GENTLEMEN, AGAIN, THESE ARE ACTUAL RESULTS THAT WE RECEIVED,

先生們，再一次，這些都是我們收到的實際結果。

THANKS TO ADVANCE ED THANKS TO

謝謝你們的支持。

ADVANCED COMPUTER MODELING AND THE OCCASIONAL SINGING TELEGRAM.

ADVANCED COMPUTER MODELING AND THE OCCASIONAL SINGING TELEGRAM.

WHAT DO WE HAVE FIRST, MARYLAND?

我們首先要做什麼，瑪麗蘭？

LET'S START IN MARYLAND, WHERE CBS PROJECTS THAT JOE BIDEN HAS

讓我們從馬里蘭開始，在那裡哥倫比亞廣播公司的項目，喬-比登已經。

DEFEATED DONALD TRUMP.

擊敗了唐納德-特朗普。

( AS TRUMP ) "BUT MARYLAND AND I HAVE SO MUCH

（作為特朗普）"但瑪麗蘭和我有這麼多的

IN COMMON!

在共同的！

WE'RE BOTH KNOWN FOR GIVING PEOPLE CRABS!"

我們都知道給人吃螃蟹！"

WE CAN ALSO REPORT THAT VERMONT HAS BEEN CALLED FOR FORMER VICE

我們還可以報告說，佛蒙特已被徵召為前副總統。

PRESIDENT JOE BIDEN.

JOE BIDEN主席：

THE TICKET WAS GIVEN A HUGE BOOST, THANKS TO BEN & JERRY'S

票價得到了很大的提升，感謝BEN和JERRY的支持

NEW FLAVOR: FORMER ICE PRETZEL-MINT

新口味：原味冰激凌-薄荷味

CUP-OF-JOE BITE-IN AND CALI-FUDGIA SENA-PEANUTBU-TOR

CUP-OF-JOE BITE-IN 和 CALI-FUDGIA SENA-PANUTBU-TOR

KAMALANANNA HARR-REECES-PIECES.

卡馬蘭納-哈里斯-皮埃斯。

I HAVE TO HYDRATE AFTER THAT JOKE.

開完那個玩笑我得補水。

THERE'S MORE?

還有更多？

MOVING ON, WE ARE NOW ABLE TO PROJECT THAT DELAWARE HAS BEEN

繼續前行，我們現在可以推算出，德拉瓦爾已經是

WON BY JOE BIDEN.

由JOE BIDEN贏得。

WELL, I SHOULD HOPE SO.

好吧，我希望如此。

IT'S HIS HOME STATE.

這是他的家鄉。

THAT WOULD BE LIKE DONALD TRUMP LOSING NEW YORK.

這將是像唐納德・特朗普失去了紐約。

HE WHAT?

他什麼？

THAT'S GOTTA STING.

這一定是刺痛。

WELL, AS I JUST PRETENDED TO HEAR FROM OFF CAMERA: NEW YORK

好吧，就像我剛剛在鏡頭外聽到的那樣，紐約。

STATE AND ITS WHOPPING 29 ELECTORAL VOTES HAS JUST BEEN

州政府和它的29張選舉票剛剛被。

CALLED FOR VICE PRESIDENT JOSEPH R. BIDEN.

召見副主席JOSEPH R. BIDEN；

YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY: IF YOU CAN MAKE IT HERE, YOU'RE NOT

你知道他們說什麼：如果你能在這裡成功，你就不是。

DONALD TRUMP.

唐納德・特朗普：

FURTHER SOUTH, THE NUMBER CALLERS HAVE CALLED THE NUMBERS,

再往南，叫號者已經叫了號。

AND IT LOOKS LIKE KENTUCKY HAS GONE FOR DONALD TRUMP.

看起來肯塔基州已經被唐納德・特朗普所取代。

AND, OH, OF OH, LOOK!

而且，哦，哦，看！

MITCH McCONNELL IS SO PROUD, HE'S INFLATING HIS WATTLE!

MITCH McCONNELL很驕傲，他在給自己的瓦特充氣！ MITCH McCONNELL IS SO PRODUCE, HE'S INFLATING HIS WATTLE!

OH, AN AGGRESSIVE MATING GESTURE.

哦，一個GRGRESSIVE MATING GESTURE。

WATCH OUT, LADIES.

小心點，女士們。

NO SURPRISE, DONALD TRUMP HAS WON TENNESSEE, WHICH HAS AN

毫不奇怪，唐納德-特朗普贏得了田納西州，該州有一個。

ACTUAL STATE GUN, THE BARRETT .50-CALIBER M82, WHICH I'M BEING

真正的國槍，巴雷特.50口徑M82，我正在使用它。

TOLD HAS ALSO WON ITS SENATE SEAT.

TOLD也贏得了我的參議院席位。

AND A LITTLE FURTHER WEST, OR NORTH-- I'M NOT SURE--

再往西或往北走一點... 我不確定...

INDIANA HAS JUST BEEN CALLED FOR DONALD TRUMP.

印第安納州剛剛被稱為唐納德・特朗普。

WELL, OF COURSE, IT WAS EITHER VOTE FOR HIM, OR TAKE MIKE PENCE

好吧，當然，要麼投給他，要麼拿下邁克-彭斯。

BACK.

返回。

THAT WAS AN EASY CALL.

那是一個簡單的電話。

AND FOR ANY OKIES WONDERING HOW YOUR PAN IS BEING HANDLED, I CAN

對於那些想知道你的潘如何處理的OKIES，我可以...

NOW CONDFIDENTALY REPORT THAT THE STATE OF OKLAHOMA IS BEING

我現在可以肯定地報告說，俄克拉荷馬州正在被

CALLED FOR DONALD TRUMP.

為唐納德-特朗普打call。

WELL, YOU KNOW HOW THE SONG GOES:

好吧，你知道這首歌是怎麼唱的。

( TO THE TUNE OF "OKLAHOMA" ) ♪ OOOOKLAHOMA, WHERE THEY DON'T

"OOOOKLAHOMA，在那裡他們不

CARE TRUMP KILLED HERMAN CAIN ♪ HOW ARE YOU DOING OVER THERE?

關心特朗普殺了赫爾曼-凱恩，你在那邊過得怎麼樣？

DID YOU GET SOME MORE WINE?

你又買到酒了嗎？

WITH WE GET HER SOME MORE WINE, PLEASE?

我們再給她來點酒，好嗎？

THAT'S NOT A JOKE.

這不是一個玩笑。

THE WOMAN NEEDS TO STAY-- WHATEVER THAT STATE SHE'S IN

這個女人需要留下來 -- 無論她處於什麼狀態下

RIGHT NOW.

現在。

SPEAKING OF STATES ANOTHER STATE HAS BEEN OFFICIALLY DECIDED.

說到州，另一個州已經正式決定。

SOUTH DAKOTA IS BEING CALLED FOR DONALD TRUMP.

南達科他州被稱為唐納德-特朗普。

LET'S SEE HOW PEOPLE IN THE STATE ARE REACTING,

讓我們看看州里的人們是如何反應的。

AAAND...

還有...

>> AND OH NO!

>> 哦，不！

>> ( BLEEP )!

>> ( BLEEP )!

>> Stephen: OKAY.

>> Stephen:好的

BACK EAST I'M GETTING-- IS THIS TRUE?

回到東邊，我得到了 - 這是真的嗎？

I AM GETTING BREAKING RESULTS FROM TWO HOURS AGO THAT NEW

我從兩小時前就得到了突破性的結果，新的。

JERSEY HAS BEEN CALLED FOR JOE BIDEN.

傑西已經被叫去找喬-比登了。

THAT MAKES SENSE.

這是有道理的。

AFTER ALL, THE FIRST-EVER BASEBALL GAME WAS PLAYED IN NEW

畢竟，有史以來的第一場棒球比賽是在紐澤西舉行的。

JERSEY IN 1846, AND JOE BIDEN WAS THERE.

1846年的傑西州，喬-比登也在那裡。

YEP, STILL GONNA DO THESE JOKES, SIR!

是的，仍然要做這些笑話，先生！

AND I AM ALSO GETTING RESULTS IN FROM THE NATIONS MOST

我也得到了結果，從國家最

MASSACHUSETTS-Y STATE, MASSACHUSETTS.

MASSACHUSETTS-Y州，MASSACHUSETTS。

WE ARE READY TO PROJECT THAT IT HAS GONE FOR JOE BIDEN.

我們已經準備好了，它已經為喬-比登的項目。

BIDEN WON THE HEARTS OF BOSTONIANS WITH HIS

比登用他的作品贏得了波士頓人的心。

MESSAGE OF TELLING A GUY FROM NEW YORK TO SHUT THE HELL UP.

告訴一個來自紐約的傢伙閉嘴的消息。

OF COURSE, ALL DAY WE'VE BEEN WAITING ON RESULTS FROM OUR

當然，我們一整天都在等我們的結果

COUNTRY'S MOST RECTANGULAR STATE, COLORADO.

全國最直角的州，科羅拉多州。

AND WE GOT THEM.

我們得到了他們。

AND IT LOOKS LIKE JOE BIDEN HAS JUST WON COLORADO!

看來喬-比登剛剛贏得了科羅拉多州！

HERE'S AN INTERESTING FACT: COLORADO HAS A LONG HISTORY OF

這裡有一個有趣的事實：科羅拉多州有一個很長的歷史

VOTING BY MAIL.

它是通過郵件。

IN THIS YEAR'S STATE PRIMARIES, 99.3% OF VOTERS USED MAIL-IN

在今年的州初選中，99.3%的選民使用了郵寄方式。

BALLOTS.

投票：

THE REMAINING .7% COULDN'T, BECAUSE THEY AHD TURNED THEIR

剩下的0.7%的人不能，因為他們已經把自己的錢交出去了。

MAILBOX INTO A BONG.

郵政信箱變成了一個邦。

THERE'S MORE.

還有更多。

HERE WE GO.

在這裡，我們去。

MISSOURI.

密蘇里州：

I'M PRETENDING THIS NEWS HAS JUST BEEN HANDED TO ME.

我想這個消息是剛送到我手裡的。

MISSOURI HAS JUST BEEN CALLED FOR DONALD TRUMP.

密蘇里州剛剛被唐納德-特朗普稱為。

APPARENTLY THE SHOW ME STATE LIKES THE GUY WHO'S ENTIRE SHOW

顯然，我的表演狀態喜歡誰的整個節目的傢伙。

IS ME.

是我。

THIS ONE-- THIS ONE I DID NOT EXPECT RIGHT AWAY.

這一個--這一個我沒有想到馬上。

THIS HAS GOT TO COME AS A SHOCKER TO EVERYONE IN A COMA.

這一定要吃作為一個震驚 每個人都在昏迷。

JOE BIDEN HAS WON THE GOLDEN STATE, CALIFORNIA

JOE BIDEN贏得了加州金州獎。

WITH CALIFORNIA, BECAUSE OF HOW THE VOTES ARE TALLIED, WE MAY

在加州，由於選票的計票方式，我們可能會。

NOT KNOW THE OFFICIAL RESULTS FOR QUITE A WHILE.

有一段時間不知道官方的結果。

SO WITH ZERO PERCENT REPORTING-- AND THIS IS TRUE-- WITH ZERO

所以，隨著零百分比的報告 - 這是真的 - 與零。

PERCENT REPORTING BECAUSE, COME ON, IT'S CALIFORNIA.

百分之百的報告，因為，來吧，這是加州。

AND THIS ISN'T THE NEWS, OKAY.

這不是新聞，好吧。

IS THAT IT?

是嗎？

CAN I MOVE ON TO OTHER JOKES?

我可以繼續開其他玩笑嗎？

HAVE THESE COMPOSTED.

有這些合成的。

FOLKS IF YOU WATCH ELECTION COVERAGE-- AND SPIRAL, YOU ARE

夥計們，如果你看了選舉的報道，和精神，你就是...

RIGHT NOW, YOU KNOW THE NEWS NETWORKS ALWAYS HAVE A PANEL OF

現在，你知道新聞網總是有一個小組的。

EXPERTS TO HELP THEM BREAK DOWN THE BREAKING NEWS.

專家幫助他們打破了突發新聞。

AND, IN CNN'S CASE-- SO THAT THE DIRECTOR HAS SOMETHING TO CUT TO

而且，在CNN的情況下 - 所以，導演有一些東西要削減到

WHEN JOHN KING GETS A LITTLE TOO HANDSY WITH HIS TOUCH SCREEN

當約翰-金對他的觸屏有點手忙腳亂的時候。

ELECTIONS CAN BE LONELY.

選舉是很漫長的。

NOW, WHEN IT COMES TO PANELS, IT'S IMPORTANT TO HAVE QUALITY,

現在，當涉及到面板時，重要的是要有品質。

BUT THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IS QUANTITY.

但最重要的是品質。

CNN KNOWS THAT.

你知道的。

BACK IN 2016, THEY HAD NO LESS THAN NINE DIFFERENT PEOPLE

早在2016年，他們就有了不少於九個不同的人。

WEIGHING IN ON THE RESULTS-- MEANING THEY HAD MORE PEOPLE

衡量結果--意味著他們有更多的人。

DISCUSSING THE VOTERS OF WYOMING THAN THERE ARE VOTERS IN

懷俄明州的選民比全國的選民更多。

WYOMING.

懷俄明州。

WELL, I WILL NOT SIT HERE TO BE OUT-QUANTITIED BY CNN.

好吧，我不會坐在這裡被美國有線電視新聞網量化。

SO, TONIGHT, I'M PROUD TO INTRODUCE OUR NEW SEGMENT:

所以，今晚，我很自豪地介紹 我們的新部門。

STEPHEN COLBERT'S SHOWTIME 2020 ELECTION SPECIAL THE MOST

斯蒂芬-科爾伯特的SHOWTIME 2020選舉特別最

ELECTION NIGHT PANEL EVER.

選舉夜盤永遠。

WITH ME TO HELP ARE THE BIGGEST NAMES IN THE BIZ.

和我一起幫忙的都是商業界的大人物。

FIRST UP FROM CBS NEWS, MY OLD PAL, JOHN DICKERSON.

首先是CBS新聞，我的老友約翰・迪克遜。

>> I'M HONORED AND CONTRACTUALLY OBLIGATED TO BE HERE, STEPHEN.

>> 我很榮幸，也有義務來這裡，史蒂芬。

>> Stephen: RIGHT YOU ARE.

>> Stephen:你是對的。

HERE TO GIVE US THE INSIDER PERSPECTIVE, SOMEBODY WHO RAN

這裡給我們提供內幕消息，有人跑了。

FOR THE DEMOCRATIC NOMINATION, FORMER COLORADO GOVERNOR, JOHN

對於民主黨的提名，前科羅拉多州州長，約翰...

HICKENLOOPER.

HICKENLOOPER。

>> ACTUALLY, STEPHEN, I'M MICHAEL BENNETT, THE COLORADO

>> 事實上，斯蒂芬，我是邁克爾-本特，科羅拉多州的。

SENATOR.

參議員：

>> Stephen: NICE TRY, HICKEN LOOPER.

>> Stephen:不錯的嘗試，希肯環路。

WE WOULD NEVER BE ABLE TO BOOK A MICHAEL BENNETT.

我們不可能訂到一個MICHAEL BENNETT。

THAT DUDE IS A ROCK STAR.

這傢伙是一個搖滾明星。

WE HAVE JAMES CARVILLE LIVE FROM THE 1993 DOCUMENTARY "THE WAR

我們有1993年紀錄片 "戰爭 "中的詹姆斯-卡維爾現場直播。

ROOM."

房間。"

>> IT'S THE ECONOMY, STUPID.

>> 這就是經濟，愚蠢的。

>> Stephen: DON'T CALL ME STUPID, YOU CAJUN MOLE RAT.

>> Stephen:別叫我傻子，你這隻老鼠。

NEXT WE HAVE ANDREW YANG WHO RAN ON THE SLOGAN, MATH, HOW ARE THE

接下來，我們有請楊安卓，他在《SLOGAN》上發表了一篇文章，《數學》，《How are the》。

NUMBERS LOOKING TONIGHT, ANDREW?

今晚的數字看，安德魯？

>> THE NUMBERS ARE LOOKING GREAT TONIGHT, STEPHEN.

>> 今晚的數字看起來很不錯，史蒂芬。

THREE AND FIVE ARE SO VISUALLY APPEALING.

三和五是如此的視覺衝擊力。

11 HAS PERFECT SYMMETRY YOU WON'T FIND ANYWHERE ELSE.

11具有完美的對稱性，你在其他任何地方都找不到。

THESE NUMBERS LOOK FANTASTIC.

這些數字看起來棒極了。

>> Stephen: ONLY TIME WILL TELL.

>> Stephen:只有時間會告訴你。

NOW, FOR A SCIENTIFIC PERSPECTIVE, WE HAVE

現在，從科學的角度來看，我們有了

ASTROPHYSICIST NEIL DEGRASS TYSON.

宇宙物理學家尼爾-德格拉斯-泰森。

>> TONIGHT, I PREDICT THE UNIVERSITY WILL DIE OF HEAT

>> 今晚，我預測大學將死於熱氣。

DEATH, 10 TO THE POWER OF 100 YEARS.

死亡，10到100年的力量。

>> Stephen: WELL, I BELIEVE OHIO MIGHT HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY

>> Stephen:我相信俄亥俄州可能有話要說。

ABOUT THAT.

關於這一點。

AND TO DISCUSS HOW COVID MIGHT BE AFFECTING THE RACE, WE WANTED

為了討論COVID對比賽的影響，我們希望...

A DOCTOR.

一個醫生。

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, DR. JAY.

女士們，先生們，博士。JAY：

>> I'M NOT A MEDICAL DOCTOR, STEPHEN.

>> 我不是醫生，史蒂芬。

>> Stephen: AND I'M NOT A BASKETBALL PLAYER.

>> Stephen:我不是一個籃球運動員。

LET'S STAY IN OUR LANES, JAY.

讓我們留在我們的車道上，傑。

NEXT CALLER.

下一個呼叫者：

FOR AN INTERNATIONAL PERSPECTIVE, WE HAVE FORMER

為了從國際角度看問題，我們有了前輩們。

SECRETARY OF STATE MADELEINE ALBRIGHT.

國務卿瑪德琳-阿爾布萊特：

>> WHERE ARE MY PANCAKES!

>> 我的煎餅在哪裡！

I WAS TOLD THERE WOULD BE PANCAKES!

我聽說會有煎餅！

>> Stephen: WE'RE FAXING THEM TO YOU NOW MADAM SECRETARY.

>> Stephen:我們現在就把它們傳真給你，女士。

NEXT, WE HAVE A USED SKI-DOO SALESMAN ON METH.

接下來，我們有一個二手的SKI -DOO銷售員在METH。

>> ARE YOU I A COP?

>> 你是警察嗎？

YOU HAVE TO SHARE YOUR METH WITH ME IF YOU'RE A COP.

如果你是個警察，你必須把你的毒品和我分享。

>> Stephen: WE ARE LUCKY TO BE JOINED BY ONE OF THE GREAT,

>> 斯蒂芬：我們很幸運能和一位偉大的人一起。

BRYAN CRANSTON.

BRYAN CRANSTON.

>> STEPHEN, THIS DISH NEVER FAILS TO IMPRESS, AND IT'S SO

>> 史蒂芬，這道菜永遠不會讓人失望，而且它是如此...

EASY TO MAKE.

容易製作。

ALL YOU NEED ARE CHICKEN THIGHS, HALF AN ONION, AND A BOTTLE OF

你只需要雞腿，半個洋蔥，和一瓶酒

QAWNT ROW.

QAWNT行。

>> Stephen: ACTUALLY, BRYAN, THIS IS AN ELECTION SPECIAL, NOT

>> 史蒂芬：實際上，布賴恩，這是一個選舉特別，而不是。

A COOKING SHOW.

烹飪節目。

>> RIGHT, BUT YOU CAN PREPARE THIS DISH WAY AHEAD OF TIME,

>> 沒錯，但你可以準備這個菜的時間提前。

BEFORE THE PARTY, AND IT WILL BE READY BY THE TIME YOUR GUESTS

派對前，它會在你的客人到來時準備好。

ARRIVE.

抵達。

>> Stephen: YUM-NUM.

>> Stephen:YUM -NUM。

ALSO JOINING US IS THE FLY THAT WAS ON MIKE PENCE'S HEAD DURING

和我們一起來的還有在邁克-彭斯頭上的蒼蠅

THE DEBATE.

辯論：

>> ACTUALLY, THAT FLY WAS MY GREAT-GREAT-GREAT-GREAT

>> 事實上，那隻蒼蠅是我的偉大的，偉大的，偉大的，偉大的。

GRANDFATHER.

爺爺：

WE HAVE VERY SHORT LIFE SPANS.

我們的壽命很短。

NOW, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, I HAVE TO DEPOSIT EGGS IN THIZ SCALP.

現在，如果你能原諒我，我得把雞蛋放進鱗片裡。

>> Stephen: MOSLE TOF.

>> Stephen:MOSLE TOF.

WE'VE ALSO GOT EXPERT ANALYSIS FROM A MEMBER OF THE WU TANG

我們還得到了武當成員的專業分析。

CLAN METHOD MAN.

族方法人。

>> REPORTERS SHOW VOTER TURNOUT IS HIGHER THAN IT HAS BEEN IN

>> 報告顯示選民投票率高於以往任何時候。

DECADES.

幾十年來。

AND SO HAVE I.

我也是

( LAUGHS ) >> Stephen: WE'VE ALL GOT TO

（笑） >> 斯蒂芬：我們都得

GET THROUGH THIS ELECTION SOMEHOW.

一定要熬過這次選舉。

WE ALSO HAVE THE HOST OF "RUPAUL'S DRAG RACE."

我們也有 "RUPAUL'S DRAG RACE "的主持人。

WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR TONIGHT?

你今晚要找什麼？

>> WELL MAINE AND NEBRASKA ARE THE ONLY TWO STATES THAT ALLOW A

>> 緬因州和內布拉斯加州是僅有的兩個州，允許有一個

SPLIT IN THEIR STATE'S ELECTORS.

分裂在他們州的選舉人。

SO I WANT TO CELEBRATE THEIR DESIRE TO GO BOTH WAYS.

所以我想慶祝他們的願望去兩種方式。

OOO-KER.

OOO -KER。

>> Stephen: NEXT WE HAVE AWARD-WINNING ACTOR AND AUTHOR,

>> Stephen:接下來我們有請獲獎的演員和作家。

ETHAN HAWKE, LIVE HAVE A HIDDEN CAMERA.

ETHAN HAWKE，現場有一個隱藏的攝像頭。

>> SOMEBODY LEAVE THEIR PHONE IN HERE?

>> 有人把手機留在這裡了嗎？

IS THIS THING ON?

這是什麼東西？

>> Stephen: AND IT LOOKS LIKE WE'VE BEEN CAUGHT.

>> 看來我們已經被抓了。

>> COLBERT.

>> COLBERT.

IS THAT YOU?

是你嗎？

>> Stephen: HERE TO COUNT ELECTORAL VOTES, WE'VE GOT THE

>> 史蒂芬：在這裡計算選舉票數，我們已經得到了。

TOOTSIE POP AL.

TOOTSIE POP AL.

HOW MANY VOTES WILL THE CANDIDATES NEED TO CLINCH THE

候選人需要多少票數才能完成選舉？

ELECTION, MR. AL?

選舉，先生。AL？

>> ONE... TWO... THREE.

>> 一...一... 二...三...

>> Stephen: SO THREE?

>> 史蒂芬：那麼三個？

>> NO, DUMMY 270.

>> 不，笨蛋270。

DO YOU HAVE ANOTHER LOLLIPOP.

你還有其他的棒棒糖嗎？

>> Stephen: NEXT WE HAVE ACTOR AND ACTIVIST GEORGE TAKEI.

>> 史蒂芬: 接下來我們有請演員和活動家GEORGE TAKEI。

GEORGE, WHAT STATES WILL YOU BE,LYING AT NIGHT?

喬治，你晚上會在什麼狀態下說謊？

>> PERSONALLY I'M INTERESTED IN THE SWING STATES OF OHIO AND

>> 我個人對俄亥俄州的搖擺州和

MICHIGAN, OR AS THEY'RE KNOWN BY THEIR POSTAL CODES OH, MY.

密歇根州，或者說是他們的郵政編碼，哦，我的。

>> Stephen: ROUNDING OUT THE PANELS WE HAVE SIX OF SANTA'S

>> Stephen:我們有六位聖誕老人的成員

REINDEER, SOMEBODY IN A CEA WIG, AND TO TALK ABOUT THE YOUTH VOTE

林德，有人戴著CEA假髮，並談及青年投票的問題。

FIVE TEENAGERS WHO ARE EITHER NAMED JOE OR DONALD.

五個少年誰是既叫喬或唐納德。

>> MY NAME IS RONALD.

>> 我的名字是羅納德。

>> Stephen: CLOSE ENOUGH.

>> 史蒂芬：足夠近了。

THERE YOU HAVE IT, INFORMATION.

這就是了，資訊。

PANEL, WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS ABOUT THE NIGHT SO FAR?

專家組，你對今晚有什麼看法？

( ALL TALKING AT ONCE ) >> Stephen: I'M BEING TOLD

( 所有說話一次 ) >> Stephen:我被告知

THAT'S ALL WE HAVE TIME FOR.

這就是我們的時間。

THIS HAS BEEN "STEPHEN COLBERT'S SHOWTIME ELECTION SPECIAL 2020

這已經是 "STEPHEN COLBERT'S SHOWTIME選舉特別2020 "了。

PRESENTS THE MOST ELECTION NIGHT PANEL EVER"

呈現史上最強選舉夜盤"

MY APOLOGIES TO DORIS KEARNS GOODWIN, WE RAN OUT OF TIME.

我向DORIS KEARNS GOODWIN道歉，我們沒有時間了。

>> WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE, STEPHEN.

>> 等一下，等一下，Stephen。

I'VE GOT A UNIQUE HISTORICAL PERSPECTIVE.

我有一個獨特的歷史視角。

>> Stephen: OKAY, THIS IS HIGHLY UNUSUAL, BUT GO AHEAD.

>> Stephen:好吧，這是很不尋常的，但走在前面。

>> DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THROUGHOUT HISTORY PEOPLE HAVE

>> 你知道在歷史上人們有多少人有

WASTED ON HOTELS EVERY YEAR?

每年都浪費在酒店上？

JUST THINK ABOUT HOW MUCH YOU'D SAVE IF YOU HAD A TIME SHARE IN

想一想，如果你有一個時間分享，你能節省多少錢？

BEAUTIFUL KEY WEST, RIGHT NEXT TO TRUE --

美麗的西海岸，緊挨著真理 -- --

>> Stephen: I'M GOING TO CUT YOU OFF THERE, DORIS.

>> Stephen:我要把你從這裡截斷，多麗絲。

I'M NOT BUYING A TIME SHARE FROM YOU AGAIN.

我不會再買你的時間股了。

FOOL ME TWICE, SHAME ON ME.

騙了我兩次，對我感到羞恥。

ALL RIGHT, WHERE ARE WE RIGHT NOW?

好了，我們現在在哪裡？

THANK YOU TO THE WHOLE PANEL.

感謝整個小組。

THAT WAS...

那什麼...

SO GOOD.

那麼好。

♪ ♪ ♪

♪ ♪ ♪

>> COMING UP, CHARLAMAGNE THE GOD.

>>接下來，查理馬格尼之神。