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  • -Yeah! Nick, oh, my gosh.

    -是啊!尼克,哦,我的天哪。

  • It is great to see you, buddy.

    很高興見到你,夥計。

  • Thank you so much for being here.

    非常感謝你能來這裡。

  • Where -- where are you Zooming from right now?

    你... 你現在在哪裡變焦?

  • -Hello, Jimmy, thank you for having me.

    -你好,吉米,謝謝你邀請我。

  • I'm coming at you from the farm

    我從農場向你走來

  • where we shoot our show, "Making It,"

    我們在那裡拍攝我們的節目,"製造它",

  • the crafting competition show...

    匠心獨運的比賽節目...

  • -Of course. -...on NBC.

    -當然-...在NBC上

  • -You're back to work, oh, that's great.

    -你回來工作了,哦,那太好了。

  • How does it feel? Is it weird? Is it safe? Is it good?

    感覺如何?是不是很奇怪?安全嗎?好看嗎?

  • What does it feel like?

    這是什麼感覺?

  • -It feels like the end of a really good movie

    -感覺像一部好電影的結尾

  • that, like, where normal humans would cry,

    那一樣,正常人類會哭的地方。

  • and I even well up a bit. -[ Laughing ]

    我甚至還有點興奮。-[笑]

  • -No. -It feels so good,

    -不 感覺真好

  • because I've spent all this time

    因為我花了這麼多時間

  • feeling like I wasn't of any use to anybody.

    感覺我對任何人都沒有用處。

  • -Yeah.

    -是的

  • -So I'm a farm animal.

    -所以我是個農場動物

  • Like, if you put me to work in the field

    就像,如果你讓我在田裡工作一樣。

  • and then I feel good,

    然後我感覺很好。

  • and then I can have my carrot and my apple

    然後我就可以吃到我的胡蘿蔔和蘋果了

  • at the end of the day, by which I mean my scotch.

    在一天結束時,我的意思是我的蘇格蘭威士忌。

  • -[ Laughs ]

    -[笑]

  • But this is -- so you're there with Amy

    但這是... 所以你和Amy一起在那裡。

  • and all the contestants and the crew and everything?

    和所有的參賽者和工作人員和一切?

  • Is it --

    是...

  • -Somebody way smarter than me,

    -一個比我聰明的人。

  • one of our producers, I guess they consulted

    我們的製片人之一,我猜他們諮詢

  • the science or, like, what the doctors are saying.

    科學或,像,醫生說什麼。

  • And so, they've put everybody in masks and face shields,

    所以,他們給每個人都戴上了面具和麵罩。

  • and they've, what do they -- they call them protocols.

    他們已經,他們是什麼 - 他們稱之為協議。

  • We adhere to these protocols.

    我們遵守這些協議。

  • -Yeah. -Social distancing.

    -是的,社會上的疏遠。

  • All these newfangled, like, trends.

    所有這些新式的,喜歡,趨勢。

  • -And they work. -And so you look around,

    -而他們的工作。-所以你四處張望,

  • we're shooting this show and everybody's is in a mask,

    我們正在拍攝這個節目,每個人的 是在一個面具。

  • and they're complying with these, like,

    他們遵守這些,像。

  • "science ideas." -Wow.

    "科學的想法。"-哇。

  • -And we're able to produce our show successfully.

    -我們能夠成功地製作我們的節目。

  • No one is catching the coronavirus.

    沒有人感染冠狀病毒。

  • -Wow. -So, I wish that --

    -哇哦-所以,我希望...

  • I mean, I don't know how they figured this out,

    我是說,我不知道他們是怎麼想出來的。

  • but I wish there was a way to communicate this to, like,

    但我希望有一個方法來溝通這個,比如。

  • the country or, like, our government or something.

    國家或一樣,我們的政府什麼的。

  • Because I feel like if they found out about it,

    因為我覺得如果他們發現了這件事。

  • they would tell everybody, and they'd be like,

    他們會告訴大家, 他們會喜歡,

  • "Hey, everybody, if you follow these, like, science ideas,

    "嘿,各位,如果你們按照這些,比如,科學的想法。

  • you can go to work and be safe and not die,

    你可以去工作,安全,不死。

  • all that [bleep]." -Yeah.

    所有的[嗶]。"-是啊。

  • -Here's the thing, when I look around and see

    -事情是這樣的,當我環顧四周,看到的是

  • all of us being safe, the idea that hasn't been

    我們所有的人都是安全的,這個想法還沒有被。

  • fully disseminated is,

    充分傳播的是。

  • when you wear the protective equipment,

    當你穿上防護裝備時。

  • it's not to protect yourself,

    這不是為了保護自己。

  • it's to protect the others around you

    是為了保護身邊的人

  • in case you have it, which you might.

    如果你有的話,你可能會。

  • And so, when I see everybody doing this,

    所以,當我看到每個人都這樣做,

  • I take it as a sign of affection.

    我認為這是一種感情的象徵。

  • It's me and my neighbors and my co-workers,

    是我和我的鄰居還有我的同事。

  • and no one asks what our political beliefs are.

    沒有人問我們的政治信仰是什麼。

  • We just see each other working together and say, "I love you,

    我們只是看到對方在一起工作,然後說 "我愛你"。

  • and thank you for loving me.

    並感謝你愛我。

  • We can do our job. We can earn our money.

    我們可以做我們的工作。我們可以賺我們的錢。

  • We can feed our families." -That's right.

    我們可以養活我們的家人。"-沒錯

  • -In my case, my wife and I can use our Japanese sex swing.

    -在我的情況下,我的妻子和我可以使用我們的日本性愛擺動。

  • We can afford meals. Keep our energy up.

    我們吃得起飯。保持我們的能量。

  • Have marathon sessions. -[ Laughs ]

    有馬拉松會議。-[笑]

  • -We can buy Vaseline when we get chafed.

    -我們可以買凡士林,當我們被摩擦時。

  • -Alright, yeah, yeah, we get the point.

    -好吧,好吧,好吧,我們明白了。

  • Yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely.

    是啊,是啊,是啊。絕對的。

  • Nick Offerman, you found a way to help

    尼克-奧弗曼,你找到了一個方法來幫助你。

  • and entertain people at the same time.

    並同時娛樂人們。

  • Because you've made all of your comedy specials available

    因為你把所有的喜劇特別節目都做出來了

  • now on your website, with the proceeds going to charity.

    現在在你的網站上,收益將用於慈善。

  • I think that's an awesome move.

    我認為這是一個了不起的舉動。

  • And was it the quarantine that inspired you to do this,

    是隔離區給了你靈感,讓你做這個事情。

  • or what...

    還是什麼...

  • -No, it's sort of --

    -不,這是一種 -

  • it's not anything that I should be proud of.

    這不是我應該驕傲的事情。

  • Like, I've been touring as a humorist for some years,

    就像,我一直在巡迴演出 作為一個幽默的一些年。

  • so I have -- this audiobook is my fourth special.

    所以我有 - 這本有聲讀物是我的第四個特別。

  • My first three specials -- I'm terrible at promoting them,

    我的前三部特輯... ...我不擅長宣傳。

  • and so, it took me a long time,

    所以,我花了很長時間。

  • and seven's and 10's of people were asking me,

    有七八十個人在問我。

  • "Where can I see your specials?"

    "哪裡可以看到你們的特產?"

  • So I finally succeeded, after literally years,

    所以,我終於成功了,經過了幾年的時間。

  • of getting them on a website that people can see,

    的讓他們在人們可以看到的網站上。

  • but I'm so late that some -- some nefarious criminal

    但我來得太晚了,有些... ...一些邪惡的犯罪分子。

  • has already secured nickofferman.com.

    已經獲得了 nickofferman.com。

  • So, I -- I have acquired

    所以,我--我已經獲得了

  • nickofferman.co.

    nickofferman.co.

  • So one letter short. -So nickofferman.co.

    所以少了一個字母。-所以 nickofferman.co.

  • -Nickofferman.co. -So no "M."

    -Nickofferman.co.-所以沒有 "M"。

  • -I couldn't not afford the "M." -Understood.

    -我不能不買 "M".-明白了.

  • -The thing is, the timing was such that

    -問題是,時間是這樣的:

  • right when the website was ready to launch,

    就在網站準備啟動的時候。

  • the pandemic hit, and everybody was in trouble.

    疫情來襲,每個人都有麻煩。

  • -Yeah. -People are out of work,

    -是啊,人們都失業了。

  • you know, the whole country, the whole world is suffering.

    你知道,整個國家,整個世界都在受苦。

  • And I said, "Well, jeez, now what do I do?

    我說:"好吧,天哪,現在我該怎麼辦?

  • It's not great timing to be like, you guys,

    這不是很好的時機,你們要像。

  • I'm sorry about everybody in the hospital and stuff,

    我很抱歉大家在醫院裡的事情。

  • but check out my crazy jackass comedy specials."

    但看看我的瘋狂傻瓜喜劇特別節目。"

  • And so I just thought, you know what?

    所以我就想,你知道嗎?

  • At least 37 people have said they wanted to see this.

    至少有37個人說想看這個。

  • So, for those people, I'm going to put this up.

    所以,對於這些人,我要把這個。

  • But all the proceeds -- it costs a few bucks to see my special,

    但所有的收益--看我的特別節目要花幾塊錢。

  • and all the profits go to America's Food Fund.

    所有的利潤都捐給了美國的食品基金。

  • So, I was like, okay... -[ Clapping ]

    所以,我當時想,好吧... ...-[拍手]

  • -Get these 37 people with questionable taste,

    -抓住這37個品味可疑的人。

  • I will take their money. -I love that.

    我會拿他們的錢。-我喜歡這樣

  • -And we will buy sandwiches for at least 11 people.

    -我們會買至少11個人的三明治.

  • -That's awesome that you did that, buddy.

    -你這樣做真是太厲害了,夥計。

  • I think that's cool.

    我認為這很酷。

  • I want to talk about "All Rise."

    我想談談 "萬眾矚目"。

  • This is -- first of all, who did the drawing and the cartoon?

    這是... ... 首先,誰畫的畫和漫畫?

  • -My friend Matt Davies.

    -我的朋友Matt Davies.

  • He's a Pulitzer Prize-winning political cartoonist

    他是普利策獎的政治漫畫家。

  • who works for the publication "Newsday."

    為 "新聞日報 "刊物工作的人。

  • -Yeah. -So funny.

    -是啊 真有趣

  • -This was the live show that you were going to tour with?

    -這就是你要去巡演的現場表演?

  • -It is. Yeah.

    -是的是的 - 是的

  • And I toured a bunch of America with it last year,

    去年我還帶著它在美國巡演了一堆。

  • and also Australia and New Zealand,

    以及澳洲和紐西蘭。

  • and my cool publisher called Dutton...

    我的酷酷的出版商叫Dutton... ...

  • -Okay.

    -好吧

  • ...under the auspices of Penguin Random House.

    ...在企鵝蘭登書屋的贊助下。

  • They came and saw me at The Beacon

    他們來了,在烽火臺看到我

  • on the Upper West side and they said,

    在上西區,他們說。

  • "Hey, what if we turn this into like an audiobook original."

    "嘿,如果我們把這個變成像有聲讀物一樣的原版書呢。"

  • So, it's like a humor show.

    所以,這就像一個幽默節目。

  • It's like me reading my essays and performing my dumb songs.

    就像我讀我的作文,表演我的啞巴歌。

  • One of them is very poignant right now,

    其中有一條是現在非常尖銳的。

  • about Brett Kavanaugh, called "I Like Beer."

    關於Brett Kavanaugh,叫 "我喜歡啤酒"。

  • -Oh.

    -哦

  • -And, the, you know, the Supreme Court justices

    -還有,你知道的,最高法院的法官們

  • and their legitimacy or lack thereof

    及其合法性或缺乏合法性的問題

  • has been in the news recently. -Sure.

    最近一直在新聞中。-當然

  • -So, you know, I thought it was --

    -所以,你知道,我認為這是 -

  • it's a great opportunity to celebrate that guy

    這是一個很好的機會來慶祝那個傢伙。

  • and how much he loves beer.

    以及他有多愛啤酒。

  • -Here's my one question for Nick Offerman.

    我有一個問題要問尼克-奧弗曼。

  • If we listen to this,

    如果我們聽了這個。

  • what are we missing of seeing you live?

    我們錯過了什麼看到你的現場?

  • Like, what would you -- are we missing out on anything?

    就像,你會... ... 我們是否錯過了什麼?

  • -That's a great question, Jimmy.

    -這是一個很好的問題,吉米。

  • I mean, obviously, you're going to get

    我的意思是,很明顯,你會得到

  • the soothing sounds of like Brian Eno,

    像布萊恩-埃諾的舒緩聲音。

  • "Music For Airport,"

    "機場音樂"

  • if they were a hirsute baritone

    如果他們是個粗獷的男中音的話。

  • coming into your ears,

    傳入你的耳朵。

  • and that will put you to sleep, which is great.

    這將讓你睡覺,這是偉大的。

  • We all need to get some rest.

    我們都需要休息一下。

  • -Mm-hmm. -That's wonderful.

    -嗯哼-那真是太好了

  • But, what you are missing is the rest of your senses.

    但是,你缺少的是你其他的感官。

  • Think about it. -That's true.

    考慮一下吧-這是真的

  • -You're not going to see me dance and, like,

    -你不會看到我跳舞,而且,像。

  • just subtly move my hips in that way that drives everybody crazy.

    只是巧妙地移動我的臀部,以這種方式,使大家瘋狂。

  • You know what I'm talking about. But also, there are some --

    你知道我在說什麼。但是,也有一些...

  • there are some stopgap measures you can pursue.

    你可以採取一些權宜之計。

  • Like, if you are going to listen to this,

    喜歡,如果你要聽這個。

  • get yourself a nice tray of charcuterie,

    給自己準備一盤美味的切肉。

  • maybe some sliced up -- some smoked applewood cheddar,

    也許一些切片 - 一些煙燻蘋果木切達。

  • and then have a single malt scotch

    再來一杯蘇格蘭威士忌

  • from the island of Islay, and just waft those things

    從艾雷島來的,只是把這些東西飄走了

  • under your nose. -All together.

    在你的鼻子下面-全部一起

  • And if you -- if you live in an area --

    如果你 -- 如果你住在一個地區 --

  • most of the upper Midwest, where the soil is

    中西部上半部的大部分地區,那裡的土質為

  • particularly loamy,

    特別是壤質的。

  • get a bowl of that soil, throw it in the microwave

    取一碗土,扔進微波爐裡

  • for about 90 seconds,

    約90秒。

  • and then just these aromas will help recreate

    然後只需這些香氣就能幫助重現。

  • the fecund musk that I tend to fill a theater with

    濃郁的麝香,我傾向於讓劇院充滿了麝香。

  • when I'm dancing about the stage.

    當我在舞臺上跳舞的時候

  • -That is perfect. I will do that this weekend.

    -那是完美的。我這週末就去做

  • -If you dig fertility, you're gonna love my scent.

    -如果你喜歡生育,你就會喜歡我的氣味。

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • -Everyone go listen and experience

    -每個人都去聽和體驗

  • Nick's audiobook "All Rise."

    尼克的有聲小說 "萬眾矚目"。

  • Nick Offerman, thank you so much for being here.

    尼克-奧弗曼,非常感謝你能來這裡。

  • Be safe, say hi to your wife, please, and give her my love

    注意安全,跟你老婆打聲招呼,拜託了,把我的愛給她吧

  • and say hi to Amy too, please.

    請跟艾米打個招呼

  • -I will. Thank you, Jimmy. It's great to see you.

    -我會的謝謝你,吉米謝謝你,吉米,很高興見到你

  • And you know what, can I say one more thing real quick?

    你知道嗎,我可以說一個更多的事情真正的快?

  • -Please, yep.

    -拜託,是的

  • -I feel like we're a few days away

    -我覺得我們還有幾天就到了。

  • from a presidential election,

    從總統選舉。

  • in case the audience hasn't heard,

    以防觀眾沒有聽到。

  • and the only people --

    和唯一的人 -

  • I think most people are probably pretty decided.

    我想大多數人可能都已經很決定了。

  • But when I was young and I was ambivalent

    但是,當我年輕的時候,我是矛盾的

  • and was, like, too cool to worry about what was going on

    而且是一樣,太酷了,擔心什麼是怎麼回事。

  • with who I would vote for,

    與我將投票給誰。

  • if there's anybody like that listening,

    如果有任何人喜歡聽,

  • I just want to make you think for one second.

    我只是想讓你想一想。

  • What could be more punk?

    還有什麼比這更朋克的呢?

  • If you're, like, cynical and "who cares who gets elected?"

    如果你喜歡,憤世嫉俗,"誰在乎誰當選?"

  • What could be more punk than going out and voting?

    還有什麼比出去投票更坑爹的呢?

  • -I love that. Nick Offerman, everybody.

    -我喜歡這樣尼克-奧弗曼,各位

  • "All Rise" is available now.

    "萬眾矚目 "現已上市。

-Yeah! Nick, oh, my gosh.

-是啊!尼克,哦,我的天哪。

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