It is great to see you, buddy.

很高興見到你，夥計。

Thank you so much for being here.

非常感謝你能來這裡。

Where -- where are you Zooming from right now?

你... 你現在在哪裡變焦？

-Hello, Jimmy, thank you for having me.

-你好，吉米，謝謝你邀請我。

I'm coming at you from the farm

我從農場向你走來

where we shoot our show, "Making It,"

我們在那裡拍攝我們的節目，"製造它"，

the crafting competition show...

匠心獨運的比賽節目...

-Of course. -...on NBC.

-當然-...在NBC上

-You're back to work, oh, that's great.

-你回來工作了，哦，那太好了。

How does it feel? Is it weird? Is it safe? Is it good?

感覺如何？是不是很奇怪？安全嗎？好看嗎？

What does it feel like?

這是什麼感覺？

-It feels like the end of a really good movie

-感覺像一部好電影的結尾

that, like, where normal humans would cry,

那一樣，正常人類會哭的地方。

and I even well up a bit. -[ Laughing ]

我甚至還有點興奮。-[笑]

-No. -It feels so good,

-不 感覺真好

because I've spent all this time

因為我花了這麼多時間

feeling like I wasn't of any use to anybody.

感覺我對任何人都沒有用處。

-Yeah.

-是的

-So I'm a farm animal.

-所以我是個農場動物

Like, if you put me to work in the field

就像，如果你讓我在田裡工作一樣。

and then I feel good,

然後我感覺很好。

and then I can have my carrot and my apple

然後我就可以吃到我的胡蘿蔔和蘋果了

at the end of the day, by which I mean my scotch.

在一天結束時，我的意思是我的蘇格蘭威士忌。

-[ Laughs ]

-[笑]

But this is -- so you're there with Amy

但這是... 所以你和Amy一起在那裡。

and all the contestants and the crew and everything?

和所有的參賽者和工作人員和一切？

Is it --

是...

-Somebody way smarter than me,

-一個比我聰明的人。

one of our producers, I guess they consulted

我們的製片人之一，我猜他們諮詢

the science or, like, what the doctors are saying.

科學或，像，醫生說什麼。

And so, they've put everybody in masks and face shields,

所以，他們給每個人都戴上了面具和麵罩。

and they've, what do they -- they call them protocols.

他們已經，他們是什麼 - 他們稱之為協議。

We adhere to these protocols.

我們遵守這些協議。

-Yeah. -Social distancing.

-是的，社會上的疏遠。

All these newfangled, like, trends.

所有這些新式的，喜歡，趨勢。

-And they work. -And so you look around,

-而他們的工作。-所以你四處張望,

we're shooting this show and everybody's is in a mask,

我們正在拍攝這個節目，每個人的 是在一個面具。

and they're complying with these, like,

他們遵守這些，像。

"science ideas." -Wow.

"科學的想法。"-哇。

-And we're able to produce our show successfully.

-我們能夠成功地製作我們的節目。

No one is catching the coronavirus.

沒有人感染冠狀病毒。

-Wow. -So, I wish that --

-哇哦-所以，我希望...

I mean, I don't know how they figured this out,

我是說，我不知道他們是怎麼想出來的。

but I wish there was a way to communicate this to, like,

但我希望有一個方法來溝通這個，比如。

the country or, like, our government or something.

國家或一樣，我們的政府什麼的。

Because I feel like if they found out about it,

因為我覺得如果他們發現了這件事。

they would tell everybody, and they'd be like,

他們會告訴大家， 他們會喜歡，

"Hey, everybody, if you follow these, like, science ideas,

"嘿，各位，如果你們按照這些，比如，科學的想法。

you can go to work and be safe and not die,

你可以去工作，安全，不死。

all that [bleep]." -Yeah.

所有的[嗶]。"-是啊。

-Here's the thing, when I look around and see

-事情是這樣的，當我環顧四周，看到的是

all of us being safe, the idea that hasn't been

我們所有的人都是安全的，這個想法還沒有被。

fully disseminated is,

充分傳播的是。

when you wear the protective equipment,

當你穿上防護裝備時。

it's not to protect yourself,

這不是為了保護自己。

it's to protect the others around you

是為了保護身邊的人

in case you have it, which you might.

如果你有的話，你可能會。

And so, when I see everybody doing this,

所以，當我看到每個人都這樣做，

I take it as a sign of affection.

我認為這是一種感情的象徵。

It's me and my neighbors and my co-workers,

是我和我的鄰居還有我的同事。

and no one asks what our political beliefs are.

沒有人問我們的政治信仰是什麼。

We just see each other working together and say, "I love you,

我們只是看到對方在一起工作，然後說 "我愛你"。

and thank you for loving me.

並感謝你愛我。

We can do our job. We can earn our money.

我們可以做我們的工作。我們可以賺我們的錢。

We can feed our families." -That's right.

我們可以養活我們的家人。"-沒錯

-In my case, my wife and I can use our Japanese sex swing.

-在我的情況下，我的妻子和我可以使用我們的日本性愛擺動。

We can afford meals. Keep our energy up.

我們吃得起飯。保持我們的能量。

Have marathon sessions. -[ Laughs ]

有馬拉松會議。-[笑]

-We can buy Vaseline when we get chafed.

-我們可以買凡士林，當我們被摩擦時。

-Alright, yeah, yeah, we get the point.

-好吧，好吧，好吧，我們明白了。

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely.

是啊，是啊，是啊。絕對的。

Nick Offerman, you found a way to help

尼克-奧弗曼，你找到了一個方法來幫助你。

and entertain people at the same time.

並同時娛樂人們。

Because you've made all of your comedy specials available

因為你把所有的喜劇特別節目都做出來了

now on your website, with the proceeds going to charity.

現在在你的網站上，收益將用於慈善。

I think that's an awesome move.

我認為這是一個了不起的舉動。

And was it the quarantine that inspired you to do this,

是隔離區給了你靈感，讓你做這個事情。

or what...

還是什麼...

-No, it's sort of --

-不，這是一種 -

it's not anything that I should be proud of.

這不是我應該驕傲的事情。

Like, I've been touring as a humorist for some years,

就像，我一直在巡迴演出 作為一個幽默的一些年。

so I have -- this audiobook is my fourth special.

所以我有 - 這本有聲讀物是我的第四個特別。

My first three specials -- I'm terrible at promoting them,

我的前三部特輯... ...我不擅長宣傳。

and so, it took me a long time,

所以，我花了很長時間。

and seven's and 10's of people were asking me,

有七八十個人在問我。

"Where can I see your specials?"

"哪裡可以看到你們的特產？"

So I finally succeeded, after literally years,

所以，我終於成功了，經過了幾年的時間。

of getting them on a website that people can see,

的讓他們在人們可以看到的網站上。

but I'm so late that some -- some nefarious criminal

但我來得太晚了，有些... ...一些邪惡的犯罪分子。

has already secured nickofferman.com.

已經獲得了 nickofferman.com。

So, I -- I have acquired

所以，我--我已經獲得了

nickofferman.co.

nickofferman.co.

So one letter short. -So nickofferman.co.

所以少了一個字母。-所以 nickofferman.co.

-Nickofferman.co. -So no "M."

-Nickofferman.co.-所以沒有 "M"。

-I couldn't not afford the "M." -Understood.

-我不能不買 "M".-明白了.

-The thing is, the timing was such that

-問題是，時間是這樣的：

right when the website was ready to launch,

就在網站準備啟動的時候。

the pandemic hit, and everybody was in trouble.

疫情來襲，每個人都有麻煩。

-Yeah. -People are out of work,

-是啊，人們都失業了。

you know, the whole country, the whole world is suffering.

你知道，整個國家，整個世界都在受苦。

And I said, "Well, jeez, now what do I do?

我說："好吧，天哪，現在我該怎麼辦？

It's not great timing to be like, you guys,

這不是很好的時機，你們要像。

I'm sorry about everybody in the hospital and stuff,

我很抱歉大家在醫院裡的事情。

but check out my crazy jackass comedy specials."

但看看我的瘋狂傻瓜喜劇特別節目。"

And so I just thought, you know what?

所以我就想，你知道嗎？

At least 37 people have said they wanted to see this.

至少有37個人說想看這個。

So, for those people, I'm going to put this up.

所以，對於這些人，我要把這個。

But all the proceeds -- it costs a few bucks to see my special,

但所有的收益--看我的特別節目要花幾塊錢。

and all the profits go to America's Food Fund.

所有的利潤都捐給了美國的食品基金。

So, I was like, okay... -[ Clapping ]

所以，我當時想，好吧... ...-[拍手]

-Get these 37 people with questionable taste,

-抓住這37個品味可疑的人。

I will take their money. -I love that.

我會拿他們的錢。-我喜歡這樣

-And we will buy sandwiches for at least 11 people.

-我們會買至少11個人的三明治.

-That's awesome that you did that, buddy.

-你這樣做真是太厲害了，夥計。

I think that's cool.

我認為這很酷。

I want to talk about "All Rise."

我想談談 "萬眾矚目"。

This is -- first of all, who did the drawing and the cartoon?

這是... ... 首先，誰畫的畫和漫畫？

-My friend Matt Davies.

-我的朋友Matt Davies.

He's a Pulitzer Prize-winning political cartoonist

他是普利策獎的政治漫畫家。

who works for the publication "Newsday."

為 "新聞日報 "刊物工作的人。

-Yeah. -So funny.

-是啊 真有趣

-This was the live show that you were going to tour with?

-這就是你要去巡演的現場表演？

-It is. Yeah.

-是的是的 - 是的

And I toured a bunch of America with it last year,

去年我還帶著它在美國巡演了一堆。

and also Australia and New Zealand,

以及澳洲和紐西蘭。

and my cool publisher called Dutton...

我的酷酷的出版商叫Dutton... ...

-Okay.

-好吧

...under the auspices of Penguin Random House.

...在企鵝蘭登書屋的贊助下。

They came and saw me at The Beacon

他們來了，在烽火臺看到我

on the Upper West side and they said,

在上西區，他們說。

"Hey, what if we turn this into like an audiobook original."

"嘿，如果我們把這個變成像有聲讀物一樣的原版書呢。"

So, it's like a humor show.

所以，這就像一個幽默節目。

It's like me reading my essays and performing my dumb songs.

就像我讀我的作文，表演我的啞巴歌。

One of them is very poignant right now,

其中有一條是現在非常尖銳的。

about Brett Kavanaugh, called "I Like Beer."

關於Brett Kavanaugh，叫 "我喜歡啤酒"。

-Oh.

-哦

-And, the, you know, the Supreme Court justices

-還有，你知道的，最高法院的法官們

and their legitimacy or lack thereof

及其合法性或缺乏合法性的問題

has been in the news recently. -Sure.

最近一直在新聞中。-當然

-So, you know, I thought it was --

-所以，你知道，我認為這是 -

it's a great opportunity to celebrate that guy

這是一個很好的機會來慶祝那個傢伙。

and how much he loves beer.

以及他有多愛啤酒。

-Here's my one question for Nick Offerman.

我有一個問題要問尼克-奧弗曼。

If we listen to this,

如果我們聽了這個。

what are we missing of seeing you live?

我們錯過了什麼看到你的現場？

Like, what would you -- are we missing out on anything?

就像，你會... ... 我們是否錯過了什麼？

-That's a great question, Jimmy.

-這是一個很好的問題，吉米。

I mean, obviously, you're going to get

我的意思是，很明顯，你會得到

the soothing sounds of like Brian Eno,

像布萊恩-埃諾的舒緩聲音。

"Music For Airport,"

"機場音樂"

if they were a hirsute baritone

如果他們是個粗獷的男中音的話。

coming into your ears,

傳入你的耳朵。

and that will put you to sleep, which is great.

這將讓你睡覺，這是偉大的。

We all need to get some rest.

我們都需要休息一下。

-Mm-hmm. -That's wonderful.

-嗯哼-那真是太好了

But, what you are missing is the rest of your senses.

但是，你缺少的是你其他的感官。

Think about it. -That's true.

考慮一下吧-這是真的

-You're not going to see me dance and, like,

-你不會看到我跳舞，而且，像。

just subtly move my hips in that way that drives everybody crazy.

只是巧妙地移動我的臀部，以這種方式，使大家瘋狂。

You know what I'm talking about. But also, there are some --

你知道我在說什麼。但是，也有一些...

there are some stopgap measures you can pursue.

你可以採取一些權宜之計。

Like, if you are going to listen to this,

喜歡，如果你要聽這個。

get yourself a nice tray of charcuterie,

給自己準備一盤美味的切肉。

maybe some sliced up -- some smoked applewood cheddar,

也許一些切片 - 一些煙燻蘋果木切達。

and then have a single malt scotch

再來一杯蘇格蘭威士忌

from the island of Islay, and just waft those things

從艾雷島來的，只是把這些東西飄走了

under your nose. -All together.

在你的鼻子下面-全部一起

And if you -- if you live in an area --

如果你 -- 如果你住在一個地區 --

most of the upper Midwest, where the soil is

中西部上半部的大部分地區，那裡的土質為

particularly loamy,

特別是壤質的。

get a bowl of that soil, throw it in the microwave

取一碗土，扔進微波爐裡

for about 90 seconds,

約90秒。

and then just these aromas will help recreate

然後只需這些香氣就能幫助重現。

the fecund musk that I tend to fill a theater with

濃郁的麝香，我傾向於讓劇院充滿了麝香。

when I'm dancing about the stage.

當我在舞臺上跳舞的時候

-That is perfect. I will do that this weekend.

-那是完美的。我這週末就去做

-If you dig fertility, you're gonna love my scent.

-如果你喜歡生育，你就會喜歡我的氣味。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

-Everyone go listen and experience

-每個人都去聽和體驗

Nick's audiobook "All Rise."

尼克的有聲小說 "萬眾矚目"。

Nick Offerman, thank you so much for being here.

尼克-奧弗曼，非常感謝你能來這裡。

Be safe, say hi to your wife, please, and give her my love

注意安全，跟你老婆打聲招呼，拜託了，把我的愛給她吧

and say hi to Amy too, please.

請跟艾米打個招呼

-I will. Thank you, Jimmy. It's great to see you.

-我會的謝謝你，吉米謝謝你，吉米，很高興見到你

And you know what, can I say one more thing real quick?

你知道嗎，我可以說一個更多的事情真正的快？

-Please, yep.

-拜託，是的

-I feel like we're a few days away

-我覺得我們還有幾天就到了。

from a presidential election,

從總統選舉。

in case the audience hasn't heard,

以防觀眾沒有聽到。

and the only people --

和唯一的人 -

I think most people are probably pretty decided.

我想大多數人可能都已經很決定了。

But when I was young and I was ambivalent

但是，當我年輕的時候，我是矛盾的

and was, like, too cool to worry about what was going on

而且是一樣，太酷了，擔心什麼是怎麼回事。

with who I would vote for,

與我將投票給誰。

if there's anybody like that listening,

如果有任何人喜歡聽，

I just want to make you think for one second.

我只是想讓你想一想。

What could be more punk?

還有什麼比這更朋克的呢？

If you're, like, cynical and "who cares who gets elected?"

如果你喜歡，憤世嫉俗，"誰在乎誰當選？"

What could be more punk than going out and voting?

還有什麼比出去投票更坑爹的呢？

-I love that. Nick Offerman, everybody.

-我喜歡這樣尼克-奧弗曼，各位

"All Rise" is available now.

"萬眾矚目 "現已上市。