WELCOME BACK TO "A LATE SHOW."

歡迎回到 "深夜秀"。

LET'S SAY HELLO TO JON BATISTE.

讓我們向JON BATISTE問好。

HELLO, JON!

你好，喬恩！

HEY, JON, TELL ME ABOUT "PLAY ON LIVE" TONIGHT.

嘿，喬恩，告訴我今晚的 "現場直播"。

>> Jon: OH, YEAH.

>> 喬恩。哦，是的。

>> Stephen: YOU WERE ON THE CBS TONIGHT WITH "THE PLAY ON

>> 你今晚在CBS的 "The PLAY ON "節目中出現了。

LIVE."

活。"

TELL ME ABOUT THAT.

告訴我吧

>> Jon: THAT'S RIGHT, WITH MY FRIEND EMILY KING AND SARAH

>> 喬恩：這是正確的，與我的朋友埃米莉-金和SARAH。

BERRALIS.

BERRALIS：

WE DID A SONG WITH MANY GREAT ARTISTS AND IT BENEFITTED THE

我們和很多優秀的藝術家一起做了一首歌曲，這讓我們受益匪淺。

N.A.A.C.P. LEGAL DEFENSE FUND, AND AN ORGANIZATION I HAVE BEEN

N.A.A.C.P. LEGAL DEFENSE FUND, AND AN ORGANIZATION HAVE BEEN.

INVOLVED WITH AND A FRIEND OF FOR MAN YEARS, THE LAST FIVE,

過去五年來，我和他是朋友。

SIX YEARS.

六年了

WE PLAYED A CURTIS MAYFIELD SONG WITH THE IMPRESSIONS.

我們和 "印象 "樂隊一起演奏了一首CURTIS MAYFIELD的歌。

BEFORE IT WAS JUST CURTIS.

之前只是CURTIS。

♪ PEOPLE GET READY THERE'S A TRAIN A-COMING ♪

人們準備好有一列火車來了

WE DID THAT AND IT WAS KILLING.

我們這樣做，這是在殺人。

STEVE ON THE DRUMS.

史蒂夫對DRUMS。

IT WAS GREAT.

它是偉大的。

I WAS SO HAPPY WITH IT.

我很高興與它。

>> Stephen: JON BATISTE, EVERYBODY, THANK YOU, JON.

>> 喬恩-巴蒂斯特，各位，謝謝你，喬恩。

FOLKS, YOU KNOW, I SPEND A LOT OF TIME PICKING THE TIMELIEST

夥計們，你們知道，我花了很多時間來挑選最及時的。

STORY APPLES, GRINDING THEM INTO THE PERFECT TOPICAL EXTRACT AND

故事蘋果，把它們磨成完美的主題內容和

MIXING IT WITH CINNAMON, MAPLE SYRUP, ALLSPICE AND OTHER

與肉桂、楓糖漿、ALLSPICE等混合使用。

SEASONALLY-APT AROMATICS TO BREW THE GOURMET ARTISANAL HOT APPLE

季節性的芳香劑來釀造GOURMET ARTISANAL HOT APPLE。

CIDER MUG THAT IS MY MONOLOGUE.

CIDER MUG THAT IS MY MONOLOGUE.

BUT ONCE IN A WHILE, I DUMP SOME APPLE SHASTA AND GRAIN

但偶爾，我扔掉一些蘋果夏士達和穀物。

ALCOHOL INTO A ONE-GALLON ZIPLOC BAG, ADD SOME CRUSHED UP FRUIT

將酒精裝入一加侖的密封袋中，再加入一些水果碎末。

BITS I PICKED OUT OF OLD FIG NEWTONS, AND THE RIND OF A

我從舊的FIG NEWTONS裡撿到的一些東西，以及一個人的故事。

JACK-O'-LANTERN LEFT OUTSIDE SINCE HALLOWEEN, TOSS IN SOME

JACK-O'-LANTERN LEFT OUTSIDE SINCE HALLOWEEN, TOSS IN SOME

YEAST, AND FERMENT IT UNDER MY MATTRESS, THEN STRAIN IT THROUGH

酵母菌，在我的床墊下發酵，然後通過濾網過濾

A SOCK TO CREATE THE CONTRABAND TOILET-HOOCH OF NEWS THAT IS MY

襪子創造了我的新聞的傳統洗碗機--------------。

SEGMENT: "QUARANTINE-WHILE!" QUARANTINE-WHILE, ACCORDING TO A

SEGMENT: "QUARANTINE-WHILE！"QUARANTINE -WHILE！"QUARANTINE -WHILE, ACCORDING TO A.

NEW STUDY, YOUR DOG DOESN'T REALLY KNOW WHAT YOU'RE

新研究，您的狗並不知道您在做什麼。

TALKING ABOUT.

談到：

YOU CAN SEE ALL THE DETAILS IN THE PRESTIGIOUS "NEW ENGLAND

您可以在 "新英格蘭 "中看到所有的細節。

JOURNAL OF THAT'S WHAT WE ASSUMED."

這就是我們的假設。"

QUARANTINE-WHILE, A PHYSICIST DISCOVERED A NEW WAY TO MAKE

QUARANTINE-WHILE，一位物理學家發現了一種新的製造方法。

CHEAP N-95 MASKS BY USING A COTTON CANDY MACHINE.

棉花糖機使用便宜的N-95面具。

THAT IS AWESOME.

這是真棒。

BUT HOT TIP: DON'T EAT YOUR MASK AND THEN IMMEDIATELY GO ON THE

但熱心提示：不要吃完麵膜就馬上去上廁所。

TILT-A-WHIRL, OR ELSE YOU KNOW THAT THING'S COMING RIGHT BACK

傾斜的漩渦，否則你就知道事情會回來的

UP.

上升。

QUARANTINE-WHILE, FOLLOWING A REPORT FROM THE FRENCH MILITARY

夸父----在法國軍隊的報告之後。

ETHICS COMMITTEE, THE FRENCH ARMY GOT AN ETHICAL GO-AHEAD TO

道德委員會，法國陸軍得到了道德上的許可，以使其能夠在法國陸軍中開展工作。

CREATE BIONIC SOLDIERS AND NOW HAVE PERMISSION TO DEVELOP

創造仿生阿兵哥，現在已獲得開發許可

"AUGMENTED SOLDIERS," BUT HAS FORBIDDEN ANY MODIFICATION THAT

"增強型阿兵哥"，但禁止任何修改，即：

WOULD AFFECT A SOLDIER'S SENSE OF "HUMANITY."

會影響阿兵哥的 "人情味"。

ALWAYS COMFORTING TO SEE "HUMANITY" IN QUOTES.

看到 "人性 "總是令人欣慰的在報價中。

NOTHING TO "WORRY" ABOUT, WE'VE REALLY "THOUGHT" THIS THROUGH,

沒什麼好 "擔心 "的，我們已經 "想 "過了。

SO FEEL FREE TO LET DOWN YOUR "DEFENSES."

所以，隨時可以放下你的 "防線"。

BUT THAT'S NOT ALL.

但這還不是全部。

FURTHER EXAMPLES OF BANNED MODIFICATIONS INCLUDE COGNITIVE

其他被禁修改的例子包括：認知性的

IMPLANTS THAT WOULD AFFECT THE EXERCISE OF A SOLDIER'S FREE

會影響阿兵哥自由行使權利的植入物。

WILL.

會的。

SO, EVERYBODY OUT THERE WORRIED THEY ARE GOING TO BUILD A

所以，大家都在擔心他們要建一個... ...

TERMINATOR, CALM DOWN.

終端機，冷靜下來。

IT'S GOING TO BE "LE TERMINATEUR!"

這將是 "LE TERMINATEUR"！

NOW, WE HERE AT "MEANWHILE CONSOLIDATED PETROLEUM AND HUMOR

現在，我們在這裡 "此時此刻綜合石油和幽默。

PRODUCTS" SOMETIMES COME ACROSS SO MANY PENIS-RELATED STORIES,

產品 "有時會遇到這麼多的陰莖相關的故事。

WE HAVE TO CORRAL THEM IN OUR GROIN-FOCUSED "QUARANTINE-WHILE"

我們必須在我們的專注於 "量子力學 "的 "量子 "中把它們收斂起來。

SUB SEGMENT: "PEEN-WHILE."

"PEEN -WHILE"。

PEEN-WHILE, NEW FOOTAGE FROM CENTRAL CHINA SHOWS ANOTHER

PEEN-WHILE，來自中國中部的新鏡頭展示了另一個世界。

REASON THEY HAVE BECOME OUR MOST FORMIDABLE ENEMY.

他們已經成為我們最強大的敵人的原因。

>> WANG LIUTAI IS NO ORDINARY KUNG FU MASTER.

>> 王六臺不是普通的功夫大師。

THE 65-YEAR-OLD PRACTICES A UNIUE AND EXCRUCIATING-LOOKING

65歲的老人練就了一身獨特的絕活。

TYPE OF MARTIAL ARTS KNOWN AS "IRON CROTCH KUNG FU."

被稱為 "鐵拳 "的國術類型。

ITS MOST FAMOUS TECHNIQUE INVOLVES SWINGING A

它最著名的技術包括揮動一個。

STEEL-PLATE-CAPPED, TWO-METER- LONG LOG THROUGH THE AIR TO

鋼板蓋，兩米長的木頭穿過空氣，到空中。

SMASH INTO A MAN'S CROTCH.

撞到一個人的胸口。

>> Stephen: PERFECT FOR ANYONE WHO'S EVER SAID, "I LOVE MARTIAL

>> Stephen:非常適合那些曾經說過 "我愛婚姻 "的人。

ARTS, BUT THERE JUST AREN'T ENOUGH NUT SHOTS.

藝術，但只是沒有足夠的堅果拍攝。

SOMETIMES I LEAVE A SPARRING LESSION, AND MY GROIN ISN'T

有時候，我離開了一個sparring LESSION，而我的GROIN是不是

BLACK AND BLUE.

黑色和藍色。

IT'S LIKE, WHAT AM I DOING THIS FOR?"

這就像，什麼是我做這個？"

ALSO, THAT'S A LOT OF EFFORT JUST TO GET HIT IN THE NUTS.

另外，這也是一個很大的努力 只是得到擊中的堅果。

BUDDY'S GOT A BEAM TRESTLE, CHAIN RIGGING, FORESTRY... I

兄弟有一個樑架，鏈架，林業... ...I

KNOW FOR A FACT THAT, WHETHER YOU ASKED FOR IT OR NOT, YOU CAN

你要知道，不管你是否要求，你都可以做到。

GET THE SAME EFFECT FROM A 10-YEAR-OLD WITH A NERF GUN.

從一個10歲的孩子那裡得到同樣的效果，用一把呆子槍。

PROPONENTS OF IRON CROTCH KUNG FU INSIST THAT NOTHING

鐵架子功夫的支持者堅持認為，沒有任何東西

BEATS A GOOD TREE TO THE GROIN.

揍一棵好樹，打到肚子上。

AS ONE PUT IT, "WHEN YOU PRACTICE IRON CROTCH KUNG FU, AS

有人說："當你練習鐵十字拳時，你會發現，你是在練鐵十字拳。

LONG AS YOU PUSH YOURSELF, YOU WILL FEEL GREAT."

只要你推自己，你就會感覺很好。"

YOU'VE GOT TO PUSH YOURSELF.

你必須推動自己。

WHICH RAISES A QUESTION: WHO SUSPENDS A LOG FROM A CHAIN,

這就提出了一個問題：誰會從鏈子上撬下一個木頭。

POSITIONS HIMSELF INSIDE THE LOG'S PROJECTED PARABOLA, AND

擺在自己的位置在LOG的投射的比喻句，和。

THEN DECIDES TO PHONE IT IN?

然後決定打電話給他？

STILL, THIS IS THE PERFECT TIME OF YEAR TO TAKE UP CROTCH-FU,

不過，現在是一年中最適合的時間，採取的 CROTCH -FU。

BECAUSE YOU'LL FINALLY HAVE A USE FOR YOUR TREE BEYOND

因為你終於可以為你的樹提供一個用途，除了

CHRISTMAS.

聖誕節。

RIGHT IN THE JINGLE BELLS!

正好在鈴鐺聲中!

PEEN-WHILE, A RUSSIAN AIRLINE OFFICIAL WAS FIRED FOR CREATING

俄羅斯航空公司的一名官員因製造 "PEEN-WHILE "而被解僱。

A PENIS-SHAPED FLIGHT DETOUR.

陰莖形狀的飛碟。

FUN FACT: "PENIS-SHAPED FLIGHT DETOUR" WAS THE NAME OF MY

有趣的是："陰莖形狀的飛行軌跡 "是我的名字。

JEFFERSON AIRPLANE COVER BAND.

JEFFERSON AIRPLANE COVER BAND.

AND I WOULD HATE TO BE ON THAT PLANE:

我也不想坐那架飛機。

"UHH, THIS IS YOUR CAPTAIN SPEAKING.

"呃，這是你的隊長說話。

NORMALLY WE'D BE STARTING OUR DESCENT, BUT I'M GONNA TAKE A

通常情況下，我們會開始我們的下降， 但我要採取一個。

BEAT TO DRAW A GIANT SKY DONG.

打畫出一個巨大的天空DONG。

IT WILL DELAY US SIGNIFICANTLY, BUT IT WILL BE HILARIOUS--

它將會大大拖延我們的時間，但它將會是熱鬧的 --

I REPEAT, HILARIOUS."

我重複一遍，搞笑。"

ANYWAY, HOW ANATOMICALLY ACCURATE CAN A PENIS DRAWN USING

不過，使用以下方法繪製的陰莖有多準確呢？

A FLIGHT PATH BE-- WOW.

一個飛行路線是 - 哇。

ALSO, GIVEN THE TEMPERATURE AT 30,000 FEET, VERY IMPRESSIVE.

另外，鑑於三萬英尺的溫度，非常令人印象深刻。

QUARANTINE-WHILE, IT'S OFFICIAL: HARRISON FORD WILL RETURN IN A

QUARANTINE-WHOILE, IT'S OFFICIAL: HARRISON FORD WILL RURN IN A?

FIFTH "INDIANA JONES" MOVIE.

第五部 "印第安納-瓊斯 "電影。

DESPITE BEING 78-YEARS-OLD, SO, IN THE SUMMER OF 2022, LOOK

儘管已經78歲了，所以，在2022年的夏天，看...

FORWARD TO "INDIANA JONES AND THE TEMPLE OF SOUP," FOLLOWED UP

前進到 "印第安納-瓊斯和湯的殿堂"，然後是：

BY "INDIANA JONES AND THE LOST ARK, BUT IT WAS ON TOP OF HIS

由 "印第安納-瓊斯和失落的方舟，但它是在他的頂部。

HEAD THE WHOLE TIME."

頭部的整個時間。"

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH ANDERSON COOPER AND ANDY COHEN.

我們將很快與安德森・庫珀安迪・科恩回來。

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