctor

  • 'cause I have a phobia.

  • - You said in your videos

  • that you have chronic coughing syndrome,

  • diabetes, kidney failure.

  • - Okay, I thought I had kidney failure.

  • I actually turned out not to.

  • - Okay.

  • - And I thought that I had diabetes.

  • I actually turned out not to, too.

  • - You eat that durian fruit?

  • - Oh, I love durian.

  • - That smells like assholes.

  • - It does.

  • Actually, my best friend used to say

  • it smells like Indian food wrapped in a diaper.

  • I'll try to eat some durian.

  • - [Tosh] It looks like a pastry on camera.

  • - [Nikocado] They thought it was dough.

  • - It's so, what's the texture like?

  • - It's kinda like scrambled eggs.

  • (groans)

  • - Is there any danger outside of just unhealthy eating?

  • - There is a lot of haters.

  • Actually, that's one of the sole reasons

  • as to why I have a lot of issues.

  • Like, they really get to me.

  • - Of course they do.

  • - You have haters, right?

  • (audience laughing)

  • - What makes you sad, today?

  • - I don't know, I just.

  • Sometimes when I've done a mukbang

  • I feel full and then I just,

  • I think about, all the stuff in my life

  • and I get sad. (somber piano music)

  • - Are you gonna cry?

  • - No.

  • (audience laughing)

  • Maybe.

  • - You wanna hug it out?

  • (audience laughing) (somber music)

  • (crying)

  • - Break it up, boys.

  • It's 10 am.

  • Breakfast is over.

  • - But we're still mukbanging.

  • - It's okay.

  • I brought to go boxes.

  • (audience laughing)

  • (upbeat guitar music) (audience laughing)

  • All right, Nikocado Avocado.

  • Let's go rinse off in the pool.

  • - All right.

  • (applause)

  • (electronic music)

  • - I'm gonna show you how us dancers stay in shape.

  • We're gonna work today our lower body,

  • our legs, specifically, especially the legs,

  • and the buns.

  • The butt, the butt butt butt.

  • Butt jug a butt, jug a butt butt butt.

  • Four, five.

  • Don't tell me you have 15 minutes a day

  • to spend on yourself.

  • (audience groaning)

  • I love you.

  • (applause)

  • - Jill, welcome to Wrinkles.

  • The only gym designed specifically for women.

  • How do I say this nicely?

  • (groaning)

  • Past their prime?

  • Hard, hard to get an erection without medication.

  • Shall I say?

  • (groaning)

  • (growling)

  • - I can help you.

  • - You can help me?

  • - This is my specialty.

  • - I think you would be a perfect addition

  • to our training staff

  • but first, I have to ask you a few questions, Jill.

  • Is that okay?

  • - Okay, sure.

  • - How old are you?

  • - I'm 52 years old.

  • (groaning)

  • (audience laughing)

  • - How much do you weigh?

  • - 109.

  • - What's the most you've ever weighed in your life?

  • - 124?

  • - And did you keep the child?

  • (laughing)

  • - Lilith took it away.

  • - Okay, I don't know what you just said.

  • (audience laughing)

  • Finish this sentence.

  • 50 is the new?

  • - 20.

  • - 20?

  • I like that.

  • Very unrealistic.

  • What's been your most popular workout video?

  • - I did a 10 minute lower body workout.

  • Oh yeah.

  • Six, eight.

  • - Cha-ching.

  • Better body, you or Madonna?

  • - I have to say me.

  • Although, she tries but I think I can help her, too,

  • actually, if you can get her in here.

  • - Let me tell you something.

  • The celebrities that have walked through this door:

  • Goldie Hawn, Tiffany, Cheri Oteri,

  • Bret Butler, Beyonce's aunt,

  • Tea Leoni, Victoria Jackson.

  • Condaleeza Rice.

  • Quite regularly, Demi Moore.

  • - Oh, okay.

  • - Beautiful woman.

  • - She is.

  • - 25 years ago.

  • - Well.

  • (audience laughing)

  • - On your YouTube channel,

  • you do a lot of dance tributes.

  • (rock music)

  • (audience groaning)

  • - The character that I created is the Mother chick.

  • Because the original rock video that I did,

  • which was in 1988, was for a band called Danzig

  • and the song is called Mother.

  • Mother

  • - [Tosh] That was you in the video in 1988?

  • - It was pulled from MTV because the content

  • was considered...

  • - Satanic?

  • - They know.

  • - Legally, I have to ask you this.

  • Are you a devil worshiper?

  • - Part time.

  • I am part time.

  • You know, I have to keep a balance in my life.

  • In my spiritual realm. (audience groaning)

  • The yin yang.

  • You're a gym person.

  • - Yes. - Done martial arts.

  • - I have not done martial arts.

  • - And that is, black, white, light, dark,

  • good, evil.

  • I think Lucifer has gotten a bad rap.

  • - That's for sure.

  • - He's kinda of set up.

  • You know, he being the light bearer

  • is the one that reveals truth

  • and Satan is actually the one

  • that keeps people in the dark.

  • - What do you think of Scientologists?

  • - That-- (shushing)

  • - Don't say anything.

  • (audience laughing)

  • I want you to introduce to the world

  • my latest fitness craze.

  • I'm calling it Crotchfit.

  • Four intense stages.

  • Stage one, stretching the (bleep).

  • (audience laughing)

  • Stage two, high weight, low reps, on the (bleep).

  • Stage three.

  • Confusing the (bleep).

  • Stage four.

  • And this is the most important one.

  • Violently shaking...

  • - The (bleep).

  • - You guessed it, the (bleep).

  • - Get you a uniform. (applause)

  • - Oh.

  • - That's what everyone wears.

  • - No stretchy (bleep)'s going into this,

  • I'll tell you.

  • - Oh my lord.

  • (audience laughing)

  • - Oh yeah.

  • (audience groaning)

  • - That is insanity that you're that low.

  • Are men intimated by you?

  • - I guess some are.

  • First of all, I'm blessed genetically.

  • - Well, that's obvious.

  • - And a good dancer.

  • - Talk about the drugs.

  • - What drugs?

  • - Talk about the drugs.

  • Stand behind me.

  • Gently put your feet in my hands.

  • You're gonna grab my feet for balance.

  • - Are you gonna lift me up?

  • - One, two, three.

  • (shouting)

  • (grunting)

  • Now we hook.

  • And then you pull or I pull.

  • See, do you feel it?

  • Okay, you're very strong.

  • Very strong.

  • (audience laughing)

  • This stage is crucial.

  • Pushing your body past its comfort zone.

  • - That's-- - Look.

  • (audience laughing)

  • Did you see that?

  • Why is that happening?

  • Is it because I've never worked out in my life?

  • (audience laughing)

  • Put your arms straight down.

  • - Somebody help me.

  • - We're like two old bats just hanging here.

  • Hey, what's the best concert you've ever gone to?

  • - David Cassidy.

  • - [Tosh] How are you doing right now?

  • - Somebody help.

  • - Ah, this is the lovely Tiffany,

  • our twerk instructor.

  • Show me what it is

  • Show me what it is

  • Show me what it is

  • I thought her everything she knows.

  • You're getting a lot better.

  • But I still got it.

  • Anyway, for our final phase of Crotchfit.

  • We're gonna combine your love of 80s music and drugs

  • with twerking.

  • I'm calling it tweaking.

  • - I've never heard of it.

  • But I'll give it a shot.

  • (eerie organ music)

  • (audience groaning)

  • (rock music)

  • (audience laughing)

  • (roaring)

  • (roaring)

  • (screaming)

  • (glass shattering)

  • - Like that?

  • - She's a natural.

  • - Yeah, I think we found your calling.

  • Welcome to Wrinkles.

  • (audience laughing)

  • (electronic music)

  • - I'm the Bonglord.

  • (soft reggae music)

  • (water bubbling)

  • I'm the Bonglord.

  • I'm the Bonglord.

  • (upbeat music)

  • Let's smoke weed

  • I'm the Bonglord.

  • - All right.

  • I'm the pot doctor.

  • Says your from Australia, down under.

  • Came here to start a weed church?

  • - Yeah, mate.

  • I'm here to spread the good word

  • about the benefits of marijuana.

  • - Sure you are.

  • Potheads have no follow through.

  • First things first.

  • You need a medical marijuana license

  • to get high in California.

  • All right, first questions I ask all my patients,

  • are you a cop?

  • - I'm the Bonglord.

  • - Okay.

  • Have you ever felt any of the following symptoms?

  • Anxiety?

  • - Yes. - Okay.

  • Mild headaches? - Yes.

  • - Occasionally bored? - Yes.

  • - Having trouble sleeping past noon?

  • - Yes.

  • - Can't eat an entire bag of Doritos in one sitting?

  • - Yes.

  • - Haven't laughed once while watching The Goldbergs?

  • - Yes.

  • - Ever sneezed?

  • Trimmed a fingernail too short?

  • Do you lose patience preparing food in a microwave?

  • - Yes.

  • - Do you want to watch Cosmos

  • without retaining any information?

  • - Yes.

  • - Okay.

  • - I'm the Bonglord.

  • - How long have you been the Bonglord?

  • - I've been the Bonglord for my entire life.

  • - You were born the Bonglord?

  • - Yes.

  • - That's inter--, is you're mother a virgin?

  • - Uh, no.

  • - No, okay.

  • I didn't know like if it was like

  • the second coming of Jesus Christ, you know.

  • Nevermind, it's a long story.

  • It's a good book, though.

  • How old were you the first time you smoked marijuana?

  • - 15 my first time.

  • - 15.

  • Did you like it your first time?

  • - Yes.

  • - Do your parents call you the Bonglord?

  • - No, they have no clue.

  • - Do you live with your parents?

  • - Yeah.

  • - You live right under their roof

  • and they have no idea you're the Bonglord.

  • - No.

  • Basically living a double identity.

  • - You're like a superhero.

  • - Yeah.

  • - Why'd you start drinking bong water?

  • - 'Cause it taste good.

  • - It tastes, it tastes disgusting.

  • - It's a waste of, waste of pot if I don't.

  • - So you actually get high off the bong water?

  • - Not too sure.

  • - You're not too sure?

  • You just don't want to waste any pot?

  • - Yeah.

  • - That's what the Bonglord teaches us.

  • - Yes. - That no pot should be wasted

  • - None whatsoever.

  • - Favorite thing to eat while you're high?

  • - Tacos, definitely.

  • - Tacos.

  • Are you Mexican?

  • - No.

  • - No.

  • Okay.

  • Do you ever go skiing?

  • - No, I've never been.

  • - You should try skiing.

  • Got the mask.

  • All right.

  • What's your most popular video?

  • - My most popular video is the four shoter.

  • (water bubbling)

  • - Your second video was the ALS ice bucket challenge

  • with a twist.

  • Do you support causes close to your heart?

  • - Yes.

  • - Like what?

  • - Saving the children.

  • - You smoke pot to save the children?

  • Is that a thing?

  • Are you high right now?

  • - I'm the Bonglord.

  • (audience laughing) (electronic music)

  • - Hi there.

  • My name is Ken Tamplin.

  • (vocalizing high pitched)

  • Oh baby

  • Would you like to have that kind of vocal power,

  • range, clarity, and pitch?

  • Well you can.

  • Come join me.

  • KenTamplinvocalacademy.com

  • and I'll show you how we can do it.

  • - Cute top, Ken.

  • You're telling me that Ken Tamplin

  • can teach me to sing like Ken Tamplin?

  • Yeah right.

  • When it comes to pure entertainment,

  • I'm the best in the biz.

  • Triple threat.

  • Acting, piss poor.

  • Dancing, I'm a dude, no thank you.

  • Singing, I've had no training.

  • - Tell you what, let's see how much range you got.

  • - Okay.

  • (vocalizing shrilly)

  • Firsts things first.

  • What kind of shampoo do you use?

  • (laughing)

  • Is it true that anyone can learn to sing?

  • - Pretty much almost anyone can learn to sing.

  • (vocalizing poorly)

  • Okay, cool.

  • Other than being tone deaf.

  • (vocalizing forcefully)

  • Usually larger people, (chuckles)

  • can sing better but in this case.

  • (audience laughing)

  • You have really nice, bright timbre.

  • (vocalizing)

  • Cool, keep it bright when you come down.

  • (vocalizing)

  • (vocalizing)

  • Can you go (vocalizes)?

  • (vocalizes)

  • (blues like vocalizing) (audience laughing)

  • (chuckling)

  • (vocalizing)

  • - That sounds like a dying dog, too.

  • This sound that he's using will destroy the voice.

  • (vocalizing)

  • (vocalizing)

  • (harmonizing)

  • Cool.

  • You just hold your breath when you speak

  • and you learn to control and mitigate the air.

  • - Hold your breath when you speak.

  • - That's right.

  • - And do not stop holding your breath

  • until you are out of oxygen.

  • - No, you can

  • take quick breaths. - At which point.

  • - You can take quick breaths in between.

  • - I'm running out.

  • - No, look. - I'm out.

  • - All right.

  • - So that is good.

  • I think we're ready.

  • Old McDonald had a farm

  • ♪ E-I-E-I-O ♪

  • And on his farm he had

  • Wait, hold on.

  • Is it on his farm?

  • Well then why are some people not singing that right?

  • - On that.

  • - I have on that.

  • - I have on this, I have on his.

  • And on that farm he had a ♪

  • - Wolf.

  • ♪ E-I-E-I-O ♪

  • With a ♪

  • (rock guitar) (rooster crowing)

  • (vocalizing)

  • Here and a ♪

  • (rooster vocalizing)

  • There

  • Here a ♪

  • (vocalizing)

  • There a ♪

  • (vocalizing) (audience laughing)

  • Everywhere a ♪

  • (vocalizing)

  • Old McDonald had a farm

  • ♪ E-I-E-I-O ♪

  • - A macaw.

  • With a ♪

  • (squawking like a bird)

  • Cock

  • With a ♪

  • Cock a doodle doo

  • - Gray whale.

  • With a ♪

  • (vocalizing whale call)

  • There

  • Here a ♪

  • (vocalizing whale call)

  • And on that farm he had a ♪

  • - Ken Tamplin.

  • With a ♪

  • (vocalizing)

  • Old McDonald had a farm

  • ♪ E-I-E-I-O ♪ (vocalizing high pitched)

  • (audience laughing)

  • (electronic music)

  • (soft upbeat jazz music)

  • (audience laughing)

  • - Is this seat taken?

  • - You want to come in right now?

  • - Yes. - Okay, cool.

  • - I would like to come in right now.

  • - Hope you bring us luck.

  • (laughing)

  • Wow.

  • Oh my.

  • - You want to change all of this?

  • - Chips!

  • - Okay, 2,500.

  • 7,500.

  • 12,500, okay.

  • 24,199.

  • - Perfect. - Correct.

  • Good luck.

  • - What's the table min?

  • - $5. - Okay.

  • - Yes.

  • (audience laughing)

  • - That's for you.

  • - This your bet?

  • All right, good luck.

  • (tense music)

  • - Oh, that's not good at all.

  • (chuckling)

  • - Okay.

  • (groaning)

  • Let me check first.

  • All right.

  • Okay, green light.

  • - So, sir, you first.

  • - All right. - You want to hit.

  • He got soft 17.

  • You want a hit?

  • - Yes, please.

  • - Okay.

  • 15.

  • - I'm gonna take a hit.

  • - Now, no good.

  • All right, so your turn.

  • (audience laughing)

  • Hit?

  • (groaning)

  • (audience laughing)

  • I am sorry.

  • - Cocktails!

  • (applause)

  • (electronic music)

  • (speaking foreign language)

  • That's a weeping mother using VR technology

  • to reunite with her dearly departed daughter.

  • I'm starting to feel like this season

  • might be a real bummer.

  • (audience laughing)

  • Even I think this is majorly effed up

  • and just dumped my dog's ashes on an audience member.

  • Sorry 'bout that.

  • These tech companies are profiting off grieving parents

  • and millions of people online are watching this.

  • (speaking foreign language)

  • Okay just when I thought this video

  • couldn't get anymore depressing,

  • there's a birthday party for two.

  • (audience laughing)

  • It's virtual reality.

  • You could of created anything.

  • At least drawn a few friends.

  • A bounce house, maybe a pony.

  • (speaking foreign language)

  • All right, ride's over.

  • If you want to play again,

  • you have to lose another loved one.

  • (audience groaning)

  • I called next.

  • (soft piano music)

  • - Daniel, my favorite grandson.

  • - Pop Pop, is that really you?

  • Leroy Jenkins!

  • (rock music)

  • You're going down you old racist try hard.

  • (upbeat music)

  • Hey, you're not one of my dead relatives.

  • - No, I'm here for the grandpa gang bang.

  • - Sorry to tell you but he's dead again.

  • - Well, that's not gonna stop me.

  • - This game is a lot sadder than I thought it would be.

  • (audience laughing)

  • (electronic music)

(electronic music)

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B1 中級

Tosh.0的新年決心 (Tosh.0 New Year's Resolutions)

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    林宜悉 發佈於 2021 年 01 月 31 日
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