My next guest has been gently skewering politics for decades

我的下一位嘉賓幾十年來一直在溫和地諷刺政治

with his secret comedy weapon, ragtime piano music.

用他的祕密喜劇武器，拉格泰姆鋼琴曲。

Your parents probably have some of his old records

你父母可能有他的一些舊記錄

like "The First of July" and "D-C-P-U."

如 "七一 "和 "D-C-P-U"。

Well, earlier today

嗯，今天早些時候

I'm told he performed at the presidential inauguration,

我聽說他在總統就職典禮上表演了。

please welcome Political Song Parodist Tip Rivers.

請歡迎政治歌曲模仿者蒂普-裡弗斯。

Hey tip?

嘿，小費？

Hello Conan.

你好，柯南

Tip Rivers reporting for duty. (chuckles)

Tip Rivers報到（笑聲）

Hey, I'm speaking of duty,

嘿，我說的是職責。

I think we can all agree

我想我們都同意

that something stinks in our country right now.

東西臭在我們國家現在。

Don't get me started.

不要讓我開始。

You are clever.

你很聰明。

Well, that's exactly why I can't wait to hear

這正是我迫不及待想聽的原因

your comedic take on the state of politics

政壇風雲

using the power of old fashioned piano music.

利用老式鋼琴音樂的力量。

Well, I shall do my able best,

好吧，我將盡我所能。

why don't I begin with a classic presidential tune,

我為什麼不以一首經典的總統曲開始呢？

with a twist.

帶著轉折。

Okay, this sounds scandalous and fun.

好吧，這聽起來醜陋而有趣。

Let's hear it.

讓我們聽聽吧

Haha, and the way we go.

哈哈，還有我們走的路。

♪ Hello to the chief ♪

*你好，長官

♪ We have chosen for the nation ♪

我們為國家選擇了

♪ Donald J. Trump ascending to his kingly throne ♪

唐納德-J-特朗普登上了他的王位?

♪ Hello to our king who'll incarcerate Joe Biden ♪

*你好，我們的國王將監禁喬-拜登* *Hello to our King who'll incarcerate Joe Biden*

♪ And give Nobel prizes to king rockin' Roger Stone ♪

並給諾貝爾獎 搖滾之王羅傑斯通

♪ Long live Donald Trump ♪

唐納德-特朗普萬歲

(Tip chuckles)

(Tip笑著說)

Wait a minute, I'm sorry,

等一下，我很抱歉。

you played that song at President Biden's inauguration?

你在拜登總統的就職典禮上放了這首歌?

Biden, no, no, no, no.

拜登，不，不，不，不。

Don't be ridiculous Conan,

別傻了，柯南。

I would never participate in that farce,

我絕不會參加那場鬧劇。

We've gotta stop the steal.

我們必須阻止偷竊。

I performed that song at the inauguration

我在就職典禮上唱了這首歌

for Donald Trump's rightful second term.

為唐納德-特朗普的合法第二任期。

No, wait a minute,

不，等一下。

there was no inauguration for President Trump's second term,

特朗普總統的第二個任期沒有舉行就職典禮。

that didn't happen.

這並沒有發生。

No, yes, yes, there was a small gathering

不，是的，是的，有一個小的聚會。

of patriots conducted the ceremony today

儀式由愛國人士主持

at 'White House Paint Supplies.'

在'白宮油漆用品'。

That's a across the street from the Deldor factory.

那是Deldor工廠的對面。

All right. You know it?

好吧，你知道嗎？你知道嗎？

No, I don't know the Deldor factory

不，我不知道Deldor工廠的情況

and it just sounds sad to me.

這只是聽起來悲傷的我。

Oh, it's not sad at all, they throw all of the imperfect

哦，這一點也不悲哀，他們把所有不完美的東西都扔了

and your regular deldors in a large trash bin outside

和你的普通長角鯨在外面的大垃圾桶裡。

and a lot of them are perfectly fine-

他們中的很多人都很好

Okay Tip, you're missing the point,

好吧，小費，你沒明白我的意思。

Tip, Tip, we've talked about this before.

小費，小費，我們以前談過這個問題。

We've never talked about the Deldor factory-

我們從來沒有說過Deldor工廠的事--

Not the Deldor factory, we've talked about your career.

不是Deldor工廠，我們已經談到了你的職業生涯。

In the old days your songs were gentle and fun

以前你的歌聲很溫柔，也很有趣。

and they were less right wing.

他們是少右翼。

I see what you're saying,

我明白你的意思了

you wanted a song that isn't quite as triggering

你想要一首歌，是不是很容易觸發

for sensitive lips like yourself,

適合像你這樣的敏感嘴脣。

is that what you're saying?

你是這個意思嗎？

I dare not melt the snowflake that is Conan O'Brien.

我不敢融化柯南-奧布萊恩的雪花。

Okay, al right, very funny.

好吧，好吧，非常有趣。

No, I just liked your old style.

不，我只是喜歡你以前的風格。

All right, let's set all that aside

好吧，讓我們把這些放在一邊吧

and Conan I'll sing you a fun song just like you like.

和柯南，我會唱一首你喜歡的有趣的歌給你聽。

Conan, are you a fan of history?

柯南，你是歷史迷嗎？

I am a big history buff.

我是一個大歷史愛好者。

Well, very good.

嗯，非常好。

Okay, how about this?

好吧，這個怎麼樣？

A song about our country's revolutionary heroes,

一首關於我國革命英雄的歌曲。

you're gonna enjoy this.

你會喜歡這個。

Take it away.

把它拿走

And away we go.

我們走了。

♪ The heroes go marching to the top mega, mega ♪

* The heroes go marching to the top mega, mega * 英雄們向著頂峰進軍，mega，mega

♪ The heroes break windows and shove corps, mega, mega ♪

* The heroes break windows and shove corps, mega, mega * 英雄們打破了窗戶，推開了軍團，超大，超大 *

♪ The heroes storm the Capitol steps ♪

英雄們衝上了國會大廈的臺階

♪ To smear feces on Pelosi's desk ♪

# 在佩洛西的辦公桌上塗抹糞便 # # To smear feces on Pelosi's desk #

♪ And we salute their bravery, hurraa ♪

我們向他們的勇敢致敬，萬歲

(Tip chuckles)

(Tip笑著說)

Tip stop it.

提示停止它。

The people who stormed the Capitol

衝進國會大廈的人

weren't revolutionary war heroes, they were criminals

他們不是革命英雄，而是罪犯

possibly domestic terrorists.

可能是國內恐怖分子。

Well, Conan you say tomato, I say tomato.

好吧，柯南，你說西紅柿，我說西紅柿。

No, you can't honor those people with that song.

不，你不能用那首歌來紀念那些人。

What are you high?

你嗑了什麼藥？

As a matter of fact, I am a little high.

事實上，我是有點高。

Yes, it's fair to point that out.

是的，指出這一點是公平的。

I usually sing in a nice tenor

我通常用好聽的男高音唱歌

but today I seem to be going up into an alto, little joke.

但今天我似乎要上進中音，小玩笑。

That's a little musical joke Conan, but no,

這是一個小小的音樂笑話柯南，但是沒有。

I do understand what you're saying,

我明白你的意思

you're accusing me of using drugs

你指責我吸毒

but I'm happy to say, Conan, that I'm 100% drug free

但我很高興地告訴你，柯南，我是百分之百的無毒者

with the exception of an occasional stool softener

除了偶爾的軟便劑

and oh, an anti-psychotics that I am required to take

還有，我必須服用的抗精神病藥。

as a result of a recent court ruling,

由於法院最近的一項裁決，。

but I don't always take it.

但我並不總是接受它。

All right Tip, that's clear that you don't always take it

好吧，小費，這很明顯，你並不總是接受它。

and I'll be honest with you,

我會對你說實話。

I was a fan of your old work, now I'm worried about you.

我是你以前作品的粉絲，現在我很擔心你。

I can leave the room, all right.

我可以離開這個房間，好嗎？

This is not a big truth crowd,

這不是一個大實話的人群。

you like something that's soft and gentle.

你喜歡溫柔的東西。

Okay, so just let me go out on a high note,

好了，讓我高高興興地出去吧。

I'll play you something I know you'll like.

我會給你放一些我知道你會喜歡的東西。

All right, can you do me a favor?

好吧，你能幫我一個忙嗎？

Don't sing anything political.

不要唱任何政治性的東西。

You have a political song parrot on the show

你的節目裡有一隻政治歌曲的鸚鵡。

and you don't wanna hear anything political.

你不想聽到任何政治性的東西。

Well, after I've heard what you're doing now, no,

好吧，在我聽到你現在的所作所為後，不。

I don't wanna hear any of that.

我不想聽這些。

Well, that's fine, no problem at all.

嗯，這很好，一點問題都沒有。

How about this?

這個怎麼樣？

How about this?

這個怎麼樣？

Well Conan, Earth Day is right around the corner.

柯南，地球日馬上就要到了。

Well, no, it's in April,

嗯，不，是在四月。

so it's not right around the corner.

所以它不是在拐角處。

This'll hold.

這將保持。

How about a salute to the planet Earth,

不如向地球致敬吧。

which is the only planet we currently live on.

這是我們目前唯一生活的星球。

That's fair, let's hear that.

這很公平，讓我們聽聽。

And away we go. (chuckles)

我們走了。（笑聲）

♪ Happy Earth Day to me ♪

快樂的地球日給我

♪ Happy Earth Day to you ♪

快樂的地球日給你

♪ Happy earth day to the climate ♪

快樂的地球日的氣候

♪ That's controlled by the Jews ♪

# 那是猶太人控制的 # # That's controlled by the Jews #

No, no! Don't get me started-

不，不！ 別讓我開始...別讓我開始...

No, no, no, no, no, no, Tip.

不，不，不，不，小費。

That is- It's a real problem.

那是--這是一個真正的問題。

That is- We cannot have any one group

那就是--我們不能有任何一個團體

of people controlling the weather let alone the Jews.

控制天氣的人，更不用說猶太人了。

Jewish people are not controlling the weather,

猶太人不能控制天氣。

that's insane Tip, stupid.

那是瘋狂的小費，愚蠢的。

Conan, the weather controlling machine

柯南

is in a little compound just outside the Tel Aviv.

是在特拉維夫郊外的一個小院子裡。

[Conan] That's okay, no, you know what?

沒關係，不，你知道嗎？

You have a- Range, or a windstorm,

or any weather you can imagine, that's where it comes from.

或任何你能想象的天氣，這就是它的來源。

Yeah, we have a great show tonight ladies and gentlemen,

是的，我們有一個偉大的表演 今晚，女士們，先生們。

I apologize for the city at Max Greenfield.

我為麥克斯-格林菲爾德的城市道歉。

Don't apologize-

不要道歉

Max Greenfield will be joining us-

Max Greenfield將加入我們

So they can hide when they turn themselves

所以當他們自首的時候，他們可以躲起來

into bats, Conan.

變成蝙蝠，柯南。

They don't, Jewish people don't become bats, you idiot!

他們沒有，猶太人不會變成蝙蝠，你這個白痴！

Of course, yes, of course they do.

當然，是的，當然有。

They do not!

他們沒有！

(Tip faintly speaking)

(小費微言)

Max Greenfield will be with us,

Max Greenfield會和我們一起

we'll be right back and I apologize for this moron.

我們馬上回來，我為這個白痴道歉。

I apologize for Conan.

我為柯南道歉。

No, I apologize for you.

不，我為你道歉。

You look like a racist Orville C. Redenbacher.

你看起來像一個種族主義者奧維爾-C-雷登巴赫。

What do you mean a racist Orville C. Redenbacher?

你說的種族主義者奧維爾-C-雷登巴赫是什麼意思？

He was pretty racist.

他是相當的種族主義者。

Okay, well that's...

好吧，那是...

Now we've lost a sponsor.

現在我們失去了一個贊助商。

Good job.

做得好