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  • Okay, so I really messed up. My first time on  holiday to the US from Jolly Old England, and now  

    好吧,我真的搞砸了。我第一次從快樂的老英國去美國度假,現在... ...

  • I'm being convicted on federal drug trafficking  charges, just because I left my bags with that  

    我被判處聯邦販毒罪,只是因為我把我的包留在了那個... ...

  • seemingly-nice man while I was in the airport  bathroom. Thankfully, I'm not in Singapore,  

    貌似不錯的男人,而我在機場的衛生間。幸好,我不在新加坡。

  • so I won't be hanged for my stupid mistake, butam gonna be doing hard time in a US federal prison  

    所以我不會因為我的愚蠢的錯誤而被絞死 但我會在美國聯邦監獄裡度過一段艱難的時光。

  • until my next appeal. But don't worry – I've seen  The Shawshank Redemption twice, and I'm pretty  

    直到我的下一次上訴。但別擔心,我已經看過兩次《肖申克的救贖》了,我很...

  • sure I watched a couple episodes of Prison Break. It's not like there are ten super important rules,  

    肯定我看了幾集《越獄》。它不像有十個超級重要的規則。

  • right? This should be a piece of cake… 10. In prison, do not refer to the  

    對吧?這應該是一個小菜一碟... 10。在監獄裡,不要提到...

  • other guys doing time with you asinmates”. Of course, on my first day, I want to make sure  

    其他的人和你一起做 "囚犯"。當然,在我的第一天,我想確保

  • I make a good first impression. After all, I'm  potentially staring down the barrel of a ten-year  

    我給你留下一個好的第一印象。畢竟,我有可能盯著一個10年的槍管

  • sentence, so it's definitely a good idea to make  friends. That's why, on my first day in the yard,  

    句,所以交朋友絕對是個好主意。所以,在我進院的第一天。

  • I walked up to the nearest group of prisoners  and decided to lay my British charm on them

    我走到離我最近的一群囚犯面前,決定向他們展示我的英國魅力。

  • Hello, my fellow inmates!” I said. They looked at me like I was an alien. I figured  

    "獄友們,你們好!"我說:"我的同胞們,你們好!他們看著我,好像我是個外星人。我想

  • it must've been the accent, so I tried again. “How about we go from in-mates to good mates?”  

    一定是口音的問題,所以我又試了一次。"我們從隊友變成好隊友怎麼樣?"

  • I said, and sadly, nobody laughed. They just kept staring at me

    我說,可惜,沒有人笑。他們只是一直盯著我看。

  • That night, as I was helping scrub down the  tiles in the showers, someone whacked me on  

    那天晚上,我在淋浴間幫忙擦瓷磚時,有人打了我一下

  • the back of the head with a bar of soap insidetube sock. Ouch! Next thing I knew, I was in the  

    後腦勺上有一塊肥皂在襪子裡面疼!接下來,我知道,我是在

  • infirmary. When I told the prison doctor the  whole story, he just shook his head and said

    療養院。當我把整個故事告訴監獄醫生時,他只是搖了搖頭,說:

  • Word of advice, buddy. Don't call your fellow  prisoners 'inmates.' It's a sign of disrespect,  

    "給你個忠告,夥計。不要叫你的同伴為'囚犯'。這是一種不尊重的表現。

  • or shows that you're softer than  Wonderbread. Use 'convicts' next time.” 

    或說明你比神奇麵包還軟。下次用'犯人'吧。"

  • Well, that's one lesson learned the hard way… 9. Don't “PC up.” 

    好吧,這就是一個慘痛的教訓... ... 9.不要 "PC了。"

  • After only one day in prison, I'd already  decided that being locked up with a bunch of  

    在監獄裡只呆了一天,我就已經決定,和一群人一起被關起來

  • murderers and hardcore career criminals really  wasn't for me. These men could be real brutes,  

    殺人犯和鐵桿職業罪犯真的不適合我。這些人可能是真正的畜生。

  • and I've always been more of a soft touch.  I thought that it was probably best to get  

    而我一直都是比較軟弱的人。 我想,這可能是最好的得到

  • myself a little protection from all the scary men  with cheeks covered in tear-drop tattoos. That's  

    我自己也有一點保護自己的能力 免受那些臉頰上有淚滴紋身的可怕男人的傷害。那是...

  • why I approached one of the guards, and asked  him if I could be put under protective custody

    我為什麼要找一個看守,問他是否可以對我進行保護性拘留。

  • He asked why, and I told him my tale of  soapy woe. But the guard just laughed,  

    他問為什麼,我就把我的肥皂劇悲情故事告訴了他。但警衛只是笑了笑。

  • and rudely told me that my concerns just  weren't a priority right now. Worse still,  

    並粗魯地告訴我,我的擔心不是現在的優先事項。更糟糕的是

  • one of my fellow inmates- Uh, I meanconvicts, saw me get rejected. How humiliating

    我的一個獄友... 呃,我是說,罪犯,看到我被拒絕了。多麼羞辱!

  • It literally added injury to insult when  that convict, along with a few others,  

    這簡直是雪上加霜,當那個犯人和其他幾個人。

  • cornered me in the yard the next day and kicked  me several times in the head. I just can't win

    第二天在院子裡把我逼到了牆角,還在我頭上踢了幾腳。我就是打不贏!

  • Later, in the infirmary, the doctor told  me, “You were lucky it was just a beating.  

    後來,在醫務室裡,醫生對我說:"你很幸運,只是被打了一頓。

  • You really shouldn't PC up unless it's life  or death, cause if you get seen doing it,  

    你真的不應該PC起來,除非是生死關頭,因為如果你被看到這樣做。

  • you'll make it life or death.” 8. Do not gamble, borrow,  

    你會讓它生不如死。"8.不賭,借。

  • or use drugs that you get 'up front' with the  promise that you'll pay later without knowing  

    或使用藥物,你得到'預付'與承諾,你會支付以後不知道。

  • beyond doubt that you'll be able to pay. After my frankly quite shoddy first few days  

    毫無疑問,你將能夠支付。在我坦率地說,相當拙劣的頭幾天,

  • as a convict, I must say, I was really feeling  sorry for myself. Not only was I going to miss  

    作為一個罪犯,我必須說,我真的為自己感到難過。我不僅要錯過

  • out on the release of the PlayStationbecause of the length of the sentence,  

    出在PlayStation 5的發佈上,因為句子的長度。

  • they didn't even have so much as a PS3 on the  inside! It was torture! That's why I decided to  

    他們甚至沒有這麼多的PS3在裡面!這簡直是一種折磨!這就是為什麼我決定

  • score myself a bit of the old Bolivian Marching  Powder from my cellmate, Hector. He gave me a  

    我從我的獄友赫克託那裡得到了一點玻利維亞行軍粉。他給了我一個

  • quizzical look when I asked, and said: “Are you sure you're good for it?” 

    當我問起時,疑惑地看了我一眼,說道。"你確定你能行嗎?"

  • Yes, yes, of course, whatever,” I said.  “Just give me my drugs. I'm miserable here!” 

    "是的,是的,當然是的,隨便你。"我說。 "把我的藥給我吧。我在這裡很痛苦!"

  • So, Hector obliged me, and I spent the next  few hours feeling pretty darn good. Until,  

    於是,赫克託答應了我的要求,接下來的幾個小時,我感覺非常好。直到..,

  • of course, Hector pushed me up against the wall  and held a shiv up to my throat, asking for  

    當然,赫克托爾把我推到牆上,拿著一把刀抵住我的喉嚨,問我:"你是誰?

  • his money with language I can't really repeat  here. When I told him I couldn't pay him back,  

    他的錢用語言,我真的不能在這裡重複。當我告訴他我不能還他錢的時候,

  • he thankfully only beat the living hell out of me. “Don't gamble, borrow, or take any drugs you  

    幸好他只把我打得半死。"不要賭博,不要借錢,也不要吃任何藥物,你

  • can't pay for, you stupid, British  jerk,” he said, before going to bed.  

    付不起,你這個愚蠢的英國混蛋。"他說,然後才去睡覺。

  • I spent that night in the infirmary. Again. 7. Never Back Down from a Challenge

    那天晚上我在醫務室度過。又是。7.永遠不要從挑戰中退縮。

  • By mid-week, I'm not gonna lie, I looked like  a mess. I was so bruised up that I looked like  

    到了週中,我不想撒謊,我看起來像個爛攤子。我是如此的青腫起來,我看起來像

  • a dalmatian, and I was feeling lonely since  Hector was sent to solitary for beating me up.  

    一條大麥町犬,自從赫克託因為打我而被送去單獨監禁後,我感到很孤獨。

  • I decided to just sit quietly in the  yard and read the only book the prison  

    我決定就在院子裡靜靜地坐著,看監獄裡唯一的一本書。

  • library had available at the time, which was  sadly a copy of a Justin Bieber biography

    圖書館當時有的,可惜是一本賈斯汀-比伯的傳記。

  • So, you can only imagine my frustration when  a man they calledAryan Nation Steve” – on  

    所以,你只能想象我的挫折感,當一個被他們稱為 "雅利安人國家史蒂夫 "的人--在... ...

  • account of all the Swastika tattoos and racial  hatredcame over to me, jonesing for a fight.  

  • He said, in his deep, intimidating voice: “You and me right now, little man, let's go!” 

    他用他那深沉而威嚴的聲音說道:"你我現在,小傢伙,我們走吧!"

  • Of course, he was twice my size and wayway angrier, so I didn't much fancy a fight

    當然,他的體型是我的兩倍,而且還比我大,比我還憤怒,所以我也沒怎麼想打架。

  • Can't we just talk about this  like civilized men?” I asked

    "我們就不能像文明人一樣談談嗎?"我問道。

  • When a few of the other convicts heard me  say this, they apparently took offence,  

    當其他幾個犯人聽到我說這話時,他們顯然很生氣。

  • and started crowding around us. Aryan  Nation Steve challenged me again

    並開始圍觀我們。雅利安國史蒂夫又向我發起了挑戰。

  • “I'm sorry, Steven, but I'm  just not feeling it!” I said

    "對不起,史蒂文,但我就是沒感覺!"我說:"對不起,史蒂芬,但我就是沒有感覺!

  • So, I got beaten up by seven guys instead of  one. And while Aryan Nation Steve was punching  

    所以,我被七個人打了,而不是一個人。而當雅利安人國度史蒂夫在打的時候

  • me in the face, he saidWord of advice: When  someone challenges you, you take that challenge,  

    我的臉,他說:"忠告。當有人挑戰你的時候,你要接受這個挑戰。

  • or things will get a whole lot worse!” Duly noted

    否則事情會變得更糟糕!"適當地注意到。

  • 6. Defer to, and show respect to  the older convicts. You do not get  

    6.服從並尊重老囚犯。你不會得到

  • to survive prison to old age by accident. Needless to say, after all these beatings,  

    意外地從監獄裡活到老。不用說,經過這麼多的打擊。

  • I was feeling pretty powerless.  I needed a sense of retribution,  

    我覺得自己很無力。 我需要一種報復的感覺。

  • or my self-esteem was going to take a real  nosedive. I vaguely remembered something about  

    否則我的自尊心就要大跌眼鏡了。我隱隱約約記得一些關於

  • asserting dominance by taking on the strongest  guy in the yard, but the strongest guy in the  

    對付院子裡最強的人,來維護自己的優勢,但最強的人卻在

  • yard – a Russian gangster who went by Big Boy  Boriswould probably use me as a toilet brush

    院子裡--一個叫大男孩鮑里斯的俄羅斯黑幫分子--可能會把我當成馬桶刷。

  • That's why I decided to instead take on Toothless  Bill, whoat 75 – was probably the oldest guy  

    所以我決定對無牙比爾下手,他75歲了,可能是最老的人了

  • in the penitentiary. As a spritely young lad  of 22, I figured I could probably take the old  

    在感化院裡。作為一個22歲的年輕小夥子,我想我大概可以把老的。

  • codgerand after all, as I'd learned yesterdayyou can never turn down a fight in prison.  

    鱈魚--畢竟,我昨天已經知道了,你永遠無法拒絕監獄裡的戰鬥。

  • This would be a perfect way to at least  end up above someone on the food chain

    這將是一個完美的方式,至少在食物鏈上的某人之上結束!

  • So, I approached him, and said, “Come onToothless Bill, it's time to throw down!” 

    於是,我走近他,對他說:"來吧,無牙比爾,該扔了!"

  • And without a word, he rose from his seat, and  gave me a swift chop to the throat that sent me  

    他一言不發地從座位上站了起來,對著我的喉嚨就是一記快速的劈砍,讓我

  • crumbling to the ground, gasping for air. He gave a grizzled old chuckle and said,  

    癱倒在地,喘著粗氣。他灰頭土臉的老笑了一聲,說道。

  • Respect your elders, kid. You do not get  to survive prison to old age by accident.” 

    "尊重你的長輩,孩子。你不可能意外地從監獄活到老。"

  • 5. Maintain Good Personal Hygiene. It goes without saying that prison  

    5.保持良好的個人衛生。不言而喻,監獄

  • really wasn't going well for me. I'd  learned five important rules, sure,  

    對我來說真的不順利。我學會了五條重要的規則,當然。

  • but at what cost? I was getting bloodied  and bashed on an almost daily basis. And  

    但代價是什麼?我幾乎每天都要被打得頭破血流。而

  • ever since the soap bar assault on the first day,  I was petrified of getting back into the showers.  

    自從第一天被肥皂棒襲擊後,我就害怕回到淋浴間。

  • As a result, my smell apparently became  a little offensive to my fellow convicts

    結果,我的氣味顯然對我的同僚們有些反感。

  • And okay, maybe I'd been spotted leaving the  bathroom without washing my hands a few times,  

    而且好吧,也許我被發現了,離開衛生間的時候,沒有洗過幾次手。

  • but I'd only peed! And with the constant threat  of assault coming at me from every angle, maybe  

    但我只是尿了一泡!而且我一直面臨著來自各個角度的攻擊威脅,也許... ...

  • some of the little things were beginning to slip  my mind. But apparently all this wasn't so little  

    一些小事開始讓我忘乎所以。但顯然這一切都不是小事。

  • to the other prisoners, as they weren't nearly as  accustomed to my brand of natural musk as I was

    對其他囚犯來說,因為他們並不像我一樣習慣於我的天然麝香品牌。

  • I think that's why I was hit over the back of the  head with a rock, and dragged into the showers,  

    我想這就是為什麼我的後腦勺被石頭砸了一下,然後被拖進了淋浴間。

  • where they forcibly scrubbed me down against my  will and then shoved a bar of soap into my mouth.  

    他們違揹我的意願強行把我擦洗乾淨,然後把一塊肥皂塞進我的嘴裡。

  • It was my first day all over again! They didn't  say much, save for a lot of very creative swear  

    這又是我的第一天!他們說的不多,只是說了很多很有創意的髒話。

  • words, but I still got the message loud and clear. Maintain good personal hygiene,  

    話,但我還是很清楚地知道了這個資訊。保持良好的個人衛生。

  • or have the snot kicked out of you. Understood. 4. Don't Break The Chow Hall Seating Arrangement

    或者被踢出鼻涕。明白了。4.不要破壞周廳的座位安排。

  • If the constant violence and degradation weren't  bad enough, the food in prison is terrible, too.  

    如果持續的暴力和墮落還不夠糟的話,監獄裡的食物也很糟糕。

  • Just a random assortment of government-mandated  slop on a TV dinner plate. After being handed  

    只是在電視餐盤上隨意擺放著各種政府規定的泔水。在被遞給

  • my so-called meal in the chow hall, I turned to  take my seat, and suddenly noticed thatby what  

    我的所謂的飯菜,在Chow大廳,我轉身坐了下來,突然發現, - 通過什麼?

  • seemed like pure chancethe convicts in the chow  hall were all segregated by race. How strange,  

    似乎純屬偶然--福利社裡的犯人都是按種族隔離的。真奇怪

  • I thought. Maybe they've been in prison so long  they didn't even know segregation had ended

    我想...也許他們在監獄裡呆的時間太長了 他們甚至不知道種族隔離已經結束了?

  • I decided I'd do the decent thing, and go sit in  the African-American section to tell them about  

    我決定做件正經事,去非裔美國人區坐坐,跟他們說一說

  • all the amazing racial progress that'd gone  on outside. They'd probably be delighted to  

    所有驚人的種族進步,已經去了外面。他們可能會很高興

  • hear it! But as I sat down among them, they  all just gave me some really strange looks.  

    聽到了!但當我坐在他們中間時,他們都只是給了我一些很奇怪的眼神。

  • I decided it was probably because of all the  bruises, so I persisted with my pitch-perfect  

    我決定可能是因為所有的瘀傷,所以我堅持我的完美的球場。

  • retelling of the American Civil Rights Movement. I somehow ended up with a dining fork sticking out  

    美國民權運動的重述。我不知怎麼的,最後用餐叉伸出來了

  • of my cheek by the end of the anecdote, but in the  process, I learned an extremely valuable lesson

    的臉頰,但在這個過程中,我學到了極其寶貴的一課。

  • Don't break the chow hall seating code. Ohand don't be condescending to people, either

    不要破壞chow廳的座位規範。哦,也不要對人趾高氣揚。

  • 3. Mind your own business at all times, and  use 100% of your common sense at all times

    3.任何時候都要管好自己的事,任何時候都要用100%的常識。

  • Hector was back in the cell with me that nightOur relationship had definitely been a little  

    赫克託當晚和我一起回到了牢房。 我們的關係肯定是有點

  • strained since the drug-fuelled violence incidentso we mainly kept to ourselves. But, in the night,  

    自從毒品暴力事件後,我們的關係就變得緊張了,所以我們主要是獨來獨往。但是,到了晚上。

  • I heard strange noises coming from the top  bunk. When I took a peek, I saw that Hector  

    我聽到上鋪傳來奇怪的聲音。當我偷看的時候,我看到赫克托爾

  • had somehow obtained some contraband lipstickdrawn a crude image of a woman on his pillow,  

    不知何故得到了一些違禁口紅,在枕頭上畫了一個粗糙的女人形象。

  • and was passionately making out with it. Of course, I found this to be hilarious,  

    並熱情地與之親熱。當然,我覺得這很搞笑。

  • and decided to tell the story to a few fellow  convicts out in the yard. They were laughing along  

    並決定把這個故事講給院子裡的幾個獄友聽。他們一起笑著

  • at all the right moments. Things were finally  going well! I was being liked! Until suddenly,  

    在所有正確的時刻。事情終於順利了!我被人喜歡了!直到突然間..,

  • I was being garrotted with a shoelace. Turns outHector had heard me talking smack, and wanted a  

    我被人用鞋帶套住了。原來,赫克託聽到我在說髒話,想來一發。

  • little retribution of his own. Thankfully, the  guards intervened before he could finish the job

    他自己的小報復。幸好,在他完成任務之前,衛兵就介入了。

  • It was another important lesson for the  future: Mind your own business at all times,  

    這是對未來的又一次重要教訓。任何時候都要管好自己的事

  • and use 100% of your common sense at all times. 2. Do not fraternize with convicts of another race  

    並在任何時候都要用100%的常識。2.不要與其他種族的罪犯交往。

  • than your own. If you do, understand that you  are putting your life or your health at risk

    而不是你自己的。如果你這樣做,請明白你正在將你的生命或健康置於危險之中。

  • I was still feeling silly for my ham-handed  attempts to bridge the racial divide in the  

    我還在為我的拙劣的嘗試感到愚蠢,我試圖彌合種族鴻溝在。

  • chow-hall, and decided to try it again  on a much smaller scale in the yard.  

    chow-hall,並決定在院子裡以更小的規模再次嘗試。

  • I approached an African-American prisoner and  struck up a conversationyou know, all the  

    我走近一個非裔美國人囚犯,並提出了一個談話 - 你知道,所有的

  • standard prison small talk: His name, what he  was in for, and whether he had a favourite video  

    標準的監獄閒聊。他的名字,他是因何而入獄的,以及他是否有喜歡的錄像帶。

  • from The Infographics Show. He seemed like a nice  enough guy, if a little skittish about talking to  

    從資訊圖表秀。他看起來是個很好的人,如果說他對與人交談有點畏懼的話。

  • me. Maybe I was finally building up my cred! Though I realised the true reason for his  

    我。也許我終於建立了我的信譽!雖然我意識到他的真正原因

  • nervousness afterwards, when Aryan Nation Steve  punched me really hard in the face and called  

    緊張之後,雅利安國家史蒂夫一拳打在我的臉上,並呼籲

  • me a race traitor. That's when I learned it  was probably just best to avoid fraternising  

    我是一個種族叛徒。那時候我才知道,最好還是不要與人交往。

  • with convicts who weren't the same race  as me. God, who would have guessed that  

    和那些和我不是一個種族的罪犯在一起。天啊,誰會想到

  • prison was such a prejudiced environment? 1. Do not tell on anybody, for any reason

    監獄是這樣一個充滿偏見的環境?1.不要告訴任何人,任何理由。

  • My American prison experience, on the whole, had  been horrible. If you could give prisons Yelp  

    我在美國監獄的經歷,總體來說是很可怕的。如果你能給監獄Yelp

  • reviews, I'd definitely give this one zero stars.  I'd made no friends, been assaulted constantly,  

    評論,我肯定會給這個零星。 我沒有交到任何朋友,不斷被人攻擊。

  • and just had a generally bad time. I decided  I'd finally get payback the only way I knew how:  

    只是有一個普遍的壞時間。我決定用我唯一知道的方式來獲得回報。

  • I'd tattle to a guard about all the sketchy things  my fellow convicts had been doing, and watch the  

    我向看守說起我的同夥們做的所有草率的事情,然後看著

  • warden rake them over the coals for it. I told them about Hector's drug running,  

    典獄長把他們的事說得一清二楚。 I told them about Hector's drug running, 我把Hector販毒的事告訴了他們。我把Hector販毒的事告訴了他們 I told them about Hector's drug running,

  • about Aryan Nation Steve's penchant for  punching, and about the countless instances of  

    關於雅利安人國家史蒂夫對拳頭的嗜好,以及無數次的例子,關於

  • rule-breaking and contraband I'd seen on the yard. It seemed like a great idea, until that night,  

    我在院子裡看到的破壞規則和違禁品。這似乎是個好主意,直到那天晚上。

  • when I was peeling potatoes in the kitchenSuddenly, I found myself surrounded by stone-faced  

    當我在廚房裡削洋芋的時候。 忽然間,我發現自己周圍的人都是面色凝重的人。

  • convicts, all of them carrying shivs. “I'm guessing you're not here to help  

    罪犯們,他們都拿著刀。"我猜你不是來幫忙的吧?

  • me with the potatoes?” I asked. And one of them just sneered,  

    我與洋芋?"我問道。而其中一個人只是冷笑。

  • and said to me, “You forgot the most important  rule of prison, kid: Snitches get stitches.” 

    並對我說,"你忘了最重要的規則 監獄,孩子。"告密者會被縫針"

  • And in that moment, before receiving a very  painful Cell Block B acupuncture session,  

    而在那一刻,在接受一次非常痛苦的細胞塊B鍼灸治療之前。

  • I realised that there were not only ten  crucial prison commandments that you have  

    我意識到,不僅有十條至關重要的監獄戒律,你有。

  • to follow to save your skin, but that there was  an unspoken eleventh commandment. A commandment  

    但還有一條不言而喻的第十一誡。戒律

  • that is arguably the most important of allMake sure you learn the other ten beforehand,  

    可以說是最重要的。 確保你事先學會了其他十條。

  • because if you have to learn them by experience  inside, then you won't make it out alive

    因為如果你要通過裡面的經驗來學習它們,那麼你就不會活著出來。

  • Check outMan So Violent Even Other  Prisoners Fear HimandShocking US  

    請看《男子如此暴力連其他囚犯都怕他》和《美國令人震驚的》。

  • Human Prisoner Experiments Revealed!” for more  crazy facts about what goes on behind bars!

    人類囚犯實驗揭祕!",瞭解更多關於獄中發生的瘋狂事實。

Okay, so I really messed up. My first time on  holiday to the US from Jolly Old England, and now  

好吧,我真的搞砸了。我第一次從快樂的老英國去美國度假,現在... ...

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監獄十戒 (The Ten Commandments of Prison)

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    林宜悉 發佈於 2020 年 11 月 20 日
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