"LATE SHOW," EVERYBODY.

"晚間秀"，每個人。

SAY HELLO TO JON BATISTE.

向JON BATISTE問好。

HELLO, JON.

你好，喬恩。

>> Jon: YES, INDEED, JUST DRIVING ON MY V-8 FORD.

>> 喬恩。是的，事實上，只是駕駛我的V -8福特。

>> Stephen: I NEED JON.

>> Stephen:我需要喬恩

I AM WORN OUT FROM LAST NIGHT'S LIVE SHOW.

我從昨晚的直播節目中累壞了。

IT'S SO EXCITING, WHAT A GREAT DAY, BUT I'M DONE.

太興奮了，多麼美好的一天，但我已經完成了。

DO YOU HAVE ANY ENERGY YOU CAN IMPART THROUGH YOUR FINGERTIPS

你有什麼能量可以通過指尖傳遞出來嗎？

THROUGH THE DRIVERIES AND INJECT INTO MY SOUL?

穿過車道，注入我的靈魂？

>> Jon: OH, YEAH, I'M ALWAYS PUSHING THE ENERGY.

>> 喬恩。哦，是的，我一直在推動能量。

I'M PUSHING THE LOVE.

我推愛。

♪♪♪ >> Stephen: I AM BORN ANEW.

我重生了。

THANK YOU, JON.

謝謝你，喬恩。

JON BATISTE, EVERYBODY.

JON BATISTE，每個人。

THANK YOU, SIR.

謝謝你，先生。

FOLKS, YOU KNOW I SPEND MOST OF MY TIME RAISING AND SHARING THE

夥計們，你們知道我花了很多時間來提高和分享我的觀點。

MOST TOPICAL SHEEP, GATHERING THEIR WOOL, HAND-WEAVING IT ON

最具話題性的羊群，收集羊毛，手工織布

MY SOLID OAK STORY LOOM, THEN DYEING IT WITH THE PUREST

我的實心橡木故事機，然後用最純淨的染料進行染色。

WORD-PIGMENT MONEY CAN BUY TO BRING YOU THE FINE, ARAN ISLE

字畫錢能買到的東西，給你帶來美好的阿蘭島。

SWEATER THAT IS MY MONOLOGUE.

汗水，這是我的獨白。

BUT SOMETIMES, SOMETIMES, I LIKE TO TRAP A GARBAGE RACCOON,

但有時，有時，我喜歡去抓一隻垃圾浣熊。

SEDATE IT WITH SOME EXPIRED CHILDREN'S COUGH MEDICINE, SHAVE

用一些過期的兒童咳嗽藥來緩解，減少。

ITS TAIL WITH A BOX CUTTER, THEN USE SOME LEFTOVER

它的尾巴與一個盒子切割器，然後使用一些左上角。

CHOP STICKS TO KNIT IT ALL INTO THE TRAILER PARK CROP TOP OF

劈柴棍將其全部編織到拖車公園的頂棚上。

NEWS THAT IS MY SEGMENT: "QUARANTINE-WHILE!"

新聞，是我的部門："QUARANTINE -WHILE！"

QUARANTINE-WHILE, A COUPLE IN CANADA IS FACING LEGAL TROUBLE

FOR BREAKING QUEBEC'S NEW COVID RULES, WHERE WALKING YOUR DOG IS

對於違反魁北克省的新COVID規則，在那裡遛狗是。

ONE OF THE ONLY THINGS ALLOWED AFTER 8:00 P.M.

晚上8點後唯一允許的事情之一。

BUT POLICE CAUGHT A WOMAN "WALKING HER HUSBAND ON A LEASH

但警方發現一名婦女 "用皮帶牽著丈夫走"。

AFTER CURFEW."

宵禁後。"

POLICE WERE GOING TO PUNISH THE HUSBAND, BUT TURNS OUT, HE WAS

警察本想懲罰他的丈夫，結果發現，他是。

INTO IT.

進入它。

QUARANTINE-WHILE, YOU MAY ALREADY KNOW THAT NOTORIOUS

COCAINE LORD PABLO ESCOBAR FAMOUSLY AND ILLEGALLY IMPORTED

可卡因大王PABLO ESCOBAR以非法進口聞名於世。

A BUNCH OF HIPPOS TO COLOMBIA.

一群HIPPOS到哥倫比亞。

WELL, NOW, SCIENTISTS WARN: COLOMBIA'S COCAINE HIPPOS MUST

好了，現在，科學家警告：哥倫比亞的可卡因HIPPOS必須。

BE STOPPED.

被制止。

FLORIDA, YOU'RE UP!

佛羅里達，你來了！

RELEASE THE METH GATORS!

釋放麥德加特人！

FOR SCIENCE!

為了科學！

"COCAINE HIPPOS" ARE LIKE REGULAR HIPPOS, BUT THEY CORNER

"古柯鹼類毒品 "與普通毒品一樣，但它們的角

YOU AT PARTIES AND INSIST THAT YOU GUYS SHOULD START A BAND.

你在派對上堅持說你們應該成立一個樂隊。

THE PROBLEM IS, THE HIPPOS HAVE NO PREDATORS AND NOW POSE A

問題是，HIPPOS沒有預測器，現在構成了一個。

THREAT TO LOCAL WILDLIFE.

對當地野生動物的威脅。

AND YOU CAN SEE JUST HOW DANGEROUS THEY ARE IN THIS

你可以看到他們在這裡有多危險

ACTUAL FOOTAGE OF THE COCAINE HIPPOS IN ACTION:

可卡因HIPPOS行動的實際鏡頭。

>> COKE!

>> COKE!

>> WOWEE, I LOVE COKE!

>> WOWEE，我愛COKE！

WHO WANTS TO READ MY SCREENPLAY?

誰想看我的劇本？

>> I BET IT'S SO GOOD!

>> 我想它一定很好吃！

>> STEPHEN: QUARANTINE-WHILE, IN SNAKE NEWS, SCIENTISTS

>> STEPHEN: QUARANTINE-WHILE, IN SNAKE NEWS, SCIENTISTS.

DISCOVERED SNAKES CAN TURN THEIR BODY INTO LASSOS TO CLIMB BY

被發現的蝸牛可以將身體變成拉索來攀爬。

WORKING THEIR BODIES AGAINST THEMSELVES, AS YOU CAN SEE IN

他們的身體和他們自己的工作，你可以看到在

THIS INFRARED FOOTAGE.

這段錄像。

CONGRATULATIONS SPIDERS WHO LAY EGGS IN

恭賀蜘蛛下蛋的人

MY EARS WHILE I SLEEP, YOU ARE NO LONGER MY NUMBER ONE

我睡覺時的耳朵，你已經不再是我的頭號人物了

RECURRING NIGHTMARE.

復發的噩夢。

QUARANTINE-WHILE, SCIENTISTS HAVE ANNOUNCED THE DISCOVERY OF

QUARANTINE--雖然，科學家們已經宣佈了發現了

A NEW BAT SPECIES IN AFRICA THAT HAS A STRIKING MIX OF FIERY

非洲一種新的蝙蝠物種，它具有驚人的混合的鐵血性

ORANGE AND BLACK COLORS.

橙色和黑色的顏色。

BUT ALMOST MISSED IT, ORIGINALLY BELIEVING IT TO BE JUST A

但幾乎錯過了它，最初認為它只是一個。

WEIRDLY COLORED ONE.

詭異的顏色一。

I'VE GOT TO SAY, "MAYBE IT'S JUST WEIRD" IS NOT THE MOST

我必須說，"也許這只是奇怪 "不是最重要的

SCIENTIFIC REACTION.

科學反應：

REMINDS ME OF FOSSIL-HUNTER WILLIAM BUCKLAND, WHO DISCOVERED

讓我想起了化石獵手威廉-巴克蘭，他發現了... ...

THE FIRST DINOSAUR BONES: >> I MAY HAVE DISCOVERED A

第一根恐龍骨頭： >> 我可能發現了一個。

PREVIOUSLY UNCATALOGUED FORM OF PREHISTORIC LIFE... OR MAYBE

以前的前史生活的未分類形式... ...或者可能

THEY'RE JUST SOME BIG FREAKY CHICKEN BONES, I DUNNO!"

他們只是一些大雞骨，我不知道！"

ALSO, HOW'S ABOUT WE GET DONE WITH THE CURRENT PANDEMIC BEFORE

還有，我們怎麼能在這之前把目前的大災難解決掉呢？

WE GO POKING AROUND IN THE CAVES FOR UNDISCOVERED BATS?

我們去洞穴裡尋找未被發現的蝙蝠？

YOU DIDN'T SEE PEOPLE IN THE MIDDLE AGES GOING "HEY, YOU KNOW

你沒見過中年人說 "嘿，你知道嗎？"。

WHAT'LL TAKE OUR MINDS OFF THIS PLAGUE?

什麼能讓我們忘掉這場災難？

A RAT SAFARI."

"老鼠薩法裡"。

QUARANTINE-WHILE, IN A SHOCKING DEVELOPMENT, PEPSI AND COCA-COLA

QUARANTINE-WHILE, IN A SHOCKING DEVELOPMENT, PEPSI AND COCA-COLA.

WILL NOT RUN ADS DURING THE SUPER BOWL.

將不會在超級碗期間播放廣告。

SO, WHAT ARE WE SUPPOSED TO WATCH?

那麼，我們應該看什麼？

QUARANTINE WHILE, A NEW FOSSIL FROM

夸父石--新的化石

CHINA OF A PSITTA-COSAURUS IS SO WELL PRESERVED THAT THE OPENING

一件PSITTA-COSAURUS的瓷器保存得很好，以至於在開幕式上，我們都能看到它的身影。

THAT THE LABRADOR-SIZED DINOSAUR USED TO PEE, POOP, AND REPRODUCE

LABRADOR大小的恐龍曾經尿尿、拉屎和繁殖。

IS VISIBLE."

是可見的。"

OR AS THE ONLINE PUBLICATION "LIVE SCIENCE" PUT IT: "THE

或作為在線出版 "活科學 "把它："的。

FIRST PRESERVED DINOSAUR BUTTHOLE IS 'PERFECT' AND

首次被保存的DINOSUR BUTTHOLE是 "完美的 "和

'UNIQUE.'" UNEXPECTED PHRASING, BUT A HUGE

'獨一無二'。"意料之中的相位，但一個巨大的。

LEAP FORWARD IN DINOSAUR BUTTHOLE POSITIVITY.

在DINOSAUR BUTTHOLE的積極性上向前邁進。

THE OPENING IN QUESTION IS THE CLOACA, COMMON IN REPTILES AND

問題中的開場白是CLOACA，常見於爬行動物和。

BIRDS.

鳥類：

EXPERTS SAY "MOST CLOACAS FORM A KIND OF SLIT.

專家說："大多數CLOACAS形成了一種裂縫。

SOMETIMES IT'S A VERTICAL SPLIT, SOMETIMES IT'S A SMILEY FACE,

有時它是一個垂直的分裂，有時它是一個微笑的臉。

SOMETIMES IT'S A SOUR FACE.

有時它是一張臉。

BUT THIS THING HAS A V-SHAPED STRUCTURE WITH A PAIR OF NICE

但這個東西有一個V型結構，有一對漂亮的。

FLARING LIPS."

嘴脣張開。"

AND I'M UPSET TO HAVE READ THAT OUT LOUD.

我很不高興把這句話大聲讀出來。

AND I AM BEING INFORMED THAT GWYNETH PALTROW HAS ALREADY

我被告知 GWYNETH PALTROW已經開始了。

RELEASED "THIS CANDLE SMELLS LIKE A PSITTA-COSAURUS' CLOACA."

發佈 "這支蠟燭聞起來像PSITTA -COSAURUS的CLOACA。"

WHEN WE COME BACK, I'LL TELL YOU ABOUT THE LATEST GAME THAT

等我們回來的時候，我會告訴你最新的遊戲，那就是

HOLLYWOOD IS BUZZING ABOUT.

在好萊塢沸沸揚揚的是：

STICK AROUND.

堅持下去。

♪♪♪

♪♪♪