Placeholder Image

字幕列表 影片播放

自動翻譯
  • [ Applause ]

    [掌聲]

  • -Almost showtime, Jimmy.

    -快到表演時間了,吉米

  • -What? Oh, yeah, sure.

    -什麼?什麼? - 哦,是的,當然

  • -Are you still thinking about "Queen's Gambit"?

    -你還在想 "女王的賭博 "嗎?

  • -Nah, I mean -- I loved it, but I'm just --

    -不,我是說... 我很喜歡,但我只是...

  • [ Theme music playing ]

    [主題音樂播放]

  • -Jimmy --

    -Jimmy --

  • Jimmy!

    吉米!

  • -Yeah?

    -是嗎?

  • -See you on stage, man.

    -舞臺上見,夥計

  • ♪♪

    ♪♪

  • -Green one eats fast.

    -綠色的人吃得快。

  • Blue one eats fast.

    藍的吃得快。

  • Green one eats faster.

    綠色的吃得比較快。

  • ♪♪

    ♪♪

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • [ Cheers and applause ]

    [歡呼聲和掌聲]

  • ♪♪

    ♪♪

  • ♪♪

    ♪♪

  • -From Rockefeller Center in the heart of New York City,

    -來自紐約市中心的洛克菲勒中心。

  • it's "The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon."

    這是 "吉米-法倫主演的今夜秀"。

  • Tonight join Jimmy and his guests --

    今晚請加入Jimmy和他的嘉賓 --

  • Whoopi Goldberg, Emma Corrin,

    Whoopi Goldberg, Emma Corrin,

  • musical guest Dierks Bentley,

    音樂嘉賓Dierks Bentley。

  • and featuring the Legendary Roots Crew.

    並由傳說中的 "根基 "團隊參與。

  • And now here he is, Jimmy Fallon!

    現在他來了,吉米-法倫!

  • ♪♪

    ♪♪

  • -Do it!

    -去吧!

  • ♪♪ [ Cheers and applause ]

    [歡呼聲和掌聲]

  • -Oh, hey!

    -哦,嘿!

  • Hey, thank you very much! Hello! Welcome!

    嘿,非常感謝你!你好,歡迎!歡迎光臨!

  • Tank you very much. Welcome, everybody. Oh!

    非常感謝你歡迎,各位噢!

  • ♪♪

    ♪♪

  • Thank you very much, everyone. Welcome, please.

    謝謝大家歡迎,請。

  • Thank you so much for being here.

    非常感謝你能來這裡。

  • We are coming at you live from New York City right now.

    我們現在從紐約市為您直播。

  • Everybody, come on! [ Cheers and applause ]

    每個人,來吧![歡呼聲和掌聲]

  • Welcome to "The Tonight Show"! Let's get to the news and jokes.

    歡迎來到 "今夜秀"!讓我們進入新聞和笑話。

  • Well, guys, everyone is talking about this.

    好了,夥計們,每個人都在談論這個。

  • Today, Twitter officially launched a new feature

    今天,Twitter正式推出了一項新功能

  • where your tweets disappear after 24 hours, called Fleets.

    在那裡你的推文在24小時後消失,稱為艦隊。

  • Come on, Twitter, you wait till Trump is leaving,

    來吧,推特,你等特朗普走了再說。

  • then introduce disappearing tweets?

    然後引入消失的微博?

  • Twitter was like, "We solved our biggest problem."

    Twitter就像,"我們解決了最大的問題。"

  • People are like, "Racist conspiracy theories?"

    人們都說,"種族主義陰謀論?"

  • Twitter was like, "Second biggest problem."

    推特就像,"第二大問題"。

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • Is it just me or does tweet fleet sound like

    是我的錯覺,還是推特艦隊聽起來就像

  • a new branch of the military created by Trump?

    特朗普創建的新軍種?

  • [As Trump] "I'm in a Twitter war with Bette Midler.

    [如特朗普]"我和貝蒂-米德勒在推特上打仗。

  • Send in the tweet fleet." [ Laughter ]

    派出推特艦隊。"[笑聲]

  • Yep, scientists are like, "We just created a COVID vaccine,"

    是的 科學家們會說 "我們剛剛創造了一種COVID疫苗"

  • and America is like, "Yeah, yeah, yeah,

    和美國是這樣的,"是啊,是啊,是啊。

  • Twitter has a new button! Fleet, fleet!"

    微博有了新的按鈕!艦隊,艦隊!"

  • Well, so far it can be a little hard to tell

    好吧,到目前為止,它可以是一個有點困難的判斷。

  • what should be a tweet and what should be a fleet.

    什麼應該是一條微博,什麼應該是一支車隊。

  • But I thought this user guy was pretty helpful.

    但我覺得這個用戶傢伙很有幫助。

  • Check it out. For example,

    檢查一下。例如:

  • Barack Obama might tweet, "I hope you all enjoy reading

    奧巴馬可能會在推特上寫道:"我希望你們都能喜歡閱讀。

  • my new memoir 'A Promised Land.'"

    我的新回憶錄《應許之地》。"

  • But he should fleet, "On the DL, this is just stuff

    但他應該艦隊,"在DL,這只是東西。

  • I copy-pasted from my other three memoirs."

    我從我的其他三本回憶錄中複製粘貼的。"

  • [ Laughter and applause ]

    [笑聲和掌聲]

  • Here's Another example. Butterball might tweet,

    這是另一個例子。毛茛球可能會發推特。

  • "create a natural roasting rack by putting carrots and celery

    "把胡蘿蔔和芹菜放在天然烤架上,打造天然烤架。

  • on the bottom of the pan."

    鍋底上。"

  • But they should fleet, "I'mma be real.

    但他們應該艦隊,"我是真實的。

  • I forgot to take the bag of gizzards out,

    我忘了把一袋胗子拿出來。

  • but screw it, it's noon

    不過算了,現在是中午了

  • and I've already had three White Claws."

    而我已經有三隻白爪了。"

  • [ Laughter and applause ]

    [笑聲和掌聲]

  • -Up next, Starbucks might tweet,

    -下一步,星巴克可能會發推特。

  • "Welcome back, Peppermint Mocha, to our 2020 Holiday Drink menu,"

    "歡迎回來,薄荷摩卡,加入我們2020年的假日飲料菜單,"

  • but they should fleet, "Welcome back,

    但他們應該艦隊,"歡迎回來。

  • the guy with the ponytail who always blows up the bathroom!"

    那個扎著馬尾辮的傢伙,他總是在浴室裡炸掉!"

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • And finally, Kohl's might tweet, "It's never too early

    最後,Kohl's可能會在推特上說:"永遠不會太早。

  • to pick up some Kohl's Cash for stockings."

    去拿一些Kohl's Cash來買絲襪。"

  • But they should fleet, "It's never too early

    但是,他們應該艦隊,"這是永遠不會太早。

  • to tell their kids they're not getting a PS5."

    來告訴他們的孩子,他們不會得到一個PS5。"

  • [ Applause ] There you go, I'm just saying.

    [掌聲]你去那裡,我只是說。

  • Tweet and fleet.

    鳴和車隊。

  • Well, guys President Trump's days in office are numbered,

    好了,夥計們,特朗普總統在位的日子不多了。

  • but he's trying to make the most out of them.

    但他想充分利用它們。

  • It just came out that he's even been thinking about

    剛剛傳出他甚至一直在考慮。

  • attacking Iran.

    攻擊伊朗。

  • Listen to this.

    聽聽這個。

  • -President Trump asked senior aides

    -特朗普總統問高級助手

  • about his options for an offensive strike

    關於他的進攻性攻擊的選擇

  • on Iran's main nuclear site.

    伊朗的主要核基地。

  • -Senior advisers told the president

    -高級顧問告訴總統

  • an attack could escalate into a bigger conflict

    擦槍走火

  • in the last weeks of his presidency.

    在他擔任總統的最後幾周。

  • -What is Trump doing? If he wants to hurt Iran,

    -特朗普在做什麼?如果他想傷害伊朗。

  • don't bomb them.

    不要轟炸他們。

  • Just invite them to a party at the White House.

    就請他們去白宮開個派對吧。

  • [ Laughter and applause ]

    [笑聲和掌聲]

  • Well, I saw that Georgia is finishing up

    嗯,我看到喬治亞州正在完成

  • their election recount, but it sounds like

    他們的選舉重新計算,但它聽起來像

  • some Republicans are interfering to help the President.

    一些共和黨人為了幫助總統而進行干涉。

  • Listen to this.

    聽聽這個。

  • -Stunning allegations by Georgia's

    -格魯吉亞總統的驚人指控

  • Republican Secretary of State Brad Raffensperger,

    共和黨國務卿布拉德-拉芬斯佩爾。

  • who told "The Washington Post" he had been pressured

    他告訴 "華盛頓郵報",他曾被施壓。

  • by fellow Republicans, including

    共和黨同僚,包括

  • South Carolina Senator Lindsey Graham

    南卡羅來納州參議員Lindsey Graham

  • to question the validity of legally cast absentee ballots.

    質疑合法投下的缺席選票的有效性。

  • -I'm sure the Secretary of State was terrified.

    -我相信國務卿一定嚇壞了。

  • I mean, how intimidating is Lindsey Graham?

    我是說,林賽-格雷厄姆有多嚇人?

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • Meanwhile, the Trump campaign still hasn't given up

    與此同時,特朗普競選團隊仍然沒有放棄。

  • in Wisconsin.

    在威斯康星州。

  • However, it looks like a recount

    不過,看來要重新計算了

  • is going to come with a pretty big price tag.

    是要付出相當大的代價的。

  • Watch this.

    看這個。

  • -President Trump's campaign wants a recount

    -特朗普總統的競選團隊希望重新計票

  • in the state of Wisconsin.

    在威斯康星州,

  • It's going to cost nearly $8 million up front.

    先期要花費近800萬元。

  • The Trump campaign has until Wednesday

    特朗普競選活動在週三之前

  • if they want to request a recount.

    如果他們想要求重新計票。

  • -Trump was immediately like, "Okay, I concede. Okay."

    -特朗普馬上說:"好吧,我認輸了。"好吧,我認輸。"

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • Not only does he have to pay that, but also it just came out

    他不僅要支付這些費用,而且剛出來的時候

  • that Rudy Giuliani wants to charge Trump's campaign

    魯迪-朱利安尼要指控特朗普的競選團隊。

  • $20,000 a day for his services.

    每天2萬美元的服務費。

  • I wouldn't hire Rudy Giuliani if he paid me 20 grand a day.

    如果魯迪-朱利安尼一天給我兩萬塊錢 我也不會僱他的。

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • Trump's campaign was like, "If we could afford that,

    特朗普的競選活動是這樣的:"如果我們能負擔得起。

  • we'd have hired a real lawyer."

    我們應該請一個真正的律師。"

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • I'm excited for when Trump doesn't pay

    我很興奮,當特朗普不支付。

  • and then he hires Rudy Giuliani to sue Rudy Giuliani.

    然後他僱傭魯迪-朱利安尼去起訴魯迪-朱利安尼。

  • "I'll take him down, boss."

    "我會帶他下去的,老闆。"

  • Everyone's excited about this.

    大家都很興奮

  • Dolly Parton is releasing a new holiday album and movie,

    多莉-帕頓將推出新的節日專輯和電影。

  • but it turns out that's not all she's been working on.

    但事實證明,這不是她一直在努力的全部。

  • Listen to this.

    聽聽這個。

  • -Dolly -- she couldn't do enough, so now she's actually

    -多莉 -- 她做得不夠,所以現在她實際上是...

  • helping to cure the coronavirus

    幫助治療冠狀病毒

  • because one of your donations

    因為你的捐款之一

  • helped out Moderna,

    幫助了莫德納。

  • and now Moderna is knocking on the door of a vaccine.

    而現在莫德納正在敲響疫苗的大門。

  • -I'm just so happy that anything that I've done

    -我很高興我所做的一切...

  • could help in any way.

    可以幫助任何方式。

  • -That's right, Dolly Parton helped with the vaccine!

    沒錯,多莉-帕頓幫著打了疫苗!

  • [ Cheers and applause ]

    [歡呼聲和掌聲]

  • Dolly Parton!

    多莉帕頓!

  • Even weirder, Dr. Fauci is releasing a country album

    更怪異的是,福喜博士要發行一張鄉村專輯了。

  • about his childhood in the great Smoky Mountains

    關於他的童年在大煙山的故事

  • of Brooklyn, New York. [ Laughter ]

    布魯克林,紐約。[笑聲]

  • Here's a wild story.

    這是一個瘋狂的故事。

  • There's a new college admissions scandal,

    有一個新的大學招生醜聞。

  • this time involving Harvard. Check it out.

    這次涉及到哈佛大學。看看吧

  • -New arrests in connection with admissions cheating

    -與招生作弊有關的新的逮捕行動。

  • involves a former fencing coach at Harvard, Peter Brand,

    涉及到哈佛大學的前擊劍教練Peter Brand。

  • and a Maryland business executive, Jie Zhao.

    和馬里蘭企業高管趙傑。

  • Zhao is accused of paying more than $1.5 million

    趙某被控支付150餘萬元。

  • in bribes to secure Harvard admission

    賄賂獲得哈佛大學錄取

  • for his two sons as fencers.

    為他的兩個兒子當擊劍手。

  • -I'm sure someone with Harvard University fencing coach

    -我相信有人和哈佛大學的擊劍教練一樣

  • on their resume is going to do well in the yard.

    在他們的履歷上是要做好院子裡的工作。

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • When the police came for the fencing coach,

    當警察來找擊劍教練的時候。

  • he tried to escape by swinging across the room on a chandelier.

    他試圖通過在吊燈上搖擺著穿過房間來逃跑。

  • "Unhand me, you fiend!"

    "放開我,你這個惡魔!"

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • [ Whooshing ]

    [嗖嗖聲]

  • "You rapscallion, you!"

    "你這個金光黨,你!"

  • Here's something you may have noticed.

    這裡有些東西你可能已經注意到了。

  • For the first time in 30 years,

    30年來首次。

  • Pepsi just changed its 2-liter bottles.

    百事可樂剛換了2升裝的瓶子。

  • Here is the old look and new look.

    這是舊貌換新顏。

  • Yeah. Looks like Pepsi gave all of their bottles a revenge body.

    是啊,看來百事可樂給他們的瓶子都換上了復仇體。看來百事可樂給他們的瓶子都換上了復仇體。

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • That looks like before and after your dad realizes

    這看起來就像你爸爸意識到前後的樣子

  • you're taking a photo of him by the pool.

    你在泳池邊給他拍照。

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • And finally, I heard about an interesting new invention

    最後,我聽說了一個有趣的新發明。

  • out of Japan for single men. Listen to this.

    出日本的單身男人。聽聽這個。

  • -Robot hand. The new invention from engineers

    -機器人手。工程師的新發明

  • at a Japanese university,

    在日本某大學。

  • it is aimed at single men to simulate

    它是針對單身男性的,以模擬

  • holding a woman's hand.

    牽著一個女人的手。

  • It squeezes your palm as you stroll

    當你漫步時,它可以擠壓你的手掌。

  • and secretes small amounts of moisture to imitate sweat.

    並分泌少量水分來模仿汗液。

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • -Yeah. Sure.

    -是啊。是的,當然

  • That's what they're using it for.

    這就是他們使用它的目的。

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • When asked to comment, a Japanese scientist said,

    當被要求發表評論時,一位日本科學家說。

  • "Be out in a minute! Don't open --"

    "馬上就出來!不要打開--"

  • Hey, guys, I want to mention

    嘿,夥計們,我想提

  • this week's "Tonight Show" hashtag.

    本週的 "今夜秀 "標籤。

  • It is called #NewThanksgivingTraditions.

    這就是所謂的#新感恩節傳統#。

  • So if you want to play along, just go on Twitter

    所以,如果你想一起玩,就上微博吧。

  • and tweet out your idea for a new Thanksgiving tradition,

    並在推特上發表你對感恩節新傳統的想法。

  • updated for 2020.

    2020年更新。

  • I said, "The turkey now pardons the president."

    我說:"火雞現在赦免了總統。"

  • So send in your tweets,

    所以發來你的微博。

  • use the hashtag #NewThanksgivingTraditions.

    使用標籤#NewThanksgivingTraditions。

  • and we'll show our favorites on the show Thursday night.

    我們將在週四晚上的節目中展示我們的最愛。

  • It will be fun! It's fun to play with you guys.

    會很好玩的!和你們一起玩很有意思。

  • [ Applause ]

    [掌聲]

  • Speaking of fun, I want to remind everyone

    說到好玩,我想提醒大家

  • to tune in tomorrow night.

    要在明晚收看。

  • Tariq is excited about this. Look at this dude.

    塔裡克很興奮看看這個傢伙。

  • He's freaking out.

    他嚇壞了。

  • Something very special is going down.

    有一件非常特別的事情要發生。

  • Something never before attempted on network television.

    在網絡電視上從未嘗試過的事情。

  • No show has ever dared to try such a thing, let alone do it.

    沒有任何一個節目敢於嘗試這樣的事情,更不用說做了。

  • We're having a pajama party here in the studio.

    我們在工作室裡開了個睡衣派對。

  • Everyone's going to be wearing pajamas.

    每個人都會穿著睡衣。

  • ♪♪ [ Cheers and applause ]

    [歡呼聲和掌聲]

  • Two pieces, onesies, pants, shorts, whatever you're into.

    兩件套,連體褲,褲子,短褲,不管你喜歡什麼。

  • Anything goes.

    什麼都可以。

  • -Commando? -It's a full-on --

    -突擊隊?-這是一個完整的 -

  • -Whoa, whoa. -..."Tonight --"

    -哇,哇。-... "今晚..."

  • It's a full-on "Tonight Show P'Jimmy Jammy Jam."

    這是一個完整的 "今夜秀P'Jimmy Jammy Jam"。

  • It's all happening tomorrow night, so stay tuned right here.

    這一切都發生在明天晚上,所以繼續關注這裡。

  • More as the story develops. [ Laughter ]

    更多的故事發展。[笑聲]

  • -I told you I am getting my own pajamas.

    -我告訴過你我要買自己的睡衣。

  • -You said told me -- you whispered something --

    -你說告訴我... 你說悄悄話... ...

  • you said something condescendingly to me

    你對我說了一些高傲的話

  • in the hallway.

    在走廊上。

  • We were walking past, and I thought

    我們走過去,我想

  • you were going to say "Congrats P'Jimmys," then --

    你本來想說 "恭喜P'Jimmys",然後 --

  • -No, I said tomorrow -- versus --

    -不,我說的是明天... 與...

  • P'Jimmys vs. Bad Mamma Jammas.

    P'Jimmys vs. Bad Mamma Jammas。

  • -So you're inventing a new pajamas tonight.

    -所以你今晚要發明一件新的睡衣。

  • -Tonight. -Called Bad Mamma Jammas.

    -今晚-叫做 "壞媽媽Jammas"。

  • -Yeah. [ Laughter ]

    -是的。是啊。 [笑]

  • -Mine isn't even out yet and it's for charity

    -我的還沒出來,而且是為了慈善事業

  • and it's a whole thing.

    而且是一個整體。

  • -Mine's for charity, too.

    -我的也是為了慈善事業.

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • -But I did it first, and we didn't even do it yet.

    -但我先做的,我們還沒做呢。

  • I didn't launch mine yet.

    我還沒有啟動我的。

  • -Yeah, but yours ain't bad.

    -是的,但你的也不差。

  • -What happened? -Bad.

    -怎麼了?-糟糕

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • -You can't debut yours tomorrow, though.

    -不過你明天不能登場了。

  • -I mean, what better time to debut my pajama line

    -我是說,還有什麼比這更好的時機來推出我的睡衣系列呢?

  • than at "The Tonight Show Pajama Jammy Jam"?

    比在 "今夜秀睡衣果醬"?

  • -"P'Jimmy Jammy Jam." -"P'Jimmy Jammy Jam."

    - "P'Jimmy Jammy Jam."- "P'Jimmy Jammy Jam"。

  • -Yeah, no, it's not in quotes. It's just out there.

    -是的,不,這不是引號。它只是在那裡。

  • -I could really shut it down if I brought Jimmy Jam here,

    -如果我把Jimmy Jam帶到這裡來,我真的可以把它關了

  • like, tomorrow.

    像,明天。

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • -Oh, my God. If you brought Jimmy Jam here...

    -哦,我的上帝。如果你把Jimmy Jam帶到這裡...

  • -That's it. -Oh, it'd be

    -就是這樣-哦,那會是

  • a P'Jimmy Jimmy Jam Jam.

    a P'Jimmy Jimmy Jam。

  • [ Laughter ] Or a Jimmy --

    [笑] 或吉米 -

  • A Jimmy Jam P'Jimmy Jammy Jam. -Yeah.

    Jimmy Jam P'Jimmy Jam.-是啊 是啊

  • -You could bring, like, Kid 'n Play here as well.

    -你可以把,像,Kid 'n Play在這裡也。