WELCOME BACK.

歡迎回來。

LET'S SAY HELLO TO JON BATISTE.

讓我們向JON BATISTE問好。

HELLO, JON.

你好，喬恩。

>> Jon: OH, HELLO, HELLO!

>> 喬恩。哦，你好，你好！

>> Stephen: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MY FRIEND!

>> Stephen:生日快樂，我的朋友!

>> Jon: HELLO, YES, SEE THAT, MAN.

>> 喬恩：你好，是的，看到了，夥計。

YOU SEE, TIME IS MOVING ON, AND I'M JUST TRYING TO BE PRESENT.

你看，時間在流逝，而我只是在努力表現。

CAT'S GOT TO KNOW WHAT'S HAPPENING IN THE MOMENT WHEN

貓必須知道當下發生了什麼事，當

IT'S HAPPENING.

它的發生。

YOU SEE?

你看到了嗎？

>> Stephen: ARE YOU HAVING A GOOD BIRTHDAY?

>> Stephen:你的生日過得好嗎？

IS THAT WHAT'S HAPPENING IN THE MOMENT RIGHT NOW?

這就是當下發生的事情嗎？

>> Jon: YES, THAT'S WHAT'S HAPPENING.

>> 喬恩。是的，這就是發生的事情。

IT'S MY BIRTHDAY.

這是我的生日。

I ALWAYS LOVE THAT MY BIRTHDAY IS ON VETERANS DAY, CELEBRATE

我一直很喜歡我的生日是在老兵節，慶祝一下吧

THE VETERANS, AND I HAVE VETERANS IN MY FAMILY.

退伍軍人，我家裡也有退伍軍人。

AND I ALSO WANTED TO JUST SEND LOVE OUT TO EVERYBODY IN THIS

我還想向這裡的每一個人表達愛意。

TIME.

時間。

YOU KNOW, WHEN TENSION IS COMING TO ME ON MY BIRTHDAY I'M SENDING

你知道嗎，當緊張的情緒在我生日的時候來找我，我就會寄給你。

THE LOVE RIGHT BACK.

愛的回饋。

LOUIS ARMSTRONG USED TO GIVE GIFTS TO PEOPLE ON HIS BIRTHDAY.

路易斯-阿姆斯壯曾經在他的生日那天給人們送過禮物。

>> Stephen: THAT'S LOVELY.

>> Stephen:這是可愛的。

>> Jon: I LOVE THAT KIND OF STUFF.

>> 喬恩，我喜歡這種類型的東西。我喜歡這種類型的東西。

>> Stephen: HOBBITS DO THAT IN "LORD OF THE RINGS."

>> 史蒂芬：霍比特人在 "指環王 "中做了。

THEY GIVE OTHER PEOPLE PRESENTS ON THEIR BIRTHDAYS.

他們在生日的時候給別人送禮物。

>> Jon: I LIKE THAT A LOT.

>> 喬恩我很喜歡這個。

>> Stephen: I WANT TO SAY THIS ABOUT THE VETERANS, TOO, WE WANT

>> Stephen:我想對退伍軍人說一句，我們也想...

TO SEND LOVE OUT TO ALL THE VETERANS OUT THERE, ESPECIALLY

向所有的退伍軍人表達愛意，特別是

RIGHT NOW, AND ESPECIALLY THOSE COMING BACK FROM SERVICE

現在，特別是那些從服務中回來的人。

OVERSEAS, BECAUSE IT'S SO IMPORTANT FOR THEM TO BE ABLE TO

在海外，因為這對他們來說是非常重要的能夠

SEE THEIR FAMILIES, ESPECIALLY AROUND THE HOLIDAYS, BUT RIGHT

看到他們的家人，特別是在假日期間，但正確的。

NOW, THEY CAN'T BECAUSE OF THE COVID QUARANTINE AND THE

現在，他們不能，因為科維德配額和。

INABILITY TO TRAVEL FREELY IN THE UNITED STATES.

不能在美國自由旅行；

SO IF YOU KNOW A VETERAN OUT THERE, ESPECIALLY SOMEBODY WHO

所以，如果你認識一個退伍軍人，特別是一些人...

HAS JUST COME BACK, SEND THEM A LOT OF LOVE THESE HOLIDAYS.

剛回來，送他們很多的愛這些節日。

BECAUSE THIS ISOLATION THAT EVERYBODY IS FEELING RIGHT NOW,

因為這種孤立，每個人都感覺到現在。

THEY'VE MADE THAT SACRIFICE FOR US FOR YEARS SO THAT WE COULD BE

他們為我們做了多年的犧牲，所以我們才能夠

SAFE OVER HERE.

安全在這裡。

GOT ANYTHING FOR THE VETERANS THERE, JON.

有什麼要給老兵們的嗎，喬恩？

>> Jon: OH, MY GOOD.

>> 喬恩。哦，我的上帝。

THE VETERANS, THIS IS MY RHAPSODY FOR THE VETERANS.

退伍軍人，這是我給退伍軍人的RHAPSODY。

♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: JON BATISTE,

JON BATISTE,

EVERYBODY.

每個人。

THANK YOU, JON.

謝謝你，喬恩。

HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

生日快樂

FOLKS, WE ARE STILL IN THE MIDST OF A GLOBAL PANDEMIC, WITH A

夥計們，我們仍然處於全球大恐慌之中，有一個...

WHITE-KNUCKLED GRIP ON OUR REPUBLIC, SO IT'S THE PERFECT

白手起家的我們的共和國，所以它是完美的。

TIME TO REMEMBER WHAT'S TRULY IMPORTANT: BUYING THINGS.

時間記住什麼是真正重要的：買東西。

AND WHO BETTER TO GUIDE US THAN LIFESTYLE GURU AND GROWN-UP

誰更適合指導我們，比生活方式大師和長大的。

HANSEN BROTHER, GWYNETH PALTROW.

HANSEN BROTHER, GWYNETH PALTROW.

♪ CUZ IT'S THE MOST GOOP-IFUL TIME OF THE YEAR! ♪

因為這是今年最熱鬧的時候！

IT'S THE RELEASE OF THE GOOP HOLIDAY GIFT GUIDE.

這是發佈的GOOP假期禮品指南。

AND THIS YEAR'S OFFERINGS DO NOT DISA-GOOP.

而今年的祭品也不會出現失誤。

LIKE THIS $1,995 ACRYLIC OUIJA BOARD.

像這樣的$1,995的丙烯酸OUIJA板。

"OOH, SOMETHING'S COMING SOMETHING'S COMING THROUGH.

"哦，有事情要發生了"。

IT SAYS "YOU...

它說："你...

ARE...

是...

A...

A...

SUCKER."

笨蛋。"

GOOP ALSO HAS A NUMBER OF FOOD-THEMED GIFTS ON OFFER THIS

GOOP還提供了大量的食品主題的禮物，這個。

YEAR, LIKE THIS $240 GERMAN OAT FLAKER.

年，像這樣240美元的德國燕麥片。

BECAUSE YOU CAN'T BE FLAKING YOUR OATS LIKE SOME FILTHY

因為你不能像那些骯髒的人一樣，把你的燕麥打成白粉。

SWEDE.

瑞典：

HAVE SOME SELF-RESPECT, MEIN HERR!

要有自尊心，梅恩-海爾！

AND YOU MIGHT BE SAYING, "STEPHEN, DON'T ALL OATS COME

你可能會說："史蒂芬，所有的燕麥不都是這樣的嗎？

PRE-FLAKED?" TO WHICH I SAY, "WHY DON'T YOU

PRE-FLAKED？"我說，"你為什麼不。

GO ENJOY YOUR PICKLED HERRING, YA DAMN SWEDE."

去享受你的醃製鯡魚吧，你這該死的瑞典人。"

THAT'S NOT ALL.

這還不是全部。

GOOP-ETH IS ALSO RECOMMENDING A $210 BED LAMP MADE OF BREAD.

GOOP -ETH還建議用麵包做210美元的床頭燈。

JUST REMEMBER: DON'T FILL UP ON LAMP, OR YOU WON'T HAVE ROOM FOR

請記住，不要把燈填滿，否則你就沒地方放了。

YOUR...

你的...

TABLE?

表?

TO BE CLEAR, THIS THING IS REALLY BREAD.

說白了，這東西是真正的麵包。

THE GOOP LISTS THE INGREDIENTS AS BREAD FLOUR, CAKE FLOUR,

GOOP列出的原料為麵包粉、蛋糕粉。

SALT, YEAST, L.E.D. LIGHTS, AND POWER CORD WITH DIMMER SWITCH.

鹽，酵母，L.E.D.燈，電源線帶調光開關。

SO IT WON'T WORK FOR ALL DIETS.

所以，它不工作為所有的飲食。

"OH, SORRY, I'M KETO.

"哦，對不起，我是KETO。

DO YOU HAVE A MEAT LAMP?

你有一個肉燈嗎？

JOE ROGAN SAYS ONLY EAT LAMPS THAT CAVEMEN USED."

喬-羅根說："只吃穴居人用過的燈。"

IF YOU'RE MORE OF AN ANALOG FOOD FAN, MIGHT GOOP INTEREST YOU IN

如果你更喜歡模擬食物，可能會對GOOP感興趣。

THIS TSUKEEA KABAN WATERMELON BAG.

這個TSUKEEA KABAN西瓜包。

ALSO HANDY FOR CARRYING THE GIGANTIC BALLS YOU HAVE TO BE

還可以方便地攜帶你必須的巨大的球。

SWINGING TO OWN A BAG EXCLUSIVELY FOR WATERMELONS.

揮舞著擁有一個專門為西瓜準備的袋子。

HOW MUCH WILL THIS MELON SATCHEL SET YOU BACK, YOU ASK?

你問，這個梅隆沙契爾能給你多少錢？

WELL, KEEP ASKING, BECAUSE THE PRICE IS ONLY AVAILABLE UPON

好吧，繼續問，因為價格只在以下情況下可用

REQUEST.

要求：

SO IT'S REALLY TWO TREATS IN ONE: YOU GET THE WATERMELON BAG

所以，這真的是一舉兩得：你得到了西瓜包。

AND YOU GET TO ASK, "EXCUSE ME, HOW MUCH FOR THAT WATERMELON

而你要問，"對不起，那個西瓜多少錢

BAG?" AND WHEN THE REVOLUTION COMES,

袋子？"和當革命來臨的時候。

THE PEOPLE'S TRIBUNAL CAN JUST POP YOUR SEVERED HEAD IN THERE.

人民三聯會可以直接把你的頭塞進去。

AND FOR ANY SOON-TO-BE MOMS OUT THERE, THERE'S THE STILIYANA

對於即將成為母親的人來說，這裡有STILIYANA。

MINKOVSKA CUSTOM BIRTH SILL FOR $7,500.

MINKOVSKA定製的出生枕頭，售價7500美元。

PERFECT FOR ALL THOSE EXPECTANT MOTHERS WHO WOKE UP THINKING, "I

最適合那些一覺醒來就想 "我 "的準媽媽們。

LIKE BEING PREGNANT, BUT I WISH IT WAS MORE EXPENSIVE."

喜歡懷孕，但我希望它更昂貴。"

NOW, YOU MAY BE THINKING "HEY GWYNETH, IT'S A PANDEMIC, GOOP

現在，你可能會想："嘿，GWYNETH，這是一個PANDEMIC，GOOP的。

THE ROOM."

房間。"

AND YOU'D BE RIGHT.

而你是對的。

THIS IS AN OUT-OF-TOUCH CASH GRAB THAT EXPLOITS PEOPLE'S

這是一個失控的現金搶奪，利用了。

DESPERATE NEED FOR COMFORT DURING THIS TRYING TIME,

在這個艱難的時期，迫切需要安慰。

AND DADDY WANT IN.

和爸爸想進去。

IT'S TIME FOR MY OWN HIGH-END LIFESTYLE BRAND, COVETTON HOUSE.

現在是我自己的高端生活品牌COVETTON HOUSE的時候了。

♪ ♪ ♪ >> BAROQUE SIMPLICITY.

>> 巴羅克簡單。

SHABBY ELEGANCE.

SHABBY ELEGANCE。

GIVE ME MONEY.

給我錢。

COVETTON HOUSE.

狸貓換太子的房子。

♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: WELCOME, WELCOME,

歡迎，歡迎。

FRIENDS, TO COVETTON HOUSE WHERE WE BELIEVE "PANDEMIC" IS

朋友們，到科維頓大廈去，我們相信 "PANDEMIC "在那裡

JUST AN ANAGRAM FOR "DIM PECAN," WHICH IS WHAT YOU WOULD HAVE TO

只是一個 "DIM PECAN "的合成詞，這就是你要的。

BE TO WANT TO BUY OUR STUFF.

BE TO WANT TO BUY OUR STUFF.

HERE AT COVETTON HOUSE, WE KNOW THAT FOR MANY AMERICANS, THIS

在COVETTON HOUSE，我們知道，對許多美國人來說，這

HOLIDAY SEASON LOOKS A LITTLE DIFFERENT.

節日季看起來有點不同。

COVID-19 HAS CREATED MONEY WORRIES, SUCH AS, "I'M WORRIED

COVID-19造成了對金錢的擔憂，比如 "我很擔心"。

NO ONE'S GONNA COME TAKE MY MONEY!"

沒有人會來拿走我的錢！"

WELL, WE'RE HERE TO HELP.

好吧，我們在這裡幫助。

HUNGRY?

餓了嗎？

LOOK NO FURTHER THAN COVETTON'S $920 BREAD MADE OF LAMP.

不要再看COVETTON的920美元的LAMP麵包了。

JUST THROW SOME HAM AND CHEESE BETWEEN TWO DELICIOUS,

把一些火腿和奶酪扔在兩個美味的中間。

SHARD-FILLED SLICES, AND YOU'VE GOT YOURSELF A HIGH-FIBER

碎片填充片，你已經得到了一個高纖維... ...

UPSCALE BOWEL PERFORATION.

上級腸道檢查。

GOOD NEWS FOR ALL YOU HEALTH NUTS: OUR BREAD IS MADE OF ALL-

好消息：我們的麵包是由所有的----------。

NATURAL POWER CORDS, DIMMER SWITCHES, CERAMIC BASES,

天然電源線，調光開關，陶瓷底座。

SHATTERED BULBS, AND LOOSE TUNGSTEN WIRE FILAMENTS.

碎裂的燈泡，以及鬆動的鎢絲膜。

BUT GLUTEN FREE.

但不含麩質。

NOW, IF YOU LIKE FORTUNE TELLING THAT COSTS A FORTUNE, THEN

現在，如果你喜歡花錢買來的財富故事，那麼

YOU'LL LOVE OUR $6,800 DIAMOND-ENCRUSTED MAGIC-8 BALL

你一定會喜歡我們的$6,800鑲鑽魔力-8球。

LOADED WITH EVERY RESPONSE YOU COULD POSSIBLY NEED, LIKE "YES,

裝滿了你可能需要的所有回覆，比如 "是的"。

YOUR CHAUFFEUR IS STEALING FROM YOU" AND "YES, DEFINITELY,

你的CHAUFFEUR偷了你的錢 "和 "是的，肯定的。

RODRIGO, YOUR SCUBA INSTRUCTOR/ BODYGUARD-TURNED-FIANCE SHOULD

RODRIGO，你的水肺潛水教練/護身符變身為教練，應該是

SIGN A PRENUP."

簽署一份婚前協議。"

IF YOU'RE LOOKING FOR A STYLISH WAY TO CARRY YOUR PRODUCE, LOOK

如果您正在尋找一種時尚的方式來承載您的產品，請看一看。

NO FURTHER THAN THE COVETTON HOUSE BLUEBERRY BRIEFCASE.

沒有比科維頓之家的藍莓公文包更適合的了。

IT'S THE MOST STYLISH WAY TO SAY, "I DON'T EAT VERY MUCH."

這是最時尚的方式說， "我不吃很多。"

HOW MUCH FOR THE BLUEBERRY BRIEFCASE?

藍莓簡報多少錢？

IT'S A SURPRISE!

這是一個驚喜！

BECAUSE THE PRICE IS ONLY AVAILABLE AFTER YOU PAY.

因為價格只有在您支付後才能獲得。

BUT HERE'S A HINT: IT COSTS MORE THAN THE GRAPEFRUIT DUFFEL, BUT

但是，這裡有一個提示：它的成本比葡萄柚餡餅，但。

LESS THAN THE CANTALOUPE BJORN.

不到CANTALOUPE BJORN。

AND FOR ANYONE WHO JUST GAVE BIRTH ON A $7,500 BIRTHING SILL,

和任何人誰只是生了一個7,500美元的生孩子的ILL。

COVETTON HAS YOU COVERED FOR YOUR POSTPARTUM NEEDS WITH OUR

COVETTON為您的產後需求提供了保障。

$20,000 MAHOGANY PUMPING TABLE.

20,000美元的馬霍格尼抽水臺。

SIMPLY LAY FACE-DOWN ON THE SMOOTH COMFORT OF THIS RICH,

臉朝下躺在這個豐富的平滑的舒適度上。

STIFF HONDURAN MAHOGANY, LINE YOUR BREASTS UP WITH THE

堅挺的洪都拉斯馬哈哈尼，用你的乳房排成一排，讓你的乳房更有彈性。

STERLING SILVER PAILS, AND LET GRAVITY DO ITS THING.

斯特林銀漆，並讓重力做我的事。

I THINK.

我想。

NOT SURE HOW ALL THE LADY STUFF WORKS.

不知道如何所有的夫人的東西工作。

AND REMEMBER: COVETTON'S PRODUCTS COME WITH THE EXACT

請記住：COVETTON的產品具有完全相同的品質。

SAME GUARANTEE AS THOSE FROM GOOP: IN A PINCH, YOU CAN PUT

和GOOP的保證一樣：在緊急情況下，你可以把你的產品和服務放在一起。

ALL OF THEM IN YOUR VAGINA.

所有的人在你的陰道。

IT BALANCES YOUR KUNDALINI, OR SOMETHING.

它能平衡你的昆達利尼，或者其他的東西。

I DON'T KNOW.

我不知道。

AGAIN, IT'S ALL-- IT'S ALL A MESS UPON

再一次，它的所有 - 這一切都只是一個錯誤的。

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH STARS OF "THE CROWN," OLIVIA COLMAN

我們馬上回來，《王冠》的主角奧利維亞-科爾曼

AND GILLIAN ANDERSON.

和GILLIAN ANDERSON。