SATURDAY MORNING, ALL OF THE NETWORKS OFFICIALLY DECLARED JOE

星期六上午，所有的網絡官方宣佈喬。

BIDEN THE WINNER OF THE PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION.

比登在總統選舉中獲勝。

AND IT HAS BEEN GLORIOUS.

它是輝煌的。

YEAH, YEAH, INDEED.

是的，是的，事實上。

IT HAS BEEN AN INCREDIBLE WEEKEND.

這是一個不可思議的週末。

ALMOST IMMEDIATELY AFTER THE NEWS WAS ANNOUNCED PEOPLE ALL

消息公佈後，人們立即就

OVER THE COUNTRY STARTED TO CELEBRATE OUT IN THE STREETS.

全國各地都開始在大街上慶祝。

♪ PLAYING MY SONG.

播放我的歌。

♪ NAH NAH NAH HEY HEY GOOD-BYE.

NAH NAH NAH HEY HEY GOOD -BYE。

♪ ♪ SO.

"SO。

>> James: THE ♪ SWEET CAROLINE

>> 詹姆斯。甜蜜的卡羅琳

INFECTIOUS.

感染性。

AS IT CORONAVIRUS.

AS IT CORONAVIRUS。

SURE, GUYS, I MEAN THE VOLUME OF PEOPLE THAT WERE DOING THAT, WHO

當然，夥計們，我指的是那些正在做的人的數量。

JUST TWO WEEKS AGO WERE GOING, IT'S DISGUSTING TRUMP HOLDING

就在兩星期前，我們去了，這是令人厭惡的特朗普持有。

THESE RALLIES IT IS SO IRRESPONSIBLE, BUT THEN THEY'RE

這些集會，它是如此的不負責任，但然後他們是。

LIKE BA BA BA.

LIKE BA BA。

IF DOESN'T SIT WELL WITH ME.

如果不坐好與我。

BUT THE JOY, I MEAN, DO IT AT HOME, OPEN A BOTTLE OF WINE.

但是，快樂，我的意思是，在家裡做，打開一瓶酒。

REGGIE, WHAT WAS HAPPENING IN YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD?

雷吉，你的鄰居發生了什麼事？

>> Reggie: WELL, YOU KNOW, I WAS JUST GOING TO CASUALLY GO

>> 好吧，你知道嗎，我只是想去看看。

DOWN TO THE FARMER'S MARKET.

到了農貿市場。

>> James: YEAH.

>> 詹姆斯。YEAH.

>> Reggie: I GOT A REALLY GOOD PARKING SPACE RIGHT BY THE

>> 我找到了一個很好的停車位，就在附近。

FARMER'S MARKET AND I OPENED THE SUN ROOF, ALL THE WINDOWS DOWN

農民市場和我打開了太陽窗，所有的窗戶都關上了。

AND I CRANKED THE STEREO ALL THE WAY AND PROVIDED A DJ DANCE

我把音響一路搖晃，並提供了一個DJ的舞蹈。

PARTY FOR THREE HOURS.

三小時的聚會。

>> YOU DJ'SED FARMER'S MARKET.

>> 你在農貿市場做DJ。

>> James:NESS YEAH.

>> 詹姆士:內斯是的。

>> James: GOOD FOUR, REG, JOE BIDEN BEING DECLARED THE WINNER.

>> 詹姆斯，好球，雷格，喬・比登被宣佈獲勝。JOE BIDEN被宣佈為獲勝者。

IT FELT LIKE WHEN THEY FINALLY PLAY "SHOUT" AT A WEDDING.

感覺就像他們最後在婚禮上玩 "喊 "的時候一樣。

DO YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN, YOU KNOW IT'S COMING BUT THE WAIT

你知道我的意思，你知道它的到來，但等待。

JUST MADE IT BETTER, YOU KNOW.

只是讓它變得更好，你知道的。

AND THE CELEBRATIONS CONTINUED HERE IN LOS ANGELES.

慶祝活動在洛杉磯繼續進行。

EVEN MOTHER NATURE GROT IF ON THE FUN, AFTER THE ANNOUNCEMENT

即使是母親的自然 GROT 如果在樂趣，在公告後，

THERE WAS ACTUALLY A DOUBLE RAINBOW AFTER L.A

在洛杉磯之後，實際上有一個雙彩虹。

THE TRUMP CAMPAIGN IS ALREADY TRYING TO OVERTURN AT LEAST ONE

特朗普競選正試圖至少扭轉一個局面。

OFS NO RAINBOWS IN COURT.

雞蛋在法庭上沒有彩虹。

ON TOP OF ALL OF THIS, THER IS EVEN MORE GOOD NEWS.

除此之外，還有更多的好消息。

THIS TIME ON THE CORONAVIRUS FRONT.

這次在冠狀病毒前線。

BECAUSE THERE IS A CHANCE, IT WAS ANNOUNCED TODAY THAT WE MAY

因為有機會，今天宣佈，我們可能會。

HAVE A VACCINE SOONER THAN WE THOUGHT.

有一個疫苗比我們想象的要快。

YEAH.

是的。

>> Reggie: MAN.

>> 雷吉：男人。

>> James: INCREDIBLE NEWS, AMAZING.

>> 詹姆斯。難以置信的新聞，令人驚歎。

OUR THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS GO OUT TO ZOOM DURING THIS DIFFICULT

在這個艱難的時期，我們的思念和祈禱會持續到ZOM。

TIME.

時間。

I MEAN I GOT TO SAY, 2020, YOU LITTLE TEASE, MAKING OUTLINING

我的意思是，我得說，2020年，你這個小騷貨，在做大綱

IT WAS THE WORST YEAR EVER AND TEN JUST TURNING THE WHOLE

這是有史以來最糟糕的一年，十剛轉整個。

THING AROUND IN THREE DAYS.

三天後的事情。

YOU KNOW WHAT I DO WITH 2020 RIGHT NOW, BUY IT A STEAK

你知道我現在用2020年做什麼嗎，買它一個STEAK。

DINNER.

晚餐：

YEAH, I WOULD, I BOO GUY IT A STEAK DINNER, THAT IS WHEN YOU

是的，我會的，我BOO GUY它一個牛排晚餐，這是當你。

KNOW I'M IN LOVE WITH IT.

知道我愛上了它。

GUILLERMO.

GUILLERMO：

ACCORDING TO THE PHARMACEUTICAL COMPANY PFIZER THE COVID VACCINE

根據藥廠PFIZER公司的說法，COVID真空劑。

THEY HAVE DEVELOPED IS SURPASSING ALL EXPECTATIONS IN

他們已經發展的是超越所有的期望在

TESTING OUT AT 90 PERCENT EFFECTIVE.

測試出90%的效果。

90% EFFECTIVE.

90%有效。

THAT IS BASICALLY LIKE MY JOKES DURING THIS MONOLOGUE.

這基本上就像我在這段獨白中的笑話。

AND AND I AM BEING GENEROUS.

而且我是很有個性的。

WE COULD GET A COVID VACCINE, I CANNOT WAIT FOR ANOTHER FOUR

我們可以得到一個COVID疫苗，我不能等待另一個四。

MONTHS TO GO BY, GET MY TWO VACCINE SHOTS, WAIT ANOTHER 28

幾個月過去了，我打了兩針疫苗，又等了28天

DAYS FOR IT TO KICK IN AND THEN JUST-- AND WHILE THE REST OF US

幾天的時間，它開始發揮作用，然後只是 - 而當我們的其他人

ARE CELEBRATING DONALD TRUMP HAS BEEN BUSY DISPUTING THE ELECTION

正在慶祝唐納德-特朗普忙於爭論的選舉

RESULTS, ON SATURDAY HE ANNOUNCED OVER TWITTER THAT HIS

結果，週六他在微博上宣佈，他的。

TEAM A WOULD BE HOLDING A PRESS CONFERENCE AT THE FOUR SEASONS

A隊將在四季度舉行新聞發佈會。

HOTEL IN PHILADELPHIA.

費城的酒店。

BUT MINUTES LATER TRUMP CORRECTED THE TWEET SAYING THAT

但幾分鐘後，特朗普糾正了推特說，。

THE PRESS CONFERENCE WAS GOING TO ACTUALLY BE HELD AT A PLACE

記者招待會將在一個地方舉行。

CALLED FOUR SEASONS TOTAL LANDSCAPING.

被稱為四季全景觀。

AND IT IS AMAZING, LIKE OBVIOUSLY THEY SCREWED UP.

它是驚人的，就像很明顯的他們搞砸了。

THEY CALLED THE WRONG PLACE AND JUST THOUGHT LET'S JUST GO WITH

他們叫錯了地方，只是覺得讓我們只是去了。

IT.

IT：

LIKE TRUMP, HE CAN NEVER ADMIT THAT HE MIGHT BE WRONG.

像特朗普一樣，他永遠不能承認自己可能是錯的。

LIKE HE COULD BE ON FIRE, AND I THINK HE WOULD STAND THERE GOING

就像他會被燒死一樣，我想他會站在那裡去。

I MEANT TO BE ON FIRE.

我想是著火了。

BECOME FIRE IS THE BEST.

成為火是最好的。

ONLY IDIOTS AREN'T ON FIRE.

只有白痴才不會著火。

I MEAN IAN, COULD YOU BELIEVE IT WHEN THIS CAME OUT, THIS STORY

我的意思是，IAN，你能相信嗎，當這個故事出來的時候，這個故事。

CAME OUT.

出來了。

>> YEAH, I BELIEVED IT.

>> 是的，我相信了。

WAYNE: .

韋恩：.

>> James: THE ONLY WAY IT COULD HAVE BEEN MORE HILARIOUS

>> 詹姆斯。只有這樣才會更搞笑

IS IF THE FOUR SEE SNS TOTAL LANDING WAS LOAJTED IN A SEEDY

是如果四個SEE SNS總登陸是LOAJTED在SEEDY。

INDUSTRIAL STRIP MALL SANDWICHED BETWEEN A CREMATORIUM AND A SEX

工業帶狀商場，夾雜在骨灰盒和性用品之間的砂鍋裡

SHOP AND THAT'S EXACTLY WHERE IT WAS.

店，這正是它的位置。

I CANNOT IMAGINE A BETTER LOCATION FOR THE FUTURE DONALD

我無法想象一個更好的地方為未來唐納德

TRUMP PRESIDENTIAL LIBRARY.

特朗普總統圖書館：

(LAUGHTER) TRUMP'S LAWYER RUDY GIULIANI DID

特朗普的律師RUDY GIULIANI做到了。

THE SPEAKING AND WELL, TAKE A LOOK.

演講和好，看看。

>> THEY DON'T DECIDE THE ELECTION.

>> 他們不決定選舉。

THE CALL FOR JOE BIDEN-- WHERE IS ITS CALL IT WAS A CALL

喬-比登的電話 -- 我的電話在哪裡？

BUTTON.

按鈕：

OH PIE GOODNESS, ALL THE NETWORKS.

哦，派的善良，所有的網絡。

WOW.

WOW。

ALL THE NETWORKS.

所有的網絡。

>> James: AT LEAST GIULIANI IS GOING OUT WITH HIS HEAD HEAD

>> 詹姆斯。至少吉利安尼帶著他的頭出去了

HELD HIGH, YOU KNOW, SCREAMING LIKE A CRAZY PERSON BUT STILL,

高高舉起，你知道，尖叫 像一個瘋狂的人，但仍然。

HEAD HELD HIGH.

頭高高舉起。

RUDY GIULIANI SOUNDS LIKE HE IS TRYING TO GIVE A PRESS

RUDY GIULIANI聽起來像他想給一個記者。

CONFERENCE WHILE ALSO TRYING TO STOP HIMSELF TURNING TOO A

會議，同時也在努力阻止自己變得太過強大。

WEREWOLF.

WEREWOLF.

YOU HE DO WHAT I MEAN, LIKE THOSE SCENES IN TEEN WOLF WHERE

你，他做什麼我的意思，就像那些場景在少年狼哪裡

MICHAEL J FOX IS LIKE-- OH.

邁克爾・J・福克斯是喜歡 - 哦。

WHO WISHES, WHO WISHES THAT THEY WERE AIRING THESE GREAT JOKES

誰希望，誰希望他們在播放這些偉大的笑話？

RIGHT NOW.

現在。

>> WOW.

>> WOW。

ALL THE NETWORKS.

所有的網絡。

>> James: BUT TRUMP STILL HASN'T CONCEDED.

>> 詹姆斯。但特朗普仍未讓步。

AND ACCORDING TO PEOPLE INSIDE THE WHITE HOUSE, THE PRESIDENT

據白宮內部的人說，主席的做法是

PLANS TO HOLD A SERIES OF RALLIES IN THE DAYS AHEAD WHERE

計劃在未來幾天舉行一系列集會，在那裡舉行

HE WILL OUTLINE SPECIFIC INCIDENTS OF VOTER FRAUD.

他將列出具體的詐騙選民的事件。

TRUMP BASICALLY WANTS TO SPREAD AROUND AS MUCH COVID AS POSSIBLE

特朗普基本上想傳播儘可能多的科維德。

BEFORE THAT VACCINE GETS RELEASED.

在該疫苗被釋放之前。

TRUMP SAYS HE'S GOING TO HOLD RALLIES TO OUTLINE SPECIFIC

特朗普說他將舉行集會，闡述具體的

INCIDENTS OF VOTER FRAUD WHICH OF COURSE MEANS RAMBLE

選民造假事件，這當然指的是Ramble。

INCOHERENTLY ABOUT JON BON JOVI AND LADY GAGA.

是關於JON BON JOVI和LADY GAGA的。

BUT HERE'S THE THING.

但事情是這樣的

HERE'S THE THICK GUYS.

這裡的硬漢們。

YOU DON'T HAVE TO LISTEN TO IT ANY MORE.

你不必再聽它了。

>> Reggie: YES!

>> 雷吉：是的!

>> James: HE CAN SAY WHAT HE WANTS.

>> 詹姆斯。他可以說他想要什麼。

NOW HE IS JUST SOME GUY-- SORRY, JUST SOME GUY-ELECT.

現在，他只是一些傢伙 - 對不起，只是一些傢伙，ECT。

BUT HE IS GOING TO HOLD THESE RALLIES, DO YOU KNOW WHO IS NOT

但他要舉行這些集會，你知道誰不是。

GOING TO COVER THESE RALLIED?

去覆蓋這些集會？

>> WOW, ALL THE NETWORKS!

>> 哇，所有的網絡！

(LAUGHTER).

(笑)：

>> James: AND FINALLY DID YOU SEE THIS, A RESORT IN RHODE

>> 詹姆斯。最後，你看到了這一點，一個度假村在羅得

ISLAND IS OFFERING FANS OF THE LORD OF THE RIGS RINGS THE

島國為《魔戒》的粉絲們提供了《魔戒》。

ABILITY TO RENT HOBBIT HOUSES FOR A NIGHT STAY.

能否租用業餘愛好的房子過夜。

HERE THEY ARE HERE, LOOK AT THAT AND BEFORE YOU EVEN ASK, OF

在這裡，他們在這裡，看那個，在你問之前，的

COURSE THEY DON'T HAVE A HONEYMOON SUITE.

當然，他們沒有一個蜜月套房。

(LAUGHTER) YOU CAN RENT A HOBBIT HOUSE.

你可以租一間業餘愛好者的房子。

DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT IS?

你知道那是什麼嗎？

IT'S PRECIOUS.

它的PRECIOUS。

SEE, CAN I TELL YOU THE TRUTH, I WALKED OUT OF LORD OF THE RINGS.

你看，我能告訴你真相嗎，我從《魔戒》中走出來了。

>> WHAT.

>> 什麼？

>> James: YEAH, I LEFT, I WALKED OUT OF THE THIRD, I SAT

>> 詹姆斯。是的，我離開了，我走了出來的第三，我坐在

THROUGH THE FIRST ONE, NONE PLUSSED, I SAT THROUGH THE

在第一場比賽中，沒有人加分，我坐完了第一場比賽。

SECOND ONE T IS NOT THAT I DIDN'T LIKE IT, I FELT THE SAME

第二部不是我不喜歡，我也有同樣的感覺。

ONE ABOUT THE SECOND ONE AS I DO ABOUT LACROSSE, FINE, IF YOU ARE

關於第二種，就像我對拉克斯一樣，很好，如果你是。

INTO IT, DO IT IT'S NOT FOR ME, RIGHT.

進入它，做到這一點，它不是為我，正確的。

AND THEN I WATCHED THE THIRD ONE AND LIKE AN HOUR AND A HALF INTO

然後我看了第三部，大約一個半小時後

THE THIRD FILM, SO THEY'VE NOW BEEN TOGETHER TWO YEARS,

第三部電影，所以他們現在已經在一起兩年了。

FROD AND BILBO BAGGINS AND THEY'RE WALKING, STILL NO ONE

FROD和BILBO BAGGINS和他們走了，仍然沒有人。

THOUGHT TO BUY A PAIR OF SHOES, RIGHT.

想買一雙鞋，對。

THEY'RE WALKING AROUND, FRODO, TWO YEARS IN THE MOVIE.

他們在電影裡走來走去，FRODO，兩年後的電影。

AND FRODO FAULT FALLS AND BILL BOW BAGGINS CATCHES HIM AND HE

FRODO FAULT倒下了，BILL BOW BAGGINS抓住了他，而他...

GOES MR. FRODO.

去先生。FRODO.

AND I THOUGHT BY THIS POINT WE HAVE SAID JUST CALL ME FRODO.

我以為到了這一步，我們已經說過叫我FRODO就好了。

BUT HE, YOU DON'T HAVE TO CALL ME MR. FRODO, JUST CALL ME

但他，你不必叫我弗羅多先生，叫我弗羅多就好了。FRODO, 就叫我吧

FRODO.

FRODO.

AND IN THAT MOMENT I WENT THIS ISN'T FOR ME.

在那一刻，我走了，這不適合我。

AND I LEFT.

我離開了。

I LEFT, I LEFT MY FRIEND MARK IN THE CINEMA AND WATCHED LOVE

我離開了，我把我的朋友馬克留在了電影院，看了《愛》。

ACTUALLY AND I HAVE NEVER BEEN HAPPIER.

事實上，我從來沒有快樂過。

TRUE STORY.

真實的故事。

TRUE STORY.

真實的故事。

YEAH.

是的。

>> WERE YOU LIKE 15 HOURS INTO THAT FRANCHISE AND THERE WAS AN

>> 你是不是在15個小時後，在那家店，有一個

HOUR LEFT AND WERE YOU LIKE NAH.

還剩一小時，你是不是喜歡納。

>> James: IT WAS THE FINAL STRAW.

>> 詹姆斯。這是最後一搏。

I CAN'T DO THIS ANY MORE.

我不能再這樣做了。

LIKE YOU WOULD WEAR SHOES.

就像你穿的鞋子一樣。

YOU WOULD THOUGH, IF I SAID TO YOU NOW WE HAVE TO G IF I SAID

你會認為，如果我對你說，現在我們必須G，如果我說。

REG, IAN, VE TO GO ON THIS TRIP TO ZOOM OF THE RINGS ONE OF

REG, IAN, 我們要去《魔戒》的這趟旅行。

WOULD YOU GO I WILL BE RIGHT THERE LET ME JUST PUT A PAIR OF

你能不能去，我就在那裡，讓我把一雙鞋穿上

SHOES ON.

鞋子上。

>> EVEN IF ARE YOU THE KIND OF PERSON I RUN HOT, IT IS SNOWING

>> 即使你是那種人，我跑熱，它是下雪。

OUTSIDE, I WILL THROW A JACKET ON.

到外面去，我要穿上外套。

>> THERE WAS ANOTHER BIT, THEY ARE ALL RUNNING AND IAN SAID,

>> 還有一點，他們都在奔跑，伊安說：

THEY ARE ON THE HOSER AND THE BIG ORCS COME DOWN, THEY KILL

他們在直升機上，大獵犬下來，他們就殺了。

LIKE 20 GUYS.

像20個傢伙。

Z PICK THEM UP, DEAD.

把它們撿起來，死了。

AND AFTER ABOUT THREE MINUTES OF THE ATTACK IAN GOES OH, I'VE BOT

攻擊過後大約三分鐘，IAN就說，哦，我已經有了。

THIS.

這。

WHY DIDN'T YOU DO THAT AT THE START, DO IT AS SOON AS YOU SEE

你為什麼不一開始就這麼做，一看到就這麼做？

THEM, ANYONE COULD HAVE SEEN WHAT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN.

他們，任何人都能預見到將要發生的事情。

>> WHAT ABOUT THE EAGLES AT THE END WHEN THEY ARE GOING TO DIE

>> 最後老鷹要死的時候，老鷹怎麼辦？

ON THE MOUNTAIN.

在山上。

>> James: I VNLT SEEN T I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENS AT THE

>> 詹姆斯。我不知道發生了什麼事。

END.

結束。

HAVE I NO IDEA WHAT HAPPENS AT THE END.

我不知道最後會發生什麼。

>> YOU KNOW, NOW THAT IT HAS BEEN A FEW YEARS SINCE THEY WERE

>> 你知道，現在已經是幾年前的事了。

IN THEATERS YOU CAN SEE THE LORD OF THE RINGS MOVIE.

在影院你可以看到《指環王》電影。

>> I DO KNOW WHERE YOU CAN SEE THEM.

>> 我知道你在哪裡可以看到它們。

>> WOW, ALL THE NETWORKS

>> 哇，所有的網絡