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  • (audience cheers)

    (觀眾歡呼聲)

  • That's the way to lay it down.

    這才是放下的方式。

  • (audience cheering)

    (觀眾歡呼)

  • (hands drum)

    (手鼓)

  • All right.

    好吧,我知道了

  • We got a big show tonight.

    我們今晚有一場大戲。

  • I can't waste a lot of time tonight.

    我今晚不能浪費很多時間。

  • A lot of, you know,

    很多,你知道的。

  • most evenings on this program,

    在這個節目中,大多數晚上。

  • I waste a ton of time making faces

    我浪費了很多時間做鬼臉

  • and (gurgles).

    和(咕嚕)。

  • (audience laughs)

    (觀眾笑)

  • Tonight, I can't really do that too much.

    今晚,我真的不能做的太多。

  • We've got too much show,

    我們有太多的節目。

  • too much good show.

    太多的好戲。

  • And I want to talk about something right away,

    而且我想馬上談點事情。

  • here on the program.

    這裡的程序。

  • Most people don't know this,

    大多數人不知道這一點。

  • but I'm a pretty fashion-conscious guy.

    但我是一個相當時尚的傢伙。

  • (audience laughs)

    (觀眾笑)

  • Seriously, I love fashion.

    說真的,我喜歡時尚。

  • Fashion, it's my life, you can tell.

    時尚,是我的生活,你可以告訴我。

  • So, I was really excited,

    所以,我真的很興奮。

  • a couple of months ago,

    幾個月前。

  • when Isaac Mizrahi,

    當艾薩克-米茲拉希。

  • the famous fashion designer,

    著名的時裝設計師。

  • came on our program.

    來到了我們的節目中。

  • Very excited to meet this guy,

    很高興見到這個傢伙。

  • talk to him,

    和他說話。

  • but look at what happened

    但看看現在的情況

  • just seconds into the interview.

    採訪剛開始幾秒鐘。

  • Take a look at this.

    看看這個。

  • We have the cheesiest show tonight.

    我們今晚的節目是最爛的

  • There's a microphone on your tie.

    你的領帶上有個麥克風。

  • Yes, yes exactly, yeah.

    是的,是的,沒錯,是的。

  • [Isaac] You call that a tie,

    [以撒]你說這是平局。

  • what you call a tie.

    你叫什麼領帶。

  • What I call a tie?

    我所謂的領帶?

  • No, I'm sorry, I can't resist.

    不,對不起,我忍不住了。

  • (audience laughs)

    (觀眾笑)

  • He went on to say,

    他接著說:

  • that he thought my tie was just crap.

    他認為我的領帶只是廢話。

  • That's pretty much what he said,

    他也是這麼說的。

  • in his polite,

    在他的客氣中。

  • kind of fashion designer way.

    一種時裝設計師的方式。

  • But he totally ripped apart my tie

    但他把我的領帶完全撕開了

  • and said that he watches the show

    並表示,他看節目

  • and he thinks all my ties are bad.

    他認為我所有的領帶都是壞的。

  • It was a humiliating experience for me.

    這對我來說是一次屈辱的經歷。

  • It took, I was crushed.

    它花了,我被擊垮了。

  • (audience moans)

    (觀眾呻吟)

  • Thank you.

    謝謝你了

  • (audience laughs)

    (觀眾笑)

  • I'm glad we have a

    我很高興我們有一個

  • blinking show pity sign.

    閃爍著顯示可憐的跡象。

  • Anyway.

    總之...

  • (audience laughs)

    (觀眾笑)

  • No, I was really upset

    不,我真的很不高興

  • that Isaac Mizrahi hated my tie,

    Isaac Mizrahi討厭我的領帶。

  • so I got very depressed

    所以我很鬱悶

  • for a long time.

    長久以來。

  • Then, last week,

    然後,上週。

  • Isaac called me up.

    艾薩克打電話給我。

  • He asked me if he could take me

    他問我他能不能帶我去

  • shopping for ties at Barneys.

    在Barneys買領帶。

  • (audience cheers)

    (觀眾歡呼聲)

  • That's the famous New York department store

    這就是著名的紐約百貨公司

  • and I was like,

    我很喜歡。

  • wait a minute,

    等一下

  • this guy knows ties,

    這傢伙知道領帶。

  • I'll do it.

    我會做的

  • I'll go with him.

    我和他一起去。

  • He even let us take one

    他還讓我們拿了一個

  • of our own cameras along.

    我們自己的相機的沿。

  • Take a look.

    看看吧

  • (upbeat music)

    (歡快的音樂)

  • We're here at Barneys,

    我們在Barneys。

  • we're gonna go tie shopping, right?

    我們要去買領帶,對吧?

  • We're gonna buy ties.

    我們要去買領帶。

  • What about this?

    那這個呢?

  • No.

    不知道

  • This is me going for it.

    這是我要去的。

  • Really, that's the problem.

    真的,這就是問題所在。

  • Isn't the point

    這不是重點嗎?

  • to just go for it? Uh uh.

    只是去為它?呃,呃。

  • Not that way,

    不是這樣的。

  • you're not going to do it

    你不會做的

  • looking that way.

    往那邊看。

  • I say go for it.

    我說去吧。

  • I say like just grab life

    我說像只是抓住生活

  • and go for it.

    並去做。

  • You do?

    你有嗎?

  • Not this tie.

    不是這條領帶。

  • Who makes this tie?

    這條領帶是誰做的?

  • It's Paul Smith.

    這是保羅-史密斯。

  • This is Paul Smith.

    我是保羅-史密斯.

  • I'll make up an even better name.

    我會編一個更好的名字。

  • Go ahead.

    去吧

  • Jean B.

    Jean B.

  • (audience laughs)

    (觀眾笑)

  • Jean B., there you go.

    Jean B.,給你。

  • Who made this tie?

    這條領帶是誰做的?

  • Jean B.

    Jean B.

  • You see that?

    你看到了嗎?

  • Guillermo Jean B.

    Guillermo Jean B.

  • Ask me who made my tie.

    問我是誰做的領帶。

  • Who made your tie?

    誰給你打的領帶?

  • It's Guillermo Jean B.

    我是吉列爾莫-讓-B

  • (audience laughs)

    (觀眾笑)

  • Paolo Jean B.

    Paul Jean B.

  • Ask me one more time.

    再問我一次。

  • Who made your tie?

    誰給你打的領帶?

  • I told you like five times,

    我告訴過你五次了

  • what's your problem? (audience laughs)

    什麼是你的問題?(觀眾笑)

  • Oh look.

    哦,看。

  • Oh look. That's a motif.

    哦,看。那是一個圖案。

  • Christmas.

    聖誕節。

  • You see that?

    你看到了嗎?

  • With not very many presents under the tree.

    在樹下沒有多少禮物的情況下。

  • (audience laughs)

    (觀眾笑)

  • [Isaac] No, that's depressing.

    [以撒]不,這是令人沮喪的。

  • And look at that, that's like,

    你看,這就像。

  • [Isaac] An orphanage.

    [以撒]一個孤兒院。

  • A lonely alcoholic's Christmas.

    一個孤獨的酒鬼的聖誕節。

  • (audience laughs)

    (觀眾笑)

  • (upbeat music)

    (歡快的音樂)

  • Really nice.

    真的很不錯。

  • Okay, that's a deep,

    好吧,這是一個深。

  • that's a purple I hate it.

    這是一個紫色的,我討厭它。

  • I hate it.

    我討厭它。

  • Now that you get it on it's own,

    現在,你得到了它自己。

  • it's horrible.

    這是可怕的。

  • You like things from afar,

    你喜歡遠方的東西。

  • but then when you get close.

    但當你接近時,

  • That's the thing.

    這就是問題所在。

  • Oh my God, what if you ever like,

    哦,我的上帝,如果你曾經喜歡。

  • had a, you know, child

    有一個,你知道,孩子

  • and was like, "Oh my baby, I love you, I love,

    並說:"哦,我的寶貝,我愛你,我愛。

  • ew, I hate you!"

    ew,我恨你!"

  • (audience laughs)

    (觀眾笑)

  • You should get glasses

    你應該戴上眼鏡

  • that make everybody appear

    譁眾取寵

  • that they are 15 feet away.

    他們是15英尺遠。

  • (audience laughs)

    (觀眾笑)

  • (upbeat music)

    (歡快的音樂)

  • That's a gayish thing.

    這是一個同志的事情。

  • Is that the kind of audience

    是這樣的觀眾

  • you want to go for?

    你想去嗎?

  • We get a lot of gay people,

    我們有很多同性戀者。

  • but there are nine gay people that are not watching.

    但有9個同志不看。

  • And we want to get them watching.

    我們想讓他們看。

  • Okay, well the surest way to do it

    好吧,最穩妥的方法是... ...

  • is a scarf, but I don't think

    是一條圍巾,但我不認為。

  • it's that scarf.

    是那條圍巾

  • I think it's like a cute little sort of

    我覺得它就像一個可愛的小排序的

  • Charles Nelson Reilly kind of.

    查爾斯-尼爾森-雷利那種。

  • Oh! Uh! Uh!

    哦!Uh! Uh!

  • (audience laughs)

    (觀眾笑)

  • (upbeat music)

    (歡快的音樂)

  • Yeah, you know what?

    是啊,你知道嗎?

  • It's not working on you.

    它對你沒有用

  • I'm telling you.

    我告訴你

  • You know why?

    你知道為什麼嗎?

  • Because I have elements of pink in my skin.

    因為我的皮膚裡有粉紅色的元素。

  • That's right.

    是的

  • Which is because I have a

    這是因為我有一個

  • urinary tract infection.

    泌尿道感染。

  • Oh, you do?

    哦,是嗎?

  • You mean like a chick?

    你是說像小雞一樣?

  • Like a girl?

    喜歡一個女孩?

  • No, let's not talk.

    不,我們不談。

  • Girls usually have those.

    女生一般都有這些。

  • No, I have many women's ailments.

    不,我有很多女人的毛病。

  • [Audience Laughs]

    [觀眾笑]

  • (upbeat music)

    (歡快的音樂)

  • You like a knit, you wear a knit tie before?

    你喜歡針織衫,你以前穿針織衫打領帶嗎?

  • When I see people wearing knit ties,

    當我看到人們打著針織領帶時。

  • I always think,

    我一直認為。

  • I always have this desire to dry my hands.

    我總是有這樣的願望,想把手弄乾。

  • (audience laughs)

    (觀眾笑)

  • I always want to reach over and dry my hands.

    我總想伸手過去擦乾我的手。

  • What are those, little cherries?

    那是什麼,小櫻桃?

  • Little cherries, yeah, I like that.

    小櫻桃,是的,我喜歡這樣。

  • Do they make other foods on ties?

    他們會在領帶上做其他食物嗎?

  • Like a waffle.

    像華夫餅。

  • If they made waffles.

    如果他們做了華夫餅。

  • So you don't like this?

    所以你不喜歡這個?

  • I kind of like it.

    我有點喜歡它。

  • I actually just want

    其實我只是想

  • some waffles right now.

    一些華夫餅現在。

  • If we could get some waffles.

    如果我們能得到一些華夫餅。

  • (audience laughs)

    (觀眾笑)

  • Conan, that's gross!

    柯南,真噁心!

  • Oh, I can't even watch!

    哦,我都看不下去了!

  • Oh, that's gross!

    哦,真噁心!

  • If you're gonna spend some real money

    如果你想花點真錢

  • on a tie, let's make it a tie

    打個平手,讓我們打個平手吧

  • that people can see,

    人們可以看到的。

  • if I'm in a dense fog out at sea,

    如果我在海上的濃霧中。

  • they'll see me.

    他們會看到我。

  • I feel that you are buying that tie

    我覺得你是在買那條領帶

  • just so you can make fun of me.

    只是讓你可以取笑我。

  • Let me think about that for a second.

    讓我想一想

  • Let me think.

    讓我想想

  • I'm a little smarter than you suspect.

    我比你懷疑的要聰明一些。

  • Let me think.

    讓我想想

  • Yes.

    是的,我知道

  • (audience laughs)

    (觀眾笑)

  • Please buy that tie.

    請買下那條領帶。

  • Please, I'm begging you.

    求你了,我求你了。

  • Do I have to get on my knees?

    我一定要跪下來嗎?

  • Come on.

    來吧。

  • That's bad, relax.

    這很不好,放鬆。

  • (audience laughs)

    (觀眾笑)

  • I can't high-five you

    我不能和你擊掌

  • in a Barneys.

    在Barneys的。

  • I'm sorry.

    我很抱歉

  • I almost high-fived.

    我差點擊掌。

  • But if we high-five

    但如果我們擊掌

  • in a Barneys, it's over.

    在Barneys,它的結束。

  • Thank you very much.

    非常感謝你。

  • Thank you.

    謝謝你了

  • So, you picked out some ties.

    所以,你挑選了一些領帶。

  • Yes, I did.

    是的,我有。

  • And if you don't mind,

    如果你不介意的話

  • I'd like to take you to where I shop

    我想帶你到我購物的地方看看

  • and pick out some stuff for you.

    併為你挑選一些東西。

  • That would be fine, yeah.

    這將是罰款,是的。

  • Is that okay?

    可以嗎?

  • Yeah, it's near?

    是啊,就在附近?

  • It's nearby.

    就在附近

  • That's fine.

    這很好。

  • I've never been to Kmart.

    我從來沒有去過凱馬特

  • (audience laughs)

    (觀眾笑)

  • You know, this is just as good as Barneys,

    你知道,這和Barneys一樣好。

  • and I'm being serious, too.

    我也是認真的

  • You think?

    你覺得呢?

  • Yeah, well Barneys are all, a lot of attitude,

    是啊,Barneys都是,很多態度。

  • but they don't have decals

    但他們沒有貼花

  • on their escalators.

    在他們的自動扶梯上。

  • (audience laughs)

    (觀眾笑)

  • Now which way is it?

    現在是哪條路?

  • Is it this way?

    是這樣嗎?

  • (Santa sings)

    (聖誕老人的歌聲)

  • Can we buy that?

    我們能買嗎?

  • Can we buy that?

    我們能買嗎?

  • (Santa sings)

    (聖誕老人的歌聲)

  • (audience laughs)

    (觀眾笑)

  • How do you feel about pants

    你對附皮帶的褲子

  • that come with the belt?

    有什麼想法?

  • Come with the belt.

    附皮帶的。

  • Why not go the extra step.

    為什麼不乾脆一點

  • Why not have pants, the belt,

    為什麼沒有褲子、皮帶、

  • and then shoes and underwear

    鞋子和內衣一整組

  • attached so that you just put these on,

    所以你只要一次穿上

  • and suddenly you're dressed.

    突然間你就換好衣服了。

  • (audience laughs)

    (觀眾笑)

  • Oh look see,

    哦,你看

  • this is something you were talking about,

    這是你剛剛說的東西

  • where thee sew a sweatshirt

    跟帽T縫再一起的

  • hood to a jean jacket.

    牛仔外套

  • Oh yeah, yeah, yeah!

    哦,對,對,對!

  • Do I look like Eminem?

    我看起來像埃米納姆嗎?

  • But I want to look like Eminem.

    但我想看起來像埃米納姆。

  • Look, you know what I love?

    聽著,你知道我喜歡什麼嗎?

  • I love it when you can buy briefs

    我喜歡可以大量的

  • in bulk.

    買內褲

  • Yeah.

    是啊。

  • It's a lot of briefs.

    這裡有超多內褲。

  • I always liked the pictures of guys in briefs.

    我一直很喜歡男人穿內褲的照片。

  • Okay, like he's trying hard.

    好喔,看起來好像他很努力

  • He's really trying hard.

    他真的很努力。

  • He's way too excited

    他對於穿著他的內褲

  • about being in his underwear.

    也太興奮了

  • Exactly.

    真的

  • Also look, this one doesn't have

    還有你看,這個人沒有那種

  • that kind of like ripply stomach,

    我通常不太喜歡的

  • which I don't usually like.

    大肌肌肚子

  • You don't like the rippled stomach?

    你不喜歡有大肌肌的肚子?

  • No, I don't.

    不,我不喜歡。

  • I like a plain stomach.

    我喜歡平平的肚子。

  • That does it for me, then (laughs).

    我喜歡(笑)。

  • Six pack!

    六塊肌!

  • Come in here for a second.

    過來一下

  • Which of these guys do you like?

    這些男生你喜歡哪一個?

  • I'm trying to find.

    我看看。

  • Which is your favorite guy?

    你最喜歡哪個人?

  • [Laverne] That one on that box.

    那個盒子上的那位。

  • [Conan] You like this guy. [Isaac] The one on the back.

    [Conan]你喜歡這個人 [Isaac]背面的那個人

  • He's cute.

    他挺可愛的

  • [Conan] This guy is thinking about.

    這傢伙在思考

  • [Isaac] You see, he's smart.

    你看,他很聰明。

  • [Conan] This guy's like,

    這傢伙就像

  • You know what he's thinking right now?

    你知道他現在在想什麼嗎?

  • He's thinking, I've of got my underwear on,

    他在想,我已經穿上了我的內褲。

  • what comes next?

    下一步是什麼?

  • [Isaac] Right?

    [以撒] 沒錯

  • She's about to tell him.

    她就要告訴他了。

  • Next, you put on your pants.

    接著,你要穿上褲子。

  • (audience laughs)

    (觀眾笑)

  • Here we go.

    我們走吧

  • Oh, wow.

    哦,哇。

  • Wow, that's a clip on!

    哇,這是夾式的!

  • You know what's great about a clip-on

    你知道夾式的好在哪裡嗎?

  • is that you can do it quickly.

    是你可以快速地戴上它。

  • Like I could be in a rush

    例如我可能很急

  • and I can say, Isaac, throw me that tie.

    我可以說,艾薩克,把領帶扔給我。

  • Like, I'm in a rush.

    像這樣,我在趕時間。

  • Uh oh!

    啊哦!

  • Clip, and then you're off!

    夾上,然後你就可以走了!

  • Okay, Isaac,

    好吧,艾薩克。

  • I wouldn't high-five you before,

    我以前不會和你擊掌的。

  • but now I definitely think

    但現在我肯定認為

  • it's high-five time.

    這是擊掌時間。

  • Do you really?

    真的嗎?

  • I don't know if it's high-five time.

    我不知道是不是該擊掌了。

  • I have a problem high-fiving now.

    我現在有一個問題擊掌。

  • In Kmart?

    在凱馬特?

  • You won't high five?

    你不會擊掌嗎?

  • A low five. Laverne, will you

    來個擊掌拉文,你能不能...

  • high five me?

    跟我擊掌?

  • Do you know what low five is?

    你知道什麼是 "低五 "嗎?

  • Sure enough will.

    當然會。

  • (hands slap)

    (手鬆弛)

  • She high-fives me.

    她跟我擊掌。

  • Try it. Come on.

    試試吧試試吧

  • You might like it.

    你可能會喜歡它。

  • (hands smack)

    (手掌)

  • You just high fived in Kmart.

    你剛剛在凱馬特擊掌了

  • I didn't like it.

    我不喜歡它。

  • (upbeat music)

    (歡快的音樂)

  • (audience cheers)

    (觀眾歡呼聲)

  • We're gonna take a little break.

    我們要休息一下

  • When we come back,

    當我們回來的時候。

  • Ice Cube is here!

    冰塊來了!

  • Stick around.

    呆在這裡。

(audience cheers)

(觀眾歡呼聲)

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