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  • Alright, this should be fun.

    好吧,這應該是有趣的。

  • My next guest has been gently skewering politics for decades

    我的下一位嘉賓幾十年來一直在溫和地諷刺政治

  • with his secret comedy weapon, ragtime piano music.

    用他的祕密喜劇武器,拉格泰姆鋼琴曲。

  • Your parents probably have some of his old records

    你父母可能有他的一些舊記錄

  • like "The First of July" and "D-C-P-U."

    如 "七一 "和 "D-C-P-U"。

  • Well, earlier today

    嗯,今天早些時候

  • I'm told he performed at the presidential inauguration,

    我聽說他在總統就職典禮上表演了。

  • please welcome Political Song Parodist Tip Rivers.

    請歡迎政治歌曲模仿者蒂普-裡弗斯。

  • Hey tip?

    嘿,小費?

  • Hello Conan.

    你好,柯南

  • Tip Rivers reporting for duty. (chuckles)

    Tip Rivers報到(笑聲)

  • Hey, I'm speaking of duty,

    嘿,我說的是職責。

  • I think we can all agree

    我想我們都同意

  • that something stinks in our country right now.

    東西臭在我們國家現在。

  • Don't get me started.

    不要讓我開始。

  • You are clever.

    你很聰明。

  • Well, that's exactly why I can't wait to hear

    這正是我迫不及待想聽的原因

  • your comedic take on the state of politics

    政壇風雲

  • using the power of old fashioned piano music.

    利用老式鋼琴音樂的力量。

  • Well, I shall do my able best,

    好吧,我將盡我所能。

  • why don't I begin with a classic presidential tune,

    我為什麼不以一首經典的總統曲開始呢?

  • with a twist.

    帶著轉折。

  • Okay, this sounds scandalous and fun.

    好吧,這聽起來醜陋而有趣。

  • Let's hear it.

    讓我們聽聽吧

  • Haha, and the way we go.

    哈哈,還有我們走的路。

  • Hello to the chief

    *你好,長官

  • We have chosen for the nation

    我們為國家選擇了

  • Donald J. Trump ascending to his kingly throne

    唐納德-J-特朗普登上了他的王位?

  • Hello to our king who'll incarcerate Joe Biden

    *你好,我們的國王將監禁喬-拜登* *Hello to our King who'll incarcerate Joe Biden*

  • And give Nobel prizes to king rockin' Roger Stone

    並給諾貝爾獎 搖滾之王羅傑斯通

  • Long live Donald Trump

    唐納德-特朗普萬歲

  • (Tip chuckles)

    (Tip笑著說)

  • Wait a minute, I'm sorry,

    等一下,我很抱歉。

  • you played that song at President Biden's inauguration?

    你在拜登總統的就職典禮上放了這首歌?

  • Biden, no, no, no, no.

    拜登,不,不,不,不。

  • Don't be ridiculous Conan,

    別傻了,柯南。

  • I would never participate in that farce,

    我絕不會參加那場鬧劇。

  • We've gotta stop the steal.

    我們必須阻止偷竊。

  • I performed that song at the inauguration

    我在就職典禮上唱了這首歌

  • for Donald Trump's rightful second term.

    為唐納德-特朗普的合法第二任期。

  • No, wait a minute,

    不,等一下。

  • there was no inauguration for President Trump's second term,

    特朗普總統的第二個任期沒有舉行就職典禮。

  • that didn't happen.

    這並沒有發生。

  • No, yes, yes, there was a small gathering

    不,是的,是的,有一個小的聚會。

  • of patriots conducted the ceremony today

    儀式由愛國人士主持

  • at 'White House Paint Supplies.'

    在'白宮油漆用品'。

  • That's a across the street from the Deldor factory.

    那是Deldor工廠的對面。

  • All right. You know it?

    好吧,你知道嗎?你知道嗎?

  • No, I don't know the Deldor factory

    不,我不知道Deldor工廠的情況

  • and it just sounds sad to me.

    這只是聽起來悲傷的我。

  • Oh, it's not sad at all, they throw all of the imperfect

    哦,這一點也不悲哀,他們把所有不完美的東西都扔了

  • and your regular deldors in a large trash bin outside

    和你的普通長角鯨在外面的大垃圾桶裡。

  • and a lot of them are perfectly fine-

    他們中的很多人都很好

  • Okay Tip, you're missing the point,

    好吧,小費,你沒明白我的意思。

  • Tip, Tip, we've talked about this before.

    小費,小費,我們以前談過這個問題。

  • We've never talked about the Deldor factory-

    我們從來沒有說過Deldor工廠的事--

  • Not the Deldor factory, we've talked about your career.

    不是Deldor工廠,我們已經談到了你的職業生涯。

  • In the old days your songs were gentle and fun

    以前你的歌聲很溫柔,也很有趣。

  • and they were less right wing.

    他們是少右翼。

  • I see what you're saying,

    我明白你的意思了

  • you wanted a song that isn't quite as triggering

    你想要一首歌,是不是很容易觸發

  • for sensitive lips like yourself,

    適合像你這樣的敏感嘴脣。

  • is that what you're saying?

    你是這個意思嗎?

  • I dare not melt the snowflake that is Conan O'Brien.

    我不敢融化柯南-奧布萊恩的雪花。

  • Okay, al right, very funny.

    好吧,好吧,非常有趣。

  • No, I just liked your old style.

    不,我只是喜歡你以前的風格。

  • All right, let's set all that aside

    好吧,讓我們把這些放在一邊吧

  • and Conan I'll sing you a fun song just like you like.

    和柯南,我會唱一首你喜歡的有趣的歌給你聽。

  • Conan, are you a fan of history?

    柯南,你是歷史迷嗎?

  • I am a big history buff.

    我是一個大歷史愛好者。

  • Well, very good.

    嗯,非常好。

  • Okay, how about this?

    好吧,這個怎麼樣?

  • A song about our country's revolutionary heroes,

    一首關於我國革命英雄的歌曲。

  • you're gonna enjoy this.

    你會喜歡這個。

  • Take it away.

    把它拿走

  • And away we go.

    我們走了。

  • The heroes go marching to the top mega, mega

    * The heroes go marching to the top mega, mega * 英雄們向著頂峰進軍,mega,mega

  • The heroes break windows and shove corps, mega, mega

    * The heroes break windows and shove corps, mega, mega * 英雄們打破了窗戶,推開了軍團,超大,超大 *

  • The heroes storm the Capitol steps

    英雄們衝上了國會大廈的臺階

  • To smear feces on Pelosi's desk

    # 在佩洛西的辦公桌上塗抹糞便 # # To smear feces on Pelosi's desk #

  • And we salute their bravery, hurraa

    我們向他們的勇敢致敬,萬歲

  • (Tip chuckles)

    (Tip笑著說)

  • Tip stop it.

    提示停止它。

  • The people who stormed the Capitol

    衝進國會大廈的人

  • weren't revolutionary war heroes, they were criminals

    他們不是革命英雄,而是罪犯

  • possibly domestic terrorists.

    可能是國內恐怖分子。

  • Well, Conan you say tomato, I say tomato.

    好吧,柯南,你說西紅柿,我說西紅柿。

  • No, you can't honor those people with that song.

    不,你不能用那首歌來紀念那些人。

  • What are you high?

    你嗑了什麼藥?

  • As a matter of fact, I am a little high.

    事實上,我是有點高。

  • Yes, it's fair to point that out.

    是的,指出這一點是公平的。

  • I usually sing in a nice tenor

    我通常用好聽的男高音唱歌

  • but today I seem to be going up into an alto, little joke.

    但今天我似乎要上進中音,小玩笑。

  • That's a little musical joke Conan, but no,

    這是一個小小的音樂笑話柯南,但是沒有。

  • I do understand what you're saying,

    我明白你的意思

  • you're accusing me of using drugs

    你指責我吸毒

  • but I'm happy to say, Conan, that I'm 100% drug free

    但我很高興地告訴你,柯南,我是百分之百的無毒者

  • with the exception of an occasional stool softener

    除了偶爾的軟便劑

  • and oh, an anti-psychotics that I am required to take

    還有,我必須服用的抗精神病藥。

  • as a result of a recent court ruling,

    由於法院最近的一項裁決,。

  • but I don't always take it.

    但我並不總是接受它。

  • All right Tip, that's clear that you don't always take it

    好吧,小費,這很明顯,你並不總是接受它。

  • and I'll be honest with you,

    我會對你說實話。

  • I was a fan of your old work, now I'm worried about you.

    我是你以前作品的粉絲,現在我很擔心你。

  • I can leave the room, all right.

    我可以離開這個房間,好嗎?

  • This is not a big truth crowd,

    這不是一個大實話的人群。

  • you like something that's soft and gentle.

    你喜歡溫柔的東西。

  • Okay, so just let me go out on a high note,

    好了,讓我高高興興地出去吧。

  • I'll play you something I know you'll like.

    我會給你放一些我知道你會喜歡的東西。

  • All right, can you do me a favor?

    好吧,你能幫我一個忙嗎?

  • Don't sing anything political.

    不要唱任何政治性的東西。

  • You have a political song parrot on the show

    你的節目裡有一隻政治歌曲的鸚鵡。

  • and you don't wanna hear anything political.

    你不想聽到任何政治性的東西。

  • Well, after I've heard what you're doing now, no,

    好吧,在我聽到你現在的所作所為後,不。

  • I don't wanna hear any of that.

    我不想聽這些。

  • Well, that's fine, no problem at all.

    嗯,這很好,一點問題都沒有。

  • How about this?

    這個怎麼樣?

  • How about this?

    這個怎麼樣?

  • Well Conan, Earth Day is right around the corner.

    柯南,地球日馬上就要到了。

  • Well, no, it's in April,

    嗯,不,是在四月。

  • so it's not right around the corner.

    所以它不是在拐角處。

  • This'll hold.

    這將保持。

  • How about a salute to the planet Earth,

    不如向地球致敬吧。

  • which is the only planet we currently live on.

    這是我們目前唯一生活的星球。

  • That's fair, let's hear that.

    這很公平,讓我們聽聽。

  • And away we go. (chuckles)

    我們走了。(笑聲)

  • Happy Earth Day to me

    快樂的地球日給我

  • Happy Earth Day to you

    快樂的地球日給你

  • Happy earth day to the climate

    快樂的地球日的氣候

  • That's controlled by the Jews

    # 那是猶太人控制的 # # That's controlled by the Jews #

  • No, no! Don't get me started-

    不,不! 別讓我開始...別讓我開始...

  • No, no, no, no, no, no, Tip.

    不,不,不,不,小費。

  • That is- It's a real problem.

    那是--這是一個真正的問題。

  • That is- We cannot have any one group

    那就是--我們不能有任何一個團體

  • of people controlling the weather let alone the Jews.

    控制天氣的人,更不用說猶太人了。

  • Jewish people are not controlling the weather,

    猶太人不能控制天氣。

  • that's insane Tip, stupid.

    那是瘋狂的小費,愚蠢的。

  • Conan, the weather controlling machine

    柯南

  • is in a little compound just outside the Tel Aviv.

    是在特拉維夫郊外的一個小院子裡。

  • [Conan] That's okay, no, you know what?

    沒關係,不,你知道嗎?

  • You have a- Range, or a windstorm,

  • or any weather you can imagine, that's where it comes from.

    或任何你能想象的天氣,這就是它的來源。

  • Yeah, we have a great show tonight ladies and gentlemen,

    是的,我們有一個偉大的表演 今晚,女士們,先生們。

  • I apologize for the city at Max Greenfield.

    我為麥克斯-格林菲爾德的城市道歉。

  • Don't apologize-

    不要道歉

  • Max Greenfield will be joining us-

    Max Greenfield將加入我們

  • So they can hide when they turn themselves

    所以當他們自首的時候,他們可以躲起來

  • into bats, Conan.

    變成蝙蝠,柯南。

  • They don't, Jewish people don't become bats, you idiot!

    他們沒有,猶太人不會變成蝙蝠,你這個白痴!

  • Of course, yes, of course they do.

    當然,是的,當然有。

  • They do not!

    他們沒有!

  • (Tip faintly speaking)

    (小費微言)

  • Max Greenfield will be with us,

    Max Greenfield會和我們一起

  • we'll be right back and I apologize for this moron.

    我們馬上回來,我為這個白痴道歉。

  • I apologize for Conan.

    我為柯南道歉。

  • No, I apologize for you.

    不,我為你道歉。

  • You look like a racist Orville C. Redenbacher.

    你看起來像一個種族主義者奧維爾-C-雷登巴赫。

  • What do you mean a racist Orville C. Redenbacher?

    你說的種族主義者奧維爾-C-雷登巴赫是什麼意思?

  • He was pretty racist.

    他是相當的種族主義者。

  • Okay, well that's...

    好吧,那是...

  • Now we've lost a sponsor.

    現在我們失去了一個贊助商。

  • Good job.

    做得好

Alright, this should be fun.

好吧,這應該是有趣的。

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