I take care of some business.

我去處理一些事情

You know, I get some things done.

你知道，我得到了一些事情完成。

But the day just completely got away from me.

但這一天就這樣徹底離我而去了。

I spent all day watching YouTube videos of

我花了一整天的時間看YouTube視頻的

people eating ghost peppers.

人吃鬼椒。

And I completely forgot to write out my weekly thank-you notes.

而我完全忘記了寫出每週的感謝信。

And I know it's during the show, but do you guys mind if

我知道這是在演出期間，但你們介意嗎？

I write out some thank-you notes right now?

我現在就寫出一些感謝信？

Is that okay? [ Cheers and applause ]

好嗎？[歡呼聲和掌聲]

Appreciate it.

欣賞它。

James, can you help me out when you can?

詹姆斯，你能不能幫我一下？

[ Soft music playing ]

[輕音樂播放]

Thank you, Joe Biden and Kamala Harris,

謝謝你，喬-拜登和卡馬拉-哈里斯。

for making us all feel like mom and dad just got home

讓我們都覺得像媽媽和爸爸剛回到家

after having the worst babysitter ever.

在有史以來最糟糕的保姆後，

"You wouldn't believe what happened."

"你不會相信發生了什麼。"

[ Soft music playing ]

[輕音樂播放]

Thank you, Hot Pockets recalling 760,000 pounds of product

謝謝你，"熱口袋 "召回76萬斤產品。

due to broken glass in it, for being the first time

由於裡面的玻璃碎了，因為是第一次。

anyone has ever cared what's in a Hot Pocket.

有人關心過熱口袋裡的東西嗎？

Sausage Meat Lover -- Whatever. Just microwave it.

香腸肉愛好者--隨便。只是微波爐。

It tastes good.

味道不錯。

[ Soft music playing ]

[輕音樂播放]

Thank you, playoff game between Tampa Bay and Green Bay.

謝謝，坦帕灣和綠灣的季後賽。

Regardless of who wins, at least I can still say...

不管誰贏，至少我還可以說... ...

Oh, yeah. [ Soft music playing ]

哦，是的。[輕音樂播放]

Thank you, vending machines with COVID home tests,

謝謝你，自動售貨機與COVID家庭測試。

for being the only time a vending-machine purchase

因為這是唯一一次在自動售貨機上買東西

has positively affected my health.

對我的健康產生了積極的影響。

Mm...

嗯...

We did another one about the COVID vending machines.

我們又做了一個關於COVID自動售貨機的。

This was a good -- It was a good subject.

這是一個很好的... 這是一個很好的主題。

No, I mean I'm about to write it,

不，我是說我要寫了。

my thank-you note, again, yeah.

我的感謝信，再次，是的。

-Oh, okay. Just came to you.

-哦，好的只是來找你。

-Same address. -Yeah.

-同樣的地址-是的

[ Soft music playing ]

[輕音樂播放]

-Thank you, vending machines with COVID home tests,

-謝謝你，自動售貨機與COVID家庭測試。

for explaining why I just saw someone

為了解釋為什麼我剛才看到有人

trying to stick a Twix bar up their nose.

試圖把Twix棒塞進他們的鼻子裡。

Come on. Come on.

來吧，來吧。來吧，來吧。

Do I have tissues here? I do.

我這裡有紙巾嗎？有

Ah-ah-choo!

Ah -ah -choo!

[ Laughs ]

[笑]

[ Breathes deeply, sneezes ]

[深呼吸，打噴嚏]

[ Breathes deeply, sneezes ]

[深呼吸，打噴嚏]

Whew!

唷！

It always comes in fours.

它總是四個人。

[ Breathes deeply, sneezes ]

[深呼吸，打噴嚏]

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

-What the heck is your problem?

-你到底有什麼問題？

[ Laughter ] -Yeah.

[笑] 是啊。

-My jeans came with no pockets.

-我的牛仔褲沒有口袋.

[ Breathes deeply, sneezes ]

[深呼吸，打噴嚏]

[ Laughs ]

[笑]

-What is going on?

-發生了什麼事？

-[ Laughing ] Here we go.

-我們走吧。

Alright.

好吧，我知道了

[ Soft music playing ]

[輕音樂播放]

Thank you, transition lenses, for letting me feel like

謝謝你，過渡鏡片，讓我感覺到像

I have a superpower where I transform into

我有一個超能力，我可以變身為

a European deejay.

一個歐洲的DJ。

[ Soft music playing ]

[輕音樂播放]

Thank you, Dr. Scholl's foot machines at drugstores,

謝謝你，藥店的舒爾博士腳機。

for being the "Dance Dance Revolution"

因為是 "舞蹈舞蹈革命"

for 60-year-olds with bunions.

60歲的拇外翻患者；

[ Beat-boxing ] ♪♪

[ Beat -boxing ] ?

[ Soft music playing ]

[輕音樂播放]

Thank you, avocado pits, for showing me how

謝謝你，牛油果醬，讓我知道了

Skee-Balls are born.

Skee-Balls誕生了。

There you go, everybody. Those are our "Thank You Notes."

給你，各位。這些是我們的 "感謝信"。