when I catch up with some personal stuff.

當我趕上了一些個人的東西。

You know, I check my inbox, I return some e-mails

你知道，我檢查我的收件箱，我回一些郵件。

and, of course, I send out thank-you notes.

當然，我也會發感謝信。

Well, I was running a bit behind today, so I thought,

好吧，我今天跑得有點慢，所以我想。

if you guys wouldn't mind, I'd just like to write out

如果你們不介意的話，我只想寫出... ...

my weekly thank-you notes right now.

我每週的感謝信現在。

Is that -- [ Cheers and applause ]

是 - [歡呼聲和掌聲]

You guys are the best.

你們是最好的。

James, can I get some thank-you note writing music, please?

詹姆斯，能給我一些寫感謝信的音樂嗎？

♪♪

♪♪

There it is.

在那裡，它是。

♪♪

♪♪

It looks like he's got secrets.

看來他是有祕密的。

♪♪

♪♪

Thank you, "Bachelorette" getting replaced,

謝謝你，"單身女郎 "被取代。

for only being the second most famous reality TV star

排名第二的真人秀節目明星。

to lose their job this week.

本週將失去工作。

[ Applause ]

[掌聲]

♪♪

♪♪

Thank you, Steve Kornacki and John King,

謝謝你，Steve Kornacki和John King。

for being the McSteamy and McDreamy of touchscreens.

因為它是觸摸屏中的麥斯泰米和麥德瑞。

[ Applause ]

[掌聲]

I love everyone's so impressed with the touchscreen.

我喜歡大家對觸摸屏的印象如此深刻。

My daughter was using a touchscreen at six months.

我的女兒在6個月的時候就開始使用觸摸屏了。

She was...

她是...

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

♪♪

♪♪

Thank you, red mirage,

謝謝你，紅色海市蜃樓。

for sounding less like a political term

拗口

and more like the 14th Marvel movie

而更像是第14部漫威電影

to get postponed this year.

要得到延後，今年。

[ Applause ]

[掌聲]

"Red Mirage."

"紅色幻影"

♪♪ Man, this one's --

男人，這個人的 -

You might want to help me out on this one.

你可能想幫我解決這個問題。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

Yeah. I get to phone a friend on this one.

是的，我可以給朋友打電話了

-Okay. Try it out.

-好的好吧，試試吧

-Yeah, just laugh even if it's not funny.

-是啊，即使不好笑也要笑。

-Okay. [ Laughter ]

-好的[笑聲]

-It's pretty good.

-很不錯

All right, we'll see.

好吧，我們走著瞧。

-Wait, right now? Or -- -What?

-等等，現在？或者... -什麼？

Yeah, now. Well, after I'm done.

是的，現在。好吧，在我做完之後。

-Okay. -After I'm done with the joke.

-好吧 等我講完這個笑話之後

-Okay.

-好吧

[ Laughs ] That was funny. -Wait till --

這很有趣。-等到 --

I didn't do it yet, but once I do it, then you do it.

我還沒做，但我一做，你就做了。

Okay, here we go.

好了，我們開始吧。

-Okay. -Almost.

-好的 差不多了

♪♪

♪♪

Thank you, Drake's new Alpine Yodels,

謝謝你，德雷克的新阿爾卑斯Yodels。

for not going by your original name, Yeti Turds.

因為你沒有用你的原名，Yeti Turds。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

-Wait.

-等一下

What? [ Laughter ]

什麼？[笑聲]

-What? That was the original name they went with?

-什麼？那是他們最初的名字？

-Ah. -I don't know, man.

-啊-我不知道，夥計

[ Chuckles ]

[笑]

♪♪

♪♪

Thank you, fancy wine openers,

謝謝你，花式開酒器。

for making my guests think that I'm either

讓我的客人覺得我要麼是。

a wine connoisseur or a steampunk alcoholic.

一個葡萄酒鑑賞家或蒸汽朋克酒鬼。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

♪♪

♪♪

Thank you, owls,

謝謝你，貓頭鷹。

for always looking like you just read Don Jr.'s latest tweet.

因為你總是一副剛看完小唐最新微博的樣子。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

♪♪

♪♪

Thank you, election week,

謝謝你，選舉周。

for hopefully coming to an end,

為希望來結束。

and for letting us all go back to a calm, relaxing life

並讓我們都回到平靜、輕鬆的生活中去。

of worrying about a global pandemic.

擔心全球大流行病的問題。

There you go. Those are our thank-you notes.

給你。這些是我們的感謝信。