A lot of the networks officially declared Joe Biden the winner of the presidential election on It's Been glorious.

很多網絡正式宣佈喬-拜登贏得了總統大選，在這是光榮的。

Yeah, yeah, yeah, Indeed.

是啊，是啊，是啊，確實如此。

It's been an incredible weekend.

這是一個不可思議的週末。

Almost immediately after the news was announced, people all over the country started to celebrate out in the streets.

幾乎在消息公佈後，全國各地的人們就開始上街慶祝。

The joy was infectious as his coronavirus.

這種喜悅就像他的冠狀病毒一樣具有感染力。

Yeah, After the announcement, there was actually a double rainbow over L.

是啊，宣佈之後，L市上空居然出現了雙彩虹。

A.

A.

The Trump campaign is already trying to overturn at least one of those rainbows in court, according to the pharmaceutical company Pfizer, the Cove in vaccine that they've developed its surpassing all expectations and testing out at 90% effective 90% effective.

特朗普競選活動已經在試圖在法庭上推翻至少一條彩虹，根據製藥公司輝瑞公司的說法，他們開發的科威在疫苗其超越了所有的預期，測試出90%的有效90%的效果。

That's basically like my jokes during this monologue, unless, and that's me being generous.

這基本上就像我這段獨白中的笑話，除非，那是我大度。

But it's incredible we could get a co vid vaccine.

但不可思議的是，我們竟然能搞到一種聯合視頻疫苗。

I cannot wait.

我已經等不及了

I cannot wait for another four months to go by, get my two vaccine shots, wait another 28 days for it to kick in and then just hug someone about this news.

我不能再等4個月過去，打兩針疫苗，再等28天就能起效，然後就抱著別人說這個消息。

Yeah.

是啊。

On Saturday, Trump announced over Twitter there his team would be holding a press conference at the Four Seasons Hotel in Philadelphia, but minutes later, Trump corrected the tweet, saying that the press conference was going to actually be held at a place called Four Seasons Total Landscaping.

上週六，特朗普在推特上宣佈，他的團隊將在費城的四季酒店召開新聞發佈會，但幾分鐘後，特朗普糾正了這條推特，稱新聞發佈會其實要在一個叫四季總景觀的地方舉行。

I It's amazing.

太神奇了

It's like obviously they screwed up.

這就像顯然他們搞砸了。

They called the wrong place and they just thought, Well, let's just go with it like Trump can.

他們打錯了電話，他們就想，好吧，我們就像特朗普一樣，可以隨心所欲。

He could never admit that he might be wrong, like he could be on fire.

他永遠都不能承認自己可能是錯的，就像他可能會著火一樣。

I think he'd stand there going.

我想他會站在那裡去。

I meant to be on fire being fired.

我的意思是被炒魷魚了。

Being virus the best Only idiots aren't on FIRE Uh huh.

做病毒最好，只有白痴才不會被燒死 嗯哼。

But the only way it could have been Mawr hilarious is if the Four Seasons Total landscaping shop was located in 100 industrial strip mall sandwiched between a crematorium on a sex shop on.

但唯一的辦法是，如果四季總景觀店位於100工業帶商場夾在一個火葬場上的性商店上，就會被毛爾搞笑。

That's exactly where it waas.

這正是它的位置。

I cannot imagine a better location for the future Donald Trump Presidential Library.

我無法想象未來的唐納德-特朗普總統圖書館有更好的位置。

Trump's lawyer, Rudy Giuliani, did the speaking on.

特朗普的律師魯迪-朱利安尼做了發言，在。

Well, take a look because they don't decide the election core for Joe Biden, isn't it?

好吧，看一看，因為他們並不能決定喬-拜登的選舉核心，不是嗎？

What was it called by all the Oh my goodness, All the enough?

哦，我的天啊，所有的人都叫它什麼？

Wow, all the network Attn least Julianne is going out with his head held high, you know, screaming like a crazy person but still head held high.

哇，所有的網絡 Attn至少朱利安是出去與他的頭高舉，你知道，尖叫像一個瘋狂的人，但仍然頭高舉。

Do you do when you do the early sounds like he's trying to give a press conference while also trying to stop himself turning into a werewolf?

你做的時候，早期的聲音就像他想開新聞發佈會，同時也想阻止自己變成狼人？

You know what I mean?

你知道我的意思嗎？

Like those scenes in teen wolf like Michael J boxes.

就像少年狼中的那些場景，像邁克爾-J盒。

Lazy all the network who wishes Who wishes that they were airing these great jokes right now.

懶惰的所有網絡誰希望誰希望他們現在正在播出這些偉大的笑話。

Wow, for the network.

哇，對於網絡。

Yeah, for years is gonna hold these rallies.

是啊，多年來是要舉行這些集會。

You know who's not going to cover these rallies?

你知道誰不會報道這些集會嗎？

Wow!

哇！

Along the network, Fox News actually cut away from a live statement from the White House press secretary because while see for yourself and we want every illegal votes Well, I I just think we have to be very clear that she's charging the other side is welcoming fraud and welcoming illegal voting.

沿著網絡，福克斯新聞實際上從白宮新聞祕書的現場聲明中切開，因為雖然自己看，我們希望每一個非法的選票，我我只是認為我們必須非常清楚，她的指控對方是歡迎欺詐和歡迎非法投票。

Unless she has more details to back that up.

除非她有更多的細節來支持。

I can't in good countenance, continue showing you that Fox News just cut off the Trump White House for being misleading.

我不能好端端的，繼續給你看福克斯新聞剛剛因為誤導特朗普白宮而截胡。

I got to say the 2020 plot twists just keep on coming, don't they?

不得不說2020年的劇情曲折不斷，不是嗎？

Biden said Trump's refusal to concede is an embarrassment, and then Trump was like this is an embarrassment.

拜登說特朗普拒絕讓步是一種尷尬，然後特朗普就像這是一種尷尬。

Did you not see me do this?

你沒看到我這樣做嗎？

We owe.

我們欠。

Meanwhile, the Trump family seems to be having a hard time understanding that the election is over.

與此同時，特朗普家族似乎很難理解大選已經結束。

Today.

今天

Eric Trump tweeted this Minnesota get out and vote.

埃裡克-特朗普在推特上寫道："明尼蘇達州的這個出去投票。

I cannot stress this enough.

這一點我怎麼強調都不為過。

He tweeted this today thing.

他在微博上說了今天這件事。

He followed that up by tweeting Good luck to the Miami Heat.

隨後，他在推特上寫道：祝邁阿密熱火隊好運。

And then, later on Eric Tweeted got a good feeling about LA LA Land.

然後，後來埃裡克在推特上對洛杉磯洛杉磯樂園有了好感。

Hashtag Best picture on.

標籤最佳圖片上。

If all of this has got you feeling like you need a vacation, you're not the only one because vice president Mike Pence actually left today for a week long vacation in Florida.

如果這一切讓你覺得自己需要度假，你不是唯一一個，因為副總統邁克-彭斯今天真的離開了，去佛羅里達州度假一週。

Listen, if anyone deserves a vacation right now, it's the head of the coronavirus task force.

聽著，如果說現在有誰值得休假的話 那就是冠狀病毒專案組的組長了。

Thanks.

謝謝你

Morning, President Trump made his first public appearance in six days.

上午，特朗普總統6天來首次公開露面。

He's basically been in hiding since shortly after the election, and that explains why you've been having such a great week.

他從選舉後不久就開始躲起來了 這也解釋了為什麼你這周過的這麼好了

It's his first public appearance in days, so I guess Donald Trump is capable of quarantining seriously.

這是他幾天來的第一次公開露面，所以我猜唐納德-特朗普有能力認真檢疫。

He was out in public so much more when he was contagious with coronavirus on.

他在公共場合多了這麼多，當他被冠狀病毒傳染上。

Trump is still unwilling to concede to President elect Joe Biden last night.

特朗普昨晚仍不願向當選總統拜登讓步。

Trump tweeted People will not accept this rigged election to be clear.

特朗普在推特上說，人們不會接受這種被操縱的選舉，要清楚。

He's not talking about People magazine, is he?

他不會是在說《人物》雜誌吧？

It's not People magazine because the only thing people is going to accept is an in depth interview with Kristen Chenowith, where she gets real about faith, family and all the Broadway drama you can handle.

這不是《人物》雜誌，因為人們唯一會接受的是對克里斯汀-切諾威斯的深度採訪，在那裡，她真實地瞭解信仰、家庭和所有你能處理的百老匯戲劇。

I mean, he's saying people won't accept that people will be fine.

我的意思是，他是說人們不會接受人們會沒事的。

If people could accept Taco Bell retiring the Mexican pizza, which is an outrage, I'm pretty sure they can accept this.

如果人們能接受塔可鍾退掉墨西哥披薩，這是一種侮辱，我敢肯定他們能接受這個。

Meanwhile, despite the president's claims, election officials in dozens of states representing both political parties have declared that there was no widespread election fraud Trump's legal team officially responded with.

同時，儘管總統聲稱，代表兩黨的幾十個州的選舉官員都宣佈不存在廣泛的選舉舞弊特朗普的法律團隊正式迴應稱。

Are there Waas?

有華斯嗎？

It's hard to know who to believe Here.

很難知道該相信誰。

On the one hand, you've got the word of dozens of bipartisan election officials.

一方面，你有幾十個兩黨選舉官員的說法。

On the other hand, you got the word of Trump's lawyer, all the networks.

另一方面，你得到了特朗普律師的消息，所有的網絡。

Trump's behind by 14,000 votes in Georgia.

特朗普在佐治亞州落後14000票。

You know how big of a screw up it would take to get something like that Wrong.

你知道要把這樣的事情弄錯，需要多大的麻煩。

That would be like trying to book an event at the Four Seasons Hotel but instead booking at the Four Seasons total.

這就好比是想在四季酒店訂活動，而是在四季總店訂。

Last e.

加載e。

I mean, that story was four days ago on It's still funny to me every single day.

我的意思是，這個故事是四天前的 "它 "上的，我每天都覺得很有趣。

Sometimes I sit and I think about it, and I imagine that behind the scenes, the rigmarole can you imagine?

有時候，我坐在那裡想，我想象著幕後，你能想象到其中的繁瑣嗎？

Can you imagine what it was like?

你能想象那是什麼樣子嗎？

It was It was between a porn shop in a crematorium.

那是... ...是在火葬場的色情商店之間。

Yeah, it would have been funny without that.

是啊，如果沒有這個，就會很有趣。

They gave us that, too.

他們也給了我們。

I know the website loser dot com, has just been updated.

我知道屌絲點點網，剛剛更新了。

Now, if you visit the site, you'll be immediately redirected to Donald Trump's Wikipedia page.

現在，如果你訪問該網站，你會立即被重定向到唐納德-特朗普的維基百科頁面。

Yeah, this really has to sting.

是啊，這真的很刺眼。

For Trump is a big thing.

對於特朗普來說是一件大事。

He's even lost the support of trolls.

他甚至失去了巨魔的支持。

A loser dot com What a website It sounds like an insult.

一個屌絲點點網是什麼網站 聽起來像是一種侮辱。

You'd hear a school in the early two thousands.

你會聽到一個學校在兩千初。

Where'd you get those bit dazzled?

你從哪裡弄來的這幾位眼花繚亂？

Low rise jeans?

低腰牛仔褲？

Loser dot com Yeah.

Loser dot com 是啊。

Hey in where'd you get that mustache loser dot com?

嘿，你從哪弄來的那個小鬍子失敗者網站？

Where can I stream cats loser dot com i Zazzali.

我在哪裡可以流的貓輸家點com我Zazzali。

You know where you can stream cuts?

你知道在哪裡你可以流切割？

Wow, all the networks.

哇，所有的網絡。

Trump's public schedules show that the president has little interest in actual work.

特朗普的公開日程表顯示，總統對實際工作沒有什麼興趣。

He hasn't had an intelligence briefing since early October, which is too bad, because if he had, he might actually know that he lost the election.

他自10月初以來就沒有過情報簡報，這太糟糕了，因為如果他有，他可能真的知道他輸了選舉。

But this begs the philosophical question.

但這就引出了一個哲學問題。

If Donald Trump is the one receiving it, is it still an intelligence briefing?

如果是唐納德-特朗普接收的，那還是情報簡報嗎？

According to another new report, not only will Trump run for president again in 2024 he may announce it before Joe Biden is inaugurated and possibly before the end of the year.

根據另一份新報告，特朗普不僅會在2024年再次競選總統，他可能會在喬-拜登就職前宣佈，也可能在年底前宣佈。

So Merry Christmas, America, although it's gonna be hard to fit Trump's 2024 slogan on a hat make America great again to back where it was when I was the president the first time again.

所以，聖誕快樂，美國，雖然要把特朗普2024年的口號裝在帽子上讓美國再次偉大，再次回到我第一次當總統時的位置，會很難。

As you may know, over the past few years, there've been a number of priceless works of art whose restorations were infamously botched.

你可能知道，在過去的幾年裡，有許多無價的藝術品的修復工作都是聲名狼藉的。

First, there was this portrait that became known as Monkey Christ thin.

先是有這幅畫像，被稱為猴基督薄。

Earlier this year, there was this attempt by a furniture repairman to restore 1/17 century painting of the Virgin Mary.

今年年初，有這樣一位傢俱維修工試圖修復1/17世紀的聖母畫。

Well, we've got a brand new one to tell you about this time on a building in Spain.

好了，我們有一個全新的故事要告訴你，這次是在西班牙的一棟建築上。

Here's what the sculpture looked like before the restoration.

這是雕塑修復前的樣子。

Okay, that's it.

好了，就是這樣。

There on.

有上。

Here's what it looked like after it had been restored.

這是修復後的樣子。

How do men on the face look at this?

面子上的男人怎麼看？

I mean, how does this keep happening?

我的意思是，這怎麼會一直髮生？

What's the reason for this year?

今年的原因是什麼？

I don't know, but thank God it does.

我不知道，但謝天謝地，它確實如此。

It looks like a potato trying to decide what to order in a fast food restaurant.

它看起來像一個洋芋試圖決定在快餐店點什麼。

A top court in Germany just ruled that techno is in fact music.

德國的一個最高法院剛剛裁定，Techno其實就是音樂。

Yes, Yeah, yeah.

是的，是的，是的。

They said that the case confirmed that clubs playing techno should benefit from the same reduced tax rate as concert halls.

他們表示，該案證實了演奏電子樂的俱樂部應該和音樂廳一樣享受減免稅率。

Yes, this is huge news for any clubs out there.

是的，這對任何俱樂部來說都是一個巨大的消息。

From 2000 and two.

從2000年和兩。

It was close, though the defense lost the case on a technicality.

雖然辯方在技術上輸了官司，但還是很接近。

Thank you.

謝謝你了

I like everyone in America, is concerned that the Supreme Court will overturn rulings on gay marriage and abortion rights, and in Germany, judges alike.

我和美國的每個人一樣，擔心最高法院會推翻對同志婚姻和墮胎權的裁決，在德國，法官也是如此。

Honestly, this slaps things got a little out of hand during the case when the judge was like order way.

說實話，這一巴掌事情在案件中有點失控，當時法官就像命令方式。