THE "LATE, LATE SHOW."

"遲到的，遲到的節目。"

WE HOPE YOU HAD A GREAT WEDNESDAY, THANK YOU FOR JOINING

我們希望你有一個美好的週二，謝謝你的加入。

US, WE HAVE A FUN SHOW TONIGHT.

我們，我們有一個有趣的節目今晚。

WE'LL BE CHATTING WITH THE ALWAYS BRILLIANTED RIZ AHMED,

我們將與一直以來都很出色的瑞茲-艾哈邁德交談。

LATER A PERFORMANCE FROM THE MOST-STREAMED ARTIST IN THE

後一篇：美國最受歡迎的藝術家的表演。

WORLD, PAD BUNNY IS HERE.

世界，PAD BUNNY在這裡。

YOU DON'T WANT TO MISS IT.

你不會想錯過它的。

YEAH.

是的。

BAD BUNNY.

壞兔子。

BAD BUNNY.

壞兔子。

USE WHAT THEY USED TO CALL ME IN HIGH SCAL, BAD BUNNY.

用他們以前叫我的高標號，壞兔子。

>> YOU WERE A BAD BUNNY IN HIGH SCHOOL.

>> 你是一個壞兔子在高中。

>> BIG NIEM, YEAH, YOU KNOW ME, I WAS BAD, MAN, BAD BUNNY.

>> 大尼姆，是的，你知道我，我是個壞蛋，夥計，壞兔子。

>> I CAN SEE IT.

>> 我可以看到它。

>> LIKE WHAT, YEAH, BAD BUNNY.

>> 像什麼，是的，壞兔子。

LIKE I WILL SHOW YOU THE BAD BUNNY, UNDAY I WILL BE THE VOICE

就像我要給你看的壞兔子，今天我將是聲音。

OF PETER RABBIT.

兔子彼得的故事

THAT IS HOW BAD A BUNNY I AM.

這就是我是一個多麼糟糕的兔子。

LET'S TAKE A LACK AT SOME HEADLINES.

讓我們來看看一些頭條新聞。

WITH ONLY TWO MONTHS LEFT OF THE TRUMP ADMINISTRATION IS FACING

特朗普政府只剩下兩個月的時間就面臨著

YET ANOTHER POTENTIAL SCAND ALL.

另一個潛在的醜聞所有。

ACCORDING TO A NEW REPORT THE JUSTICE DEPARTMENT IS

根據一份新的報告，司法部正

INVESTIGATING AN ALLEGED SCEAM WHERE INDIVIDUALS TRIED TO BRIBE

調查個人試圖賄賂的所謂SCEAM事件

WHITE HOUSE OFFICIALS IN EXCHANGE FOR A PRESIDENTIAL

白宮官員換取總統職位

PARDON.

恕我直言

ST UNCLEAR WHAT THE PARDON WOULD BE FOR BUT FOR STARTERS I'M

我不清楚赦免的目的是什麼，但對於初學者來說，我...

GUESSING BRIBERY?

猜測BRIBERY？

THE INVESTIGATION IS HAS NOT NAMED THE SOURCE IN THE WHITE

調查是沒有在白皮書中指明來源。

HOUSE ACCUSED OF SELLING THE PARDON BUT APPARENTLY IF IS

房子被指控出售赦免，但顯然，如果是

SOMEONE RONALD J BRUMP.

某人羅納德・J・布倫普。

MEANWHILE ACCORDING TO OTHER REPORTS PRESIDENT TRUMP HAS BEEN

但根據其他報道，特朗普總統已經

TALKING WITH HIS ADVISORS ABOUT THE POSSIBILITY OF BRANTING

與他的顧問們討論了是否有可能轉正。

PREEM TIFF PARDONS TO MEMBERS OF HIS OWN FAMILY INCLUDING DONE

赦免他自己的家庭成員，包括已完成的工作。

DON, JR., ERIC, I VANNING AN AND SON IN LAW JARED KUSHNER WHICH

DON, JR, ERIC, I VANNING AN和兒子的法律賈裡德-庫什納，其中

MEANS TIFFANY TRUMP IS SOMEWHERE LIKE HELLO, I CAN COMMIT CRIMES

意味著TIFFANY TRUMP是某處喜歡你好， 我可以犯罪的意思

TOO.

太。

STOP IGNORING ME, DAD.

不要再忽視我了，爸爸。

PREEM TIFF PARDONS FOR HIS FAMILY, ALTHOUGH TO BE FAIR,

Preem TIFF赦免他的家人，雖然是公平的。

DON, JR. SAYS HE DOESN'T NEED A PARDON UNLESS COCAINE IS

唐，JR，說他不需要赦免說他不需要赦免，除非可卡因是。

ILLEGAL.

非法的。

HE'S LIKE COCAINE IS NOT ILLEGAL IS IT, NOT ILLEGAL, IT'S

他就像可卡因不是非法的，不是非法的，是的。

COMPLETELY LEGAL.

完全合法。

(LAUGHTER) ANY EXCUSE, I DON'T KNOW WHERE

（笑）任何藉口，我不知道在哪裡。

THIS COMES FROM, MY COCAINE ACT OUTS.

這來自於，我的可卡因行為輸出。

DON, JR. IT'S NOT LEGAL, IT'S NOT LEGAL.

DON, JR.這是不合法的，這是不合法的。

WHAT HIS DPIRL FRIEND CALLED KIM PERLY.

他的海盜朋友叫什麼金-珀利。

>> KIMBERLY, THEY SAY COCAINE IS LEGAL!

>> 金伯利，他們說可卡因是合法的！

WHAT!

什麼！

ACCORDING TO LEGAL EXPERTS TRUMP'S CHILDREN MAY NEED

根據法律專家的說法，特朗普的孩子可能需要。

PARDONS DUE TO POTENTIAL CONFLICTS OF INTEREST ARISING

由於可能出現的利益衝突而給予赦免。

BETWEEN THEIR BUSINESS DEALINGS AND CONVERSATIONS WITH THEIR

他們的業務交易和與他們的對話之間的關係。

FATHER.

父親：

MEANWHILE JARED KUSHNER NEEDS A PARDON FOR THE TIME HE KILLED A

同時賈裡德-庫什納需要為他殺了一個人而獲得赦免。

DRIFTER JUST SO HE COULD FEEL SOMETHING.

DRIFTER只是為了讓他能感覺到一些東西。

(LAUGHTER) IN OTHER POLITICAL NEWS ATTORNEY

(笑)在其他政治新聞中，律師協會是一個非常重要的機構。

GENERAL WILLIAM BRAR HAS APPOINTED A SPECIAL COUNSEL TO

威廉-布拉爾將軍任命了一名特別顧問，以

CONTINUE INVESTIGATING THE OR I DPINS OF THE TRUMP RUSSIA

繼續調查特朗普的俄羅斯之路。

INQUIRY EVEN AFTER BIDEN TAKES OFFICE.

在BIDEN上任後仍要詢問。

THE SPECIAL COUNSEL IS JOHN DURHAM FRK YOU ARE NOT FAMILIAR

特別顧問是約翰-杜漢，FRK，你不熟悉。

WITH JOHN DURHAM, HERE HE IS HERE.

與約翰・杜漢姆，在這裡，他在這裡。

AS YOU CAN SEE HE IS CURRENTLY IN THE PROCESS OF GROWING HIS

如你所見，他目前正在種植他的產品。

OWN COVID MASK.

自己的COVID MASK。

HE LOOKS LIKE SANTA CLAUS.

他看起來像聖誕老人。

HE LOOKS LIKE SANTA CLAUS, THE ONLY DPIFT SANTA GAVE WAS A FIRM

他看起來像聖誕老人，唯一的DPIFT聖誕老人給了一個堅定的。

HANDSHAKE.

握手。

DID YOU SEE THAT, LOOK AT THAT, HE LOOKS LIKE A GOATEE GREW A

你看到了嗎，看那，他看起來像一隻山羊長了一個。

MAN.

男人：

I'M NOT SURE WHAT JOHN DURHAM WILL FIND ON THE RUSSIA INQUIRY

我不知道約翰-杜漢姆在俄羅斯調查中會發現什麼。

BUT WILL DEFINITELY GET TO THE BOTTOM OF WHAT YOUR MUM'S

但一定會得到你媽媽的底線。

FAVORITE FLOWERS ARE BECAUSE SHE IS A SPECIAL LADY AND HE'S NOT

最喜歡的花是因為她是一個特殊的女士，他不是。

HERE TO REPLACE YOUR DAD, OQ SPORT.

這裡代替你的父親，OQ體育。

COULD YOU PULL OFF FACIAL HAIR LIKE THAT.

你能把臉部的頭髮拔掉嗎？

COULD YOU.

你能。

>> YEAH, I COULD BUT I'M HOT AND HOT PEOPLE CAN DO ANYTHING.

>> 是的，我可以，但我是熱的，熱的人可以做任何事情。

YOU KNOW.

你知道的。

>> James: YOU'VE HAD A LITTLE TRIM DOWN, HAVEN'T YOU?

>> 詹姆斯。你已經有了一個小的修剪下來，不是嗎？

WITHIN KIND OF, YEAH.

內的，是的。

>> James: I CAN SENSE A TRIM DOWN.

>> 詹姆斯。我可以感覺到一個修剪下來。

>> YEAH, THAT'S LIKE MY OLD HAIR STYLE, THAT PICTURE.

>> 是啊，這就像我以前的髮型，那張照片。

>> James: WELL, YOU HAVE TAKEN THIS AWAY, TAKEN THIS AWAY AND

>> 詹姆斯。好了，你已經採取了這一走，採取了這一走和

PUT A SORT OF-- .

把某種...

>> Reggie: YEAH.

>> 雷吉：YEAH。

>> James: WITHIN THESE DPIES ARE SO FAST.

>> 詹姆斯。在這些DPIES是如此之快。

>> James: THAT WAS REMARKABLY FAST.

>> 詹姆斯。那真是快得驚人。

>> THAT WAS THE FASTEST I HAVE EVER SEEN.

>> 這是我見過的最快的一次。

>> James: LET'S SEE THAT AGAIN?

>> 詹姆斯。讓我們再看一次？

HOY CAN THE GRAPHICS DEPARTMENT DO THAT SO QUICKLY, LIKE WHEN WE

乖乖，圖文部能這麼快就做到嗎？

SEE A PICTURE OF A BLURRED PENIS ON A ROB THE O, YOU ARE LIKE YOU

看到一個模糊的圖片陰莖上的ROB的O，你是喜歡你。

WILL HAVE TO WAIT UNTIL THE END OF THE DAY FOR THAT, SORRY BOSS.

將不得不等待 直到今天結束的時候，對不起老闆。

OH, LOOK AT THAT.

哦，看那個。

>> NICE, DAMN.

>> 尼斯，該死的。

WOW.

WOW。

WOW.

WOW。

>> James: I AM ACTUALLY NOT MAD AT THAT.

>> 詹姆斯。我其實並不生氣。

>> NO.

>> NO.

>> James: LET ME SEE-- LOOK AT THAT.

>> 詹姆斯。讓我看看... 看看這個。

>> Reggie: WOW, THAT'S A NEW JAMES.

>> 哇，那是一個新的詹姆斯。

>> James: ISN'T IT.

>> 詹姆斯。是不是。

YOU NOT SURE ABOUT IT HAGAR?

你不確定嗎，海格？

NO.

編號：

DOESN'T LOOK AND FEEL LIKE-- OH, OH, NOW COME ON.

看起來和感覺不喜歡 - 哦，哦，現在來吧。

COME.

吃。

>> I TOLD YOU.

>> 我告訴過你。

>> James: YOU DID TELL, YOU SAID, YOU'RE HOT, YOU CAN PULL

>> 詹姆斯。你說過了，你說過了，你很熱，你可以拉。

ANYTHING OFF WITHIN THAT, THAT GUY MAKES LIKE MAKES HIS OWN

任何東西關在其中，這傢伙讓喜歡做自己的。

SWRERKY AT HOME, THAT SELLS FOR A LOT OF MONEY.

在家裡的SWRERKY，賣了很多錢。

FOR THE MONEY, HE DOES IT BECAUSE HE PASSIONATELY BELIEVES

為了錢，他這樣做是因為他熱切地相信。

IN THE TRUTH OF ORGANIC JERKY.

在有機傑基的真相。

>> I USE FOR MONEY TO MAKE CANOES FOR URBAN YOUTH.

>> 我用來賺錢為城市青年製作獨木舟。

>> James: WE'RE HAVING FUN, NICE, WE'RE ALL HAVING FUN.

>> 詹姆斯。我們玩得很開心，很好，我們都玩得很開心。

AND DID YOU GUYS SEE THIS.

你們看到這個了嗎？

MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY BACK HOME ARE VERY, VERY EXCITED ABOUT

我在家鄉的朋友和家人都非常非常的興奮。

THIS NEWS.

這個新聞。

TODAY THE UNITED KINGDOM GAVE EMERGENCY APPROVAL TO PFIZER

今天，聯合王國向PFIZER發出了緊急批准書。

CORONAVIRUS VACCINE BECOMING THE FIRST WESTERN COUNTRY TO DO SO.

冠狀病毒疫苗成為第一個這樣做的西方國家。

I MEAN THEY WILL DO ANYTHING TO MAKE SURE THE NEXT SEASON OF

我的意思是，他們會不惜一切代價來保證下一季的拍攝。

GREAT BRITISH BAKING SHOW JUST GETS-- THEY ARE LAKE GO, GO,

偉大的英國烘焙秀只是得到 - 他們是湖走，走。

PROTECT PRU AT ALL COSTS.

不惜一切代價保護PRU。

PRU, THEY SAID PRU LEAVE WILL BE THE FIRST PERSON TO GET THE

PRU，他們說，PRU LEAVE將是第一個得到的人。

VACCINE IT WILL BE HER, THEN THE QUEEN, THEN FRONT LINE WORKERS.

疫苗... ...會是她，然後是女王，然後是前線工人。

>> ARE THEY GOING TO PUT A BLOCKY PLASTIC PRIMARY COLOR

>> 他們要把一個塊狀的塑膠主色調。

SYRINGE.

SYRINGE.

>> YES, TO MATCH WHATEVER NECKLACE SHE IS WEARING THAT

>> 是的，要配合她當天戴的項鍊。

DAY.

天。

WHAT ABOUT THAT, BRITAIN, BRITAIN WINS.

怎麼樣，英國，英國贏了。

YEAH, LOOKS LIKE THEY'RE GOING TO HAVE TO REWRITE HAMILTON.

是啊，看來他們要重寫漢米爾頓了。

>> FINALLY.

>> 終於。

>> James: LIKE YOU'LL BE BACK.

>> 詹姆斯。就像你會回來。

FOR A VACCINE.

對於一個疫苗。

♪ YOU MUST NEIL IN FRONT OF THE QUEEN-- KNEEL IN FRONT OF THE

你必須在女王面前跪下...

QUEEN.

女王：

♪.

♪.

>> WE WANTED TO TELL YOU ABOUT THIS, A FISHERMAN HAS FOUND WHAT

>> 我們想告訴你的是，一個漁夫發現了什麼？

THEY BELIEVE TO BE THE WORLD'S BIGGEST BLOB OF WHALE VOMIT.

他們認為自己是世界上最大的鯨魚群。

AND GET THERE BECAUSE IT CONDITION TAINS A SPECIAL TYPE

併到達那裡，因為它的條件有一個特殊的類型。

OF ALCOHOL USED IN PERFUMES THE VOMIT BLOB IS WORTH OVER $3

芳香劑中使用的酒精量，VOMIT BLOB價值超過3美元。

MILLION.

百萬。

SEE, I WOULDN'T EVEN THINK TO ASK THE VALUE OF IT.

你看，我甚至不會想到去問它的價值。

I WOULD OOB LIKE OH, NEARLY STEPPED IT THAT.

我想OOB像哦，差點踩到它，。

LIKE APPARENTLY THE WHALE VOMIT IS SO VALUABLE BECAUSE IT

就像似乎鯨魚的口香糖是如此有價值，因為它的。

CONTAINS A TYPE OF ALCOHOL THAT IS USED IN PERFUME.

含有一種用於香水的酒精。

I DONE KNOW HOW THIS HAPPENED.

我知道這是怎麼發生的。

WHO IS TAKING WHALE VOMIT, EXTRACTING THINGS FROM IT, AND

誰在服用鯨魚的嘔吐物，從其中提取東西，並。

GOING YOU KNOW WHAT WE SHOULD DO, WE SHOULD PUT THIS ON OUR

你知道我們該做什麼，我們應該把這個放在我們的。

WRIES AND A LITTLE BIT ON OUR NECK.

腰帶和脖子上的一點小傷。

ALSO SAYS IT CAME A CLOSE-- HOW DO YOU EVEN GET IT APPRAISED.

還說它達到了一個接近 - 你怎麼能得到它的評價。

WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU'VE GOT-- WHEN YOU I HAVE GOT THE

當你有了... 當你我有了...

WHALE VOMIT, HOW DO YOU KNOW TO GET THAT MONEY?

鯨魚，你怎麼知道得到這些錢？

>> Reggie: I WOULD HAVE ASKED YOU.

>> 我本想問你的。

>> THAT YOU DON'T KNOW SWRZ YOU DON'T KNOW.

>> 你不知道SWRZ你不知道。

>> YOU GOT YOUR FINGER ON THE PULSE SO IF NEITHER ONE OF US,

>> 你的手指在脈衝上，所以如果我們倆都不在，

REGGIE?

雷吉？

>> James: DO YOU KNOW WHERE YOU TAKE IT, DO YOU KNOW WHERE

>> 詹姆斯。你知道你把它帶到哪裡，你知道在哪裡。

YOU TAKE THE WHALE VOMIT TO GET IT APPRAISED.

你把鯨魚的嘔吐物得到它的評價。

GET THE MONEY FOR IT, A PRAWN SHOP.

拿到錢了，一家手藝人店。

(APPLAUSE) >> YEAH, YEAH.

(掌聲) >> YEAH, YEAH.

>> James: I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT HAPPENED THERE.

>> 詹姆斯。我甚至不知道那裡發生了什麼。

IT-- I WASN'T EVEN RESPONSIBLE FOR THAT JOKE.

它 - 我甚至不負責 那個笑話。

IT JUST WHOOSHED IN AND WHOOSHED OUT AND THAT, THAT IS WHAT YOU

它只是嗖的一聲進去，嗖的一聲出來，這，這就是你

GET AT 12:58 ON CBS.

12點58分在CBS上得到。

HERE'S THE CRAZY STORY.

這裡是瘋狂的故事。

DESPITE ORGANIZE-- THEY TOOK EXTRAORDINARY SAFETY MEASURES

儘管有組織，但他們採取了非常規的安全措施。

MORE THAN 41 PEOPLE HAVE TESTED APPROXIMATES TIFF FOR

超過41人已經測試了近似的TIFF，以用於以下方面

CORONAVIRUS AFTER THEY ATTENDED A NEW ORLEANS SWINGERS

CORONAVIRUS參加新奧爾良搖擺人之後

CONVENTION.

會議：

WHAT A SHOCK.

什麼是震驚。

IT WAS A SUPERSPREADER SUPER SPREADER EVENT.

這是一個超級播種機超級播種機事件。

I ROV THIS, THE ORGANIZERS CLAIM THEY TOOK EVERY PRECAUTION

我發現，組織者聲稱他們採取了所有的預防措施。

INCLUDING TEMPERATURE CHECKS, SOCIAL DISTANCING IN LINE AND

包括溫度檢查、線路中的社會距離和。

SANITIZING UPON CHECK-IN.

報到時進行消毒。

I DPES THEY JUST TORE GOT ABOUT THE ONE PART WHERE DOZENS OF

他們剛剛撕毀了一個部分，那裡有幾十個人。

STRANGERS DECIDE TO HAVE SEX WITH EACH OTHER.

陌生人決定與對方發生關係。

IT ENDED PRETTY BADLY.

它的結局非常糟糕。

DOZENS OF PEOPLE LEFT THE SWINGERS CONVENTION RIDDLED WITH

數十人離開了搖擺者大會，滿腦子都是... ...

DISEASE AND SOME OF THEM ALSO GOT COVID.

疾病和一些人也得到了COVID。

(LAUGHTER) AND FINALLY, I DON'T KNOW IF I

最後，我不知道我是否能...

CAN SWING.

可以揮舞。

I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN DO IT.

我不知道我是否能做到這一點。

I DON'T KNOW IF I'VE GOT IT IN ME.

我不知道我是否已經得到了它在我身上。

HAZA, ARE YOU INTO IT, WHAT?

哈扎，你有興趣嗎？

>> I'M POINTING AT-- .

>> 我指著... ...

>> James: FROM WHERE I WAS SITTING, FROM WHERE I WAS

>> 詹姆斯。從我坐的地方， 從我坐的地方，

SITTING YOU WERE DOING THIS.

坐你在做這個。

I NEVER NOTICED YOU WERE DOING THAT.

我從來沒有注意到你在做什麼。

>> I WISH THAT WAS WHAT SHALL-- .

>> 我希望是什麼... ...。

>> James: IF I HAD THE BODY AND PHYSIQUE OF GUILLERMO I

>> 詹姆斯如果我有吉列爾莫的身體和體態，我就會...

WOULD NEVER NOT BE SWINGING.

永遠不會是揮舞。

I WOULD SWING 2, 4, 7365.

我會揮動2，4，7365。

BUT FOR EXAMPLE, YOU ARE THE REASON THAT I DON'T THINK I CAN

但是，舉個例子，你是我認為我不能的原因。

SWING.

擺動。

BECAUSE IF IT ME AND MY WIFE AND YOU AND YOUR GIRLFRIEND, MY

因為如果是我和我的妻子，你和你的女朋友，我的。

WIFE'S LIKE YEAH, OKAY.

妻子的喜歡是啊，好吧。

AND YOUR GIRLFRIEND IS LIKE, AH.

和你的女朋友是這樣的，啊。

SHE'S DEVASTATED.

她被破壞了。

(LAUGHTER).

(笑)：

>> James: DO YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS, I END UP JUST WATCHING

>> 詹姆斯。你知道發生了什麼，我最終只是看

ON EATING A CHEESE AND-- QUESADILLA.

在吃奶酪和... ... 奎斯蒂拉。

I END UP SORT OF WATCHING ON LIKE GOING-- SHALL I, NO, I'LL

我就像在看... ... 我可以嗎，不，我會的。

KEEP WATCHING.

繼續觀察。

HEY, GUILLERMO, GUILLERMO, NO,-- ALL RIGHT, COOL.

嘿，GILLERMO，GILLERMO，不， - 所有權利，酷。

I THINK THAT IS WHAT SWINGERS DO.

我想這就是搖擺不定的人所做的事情。

(LAUGHTER) IS THAT WHAT THEY DO, DE AIR

(笑)這就是他們做的事嗎，DE AIR？

MOW.

MOW：

>> MY GIRLFRIEND'S PARENTS WATCH THIS SHOW.

>> 我女朋友的父母看這個節目。

RELIGE-- RELIGIOUSLY.

RELIGE -- RELIGIOUSLY。

>> James: THEY DON'T KNOW THAT YOU ARE A COMMITTED SWINGER?

>> 詹姆斯：他們不知道你是一個承諾的搖擺者？

>> YEAH.

>> 是的。

>> James: I DON'T THINK IT'S FOR ME.

>> 詹姆斯。我不認為它適合我。

I JUST DON'T HAVE, I DON'T HAVE THE CONFIDENCE THAT PETE'S GOT.

我只是沒有，我沒有佩特的那種自信。

I DON'T HAVE IT.

我沒有它。

THAT IS RINGING A BELL NOW, PETE, DIDN'T YOU GET BACK FROM

那是響亮的鐘聲了，佩特，你沒有回來嗎？

NEW ORLEANS LIKE THREE WEEKS AGO.

新奧爾良像三個星期前。

YEAH, BUT I WORE A MASK, IT WAS ALL FINE.

是的，但我戴著面具，它是所有罰款。