Name: 水現在是商品了--斯蒂芬-科爾伯特最不幸的一段話。 (Uh-Oh, Water Is Now A Commodity - Stephen Colbert's Most Unfortunate Segment)
Uploaded: 2021-01-26T20:25:39.000Z
Duration: 4 min 34 s

>> Stephen: WELL, HEY THERE, EVERYBODY. WELCOME BACK.

>> Stephen:好了，嘿嘿，大家都在。歡迎回來。

FOLKS, THERE ARE A LOT OF URGENT CONCERNS FACING AMERICANS RIGHT

夥計們，現在美國人面臨著很多緊迫的問題。

WHEN WILL WE GET THE CORONAVIRUS VACCINE?

我們何時能得到冠狀病毒疫苗？

ONCE "THE CROWN" CATCHES UP TO REALITY, WILL MEGHAN MARKLE PLAY

一旦 "皇冠 "趕上現實，MEGHAN MARKLE會不會玩。

I MEAN, SHE'S AN ACTRESS, BUT THEN DO ALL THE ROYALS PLAY

我是說，她是個演員，但所有的皇室成員都在演戲嗎？

I AM NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO PRINCE ANDREW'S TAKE ON PRINCE

我並不期待安德魯王子對王子的態度。

THE PROBLEM WITH SO MANY BIG PROBLEMS IS THAT THERE ARE

SMALLER PROBLEMS THAT ARE STILL BIG PROBLEMS, BUT WE MIGHT MISS

較小的問題，仍然是大問題，但我們可能會錯過。

THEM BECAUSE OF THE EVEN LARGER PROBLEMS, WHICH IS A BIG

因為更大的問題，這是一個很大的問題。

WHICH BRINGS ME TO MY NEW UNFORTUNATE SEGMENT: "UH-OH!"

這讓我想到了我新的不幸的部分："UH -OH！"

TONIGHT'S UH-OH: WHILE YOU'RE WORRYING ABOUT THE PLANET-WIDE

今晚的 "哦"：當你在擔心整個地球的時候

COVID CRISIS, DON'T FORGET TO WORRY ABOUT A POSSIBLE DRINKING

COVID危機，別擔心可能的飲酒問題。

WATER CRISIS, BECAUSE IT WAS RECENTLY ANNOUNCED THAT

投資者現在可以交易水的未來。

I DON'T TOTALLY UNDERSTAND THAT SENTENCE, BUT IT SOUNDS LIKE A

我不完全理解這句話，但它聽起來像一個。

HEADLINE IN A NEWSREEL AT THE BEGINNING OF "MAD MAX" BEFORE

在《瘋狂的麥克斯》開始前的新聞片中的標題。

YOU SMASH CUT TO ONE-ARMED CHARLIZE THERON DRIVING A TRUCK

獨臂的查理茲-塞隆開著卡車，你就這樣被撞斷了。

FULL OF WARRIOR-CONCUBINES THROUGH THE DESERT.

HERE'S WHAT'S HAPPENING: RECENTLY, FUTURES TIED TO THE

這裡發生了什麼：最近，未來的TIED到的。

CALIFORNIA WATER INDEX BEGAN TRADING ON THE CHICAGO

加利福尼亞州水位指數開始在芝加哥交易。

MEANING THAT, FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER, WATER WILL BE A COMMODITY,

意味著，有史以來第一次，水將成為一種商品。

THOSE ARE TWO THINGS THAT WE FAMOUSLY HAVE A FINITE AMOUNT

這兩樣東西是我們著名的有限的數量。

這就是為什麼他們是有價值的。

THERE'S A REASON WEDDING RINGS ARE MADE OF GOLD AND NOT BOTTLES

為什麼結婚戒指是用金子做的而不是用酒瓶做的？

哦，我的上帝，你們這些傢伙！

THIS SOUNDS TROUBLING, BECAUSE THE BIG DIFFERENCE BETWEEN

這聽起來很麻煩，因為兩者之間的最大區別是

WATER AND... COMMODITIES IS THAT WE NEED WATER TO SURVIVE.

水和... 商品是我們需要水來生存。

WHICH BRINGS US TO OUR NEW UH-OH SUBSEGMENT: "YIKES!"

這讓我們來到了我們的新的UH -OH SUBSEGMENT。"YIKES！"

NOW THAT WATER IS A COMMODITY AND CAN BE TRADED ON THE FUTURES

現在，水是一種商品，可以在未來進行交易。

MARKET, IT COULD INVITE SPECULATION FROM FINANCIAL

市場，可能會引起金融界的猜測。

"HEDGE FUND SPECULATION" IS NEVER A GOOD THING.

"對沖基金投機 "絕不是一件好事。

JUST ASK ANYONE WHO HAD A SUBPRIME MORTGAGE IN THE EARLY

問問早期有次級抵押貸款的人吧。

THEIR HOME LOAN IS CURRENTLY UNDER WATER, WHICH THEY'RE GOING

他們的房貸目前正處於水深火熱之中，他們要去做的是

TO WANT TO START HOARDING 'CAUSE IT'S A HOT NEW COMMODITY!

想開始囤貨，因為這是一個熱門的新商品!

THESE WATER FUTURES FOCUS SPECIFICALLY ON CALIFORNIA,

WHICH BRINGS US TO OUR UH-OH YIKES SUB-SUBSEGMENT: "GULP!"

這讓我們來到了我們的UH -OH YIKES子分部。"GULP！"

THAT'S "THE LATE SHOW" PROMISE, UNLIMITED BONES!

這就是 "晚間秀 "的承諾，無限制的骨頭!

THIS IMPACTS THE WHOLE NATION BECAUSE CALIFORNIA HAS A HUGE

這影響到整個國家，因為加州有一個巨大的。

AGRICULTURAL SECTOR, AND RECENTLY HAS MOVED TO POPULAR

農業部門，最近已轉入大眾化階段。

HIGH-VALUE PERMANENT CROPS LIKE ALMONDS AND PISTACHIOS, WHICH

高價值的永久性作物，如杏仁和鳶尾花，這些作物是

NOT FOR PROMOTING PISTACHIOS, THEY'RE A DELICIOUS SOURCE OF

不是為了宣傳PISTACHIOS，它們是美味的來源。

PROTEIN, BUT FOR GIVING YOU THE NIGHTMARE FUEL THAT IS MY HEAD

蛋白質，但因為給你 噩夢的燃料，這是我的頭。

BUT THE BIGGER ISSUE IS THAT CALIFORNIA HAS JUST HAD SEVERAL

但更大的問題是，加州剛剛經歷了幾次。

YEARS IN A ROW OF HISTORIC WILDFIRES AND IS EMERGING FROM

連續幾年的歷史性火災，目前正在從歷史性火災中恢復過來。

SO, WALL STREET IS NOW BETTING ON A RESOURCE THAT CALIFORNIA

所以，華爾街現在押注於加州的資源。

DESPERATELY NEEDS TO SURVIVE AND CURRENTLY HAS A SHORTAGE OF.

THAT'S LIKE A LIFEGUARD GOING, "THE BAD NEWS IS YOUR HUSBAND IS

這就像一個護工說："壞消息是你的丈夫是。

THE GOOD NEWS IS, IN THE NEXT TWO MINUTES, THE VALUE OF MY

好消息是，在接下來的兩分鐘，我的價值

LIFE PRESERVER FRANCHISE IS GOING TO SKYROCKET!

NOW, WE DON'T KNOW EXACTLY WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN WITH

現在，我們還不知道到底會發生什麼事。

TRADING WATER ON WALL STREET, BY WHICH I MEAN WE KNOW EXACTLY

在華爾街交易水，我的意思是，我們確切地知道了。

ACCORDING TO A CLIMATE JUSTICE EXPERT, "AS CLEAN, USEABLE WATER

根據一位氣候正義專家的說法，"像清潔、可用的水一樣"。

IS BECOMING SCARCER, THE INCENTIVES IN CAPITALISM WORK TO

越來越稀缺，資本主義的激勵機制正在發揮作用。

COMMODIFY IT, AND WORK TO ENSURE THAT THE SCARCITY IS AN

將其商品化，並努力確保這種稀缺性成為一種新的趨勢。

ADDING, "IT'S THE WAY IN WHICH CAPITALISM MAKES PROFITS FROM

補充說："這是資本主義從資本主義中獲取利潤的方式，也是資本主義的一個重要組成部分。

OF COURSE, COMMODITIES TRADERS NEVER GO ALL IN ON HUMAN MISERY.

當然，商品交易商從來不會對人類的錯誤行為全盤托出。

THEY DIVERSIFY INTO GENERATIONAL SUFFERING, DESPAIR, ENNUI AND

它們分為世代苦難、絕望、恩尼伊和......。

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH SERENA WILLIAMS.

我們馬上回來，SERENA WILLIAMS將為您報道。

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水現在是商品了--斯蒂芬-科爾伯特最不幸的一段話。 (Uh-Oh, Water Is Now A Commodity - Stephen Colbert's Most Unfortunate Segment)

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