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  • Many people, after they've been in a couple for  some time, will privately admit that they are - in  

    很多人在談戀愛一段時間後,會私下裡承認自己是--在。

  • many ways - frustrated and disappointed by the  person they've chosen to share their lives with.  

    許多方面 - 沮喪和失望的人,他們已經選擇分享他們的生活。

  • If pressed for details, they will have  no difficulty coming up with a list:  

    如果追問細節,他們會不難得出一個名單。

  • their partner, they might complain: Is too loyal to their irritating family 

    他們的伴侶,他們可能會抱怨。是太忠誠於他們惱人的家庭

  • doesn't share their views on  the layout of the living room 

    不謀而合

  • Never wants to go on camping holidays Plays tennis every Wednesday evening,  

    從不願意去露營度假,每週三晚上打網球。

  • no matter what Doesn't like Moroccan food 

    無論什麼都不喜歡摩洛哥食物。

  • Doesn't share their enthusiasm  for 19th century Russian novels 

    不像他們對19世紀俄國小說的熱情。

  • Has a habit of adding 'actually' to every  second sentence, when it's actually redundant  

    有一個習慣,每隔一句話就會加上'其實',其實這是多餘的。

  • As the list gets longer, they sigh; they  still love their partner and long to be happy  

    隨著名單越來越長,他們嘆息,他們仍然愛著自己的伴侶,渴望幸福

  • together, it's just that it seems impossibly  complicated to make this relationship work.  

    在一起,只是要把這段關係搞好,似乎不可能很複雜。

  • What's driving the frustration isn't that  they've sadly fallen for an idiot as a mate;  

    促使他們沮喪的不是他們不幸愛上了一個白痴做伴侶。

  • it's rather that we have all  inherited needlessly complicated ideas  

    而是我們都繼承了不必要的複雜的思想。

  • of what a relationship is supposed to be for. We  are told that love is meant to involve the almost  

    的關係應該是什麼。我們被告知,愛情是要涉及幾乎

  • total merger of two lives: we expect thatloving couple must live in the same house,  

    兩種生活的完全合併:我們期望一對恩愛的夫婦必須住在同一個房子裡。

  • eat the same meals together every night, share the  same bed, go to sleep and get up at the same time;  

    每天晚上一起吃同樣的飯菜,同睡一張床,在同一時間睡覺和起床。

  • only ever have sex with (or even sexual  thoughts about) each other, regularly see  

    只和對方發生過性關係(甚至有性念頭),經常性地見。

  • each others' families, have all their friends  in common - and pretty much think the same  

    彼此的家庭,有所有共同的朋友--並且幾乎有同樣的想法。

  • thoughts on every topic at every moment. It's a beautiful vision, but a hellish one too,  

    每時每刻都在思考每一個話題。 這是一個美麗的願景,但也是一個地獄般的願景。

  • for it places an impossibly punitive burden of  expectation on another human. We feel the partner  

    因為它給另一個人帶來了不可能的懲罰性期望負擔。我們感到夥伴

  • must be right for us in every way, and if they're  not, has to be prodded and cajoled into reform.  

    必須在各方面都對得起我們,如果不對,就要督促和哄騙他們改革。

  • But there's another perspective: relationships  don't have to be so complicated and ambitious  

    但也有另一種觀點:感情不必那麼複雜,也不必那麼雄心勃勃。

  • if we keep in view what in the end actually  makes them fulfilling. If we boil matters down,  

    如果我們考慮到最後真正讓他們滿足的是什麼。如果我們把事情歸結為:

  • there might really just be three essential  things we want from one another:  

    可能真的只有三件我們想要的重要事情。

  • Kindness: a partner who is gentle  with our imperfections and can  

    善良:是一個溫柔對待我們的不完美的夥伴,可以。

  • good-humouredly tolerate us as we are. Shared vulnerability: someone with whom  

    善意地包容我們的現狀。共同的脆弱:與之相處的人

  • we can be open about our anxieties, worries  and the problems that throw us off balance:  

    我們可以坦然面對我們的焦慮、擔憂和讓我們失去平衡的問題。

  • someone we don't have to put on a good front forsomeone around whom we can be weak, vulnerable and  

    一個我們不需要裝作很好的幌子的人;一個我們可以在其身邊軟弱、脆弱和的人。

  • honest - and who will be the same around us. Understanding: someone who is interested in,  

    誠實的人--在我們身邊也會是這樣的人。理解:對的人。

  • and can make sense of, certain obscure features  of our minds: our obsessions, preoccupations  

    並能理解我們頭腦中某些晦澀的特徵:我們的執著,專注於...

  • and ways of seeing the world. And whom  we are excited to understand in turn.  

    和看待世界的方式。而我們激動地依次瞭解誰。

  • If we have these three critical ingredients to  hand, we will feel loved and essentially satisfied  

    如果我們掌握了這三個關鍵要素,我們就會感到被愛,基本滿足了。

  • whatever differences then crop up in a hundred  other areas. Perhaps our partner's friends or  

    無論什麼差異,然後在其他一百個方面出現。也許我們伴侶的朋友或

  • routines won't be a delight, but we will be  content. Just as if we lack these emotional  

    例行公事不會是一種享受,但我們會很滿足。就像我們缺少這些情感

  • goods, and yet agree on every detail of European  literature, interior design and social existence,  

    商品,卻在歐洲文學、室內設計和社會存在的每一個細節上達成一致。

  • we are still likely to feel lonely and bereft. By limiting what we expect a relationship to  

    我們仍然有可能感到孤獨和失落。 通過限制我們對關係的期望

  • be about, we can overcome the tyranny and  bad temper that bedevils so many lovers.  

    是關於,我們可以克服暴虐和壞脾氣,困擾著許多戀人。

  • A good, simpler - yet very fulfillingrelationship could end up in a minimal state:  

    一段好的、簡單的--卻又非常充實的關係,最終可能會以一種最小的狀態結束。

  • we might not socialise much together. We might  hardly ever encounter each other's families.  

    我們可能不怎麼在一起社交。我們可能很難遇到對方的家人。

  • Our finances might overlap only at a few pointsWe could be living in different places and only  

    我們的財務可能只在幾個點上有重疊。 我們可能住在不同的地方,而只是

  • meet up twice a week. Conceivably we might not  even ask too many questions about each other's  

    每週見面兩次。可以想象,我們甚至可能不會問太多關於對方的問題。

  • sex life. But when we would be together it  would be profoundly gratifying, because we  

    性生活。但當我們在一起的時候 會讓人非常滿意,因為我們... ...

  • would be in the presence of someone who knew  how to be kind, vulnerable and understanding.  

    會在一個懂得善良、脆弱和理解的人面前。

  • A bond between two people can be deep and  important precisely because it is not played out  

    兩個人之間的感情可以很深很重要,正是因為它不是玩出來的

  • across all practical details of existenceBy simplifying - and clarifying - what a  

    在所有實際存在的細節上。 通過簡化--澄清--什麼是。

  • relationship is for we release ourselves  from overly complicated conflicts - and  

    關係是為了讓我們從過於複雜的衝突中解脫出來--而。

  • can focus on our urgent underlying needs to  be sympathised with, seen and understood.

    可以關注我們迫切的潛在需求,讓我們得到同情、看到和理解。

Many people, after they've been in a couple for  some time, will privately admit that they are - in  

很多人在談戀愛一段時間後,會私下裡承認自己是--在。

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B1 中級 中文 關係 複雜 脆弱 期望 滿足 細節

良好關係的三個要求 (The Three Requirements of a Good Relationship)

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    林宜悉 發佈於 2021 年 01 月 13 日
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