♪ >> Stephen: HEY, WELCOME BACK,

>> Stephen:嘿，歡迎回來。

EVERYBODY.

每個人。

LET'S SAY HELLO TO OUR FRIEND MR. JON BATISTE.

讓我們向我們的朋友先生問好。JON BATISTE.

HI, JON.

嗨，喬恩。

>> HELLO, WHAT'S THE WORD, STEPHEN?

>> 你好，你說什麼，史蒂芬？

WHAT'S GOING ON?

發生了什麼事？

>> Stephen: THE WORD IS ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE.

>> 斯蒂芬：話語是一切皆有可能。

>> Jon: THAT'S RIGHT, A LOT OF HISTORY HAS BEEN MADE.

>> 喬恩。沒錯，很多歷史都被改寫了。

COME ON, COME ON!

來吧，來吧！

>> Stephen: I WANT TO CHANGE THE SUBJECT SLIGHTLY.

>> 斯蒂芬：我想稍微改變一下主題。

DID YOU EVER GET A CHANCE TO MEET ALEX TREBEK?

你有機會見過ALEX TREBEK嗎？

>> I DID NOT.

>> 我沒有。

OF COURSE, I'VE WATCHED JEOPARDY I FEEL LIKE SIPS BEFORE I WAS

當然，我已經看了JEOPARDY，我覺得像SIPS之前，我是。

BORN.

出生：

>> Stephen: I JUST WANTED TO TAKE A QUICK SECOND TO TELL YOU

>> Stephen:我只是想花點時間來告訴你。

AND THE PEOPLE OUT THERE A VERY QUICK STORY ABOUT ALEX.

還有外面的人... ...關於亞歷克斯的快速故事。

ON THE VERY LAST EPISODE OF THE COLBERT REPORT, MY CHARACTER

在《科爾伯特報告》的最後一集，我的角色...

GETS ON A SLEIGH AND GOES OFF TO ABHAM LINCOLN AND SANTA INTO

坐上雪橇，去找艾伯翰-林肯和桑塔去了。

ETERNITY BECAUSE EWE DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH THIS GUY.

永恆，因為我們不知道該怎麼處理這個傢伙。

WE THOUGHT ABOUT THIS SIX MONTHS BEFORE WE DID IT.

我們在做這件事之前的6個月就想好了。

IT WAS TALKING TO JON STEWART AND I SAID I WANT IT TO BE

我和喬恩-斯蒂沃特說話時說，我想讓它成為。

LINCOLN, SANTA AND ME AND THERE HAS TO BE A FOURTH PERSON, I'M

林肯，聖誕老人和我... ...還得有第四個人，我是...

NOT SURE WHO I'D WANT TO SPEND ETERNITY WITH, AND HE GOES, ALEX

我不知道我想和誰共度永生，而他走了，亞歷克斯

TREBEK.

特雷貝克：

I SAID, THAT'S EXACTLY RIGHT.

我說，這完全正確。

SO I CALLED UP ALEX AND SAY, WOULD YOU DO THIS AND HE SAID, I

所以我打電話給亞歷克斯，說，你會不會這樣做，他說，我。

WOULD BE HAPPY TO, BUT MAY I ASK, WHY ME?

我很樂意，但請問，為什麼是我？

I SAID, YOU'RE A CULTURAL FIGURE UP THERE WITH LINCOLN AND SANTA

我說過，你是文化名人，跟林肯和聖塔一樣，都是文化名人

AND LOOKS LIKE YOU WOULD BE A NICE GUY TO SPEND ETERN WITH,

看上去你是個不錯的人，可以和你共度一生。

AND HE SAID, THEN I WOULD BE SO HAPPY TO.

他說，那我就很樂意了。

I WANT TO SAY TO EVERYONE SPENDING ETERNITY WITH ALEX

我想對所有和亞歷克斯共度一生的人說：

TREBEK, CONGRATULATIONS, YOU HAVE A KIND MAN JOINING YOU NOW.

特雷比克 恭喜你 你現在有一個好心人加入你了

>> Jon: AMEN, AMEN.

>> 喬恩。阿門，阿門。

>> Stephen: JON BATISTE, EVERYBODY.

>> Stephen:JON BATISTE，每個人。

OF COURSE, AS MUCH AS WE'RE ALL CELEBRATING THIS UNDOUBTEDLY

當然，因為我們都在毫無顧忌地慶祝這一切

GOOD NEWS, THERE'S STILL THAT NAGGING HORROR MOVIE FEELING

好消息，仍然有那種糾結的恐怖電影的感覺。

THAT I'VE FORGOTTEN SOMETHING, AND CORONAVIRUS IS ABOUT TO JUMP

我忘了一件事，冠狀病毒要跳樓了。

OUT OF THE CLOSET WITH A CHAINSAW.

出櫃與鏈鋸。

THIS WEEKEND, THE UNITED STATES PASSED 10 MILLION CORONAVIRUS

本週末，美國通過了1000萬個冠狀病毒。

CASES.

案例：

AND "THE U.S. HAS THE MOST REPORTED COVID-19 CASES OF ANY

和 "美國是所有國家中報告的COVID-19案件最多的國家。

COUNTRY IN THE WORLD."

世界上的國家。"

AAAHHH!

AAAHH!

, AAAHHH!

，AAAAAHH！

, BUT, FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE

但是，從那以後，這是第一次。

THIS ADMINISTRATION SURRENDERED TO THE VIRUS, THERE IS HOPE THAT

本屆政府向病毒屈服，有希望的是

THINGS WILL GET BETTER.

事情會越來越好的。

>> ON MONDAY, I WILL NAME A GROUP OF LEADING SCIENTISTS

>> 週一，我將命名一組領先的科學家。

AND EXPERTS AS TRANSITION ADVISORS TO HELP TAKE THE

和專家作為過渡顧問，幫助採取的措施。

BIDEN-HARRIS COVID PLAN AND CONVERT IT INTO AN ACTION

BIDEN-HARRIS COVID計劃並將其轉化為行動。

BLUEPRINT THAT WILL START ON JANUARY 20, 2021.

將於2021年1月20日開始的BLUEPRINT。

THAT PLAN WILL BE BUILT ON BEDROCK SCIENCE.

該計劃將建立在貝多克科學的基礎上。

>> STEPHEN: THAT'S GREAT!

>> 太好了！

AND, IF WE ACCEPT ALL THE BEDROCK SCIENCE, WE CAN ALSO GET

而且，如果我們接受了所有的床頭櫃科學，我們也可以得到。

OUR CARS OFF FOSSIL FUELS!

我們的汽車脫離了化石燃料！

AND BIDEN MADE GOOD ON HIS WACKY NEW "TRUST SCIENTISTS" PLAN

和比登在他的古怪的新的 "信任科學家 "計劃上做得很好。

TODAY, WHEN HE UNVEILED HIS COVID-19 ADVISORY BOARD. A GROUP

今天，當他公佈了他的第19屆諮詢委員會。一組

OF PUBLIC HEALTH EXPERTS-- ALMOST ALL OF WHOM ARE DOCTORS.

公共衛生專家 -- 幾乎所有的人都是醫生。

I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN TRUST THIS GROUP.

我不知道我是否能信任這個集團。

DOESN'T HAVE ONE PRESIDENTIAL SON-IN-LAW AND, FARCE I CAN

沒有一個總統女婿，而且，我還可以

TELL, NONE OF THEM INVENTED A PILLOW.

說吧，他們沒有人發明了一個枕頭。

THIS BOARD IS A WHO'S WHO OF WHO'S SMART.

這個板塊是一個誰是誰的聰明人。

YOU GOT VIVEYK MORTHEE, SURGEON GENERAL UNDER OBAMA, MARCELLA

你有VIVEYK MORTHEE，奧巴馬手下的外科醫生，MARCELLA。

NUNEZ-SMITH, FROM YALE, AND MOST DELICIOUS OF ALL RICK BRIGHT,

NUNEZ -SMITH，從耶魯大學， 和最美味的RICK BRIGHT。

"THE TRUMP WHISTLEBLOWER," WHOSE "DIRE EARLY WARNINGS ABOUT

"特朗普的哨子"，他的 "危險的預警"。

THE PANDEMIC WENT IGNORED," AND WHO WAS "ULTIMATELY FIRED AFTER

PANDEMIC WENT IGNORED"，以及誰是 "終極被解僱的人。

SPEAKING OUT."

說出來。"

RICK BRITE.

RICK BRITE.

OOH, THAT'S GOTTA STING, MR. TRUMP!

哦，那一定是刺痛了，特朗普先生！

NOT ONLY IS BIDEN TAKING YOUR JOB, HE'S ALSO DATING YOUR EX!

比登不僅搶走了你的工作，他還和你的前妻約會!

AND YOU KNOW THEY SPEND ALL THEIR TIME LAUGHING ABOUT HOW

你知道他們花了所有的時間笑著說：

TINY YOUR PLAN WAS.

你的計劃太小了

BUT DON'T WORRY, AND THEN ALSO WORRY, BECAUSE THIS

但是，不要擔心，然後也擔心，因為這個

ADMINISTRATION IS STILL IN OFFICE, AND THEY ARE HARD AT

行政當局仍然在職，他們正在努力工作。

WORK PRETENDING TO BE HARD AT WORK.

工作時假裝很辛苦。

BECAUSE "TODAY, FOR THE FIRST TIME IN WEEKS, MIKE PENCE HOSTED

因為 "今天，在幾個星期以來第一次，邁克-彭斯主持了。

A WHITE HOUSE CORONAVIRUS TASK FORCE MEETING."

白宮冠狀病毒工作組會議。"

AWWWWKKWWAARD (AS PENCE)

AWWWWKKWWAARD (AS PENCE)

"FIRST ITEM ON THE AGENDA: IS ANYONE HERE HIRING?"

"議程上的第一項：有人在這裡招聘嗎？"

MEANWHILE, ACTUAL PEOPLE WHO KNOW STUFF ARE DOING... THINGS.

與此同時，真正的人誰知道的東西正在做... ...事情。

PFIZER, THE PEOPLE WHO MAKE VIAGRA, JUST ANNOUNCED THAT IN

PFIZER，製造VIAGRA的人，剛剛宣佈在...

TRIALS, ITS "VACCINE WAS MORE THAN 90% EFFECTIVE IN PREVENTING

實驗中，其 "疫苗在預防疾病方面有90%以上的效果。

THE DISEASE."

疾病。"

THE FASTEST SUCCESSFUL VACCINE TRIAL OF ALL TIME!

有史以來最快速成功的疫苗試驗!

AFTER HEARING THAT, IF YOUR ERECTION LASTS LONGER THAN FOUR

聽完這句話，如果你的蝕刻持續時間超過4個小時，你就會發現，你的蝕刻是很難完成的。

HOURS, SAME.

小時，同。

AND PFIZER'S COVID TRIAL ISN'T THE ONLY GOOD NEWS.

而PFIZER的COVID審判並不是唯一的好消息。

TODAY "THE DOW SURGED MORE THAN 800 POINTS IN ITS BIGGEST RALLY

今天 "道指在最大的漲幅中暴漲800多點

IN FIVE MONTHS ON THE PFIZER VACCINE NEWS" AND THE NEWS THAT

五個月來，關於全氟辛烷磺酸疫苗的新聞 "和新聞，。

"JOE BIDEN WAS DECLARED VICTORIOUS."

"喬-比登被宣佈為勝利者。"

(AS BIDEN) "HEY WALL STREET, HOW YA LIKE ME

"嘿，華爾街，你喜歡我嗎？"。

DOW?" ( LAUGHTER )

道？"（笑）

AND, OF COURSE, THE PRESIDENT CHIMED IN "STOCK MARKET UP BIG,

當然，主席也說："股票市場大漲。

VACCINE COMING SOON.

疫苗即將到來。

REPORT 90% EFFECTIVE.

報告90%有效。

SUCH GREAT NEWS!" WELL IF YOU THINK THAT'S GREAT

這麼好的新聞！"如果你認為這是偉大的。

NEWS, WAIT 'TIL YOU HEAR WHO'S GONNA BE PRESIDENT IN JANUARY!

新聞，等著看誰會在1月當上總統吧!

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH DEMOCRATIC STAR, AND THE WOMAN

我們馬上回來，與民主黨的明星，和女人。

WHO FLIPPED GEORGIA, STACEY ABRAMS.

誰翻轉格魯吉亞，STACEY ABRAMS。

♪ ♪

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