Michael Vsauce here

我是 Michael Vsauce （騙人的）

Awkward handshakes.

尷尬的握手

*Laughs*

*嘻哼哼哈哈哈*

It's a topic thats very important to me, you know

這對於我來說是一個很重要的議題

People pick all kinds of topics

大家都會挑很多不同的議題

To devote their life to

來致力於奉獻自己的一生

Maybe to make the planet a better place

或許是讓這世界成為更好的地方 （華爾街日報：Pewdiepie倒下的那天 就是我們被治癒的那天）

My vow, for my life

對於我的人生 我的誓言是

Is to stop awkward handshakes

要終止任何尷尬的握手行為

I've started a charity organization

我成立了一個慈善機構

stopawkwardhandshakes.org {real website, totally recommend you visit it}

停止尷尬握手行為組織 （這是真的網站喔，有興趣可以去看看XD）

And so far we've got a lot of supporters

到目前為止 我們有了很多的支持者

Who are feeling the same issues that I have

那些跟我一同察覺到相同問題的人們

Of the pure cringe of an awkward handshake

對於尷尬的握手感到非常的難堪

We've all had one

我們都有過那種經驗

So to lessen the blow

所以我減輕些衝擊

for all of you

為了你們

that's suffering out there

這些正在受苦的人們

here at awkwardhandshakesstopthem.org

在 防止尷尬握手行為組織 這裡 （名稱怎麼變了XD）

we're going to laugh at other people

我們要一起嘲笑那些

having awkward handshakes

有著尷尬握手經歷的人們

because that helps to release a lil' bit of that stress

因為這有助於減輕那些

that you're going through

曾讓你感到尷尬經驗的壓力

don't uh.. don't. don't worry

不... 不... 不要緊張

I know what you're going through

我知道你都經歷過些什麼

It's going to be okay

一切都會沒事的！

Now this one

現在這個影片

so many people sent to me

超多人傳給我的

When it dropped

當他發佈的時候

*laughs*

*竊笑*

And I gotta admit

我得承認

It's pretty funny

這真的蠻好笑的

Okay let's watch

好 我們來看吧

*quality music*

*滑稽音樂*

*slap*

*啪*

Top of the morning to ya!

早安~~ (Top on the morning to you!)

Trump's kid, I swear, is going to be the new Jacksepticeye one day

我發誓 川普的小孩有天一定會變成新的Jacksepticeye

*slap*

*啪*

TOP OF THE MORNING TO YA LADDIES MY NAME IS JACKSEPTICEYE

早安～～我的名字是JACKSEPTICEYE！

What is happening here? Can we deconstruct this?

到底發生了什麼事？ 我們能來分析一下嗎？

I wanna understand where it went wrong

我想要知道到底是哪裡出錯了

She goes in for the high five

她想要來個擊掌

Kid gets rekt

小孩被激怒了

Look at that face, look at that face!

看看那張臉！ 看看那張臉！

That's the face of

那個就是

absolutely out obliterated

完全不能抹去尷尬的臉

The kid knows

那小孩知道

You know it's bad enough that Trump is his father but this

川普是他老爸已經夠糟了 但這...

this is too much!

這真的是太超過了！

being humiliated by *HER?* mother

被“她”的媽媽給羞辱？ （Pewds在這裡說錯了 應該是his）

he wont stand for it

他一定不會接受

She strikes again

（又來XD）

Now, shaking, he's infuriated

她又出擊了一次

He knows, he needs to make a move

現在 他要發飆了

*JackSlapticeye*

他知道 他應要採取行動了

He does the Jacksepticeye

*啪*

Bold move, but very effective

他使出了Jacksepticeye （一種絕招？）

Actually no, he looks like a fucking insane person

大膽的行為 但非常的有效

I even sympathize with this kid

但事實上 不 他看起來像是一個瘋子

I'm like dude,

我甚至為這個小孩感到同情

this kid's gotta have some issues

我會想說：老兄

Y'know when I was a kid

這孩子一定有病

No cringe

你知道 我是小孩的時候

whatsoever

沒有難堪

*laughs*

也沒有其他類似的事件

No

*乾笑*

oh I'm really cool

不

trust me

噢 我真的很酷

I am veryy cool

要相信我

I was even cooler as younger actually

我真的是 非常～ 酷

Y'know I took down my coolness level just so

老實說 我小時候比我現在還酷

since we're on the Trump topic of handshakes

是我把我的“酷”度給拉低了

you know he's been in the public eye a lot lately

既然我們在討論 川普與握手 這兩個主題

and a lot of handshakes don't seem to work out for him

他最近都是大眾矚目的焦點

or maybe they are

很多次的握手似乎都沒有好結果

ha

或許也有...?

let's watch

哈

The result might shock you

讓我們來看吧

why am I click baiting you mid-video

結果可能會讓你大吃一驚

that doesn't make any sense

為什麼我要在影片的中間做釣魚影片？

*weird handshake*

這根本沒道理

this one I don't understand

這個影片我真的不懂

it says 'Funny and Racist'

他說“好笑又有種族歧視”

Um, excuse me

嗯 不好意思

Nope! WEE OOO

不

Those things do not match

*種族歧視警報*

You cannot.. disgusting

這兩件事不可能同時發生

I'm gonna tell Wall Street Journal about this right now

你不能... 令人討厭！

*alright keep moving along*

我要馬上告訴華爾街日報

So what is so funny and racist I don't understand?

我不了解哪裡有好笑又歧視？

*bitch no*

*GG尷尬了竟然沒握到手*

OOOOOOOOOOHHHH

噢哦哦哦哦哦哦哦哦哦哦哦

I dunno

我不知道耶

I think I read somewhere that he's not supposed to shake the hand

我好像看到有人說 他其實不應該握別人的手

Yeah he had something in his hand

對 他手裡有東西

So he's like *random stuttering*

所以他就好像：我不知道發生了什麼事（越來越小聲）

Although I think that guy put

但我覺得那個人

that thing in his hand so he can blow Trump up

故意把東西放在另一邊 為了要弄川普

I think that's what happened

我覺得事情應該是這樣

I mean he could easily just put it in the other side

不然他大可以把東西放在另一邊

But he's like "You know what?"

他就好像：你知道嗎？

That's not racist, that's just him not liking Trump

這不是種族歧視 這只是他討厭川普

Good zinger there I would say

好一個隨機應變

That was a good zinger

真的是一個好的隨機應變

Look at Trump's face here

看看川普的臉

You can't really make out the pixel

可能畫素太低看不清楚

But if you..zoom in

但如果你...拉近

*picture enhancing program.exe

再靠近一點

Closer

再來一個臉部辨識

Can we get a facial scan on that please

*臉部掃描中* 是的

*ding* Thats right

他完全的被壓制了

He absolutely just got s-savaged {?}

百分之百

100 percent

哦哦哦 握手

OHH handshakes

哦 你

ohhh you ;)

你怎麼能錯得這麼離譜

How can you get this so wrong?

這是一個流傳幾千年的社交動作

Thousands of years of social interaction

結果我們還是不能破解它

and we still haven't gotten past this

你們有睜大眼睛嗎？

Have you opened your eyes yet?

快去捐贈給

Go and donate to

停止尷尬握手行為組織

stopawkwardhandshakes.org

你也可以直接匯款到我的PayPal （帳號：我們來買華爾街日報XD）

You can also donate directly to my PayPal

相信我這是合法的

Trust me it's legit

這是個合法的機構

It's a legit charity

我們都非常的認真看待所有事情

We take ourselves very seriously

所有的款項都會運用在機構上

All the money goes to the organization

接下來

Moving on

*笑*

*laughs*

我在看之前就先笑了

I'm laughing before I watch it!

我喜歡這個握手

I love this handshake

我們一起來看吧

Let's watch.

哦這個沒有拍到

*give me hug*

這可能對於你們來說是正常的握手

Oh it doesn't show it

但你真的仔細看清楚了嗎？

This might seem like a normal handshake to you

我們從另一個角度來看

But have you opened your eyes yet?

哈哈哈哈 夭壽喔

Let's look at that on another angle

*哼哼哈哈哈哈*

teh HA HA SHIT

該死

*laughing intensifies*

你不能這樣 “拉“

Damn

*笑*

You can't just BWAH

你不能這麼做！

*laugh* like

你不...

YOU DON'T DO THAT

我是說你可以

You can't-

我覺得我們從這裡都可以 從川普身上學到東西

I mean you CAN

我以為我不會這麼說 但...

I think we all can learn something from Trump here actually

這是一個絕妙的課程

I dind't think I would say that but

教你如何像老闆一樣的握手

That was an excellent show of-

認真的

how to do a boss handshake

呃 他又重做一次了！

honestly

他幹嘛要那樣啊！

AYY HE DID IT AGAIN

*哈哈哈*

WHY DOES HE DO THAT

他真是一個混帳

*laughing intensifies*

這招有夠下流

He is such an asshole *dont say that about senpai bitch*

基本上他就像是在說 “嘿”！我的雞雞比你的還要大“

That's such a dick move

哦 好吧

He is basically saying "hey my penis is bigger than yours"

但 這個！

oh okay

這個！

but THIS

這個只是一個開始而已！

THIS

我相信你們一定都看過這個

IS JUST THE BEGINNING

我們有美國

I'm sure you've seen this one

我們有日本

We have america *ayy*

然後我們就會有 我稱之為 ”性互動“

and we have Japan *oyasumi poodiepai-san*

發生在

and then we have what I like to call a sexual interaction

透過

taking place

再也簡單不過的

through

握手行為

purely by

來看吧！

a handshake

你有聽到他說：我們應該握手嗎？

let's watch

川普知道是時候了

did you hear that "shall we shake"?

我們應該要握手嗎？

Trump knew it was coming

這張臉說來吧

shall we shake

我們是該握手

this face says yes

首相先生

yes we shall

我的天

Mr. Prime minister

他不曉得的是

oh my god

他給自己惹了多少麻煩

little did he know

他會拍打別人的手

what he invited himself to

我不曉得他幹嘛那麼做

he does a hand slap

他拉人家的手?!

i don't know what's up with that

他牽制住了

he did THE PULL?

非常好

he blocked the pull

牽制住川普的拉扯

very excellent

首相先生

block of the pull

你成功阻擋了拉扯

Mr. Prime minister

沒有很多人能夠成功

you blocked the pull

*背景人聲*

not a lot of people can pull that off

他用微笑來隱藏自己的尷尬

*background speaking*

我真的可以...你知道的...這真的非常棒

he's laughing a lil' bit to hide the Awkwardness

*背景人聲*

I can really.. - you know that's ... that's also a really good...

哦 看看我...

*background speaking*

他想要維持眼神接觸

oh look at me...

他盡量讓事情不那麼尷尬

he wants to maintain eye contact

但他繼續 他好像在說：嘿 看！

he's trying to make it less awkward

*背景人聲*

but he keeps going.. he's like: HEY LOOK

川普：謝謝大家！ Pewds：呃啊啊啊啊啊

*background speaking*

哈哈哈哈

Trump: "Thank you everybody" Pewds: AHHHHHH

這是高潮啊

*laughs*

差不多了..哈 看看川普

That was the Climax

為什麼我覺得這個這麼好笑

pretty much... *laughs* look at Trump..

我也不知道

Why is this so funny to me

*笑*

I have no idea

*持續的背景人聲*

*laughs*

川普：我們有強壯的手

*background speaking continues*

川普 你知道的 試著要紳士一點

Trump: We have strong hands.

去稱讚首相先生

Trump, you know... being the Gentleman he is

稱讚他的手很強壯

complimenting the Prime Minister

等等 惡名昭彰的川普

for having strong hands

我不知道這個欸

Wait.. "the Infamous Donald Trump"

來了來了 什麼事情會發生呢？

I didnt know this was a thing.

呃...哦...哦...

Here it comes... what's gonna happen?

看起來不會太糟 對吧？

uh.. oohh...

不 我沒有...我沒有看到 他們也沒有看到

That wasn't too bad...w-what?

現在我很開心

No, I don't.. I don't see it.. They don't see it..

川普當上了總統 這樣我就可以看到

Right now I'm just happy..

他握更多人的手 這真的很棒

Trump is President, so I can see him

這對於我們的機構來說會是一個很好的研究方向

doing more handshakes.. this is very fascinating.

言歸正傳 我今天不是要來說

This is good for a Research for our Charity.

川普的事情 我是要來說

But anyway... I'm not here to just talk about

尷尬的握手行為 那是我所熱衷的

Mr. Trump. I'm here to talk about

我所關切的

awkward handshakes. That's where my

這是一個重要的原因

Passion is. That's where my heart is.

但很多人卻還沒有了解到

And it's an important cause

我曾經說過 但我現在再說一次

that I don't think a lot of people realise.

我們應該要鞠躬 這不可能會搞砸吧？

I've said this before and I'll say it again..

一個鞠躬 那就是我們應該做的

we should bow.. surely you can never fuck up

就...鞠躬吧！

a bow... That's all we should do..

這裡沒有...@#$kl$^&*$%^&^

Just.. BOW!

...閉嘴！

There's no esfalp... esfolp... esfalp...

呃...

esfol... shut up!

他用錯邊的手來握手了...

*video*

這很顯然的超尷尬

EURGHH... *cringe noise*

噁心...

He shook with the wrong Hand...

這個人應該要被處決

obviously it's awkward.

很抱歉

disgusting...

我知道這可能聽起來有點過分

This man needs to be killed.

但我們這個機構不是在開玩笑的

I'm sorry.

好嗎？

And I know it might seem a lil' bit harsh

不要再握手了...

but this Charity is not fucking around.

你...你只有一次機會好嗎？

okay?

你搞砸一次你就結束了

No more handshakes..

你知道嗎 其實我也搞砸過蠻多次的 *笑*

Y..You got one strike, okay?

*笑* 但我不管

You fuck it up once and you're done.

*注意最後尷尬的握手*

You know, I may have fucked up a couple actually *laughs*

*超尷尬*

*laughs* ...but that doesn't matter

哦哦哦哦哦哦

Reporter: so thinking forward to the navi game, now again best of five *initiates awkward handshake*

他怎麼沒有說： 我還沒準備好

Reporter: *Awkward babble*

太糟糕了！ 這已經沒救了

OOOOHHHH *cringe noise*

傷害已經造成了！

There's no saying "Oh, I wasn't ready"

呃啊啊啊啊啊

that's too bad.. It's already done!

呃啊！我看了好難受

That damage is done!

“哦 我沒有準備要握手...

*video*

我只是想要表達

EUUURGHH *cringe noise again*

謝謝你讓我處在這個難堪的處境

AHAH! That hurts meeee *cringy voice*

你這他馬的智障“ *笑*

"Oh, I wasn't going for a Handshake

他試著要挽救...

I was making expression

...不...不...不

Thank you for adding me to a cringe compilation...

不...不要

...you fucking moron! *laughs*

抱歉...你們都應該要...一樣的

He tried to save it...

你們兩個都應該要被處決

..No.. no.. no...

我很抱歉

No.. Just.. NO

啊哈哈

S..Sorry, you both gonna .. again..

不！！！

You both gonna have to get executed.

多經典啊...

I'm sorry. *video speaking continues*

呃...

AHAHA! *laughs*

哦該死 他準備要跟我拳頭擊掌了

NOOOO

我準備要握手...喔不...

Such a classic...

該怎麼化解這個 該死！

EHH..

呃...呃...呃...

Oh shit, he's going in with the Brofist

如果你陷於那種處境

I'm doing the Handshake.. oh no..

我已經在我的牙齒裡植入了一個東西

How do we fix this? Oh shit!

只要我一咬 就會有毒液進到我的血管裡

Ah.. sh.. AHH.. AH SH...

我就會死掉 我就會被我的...

If you get in that Situation

...口水和泡泡給嗆到

I have a thing installed in my tooth that I can..

然後我最終將會

...bite on and it injects poison in my Bloodstream

在幾秒鐘內死去

I will be dead. I'd be coughing up...

你知道你可以買到這個

... my own Saliva and Bubbles

快買吧！你即可獲得豪華版本

and I'll eventually be dead within

裡面還有附烤盤（WTF?） 停止尷尬握手行為組織

a couple seconds.

我知道...我好像置入性行銷太多次了

You know you can buy this Package

我很抱歉 我不是推銷員 好嗎？

BUY NOW! You can get the deluxe Model