I'M YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT.

我是你的主播，史蒂芬-科爾伯特。

WELL, FELLOW AMERICANS, THE BIG STORY TODAY-- AND WE'LL BE

好了，美國朋友們，今天的大事件 -- 而我們將是。

TALKING ABOUT IT IN THE BIG SCRIPT WE HAVE HERE--

我們在這裡的大段文字中談到了它 --

WILL BE THE BIG STORY FROM YESTERDAY, WHICH WAS ALSO THE

將會是昨天的大新聞，也是今天的大新聞。

BIG STORY FROM LAST WEEK, WHICH IS JUST THE GRAND FINALE OF THE

上週的大事件，這只是大結局的大事件

STORY FROM THE LAST FOUR YEARS.

過去四年的故事。

IT'S BEEN SIX DAYS SINCE MAGA TERRORISTS RANSACKED THE CAPITOL

MAGA恐怖份子襲擊首都已經六天了。

BUILDING, BUT THE DANGER HAS NOT PASSED.

大樓，但危險還沒有過去。

YESTERDAY, THE F.B.I. RELEASED A BULLETIN INDICATING THAT "ARMED

今天，聯邦調查局發佈了一份公告，指出 "武裝的"。

PROTESTS" ARE BEING PLANNED AT ALL 50 STATE CAPITOLS.

抗議 "正在計劃在所有50個州的首都。

STILL WANT TO BE A STATE, PUERTO RICO?

還想當州長嗎，普埃托里科？

THERE MIGHT BE AN OPENING SOON.

可能很快就會開張。

THE F.B.I. WARNED THAT THE ARMED PROTESTS ARE BEING PLANNED FROM

F.B.I.警告說，武裝抗議正在計劃從。

JANUARY 16 THROUGH AT LEAST JANUARY 20.

1月16日至1月20日。

FOUR DAYS THAT'S NOT AN ANTI-GOVERNMENT

四天不是反政府的日子

INSURGENCY.

保險：

THAT'S A MUSIC FESTIVAL.

這是一個音樂節。

IT'S "COUP-CHELLA"-- WHICH IS REALLY THE ONLY PLACE IT'S

它是 "COUP-CHELLA"--這是真正的唯一的地方，它是。

APPROPRIATE TO GO SHIRTLESS IN BUFFALO HORNS.

適宜在布法羅牛角中不穿上衣。

AND IT'S NOT JUST STATE CAPITOLS.

不僅僅是州政府的問題

YESTERDAY, MEMBERS OF CONGRESS WERE BRIEFED ON THREE PLANNED

今天，國會成員聽取了關於三個計劃中的項目的簡報。

RIOTS FOR D.C.

華盛頓騷亂

THE MOST CONCERNING PLOT WOULD INVOLVE INSURRECTIONISTS FORMING

最令人擔憂的陰謀會涉及到保險商組成的。

A PERIMETER AROUND THE CAPITOL, THE WHITE HOUSE, AND THE SUPREME

圍繞首都、白宮和最高法院的一個邊界。

COURT, AND THEN BLOCKING DEMOCRATS FROM ENTERING THE

法院，然後阻止民主黨人進入法院。

CAPITOL-- PERHAPS EVEN KILLING THEM-- SO THAT REPUBLICANS COULD

首都... ... 甚至可能殺了他們...

TAKE CONTROL OF THE GOVERNMENT.

掌控政府。

WHAT KIND OF PLAN IS THAT?

這是什麼計劃？

THEY'RE GOING TO KILL A BUNCH OF PEOPLE, BUT AFTER THAT, IT'S

他們會殺一大堆人，但之後，就...

JUST BACK TO SEVENTH GRADE CIVICS AND WE'RE NOT GOING TO

剛剛回到七年級的公民，我們不會去。

NOTICE?

通知？

THERE'S A REASON THE FIRST ARTICLE OF THE CONSTITUTION

憲法第一條是有原因的

ISN'T "THE HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES SHALL BE

難道 "眾議院不應該是...... "嗎？

COMPOSED OF MEMBERS CHOSEN EVERY SECOND YEAR BY THE PEOPLE--

由每隔一年由人民選出的成員組成----。

UNLESS, OF COURSE, ONE SIDE MURDERS THE OTHER SIDE, IN WHICH

除非，當然，一方謀殺了另一方，在這種情況下：

CASE, IT'S 'GRAND THEFT AUTO' RULES."

案，這是'大盜汽車'的規則。"

AND CONGRESS DID RECEIVE SOME HELPFUL SAFETY TIPS, AS THEY

而國會也收到了一些有用的安全提示，因為他們。

WERE REMINDED THAT "THE PURCHASE OF A BULLETPROOF VEST IS A

提醒大家，"購買防彈背心是一種......"。

REIMBURSABLE EXPENSE."

可報帳的費用"。

GOOD TO KNOW.

好知道。

SAME REASON LINCOLN GOT TO WRITE OFF THOSE THEATER TICKETS.

這也是林肯要寫下那些電影票的原因。

FOR ALMOST A WEEK NOW, WE'VE HAD PEOPLE TRYING TO TELL US WHAT WE

一個星期以來，我們一直有人試圖告訴我們什麼是

SAW ISN'T WHAT WE SAW, WHICH IS WHY TODAY, IT WAS REASSURING

我們看到的不是我們所看到的，這就是為什麼今天，它是令人欣慰的。

TO HEAR FROM F.B.I. OFFICIAL STEVEN D'ANTUONO-- DO I HAVE

聽取FBI官員STEVEN D'ANTUONO的意見...

THAT RIGHT?

是嗎？

LET'S SAY I HAVE THAT RIGHT-- WHO MADE IT CLEAR: THE MAGA

MANIACS WHO TRIED TO OVERTHROW THE GOVERNMENT ARE GOING TO PAY.

試圖推翻政府的狂人要付出代價。

>> THE F.B.I. HAS WORKED HAND IN HAND WITH THE UNITED STATES

>> 聯邦調查局與美國攜手合作。

ATTORNEY'S OFFICE AND OUR LAW ENFORCEMENT PARTNERS HERE IN

律師事務所和我們的法律執行夥伴在這裡

D.C. AND ACROSS THE COUNTRY TO ARREST AND CHARGE MULTIPLE

華盛頓特區和全國各地逮捕並指控多名犯罪嫌疑人。

INDIVIDUALS WHO TOOK PART IN THE DESTRUCTION.

參與破壞的個人：

IN SIX DAYS, WE HAVE OPENED OVER 160 CASE FILES, AND THAT'S JUST

在六天內，我們已經打開了超過160個案例文件，而這僅僅是。

THE TIP OF THE ICEBERG.

冰山一角

>> Stephen: THAT'S AN APT METAPHOR UPON

>> Stephen:這是一個APT的比喻，在

THE MAGA CROWD HAS A LOT IN COMMON WITH ICEBERGS: COLD;

MAGA人群有很多共同點與冰山。冷。

WHITE; AND WHEN THE HEAT IS ON, TEY JUST MELT BEFORE YOUR EYES.

白色的；而當熱氣騰騰的時候，TEY就會在你眼前融化。

IT WAS VALIDATING TO HEAR SOMEONE, ANYONE, TAKE THIS WHOLE

它是validating聽到有人，任何人，採取這整個。

THING AS SERIOUSLY AS IT DESERVES.

認真對待它應該有的東西。

>> TO BE CLEAR, THE BRUTALITY THE AMERICAN PEOPLE WATCHED WITH

>> 說白了，美國人民看到的粗暴行為，與美國人民的生活息息相關。

SOCK AND DISBELIEF ON THE 6th WOULD NOT BE TOLERATED BY

6日的襪子和蔑視將不會被容忍。

THE F.B.I.

F.B.I.

THE MEN AND WOMEN OF THE F.B.I.

F.B.I.的男人和女人。

WILL LEAVE NO STONE UNTURNED IN THIS INVESTIGATION.

在這次調查中，我們不會留下任何線索。

>> Stephen: SO, MAGA-HEADS WHO THOUGHT THE FEDS WERE OUT TO GET

>> Stephen: 所以，那些認為聯邦調查局是來抓人的馬加爵們。

YOU, I'M HAPPY TO SAY, THEY ARE NOW.

你，我很高興地說，他們現在。

I HAVE A FEELING YOU'LL SOON BE OCCUPYING ANOTHER FEDERAL

我有預感，你很快就會住進另一個聯邦監獄了。

BUILDING FOR A LONG TIME.

建設了很長一段時間。

THEN IT WAS TIME TO HEAR FROM ACTING U.S. ATTORNEY FOR THE

然後，是時候聽取美國代理律師的意見了。

DISTRICT OF COLUMBIA, AND I'M AGAIN, MICHAEL SHERWIN.

哥倫比亞特區，我又是邁克爾-謝爾文。

AM I SAYING SHERWIN CORRECTLY?

我說的SHERWIN是正確的嗎？

SHERWIN?

SHERWIN？

LET'S SAY I AM.

讓我們說我是。

SO FAR, THE MAGA MOB HAS BEEN ARRESTED FOR MINOR CRIMES, LIKE

到目前為止，MAGA MOB已經因為輕微的犯罪而被逮捕，如

TRESPASSING, BUT SHERWIN TOLD US THINGS ARE GOING TO GET SERIOUS.

但Sherwin告訴我們，事情會變得很嚴重。

>> THE F.B.I., WORKING WITH THE U.S. ATTORNEYS' OFFICES ACROSS

>> 聯邦調查局與美國各地的律師事務所合作。

THE COUNTRY-- AND THE CRUX OF THOSE BEING IN D.C.-- WE'RE

國家... ... 和那些在華盛頓的CRUX --

LOOKING AT SIGNIFICANT FELONY CASES TIED TO SEDITION AND

審視與親子關係有關的重大重罪案件

CONSPIRACY.

陰謀：

>> Stephen: SEDITION.

>> Stephen: SEDITION.

YOU MAGA TERRORISTS MUST BE PRETTY PROUD!

你們這些馬加人恐怖分子一定很自豪！

YOU'RE FINALLY BEING TREATED JUST LIKE THOSE GUYS WHOSE FLAG

你終於和那些打著旗幟的人一樣被對待了。

YOU LOVE TO CARRY!

你喜歡攜帶！

BUT YOU KNOW WHO'S NOT TAKING ALT-RIGHT TERRORISM SERIOUSLY?

但你知道誰不認真對待右翼恐怖主義嗎？

THE PRESIDENT.

主席：

YESTERDAY, HE HAD A PHONE CALL WITH HOUSE MINORITY LEADER,

前天，他與眾議院少數派領袖通了電話。

KEVIN McCARTHY, SEEN HERE REALIZING THAT GOD HAS CURSED

凱文-麥卡錫，在這裡看到的是，他意識到上帝已經施了咒語

HIM TO BE KEVIN McCARTHY.

他是KEVIN McCARTHY。

AND INSTEAD OF ACKNOWLEDGING WHAT REALLY HAPPENED, THE

而不是承認真正發生了什麼，

PRESIDENT BLAMED STORMING THE CAPITOL ON "ANTIFA PEOPLE."

主席指責衝擊首都的 "反法分子"。

WHAT?

什麼？

THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

你到底在說什麼？

YOU INVITED THOSE RIOTERS TO YOUR RALLY IN WASHINGTON.

你邀請那些暴徒參加你在華盛頓的集會。

THEY WERE WEARING YOUR SHIRTS, YOUR HATS, WAVING YOUR FLAG, AND

他們穿著你們的襯衫，戴著你們的帽子，揮舞著你們的旗幟，並且。

THEY CHEERED WHEN YOU TOLD THEM TO GO MARCH ON THE CAPITOL.

當你告訴他們去國會大廈遊行時，他們歡呼雀躍。

FROM NOW ON, NEUROLOGISTS ARE GOING TO HOLD UP PICTURES LIKE

從現在開始，神經學家要舉著圖片，如

THIS TO STROKE VICTIMS AND SAY, "CAN YOU TELL ME WHOSE

這對中風的受害者，並說，"你能告訴我誰的。

SUPPORTERS THESE ARE?" AND IF THEY DON'T SAY, "THEY'RE

這些是支持者嗎？"如果他們不說，"他們是

MAGA PEOPLE," YOU KNOW IT'S TIME TO TAKE AWAY THEIR CAR KEYS.

"MAGA的人，"你知道是時候把他們的車鑰匙拿走了。

THIS ANTIFA EXCUSE IS SO RIDICULOUS THAT EVEN THE

這個ANTIFA的藉口是如此可笑，甚至是該。

NORMALLY SPINE-FREE ZONE OF KEVIN McCARTHY PUSHED BACK,

KEVIN McCARTHY的正常脊椎自由區被推到了後面。

SAYING, "IT'S NOT ANTIFA.

說，"它不是ANTIFA。

IT'S MAGA.

它的瑪格。

I KNOW.

我知道

I WAS THERE."

我當時就在那裡。"

FINDING OUT THIS LATE IN THE GAME

在比賽後期才發現

THAT KEVIN McCARTHY HAS THE ABILITY TO NAME REALITY IN THE

凱文-麥卡錫有能力說出現實中的名字

FACE OF THE PRESIDENT'S LIES IS LIKE FINDING OUT THAT TOM HANKS

面對總統的謊言，就像發現湯姆-漢克斯的謊言一樣

IN "CASTAWAY" HAD A BOAT THE WHOLE TIME.

在 "CASTAWAY "有一艘船的全部時間。

WHY DIDN'T YOU USE IT BEFORE, YOU IDIOT?

你為什麼不使用它之前，你白痴？

DID WILSON STOP YOU?

威爾遜有沒有阻止你？

YOU COULD HAVE BEEN HAPPY WITH HELEN HUNT!

你和海倫-亨特在一起本可以很開心的！

SHE SEEMS VERY NICE.

她似乎很好。

NOW, ON THE PEACEFUL TRANSITION OF POWER, McCARTHY TOLD POTUS HE

現在，在和平的權力交接上，麥卡錫告訴美國總統，他...

SHOULD CALL JOE BIDEN, MEET WITH THE PRESIDENT-ELECT, AND FOLLOW

應打電話給喬-比登，與候任主席會面，並採取後續行動。

TRADITION AND LEAVE A WELCOME LETTER IN THE RESOLUTE DESK FOR

傳統，並在RESOLUTE辦公桌上留下一封歡迎信。

HIS SUCCESSOR.

他的繼任者。

WELL, WE ACTUALLY HAVE A COPY OF THE FIRST DRAFT OF THE

好吧，我們實際上已經有了一份初稿的副本

PRESIDENT'S WELCOME LETTER.

PRESIDENT'S WELCOME LETTER.

"IF YOU EVER WANT TO SEE DEOCRACY AGAIN, LEAVE A

"如果你還想再看到DEOCRACY，請留下一句話。

WHEELBARROW OF CHICKEN NUGGETS WITH THE CONCIERGE AT MY HOTEL."

"在我的酒店裡，我的酒店裡，我的酒店裡，我的酒店裡

NOW, PROTECTING THE COUNTRY FROM ITS DERANGED RULER MIGHT COME

現在，保護這個國家不受我的變質統治者的影響，可能會來。

DOWN TO VICE PRESIDENT MIKE PENCE, SEEN HERE AT ONE OF THE

下圖為副總統邁克-彭斯，他在這裡出席了一次會議。

PRESIDENT'S "WHO SHOULD YOU MURDER NEXT" RALLIES.

主席的 "下一個你該殺誰 "集會。

( LAUGHTER ) THE HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES

眾議院......"。

PASSED A RESOLUTION TODAY ASKING PENCE TO REMOVE THE PRESIDENT

今天通過了一項決議，要求彭斯罷免主席的職務。

USING THE 25th AMENDMENT.

使用第25條修正案：

AND YOU'D THINK PENCE WOULD BE INTO THE IDEA, CONSIDERING THE

你會認為彭斯會對這個想法感興趣，考慮到...

WHOLE "HANG HIM" THING.

整個 "吊死他 "的事情。

BUT YOU WOULD BE DEAD WRONG, BECAUSE YESTERDAY, AFTER DAYS OF

但你大錯特錯了，因為昨天，在幾天的時間裡... ...

SILENCE, THE PRESIDENT AND MIKE PENCE SPOKE FOR THE FIRST TIME,

沉默，總統和邁克-彭斯第一次發言。

MEETING IN THE OVAL OFFICE, AND AGREED THAT THOSE WHO BROKE THE

在橢圓辦公室舉行的會議，並同意那些違反《公約》的人，

LAW AND STORMED THE CAPITOL LAST WEEK DO NOT REPRESENT THEIR

上週，羅和攻入國會，不代表他們的。

POLICY OF AMERICA FIRST.

美國第一的政策。

OF COURSE THIS MOB VIOLENCE WASN'T AMERICA FIRST.

當然，這種暴徒暴力不是美國第一。

IT WAS IN GERMANY FIRST.

它首先在德國。

SO, APPARENTLY, IT'S ALL WATER UNDER THE GALLOWS NOW.

所以，顯然，現在都是花瓶下的水。

I CANNOT FATHOM THIS TYPE OF SELF-DESTRUCTIVE LOYALTY.

我無法忍受這種自毀式的忠誠。

BUT I GUESS IT'S WORTH IT FOR THE REWARD: MIKE WAS NAMED WHITE

但我想這是值得的獎勵：邁克被命名為白種人。

HOUSE EMPLOYEE OF THE WEEK!

本週最佳員工!

IT COMES WITH A $10 COUPON TO SUBWAY AND INSTRUCTIONS TO THE

它附帶了10美元的SUBWAY優惠券和使用說明。

MOB SO THEY CAN CATCH MIKE PENCE AT SUBWAY.

這樣他們就能在地鐵站抓到邁克-彭斯了。

WITH THE 25th AMENDMENT OPTION OFF THE TABLE, HOUSE DEMOCRATS

隨著第25條修正案方案的提出，眾議院民主黨人

ARE SET TO IMPEACH THE PRESIDENT.

他們將對總統進行彈劾。

I'LL CATCH YOU UP ON THE LATEST IN OUR "BACK BY UNPOPULAR

我將在我們的 "不受歡迎的迴歸 "中為您提供最新的資訊。

DEMAND" SEGMENT, "DON AND THE GIANT IMPEACH 2: GO FAST, WE'RE

"DEMAND "部分，"DON和巨無霸IMPEACH 2: GO FAST, WE'RE?

FURIOUS."

FURIOUS。"

>> THAT WAS A CLOSE ONE.

>> 這是一個接近的一個。

>> Stephen: EVEN THOUGH THEIR OWN LIVES WERE THREATENED BY THE

>> Stephen:儘管他們自己的生命受到了威脅，但他們的生活還是受到了威脅。

COUP THAT THE PRESIDENT INSTIGATED, ONLY A HANDFUL OF

主席鼓動的聯合，只有一小撮人。

REPUBLICANS HAVE BACKED REMOVING HIM FROM OFFICE.

共和黨人已經支持將他從辦公室。

THE REST ARE SAYING, "OH, THERE'S ONLY SEVEN DAYS LEFT."

其他人說，"哦，只剩下七天了"

MAY I REMIND YOU, SEVEN DAYS IS A LONG TIME WHEN YOU LET A

請允許我提醒你，當你讓一個人離開時，七天是很長的時間。

LUNATIC BE THE MOST POWERFUL MAN IN THE WORLD.

LUNATIC是世界上最有力量的人。

IF A GRIZZLY BEAR SHOWS UP AT A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY, YOU

如果一隻GRIZZLY BEAR出現在孩子的生日派對上，你就會

DON'T SAY, "THERE'S ONLY 45 MINUTES LEFT, LET'S JUST RUN

不要說："只剩下45分鐘了，我們快跑吧！"。

OUT THE CLOCK WHILE HE GNAWS ON TYLER."

"在他對泰勒發脾氣的時候，把時鐘拿出來。"

MAKE YOURSELF BIGGER, TYLER!

讓你自己變大，TYLER！

IT FRIGHTENS THEM!

嚇到他們了！

ONE FORMER SENATE AIDE EXPLAINED THAT, FOR REPUBLICANS, HOLDING

一位前參議院助理解釋說，對共和黨人來說，持有。

THE PRESIDENT ACCOUNTABLE IS "STILL POLITICALLY PROBLEMATIC."

主席的責任是 "仍然有政治問題"

YES, REPUBLICAN LAWMAKERS DESPERATELY NEED THE PRESIDENT'S

是的，共和黨的法律制定者們非常需要主席的幫助。

SUPPORTERS TO LIKE THEM!

支持者要喜歡他們!

I MEAN, THEIR HANDS ARE TIED!

我是說，他們的手是綁著的！

ALMOST LITERALLY.

幾乎是字面上的意思。

THE G.O.P. HAS NEW TALKING POINTS FOR WHY THEY THINK

G.O.P.有了新的談話要點，說明他們為什麼認為

REMOVING THE PRESIDENT IS THE WRONG MOVE:

罷免主席是錯誤的做法。

>> LET'S TRY TO COME TOGETHER.

>> 讓我們試著走到一起。

>> I THINK THE FIRST THING WE NEED TO DO AS LEADERS IN

>> 我認為作為領導人，我們首先要做的是：

AMERICA IS LOWER THE TEMPERATURE AND TRY TO COME TOGETHER.

美國是降低溫度，並試圖走到一起。

>> I THINK WE NEED TO LOWER THE RHETORIC.

>> 我想我們應該降低RHETORIC。

WE NEED TO GET SOME UNITY GOING.

我們需要得到一些團結去。

>> Stephen: OKAY, LET'S UNIFY IN PUNISHING ALL THE

>> Stephen:好吧，讓我們團結起來懲罰所有的人

INSURRECTIONISTS AND THEIR POLITICAL LEADERS WHO

革命分子和他們的政治領導人，他們是

LEGITIMIZED THEIR HOMICIDAL FANTASIES.

合法化了他們的殺人幻想。

THERE CAN BE NO HEALING UNTIL THE SICKNESS IS IDENTIFIED AND

在疾病沒有被發現和治療之前，是不會有任何治療的。

REMOVED.

刪除：

AND YOU CAN DO IT NOW!

而且你現在就可以做!

THE TUMOR LOST HIS TWITTER FEED!

腫瘤患者失去了他的微博！

BECAUSE UNITY'S GREAT!

因為團結是偉大的！

I'M ALL FOR UNITY.

我是為了團結。

SO, REPUBLICANS, WHAT'S YOUR OUTREACH TO THE OTHER SIDE?

那麼，共和黨人，你對另一邊的宣傳是什麼？

YOU GOT TO ANTE UP.

你必須要有耐心。

YOU DON'T GET TO STAY IN THE GAME IF YOU DON'T TOSS IN A CHIP

如果你不投擲籌碼，你就不能留在遊戲中。

OF GOOD FAITH.

善意的信念。

THE OTHER SIDE IS GOING TO STOP THIS FROM HAPPENING AGAIN BY

另一方將通過以下方式阻止這種情況再次發生。

GETTING RID OF THE GUY WHO CAUSED IT.

擺脫了導致它的傢伙。

WHAT ARE YOU WILLING TO DO TO HELP?

你願意做什麼來幫助我們？

BECAUSE, SO FAR, YOU HAVE DONE NOTHING.

因為，到目前為止，你什麼都沒做。

THEY WERE SIMPLY CERTIFYING A FREE AND FAIR ELECTION-- AN

他們只是簡單地證明了自由和公平的選舉-----------------------------------------。

ELECTION THAT YOU KNEW WAS FREE AND FAIR-- BUT YOU LIED ABOUT IT

你知道選舉是自由公正的，但你卻在選舉中撒謊

ANYWAY, BECAUSE YOU WANTED CAMPAIGN CASH AND EYEBALLS AND,

無論如何，因為你想要競選資金和眼球，而且，

YOU WERE AFRAID TO MAKE YOUR BOSS AND HIS MAGA MONSTER MAD.

你不敢讓你的老闆和他的瑪格怪獸生氣。

YOUR LIES LEGITIMIZED THE FANTASIES OF A VIOLENT,

你的謊言讓一個暴力分子的幻想合法化了。

ANTI-DEMOCRATIC MOB THAT NEARLY GOT YOU AND YOUR COLLEAGUES

差點害死你和你的同伴的反民主暴徒組織

KILLED, AND DID GET A POLICEMAN MURDERED.

殺了，而且還讓一個警察被殺了。

NOW YOU WANT TO USE YOUR HOLLOW CALLS FOR UNITY TO SWEEP IT ALL

現在，你要利用你的呼聲，團結起來，掃除一切。

UNDER THE RUG?

在地毯下面？

WELL, GOOD LUCK WITH THAT, BROTHER, BECAUSE THE RIOTERS

好吧，祝你好運，兄弟，因為暴徒們... ...

ALSO POOPED ON YOUR RUGS.

還在你的地毯上撒了一泡尿。

NOW, AS THE PRESS CONFERENCE MADE CLEAR TODAY, THE FEDS ARE

現在，正如新聞發佈會上所說的那樣，聯邦調查局正在

ARRESTING MEMBERS OF THE MAGA-WAFFEN IN LARGE NUMBERS.

逮捕大量的馬加爵夫人協會成員；

TO DO SO, THE F.B.I. HAS STREAMLINED THE PROCESS.

這樣一來，聯邦調查局就把程序簡化了。

THEY'VE GIVEN ALL THEIR FIELD OFFICES A LIST OF QUESTIONS TO

他們給所有的外地辦事處開了一份問題清單，要他們...

ASK ALL POTENTIAL SUSPECTS.

詢問所有潛在的嫌疑人。

IT'S PRETTY SIMPLE STUFF LIKE, "WERE YOU IN WASHINGTON ON THE

這是很簡單的事情，比如，"你在華盛頓的哪裡，在這一天，"。

AFTERNOON OF JANUARY 6?" "DO YOU BELIEVE THE U.S.

1月6日晚上？""你是否相信美國。

PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION WAS STOLEN?"

總統選舉被偷了？"

AND "WHO DID YOU ROOT FOR?

和 "你支持誰？"。

INDIANA JONES OR THE MELTING-FACE NAZI GUY?"

INDIANA JONES或融化的臉納粹的傢伙？"

NOW, WITH THE HELP OF ONLINE DETECTIVES, THE F.B.I. IS SLOWLY

現在，在網上偵探的幫助下，聯邦調查局慢慢地...

BUT SURELY TRACKING THESE PEOPLE DOWN AND ARRESTING THEM.

但一定要追蹤這些人並逮捕他們。

CASE IN POINT, THIS JACK-HOLE IN THE VIKING HAT IS NAMED JAKE

舉個例子，這頂維京帽上的插孔叫JAKE

ANGELI.

ANGELI：

HOW DO WE KNOW THAT'S HIS NAME?

我們怎麼知道那是他的名字？

WELL, AMONG OTHER REASONS, ANGELI ACTUALLY CALED THE

好吧，除了其他原因外，安吉利實際計算的。

F.B.I. HIMSELF TO ACKNOWLEDGE HE WAS THE PERSON IN PHOTOGRAPHS

F.B.I.自己承認他是照片上的人。

OF THE RIOT AND TOLD A REPORTER HE WAS NOT AFRAID OF ARREST.

並告訴記者，他並不害怕被逮捕。

WHY DOES HE THINK HE CAN CALL THE F.B.I. AND JUST EXPLAIN AWAY

為什麼他認為他可以打電話給FBI，然後解釋一下？

HIS CRIME?

他的罪行？

♪ WHITE PRIVILEGE ♪ OH, THANK YOU, "LATE SHOW"

哦，謝謝你，"晚間秀"

CHOIR.

CHOIR：

( LAUGHTER ) ANGELI-- A.K.A. THE QANON

ANGELI -- 又名卡農。

SHAMAN-- WENT ON TO EXPLAIN, "AND EVEN IF I WAS ARRESTED,

巫師 - 繼續解釋說，"即使我被逮捕，

WASN'T GANDHI ARRESTED A LOT?

甘地不是經常被抓嗎？

WASN'T MARTIN LUTHER KING JR. ARRESTED A LOT?

馬丁-路德-金不是經常被逮捕嗎？ WASN'T MARTIN LUTHER KING JR.逮捕了很多？

WASN'T JESUS ARRESTED?" YES, FOR NON-VIOLENT PROTEST--

耶穌不是被逮捕了嗎？"是的，因為非暴力抗議 --

KIND OF THEIR THING.

那種他們的東西。

JESUS NEVER SAID, "LET HE WHOSE CANDIDATE DID NOT WIN CAST THE

耶穌從來沒有說過："讓沒有勝出的候選人去投胎吧！"。

FIRST STONE.

第一塊石頭：

AND THE SECOND.

和第二個。

AND THE THIRD.

和第三種。

HANG MIKE PENCE!" SINCE HIS ARREST, ANGELI, A

懸掛邁克-彭斯！"自他被捕以來，安吉利，A.

FAILED ACTOR WHO LIVES WITH HIS MOM, HAS GONE ON A HUNGER