SOME CHUCK MANJION, JON.

瓊的一些CHUCK MANJION。

SAY HELLO TO JON BATISTE.

向JON BATISTE問好。

>> Jon: WHERE YOU ARE?

>> 喬恩：你在哪裡？

WHERE YOU AT?

你在哪裡？

WHERE YOU AT?

你在哪裡？

>> Stephen: I'M RIGHT HERE.

>> Stephen:我就在這裡。

DID THOSE BISCUITS WORK OUT?

這些雙胞胎工作了嗎？

>> Jon: MAN, IT WAS SO HOOKED UP, MAN.

>> 男人，它是如此霍克了，男人。

HAVING THANKSGIVING, JUST ME AND MY LADIES, IT'S CRAZY TO HAVE SO

有感恩節，只有我和我的女士們，有這樣的瘋狂。

MUCH FOOD.

很多食物。

>> Stephen: DID YOU SAY, "ME AND MY LADIES IN?

>> 史蒂芬：你說，"我和我的女士們在嗎?

DID YOU SAY MULTIPLE LADIES?

你說的是多位女士嗎？

>> Jon: NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.

>> 喬恩：不，不，不，不。

JUST ONE.

只有一個。

WE HAD 20 BISQUE I WANTS FOR TWO PEOPLE.

我們有20個BISQUE I WANTS為兩個人。

>> Stephen: I THINK-- I THINK WE GOT THEM MIXED UP.

>> 我想 -- 我想我們把它們弄混了。

I THINK YOU GOT MY BISCUIT ORDER, BECAUSE I HAD 10

我想你得到了我的BISCUIT訂單，因為我有10個。

BISCUITS, AND I HAD SIX PEOPLE.

BISCUITS，我有六個人。

SO, OKAY.

所以，好吧。

I HOPE YOU ATE THEM ALL, THOUGH.

我希望你把它們都吃了，但。

>> Jon: NO, MAN, THANK YOU.

>> 喬恩：不，夥計，謝謝你。

I REALLY, REALLY APPRECIATE THAT.

我真的，真的很感激。

>> Stephen: I'M GLAD.

>> Stephen:我很高興。

IT MAKES ME HAPPY TO KNOW YOU HAD THEM.

我很高興知道你有這些東西。

HAPPY THANKSGIVING.

感恩節快樂。

LET'S DO SOME MORE.

讓我們做一些更多。

>> Jon: HAPPY THANKSGIVING.

>> 喬恩：感恩節快樂。

AND WE HAVE THE CAROL SEASON NOW.

我們現在有卡洛爾季。

YOU SEE THAT?

你看到了嗎？

IT'S CAROL TIME.

它的CAROL時間。

>> Stephen: YOU HAVE A KALE FOR THE PEOPLE.

>> 史蒂芬: 你有一個為人民服務的甘藍。

>> Jon: MAN, WHAT'S SOME GOOD ONES?

>> 喬恩：夥計，有什麼好的？

THAT'S WHAT GOOD PUBLIC DOMAINS ONE?

這就是好的公共領域之一？

>> Stephen: "OH, COME, OCOME, EMANUEL."

>> 斯蒂芬："哦，來吧，來吧，埃曼紐爾。"

YOU KNOW THAT ONE?" >> Jon: OH, YEAH.

你知道那個嗎？">> 喬恩。哦，是的。

♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: JON BATISTE,

JON BATISTE,

EVERYBODY.

每個人。

THANK YOU, JON.

謝謝你，喬恩。

YOU KNOW, MOST DAYS, I GATHER ONLY THE FINEST PIECES OF NEWS

你知道嗎，我每天只收集最好的新聞

IVORY FROM THE CARGO HOLD OF MY TOPICAL WHALING BOAT AND

我的主題鯨船貨艙的象牙和

METICULOUSLY CRAFT THEM INTO THE BEAUTIFUL, ELABORATE

巧妙地將它們製作成美麗的、可加工的。

SATIRICAL SCRIMSHAW THAT IS MY MONOLOGUE.

諷刺的SCIMSHAW，這是我的獨白。

BUT NOW AND THEN, I LIKE TO JUST SHOVE MY UNGLOVED HAND INTO THE

但時不時的，我喜歡把沒戴手套的手伸進去。

JOURNALISTIC TROUGH OF FISH GUTS, PULL OUT SOME SALTY,

記魚腸，掏出一些鹽。

DISCARDED HEADLINE HUNKS, THEN GRIND THEM UP AND SCRAPE THEM

廢棄的頭條新聞，然後把它們磨碎，再把它們撕碎。

INTO THE CHUM BUCKET OF NEWS THAT IS MY SEGMENT:

在CHUM桶的新聞，這是我的部門。

>> "QUARANTINEWHILE."

>> "QUARANTINEWHILE."

>> Stephen: QUARANTINEWHILE, BAD NEWS FOR SANTA-CON, THE ANNUAL

>> Stephen:QUANTINEWHILE, BAD NEWS FOR SANTA-CON, THE ANNUAL(年度)

BAR CRAWL THAT DRAWS "AN ESTIMATED 30,000 SANTAS, OFTEN

吸引了 "估計3萬名SANTAS "的酒吧喧譁，經常是。

LEADING TO PUBLIC URINATING, FIGHTS, AND SANTAS PASSING

導致公共排尿，打架，和SANTAS通過。

OUT IN SUBWAY STATIONS."

出在地鐵站。"

BECAUSE NEW YORK'S SANTA-CON HAS BEEN CANCELED BY COVID-19."

因為紐約的Santa -CON已經被COVID -19取消了。"

SO JUST TO BE CLEAR: YOU AND YOUR FAMILY, WHO WENT AHEAD WITH

所以我想說的是：你和你的家人，誰先走了？

THANKSGIVING, ARE LESS RESPONSIBLE THAN 30,000 WASTED

感恩節，比浪費三萬塊錢更不負責任嗎？

SANTAS.

SANTAS：

BUT PERHAPS NOT A HUGE LOSS TO THE CITY GIVEN THE VISIONS OF

但是，從城市的願景來看，也許並不是一個巨大的損失。

SANTA-CONS-PAST.

SANTA-CONS-過去。

( HORNS BEEPING ) ♪ VIOLENT FIGHTS

（喇叭嗶嗶聲） 暴力戰鬥。

SANTA BITES ♪ CUZ HE'S BLITZED

SANTA BITES CUZ HE'S BLITZED

ON 12 BUD LIGHTS ♪ SOUND BETTER IN GERMAN.

在12個BUD燈聽起來更好的德國人。

SO, KIDS, REMEMBER, IF YOU'RE NAUGHTY, SANTA'S NO LONGER

所以，孩子們，記住，如果你是頑皮，聖誕老人不會再來了。

WASTING TIME WITH LUMPS OF COAL.

浪費時間與煤塊。

HE WILL CURB-STOMP YOUR LITTLE ASS.

他會把你的小屁股打爛的。

QUARANTINEWHILE, "FLORIDA'S FIRST SNOW PARK HAD TO UPDATE

QUARANTINEWHILE，"佛羅里達州的第一個雪地公園不得不更新。

ITS OPERATING HOURS" BECAUSE THEY "DID NOT HAVE ENOUGH SNOW."

因為他們 "沒有足夠的雪"

I GOTTA SAY, BUILDING A SNOW PARK IN FLORIDA IS THE MOST

我得說，在佛羅里達州建一個雪地公園是最重要的。

FLORIDA THING ANYONE'S EVER DONE.

佛羅里達州的事情任何人都做過。

HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?

這是怎麼發生的？

THE OPERATORS OF THE PARK SAY THEY GOT INTO THIS PICKLE

公園的運營者說他們陷入了困境

BECAUSE THEY-- QUOTE-- "'MIS-ESTIMATED' SNOW

因為他們... 引述... "錯誤估計 "了雪情

PRODUCTION."

PRODUCTION"。

SO THEY MAY BE THE DUMBEST SNOW PARK OPERATORS EVER, BUT THEY

所以他們可能是有史以來最愚蠢的雪場經營者，但他們...

DID INSPIRE ONE OF THE HALLMARK CHANNEL'S 300 HOLIDAY MOVIES:

激發了HALLMARK CHANNEL的300部假日電影中的一部。

"A VERY MIS-ESTIMATED CHRISTMAS."

"一個非常錯誤的ESTIMATED CHRISTMAS。"

STORY OF A BIG-CITY SNOW ENGINEER FINDS OUT IT'S NOT SO

一個大城市的雪地工程師的故事，發現並不是這樣的。

EASY TO RUN A SNOW PARK IN CENTRAL FLORIDA.

在佛羅里達州中部輕鬆經營一個雪地公園。

BUT WHEN SHE MEETS A HANDSOME LOCAL MISTLETOE SALESMAN WITH A

但是，當她遇到了一個帥氣的當地MISTLETOE銷售人員與一個。

DARK PAST, SHE REALIZES THE THING THAT SHE MIS-ESTIMATED

黑暗的過去，她意識到了她錯誤估計的事情。

MOST WAS LOVE.

最重要的是愛。

QUARANTINEWHILE, THE INTERNETS ARE AGOG OVER THE ANNOUNCEMENT

QUARANTINWILIHILE，互聯網是AGOG OVER THE ANNOUNCEMENT，

OF THIS BRAND-NEW "$550 MILLION MEGA-YACHT THAT LOOKS LIKE A

這艘全新的 "價值5.5億美元的巨型遊艇，看起來就像一艘"。

SHARK.

鯊魚：

THE MEGA-YACHT IS EQUIPPED WITH ITS OWN PORT WITH ENOUGH SPACE

大型遊艇配備了自己的港口，有足夠的空間。

FOR A SECOND YACHT."

為第二艘遊艇。"

PLUS "SIX DECKS, THREE POOLS, AND THREE HELICOPTER

再加上 "六個甲板、三個泳池和三個直升機"。

HANGARS."

HANGARS。"

PERFECT FOR ANYONE SAYING, "I WANT A YACHT THAT JASON BOURNE

非常適合任何說 "我想要一艘JASON BOURNE的遊艇 "的人。

WOULD MURDER ME ON."

會把我殺了上。"

IT LOOKS LIKE A YACHT ON TOP OF ANOTHER YACHT, LESS LIKE A

它看起來像一艘遊艇在另一艘遊艇上，不太像一艘遊艇。

SHARK, MORE LIKE TWO YACHTS STACKED.

鯊魚，更像是兩艘堆疊的遊艇。

QUARANTINEWHILE, "ASTRONOMERS HAVE CREATED A NEW 'ATLAS OF

量子力學，"天文學家們創造了一個新的'地圖'。

THE UNIVERSE' FEATURING A MILLION PREVIOUSLY UNDISCOVERED

"宇宙 "的特色是100萬以前未被發現的。

GALAXIES BEYOND THE MILKY WAY" "TO CREATE A 'GOOGLE MAPS' OF

銀河系之外的牛奶路""創建一個 "谷歌地圖 "的。

THE NIGHT SKY."

夜空。"

GREAT NEWS FOR SCIENCE.

科學界的大新聞。

TERRIBLE NEWS FOR THE LITTLE GOOGLE STREET-VIEW GUY WHO WAS

谷歌街景小傢伙的可怕消息，誰是

DROPPED NEAR ANDROMEDA AND NOW DRIFTS FOREVER ALONE, HIS

墜落在安德羅美達附近，現在永遠孤獨地漂流著，他的...

SCREAMS SWALLOWED BY THE INDIFFERENT ICY VOID.

尖叫聲被不同的ICY虛空吞噬。

BONUS: IT WILL EVEN GIVE YOU THE FASTEST BIKE ROUTE BETWEEN HERE

附加：它甚至會給你提供最快的自行車路線，從這裡到這裡。

AND NGC-1300.

和NGC-1300。

IT'S 3.5 TIMES 10 TO THE POWER OF 19 HOURS AWAY, BUT 3.5 TIMES

它的3.5倍10到19小時的力量，但3.5倍。

10 TO THE POWER OF 18 IF YOU AVOID THE TRIBOROUGH BRIDGE.

如果你避開了三叉橋，就會有10到18的力量。

QUARANTINEWHILE, THIS WEEKEND IN BRUSSELS, BELGIUM, A "LAWMAKER

QUARANTINWILLE，本週末在比利時布魯塞爾，一個 "LAWMAKER"。

AND DIPLOMATS FLED A POLICE RAID ON A COVID LOCKDOWN ORGY."

和DIPLOMATS FLED一個警察的襲擊 在COVID鎖定ORGY。"

PLEASE, IF YOU DO ATTEND A COVID LOCKDOWN ORGY, BE SURE TO WASH

如果您參加了COVID鎖機會，請務必清洗乾淨。

ALL YOUR ANONYMOUS SEX PARTNERS WHILE SINGING "HAPPY BIRTHDAY"

所有你的匿名性伴侶在唱 "HAPPY BIRTHDAY "的時候。

TWICE.

兩次。

ODDS ARE THEY ARE INTO THAT.

機會是他們在那。

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH BRYAN CRANSTON.

我們馬上回來，布賴恩・克蘭斯頓。

♪ ♪ ♪

♪ ♪ ♪