BECAUSE THIS IS NOT A DRILL.

因為這不是一個鑽頭。

WELCOME TO "A LATE SHOW."

歡迎來到 "深夜秀"。

I AM YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT.

我是你的主播，史蒂芬-科爾伯特。

LET'S GET RIGHT TO IT BECAUSE THERE IS A LOT TO TALK ABOUT ON

讓我們直奔主題吧，因為有很多事情要談。

THIS TSUNAMI OF A NEWS DAY!

這個TSUNAMI的新聞日！

SEEMED LIKE EVERY MINUTE THERE WAS A NEW DEVELOPMENT WITH

似乎每分鐘都有新的發展，與

MASSIVE IMPLICATIONS FOR OUR UNCERTAIN FUTURE.

對我們不確定的未來具有重大影響。

CASE IN POINT: I WENT TO cnn.com FIRST THING THIS MORNING AND

案例：我去cnn.com今天早上的第一件事，並。

SAW THE BANNER HEADLINE WAS, "IT'S FRIDAY BEFORE ELECTION

看到廣告牌上的標題是 "選舉前的星期五"。

DAY."

天。"

BOOM!

轟！

BOMBSHELL!

炸彈！

THAT STORY'S TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE.

這個故事好得不像真的。

CAN WE FACT-CHECK THAT?

我們能檢查一下嗎？

IS THAT TRUE?

是真的嗎？

YES, I'M BEING TOLD IT IS FRIDAY.

是的，我被告知這是星期五。

THEY ARE CORRECT!

他們是正確的！

THANK YOU, CNN-- AMERICA'S NUMBER ONE SOURCE FOR DAYS OF

謝謝你，CNN--美國第一大消息來源的日子。

THE WEEK.

本週。

OF COURSE, IT BEING FRIDAY IS NOT THE REAL BIG STORY.

當然，它是星期五不是真正的大故事。

THE REAL BIG STORY, FRESH OFF THE STEAMING-HOT PRESSES: COSTCO

真正的大事件，剛從熱氣騰騰的報紙上發表：COSTCO。

IS PULLING PRODUCTS FROM ITS SHELVES THAT ARE ALLEGEDLY MADE

正在從我的貨架上撤下據稱是製造的產品。

WITH FORCED MONKEY LABOR.

與強迫猴子勞動。

FORCED MONKEY LABOR?

強迫猴子勞動？

THAT'S TERRIBLE.

這是可怕的。

MONKEYS SHOULD NEVER BE USED AS FORCED LABOR, UNLESS YOU HAVE

猴子永遠不應該被用作強迫勞動，除非你有。

1,000 MONKEYS, GIVE THEM TYPEWRITERS, LET 'EM TYPE FOR A

1,000只猴子，給他們打字機，讓他們打字吧。

MILLION YEARS.

百萬年。

THEY WILL EVENTUALLY WRITE TONIGHT'S MONOLOGUE.

他們將最終寫出今晚的獨白。

BUT BACK TO THE NON-UNIONIZED MONKEY LABOR: THE PRODUCT IN

但回到未結盟的猴子勞工：產品在哪裡？

QUESTION IS CHAOKOH BRAND COCONUT MILK, WHICH ALLEGEDLY IS

問題是潮宏牌椰子奶，據說是。

MADE WITH THE HELP OF CHAINED-UP MONKEYS, WHO PICK AROUND 400

在鏈子上的猴子的幫助下，它們採摘了400多隻猴子。

COCONUTS A DAY AND ARE THEN STUFFED IN THEIR CAGES UNTIL

每天吃甜甜圈，然後塞進籠子裡，直到吃完為止。

THEIR NEXT SHIFT.

他們的下一個轉變。

SOMEWHERE, JEFF BEZOS JUST SAID, "HOW OFTEN DO THESE MONKEYS ASK

在某處，傑夫-貝佐斯剛剛說過，"這些猴子多久問一次？

FOR BATHROOM BREAKS?

為浴室休息？

OH, THE FLOOR IS THEIR BATHROOM?

哦，地板是他們的浴室？

INTERESTING.

有意思的。

INTERESTING.

有意思的。

WOULD THESE MONKEYS BE WILLING TO RELOCATE TO QUEENS?"

這些猴子會不會願意搬遷到皇后區？"

NOW-- THAT'S MY BEZOS, BY THE WAY.

現在... ... 這是我的BEZOS，順便說一下。

THAT'S MY BEZOS.

這是我的BEZOS。

NOW, ON ITS SURFACE, THIS SOUNDS LIKE A SUREFIRE MONEY SAVER.

現在，在我的表面上，這聽起來像一個SUREFIRE省錢。

BUT I'M SURE A MONKEY WORKFORCE HAS ITS CHALLENGES.

但我確信，猴子的工作也有挑戰。

IN FACT, WE HAVE FOOTAGE-- DO WE HAVE THIS?

事實上，我們有鏡頭，我們有這個嗎？

WE HAVE FOOTAGE OF A RECENT UPRISING, WHERE THE MONKEYS

我們有一個最近的暴動的鏡頭，其中的猴子

STARTED ROLLING COCONUTS AT THEIR MANAGER.

開始在經理那裡捲筒子。

( VIDEO GAME NOISES) >> Stephen: MANAGER'S FINE.

( 視頻遊戲噪音 ) >> Stephen:經理人的罰款。

HE HAS THREE EXTRA LIVES.

他有三個額外的生活。

NOW, CHAOKOH DENIES USING MONKEY LABOR TO PRODUCE ITS COCONUT

現在，中國農業大學否認使用猴子勞動力生產椰子

MILK, EVEN COMMISSIONING A REPORT ENTITLED THE "MONKEY-FREE

牛奶，甚至還委託編寫了一份題為 "沒有猴子 "的報告。

COCONUT DUE-DILIGENCE ASSESSMENT" -- WHICH, OF COURSE,

椰子的應收款項評估" -- -- 當然，這。

IS ALSO THE NAME OF MY FAVORITE '60s PSYCHEDELIC BAND.

也是我最喜歡的60年代心理樂隊的名字。

I WANT TO REITERATE MY POSITION THAT EXPLOITING MONKEYS IS

我想重申我的立場，即剝削猴子是。

ABUSE.

虐待：

IT'S WRONG.

這是錯的。

IT'S NEVER ACCEPTABLE.

它永遠無法接受。

EVEN WHEN IT'S FUNNY, LIKE DRESSING THEM AS ASTRONAUTS,

甚至當它是有趣的， 像打扮他們作為天文學家。

TEAMING THEM UP WITH CLINT EASTWOOD TO FIGHT CRIME, OR

與克林特-東木聯手打擊犯罪，或者說：

WASHING A CAT.

洗貓。

BUT I WILL SAY, IF YOU DO NEED TO WASH YOUR CAT, YOU'RE NOT

但我要說的是，如果你需要給你的貓咪洗澡，你不是

GOING TO DO BETTER THAN A MONKEY FOR GETTING IN THE NOOKS AND

去做比猴子更好的得到在NOOKS和。

THE CRANNIES.

咒語。

BUT AS ELVIS PRESLEY ONCE SAID, "TOO MUCH MONKEY BUSINESS."

但正如艾維斯-普雷斯利曾經說過的，"太多猴子的生意"。

IT'S TIME NOW TO TURN TO THE STORY THAT HAS SET THE

現在是時候了，我們來看看這段開創性的故事。

PUNDIT-SPHERE A-BUZZ.

PUNDIT -SPHERE A -BUZZ。

IN NEW YORK, A MAN WAS WAITING FOR THE BUS WHEN A HOLE SUDDENLY

在紐約，一名男子在等公車的時候，突然出現了一個洞。

OPENED ON THE SIDEWALK, AND HE DROPPED 15 FEET INTO AN

打開在人行道上，和他下降了15英尺在一個。

UNDERGROUND VAULT TEEMING WITH RATS.

地下拱頂充斥著老鼠。

OKAY, LET ME SEE.

好吧，讓我看看。

LET ME SEE ( CLEARS THROAT )

讓我看看（清喉）。

YEP, THERE IT IS ON MY 2020 BINGO CARD: 15-FOOT RAT HOLE.

是的，它就在我的2020年賓果牌上。15英尺的老鼠洞。

RIGHT NEXT TO "HUGS KILL GRANDMA NOW."

緊挨著 "HUGS KILL GRANDMA NOW"。

ALSO ON HERE, Q-TIP UP MY NOSE EVERY DAY.

還在這裡，Q-TIP了我的鼻子每天。

BY THE WAY, WHO CAN FORGET WHEN "15-FOOT RAT HOLE" OPENED FOR

順便說一句，誰能忘記 "15英尺的老鼠洞 "是什麼時候打開的？

"MONKEY-FREE COCONUT DUE- DILIGENCE ASSESSMENT" AT FILMORE

在FILMORE舉辦的 "不吃甜甜圈-----------------義務評估 "活動

EAST?

東部？

NOW-- LONG WALK, BUT WORTH IT.

現在... ... 長途跋涉，但值得。

NOW, DON'T WORRY, THE MAN'S OKAY, THANKS TO THE MANY, MANY

現在，不用擔心，這個人沒事了，謝謝很多很多的人

BUT THERE'S FOOTAGE OF THE INCIDENT.

但是，有事件的鏡頭。

THERE HE IS.

他在那裡。

AND, BOOM-TOWN RATS!

還有，轟隆隆的老鼠！

AND HE'S GONE.

他走了。

OF COURSE, IT WAS MORE WHIMSICAL IN SHEL SILVERSTEIN'S BOOK,

當然，這是更虛幻的 在SHEL SILVERSTEIN的書。

"WHERE THE SIDEWALK ENDS-- OH, DEAR GOD!

"哪裡的人行道結束 - 哦，天哪！

IT'S FULL OF RATS, HELP ME!" NOW, FOR ALL OF YOU NOT FROM NEW

"這裡全是老鼠，救救我！"現在，對於你們這些非新來的人

YORK, THIS IS VERY COMMON.

YORK，這是非常常見的。

THERE ARE MASSIVE RAT PITS ALL OVER THE CITY, WHERE THE RATS

全城都有巨大的老鼠坑，老鼠在那裡。

JUST COLLECT AND THE PRESSURE BUILDS UP, EVENTUALLY ERUPTING

只是收集和壓力積累起來，事件爆發。

IN A RAT GEYSER.

在一個老鼠噴泉中。

WE CALL IT "OL' RATFUL."

我們稱它為 "OL'RATFUL"。

AND YOU'RE PROBABLY SAYING, STEPHEN, "FALLING INTO A 15-FOOT

你可能會說，史蒂芬，"掉進15英尺高的地方，你會不會覺得很危險？

HOLE FULL OF RATS SOUNDS LIKE A NIGHTMARE."

"滿是老鼠的洞，聽起來像個噩夢"

WELL, LIZ, YOU'RE WRONG.

好了，麗茲，你錯了。

IT'S MUCH WORSE THAN THAT.

這比那更糟糕。

HERE'S THE VICTIM'S BROTHER: >> IT WAS SO BAD.

這是受害者的兄弟。>> 它是如此糟糕。

HE DIDN'T WANT TO YELL, BECAUSE HE WAS AFRAID IT WAS GONNA BE

他不想大喊大叫，因為他害怕這將是

RATS, YOU KNOW, WENT INSIDE HIS MOUTH AND STUFF.

老鼠，你知道，進入了他的嘴裡，還有其他的東西。

>> Stephen: AWFUL, YES, BUT ANOTHER TIMELY REMINDER ABOUT

>> 史蒂芬: 糟糕，是的，但又一次提醒了人們，關於

HOW IMPORTANT IT IS TO WEAR A MASK.

戴上口罩有多重要。

ANYWAY, ALL I WANT TO SAY IS COMPARED TO THE GNAWING ANXIETY

無論如何，我想說的是，相比於GNAWING焦慮

OF THE NEXT FOUR DAYS, 15-FOOT RAT HOLE SOUNDS PRETTY GOOD--

在接下來的四天裡，15英尺的老鼠洞聽起來還不錯... ...

ESPECIALLY IF THOSE RATS DON'T HAVE WiFi.

特別是如果這些老鼠沒有WiFi。

PLUS, RAT PITS: STILL LESS OF A DISEASE VECTOR THAN ATTENDING A

另外，老鼠坑。比起去醫院看病來說，老鼠坑仍然是一個疾病的傳播者。

TRUMP RALLY.

特朗普集會。

NOW, IN ADDITION TO COCONUT MONKEY SLAVES AND NEW YORK RAT

現在，除了椰子猴奴和紐約鼠之外，還有

GEYSERS, THE CORONAVIRUS CONTINUES TO SURGE.

GEYSERS，CORONAVIRUS繼續激增。

I'LL GIVE YOU THE LATEST IN TONIGHT'S INSTALLMENT OF:

我將為你提供最新的今晚的安裝：

"CATCH A THIRD WAVE: ENDLESS BUMMER."

"抓住第三波：無盡的繁榮。"

>> I'M GONNA DISAPPEAR ANY MINUTE NOW!

>> 我隨時會消失！

HEH!

嘿！

HEH!

嘿！

>> Stephen: GET OUT!

>> Stephen:滾出去！

GET OUT!

滾出去！

JIMMY!

JIMMY！

GET OUT!

滾出去！

YESTERDAY, THE U.S.

今天，美國。

SURPASSED NINE MILLION TOTAL INFECTIONS-- ANOTHER SAD

感染總數突破900萬 -- 又一個悲哀的消息

MILESTONE TO ADD TO THE 2020 LIST, ALONGSIDE MOST SOURDOUGH

將在2020年名單上增加的里程碑，以及最重要的源頭。

EATEN AND LONGEST DURATION BETWEEN SHOWERS.

吃過的和持續時間最長的兩場雨。

IT'S ALL RECORDED IN "THE GRIMMEST BOOK OF WORLD RECORDS."

這一切都記錄在 "世界紀錄的最糟糕的書 "中。

YESTERDAY, THE U.S. ALSO REPORTED 90,000 NEW DAILY CASES,

明天，美國還報告了90,000個新的每日案例。

THE EQUIVALENT OF MORE THAN ONE PER SECOND.

相當於每秒鐘超過1次。

ONE VIRAL EXPERT EXPLAINED HOW FAST THAT IS:

一位病毒專家解釋了這有多快。

>> COVID, COVID, COVID, COVID, COVID, COVID, COVID, COVID,

>> COVID，COVID，COVID，COVID，COVID，COVID，COVID，COVID。

COVID, COVID.

COVID，COVID。

>> Stephen: IT'S PRETTY DEPRESSING, BUT RECENTLY, ONE

>> Stephen:這是非常令人沮喪的，但最近，一個。

DOCTOR WITH THE OREGON HEALTH AUTHORITY CELEBRATED HALLOWEEN

俄勒岡州衛生局的醫生慶祝萬聖節

BY PUTTING A HAPPY FACE ON THE PANDEMIC.

通過把一個快樂的面孔放在PANDEMIC上。

>> AS OF TODAY, THERE HAVE BEEN 38,160 CASES OF COVID-19 IN

>> 截至目前，在中國已經有38160例COVID-19病例。

OREGON, WITH 390 NEW CASES BEING REPORTED TODAY.

俄勒岡州，今天有390個新的案例被報告。

SADLY, WE ARE ALSO REPORTING THREE DEATHS TODAY.

不幸的是，我們今天還報告了三起死亡事件。

>> Stephen: CONGRATULATIONS, PENNYWISE.

>> Stephen:恭喜你，PennyWise。

YOU ARE NOW AMERICA'S SECOND CREEPIEST CLOWN.

你現在是美國第二詭異的小丑。

BUT SOME PEOPLE SAY THERE'S NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT, AS DON

但有些人說沒什麼好擔心的，就像唐一樣

JUNIOR EXPLAINED ON THE FOX NEWS.

JUNIOR EXPLAINED ON THE FOX NEWS。

>> I WENT THROUGH THE C.D.C.

>> 我經歷了C.D.C。

DATA.

數據：

BECAUSE I KEPT HEARING ABOUT NEW INFECTIONS, BUT I WAS LIKE,

因為我不斷聽到新的傳染病的消息，但我就像：

WELL, WHY AREN'T THEY TALKING ABOUT DEATHS?

為什麼他們不談死亡？

OH, OH, BECAUSE THE NUMBER IS ALMOST NOTHING.

哦，哦，因為數字幾乎沒有什麼。

>> Stephen: IF YOU'RE CURIOUS ABOUT HOW MUCH DON JUNIOR THINKS

>> Stephen:如果你對唐-朱尼爾的想法感到好奇的話

IS "ALMOST NOTHING," YESTERDAY, 1,004 AMERICANS DIED FROM

是 "幾乎沒有，"明天，1,004美國人死於。

CORONAVIRUS.

CORONAVIRUS：

I WOULDN'T ASK DON JUNIOR TO GIVE A EULOGY.

I WOULDN'T ASK DON JUNIOR TO GIVE A EULOGY.

( AS DON JR. ) "WE ARE GATHERED HERE TODAY FOR

"我們今天聚集在這裡是為了...

ABSOLUTELY NO GOOD REASON.

絕對沒有好的理由。

I MEAN, WHAT ARE YOU ALL CRYING ABOUT?

我是說，你們都在哭什麼？

YOUR GRANDPA WAS JUST ONE GUY.

你爺爺只是一個人。

IT'S ALMOST NOTHING."

它幾乎沒有什麼。"

ARE YOU SINGLE?

你是單身嗎？

WHAT!

什麼！

HE JUNIORED ON: >> WE'VE GOTTEN CONTROL OF THIS

"我們已經控制了這一切

THING.

事情。

WE UNDERSTAND HOW IT WORKS.

我們瞭解它的工作原理。

THEY HAVE THE THERAPEUTICS TO BE ABLE TO DEAL WITH THIS.

他們有治療師能夠處理這個問題。

IF YOU LOOK AT THAT, LOOK AT MY INSTAGRAM.

如果你看到了，看看我的INSTAGRAM。

>> Stephen: OKAY, LET'S LOOK AT HIS INSTAGRAM.

>> Stephen:好吧，讓我們來看看他的INSTAGRAM。

>> HEY, GUYS.

>> 嘿，夥計們。

HOPE YOU'RE DOING WELL.

希望你過得好。

JUST WATCHING MY ALGORITHMS GET CRUSHED.

只是看著我的算法被粉碎。

>> Stephen: FROM THE LOOKS OF THINGS, "INSTANT GRAM" MIGHT BE

>> Stephen:"Instant GRAM "可能會是...

THE NAME OF DON JUNIOR'S COCAINE DELIVERY SERVICE.

DON JUNIOR'S COCOINE DELIVERY SERVICE的名字：

BECAUSE IT SURE SEEMS LIKE HE'S CRUSHING MORE THAN HIS

因為這看起來好像是他壓碎了比他自己更多的東西

ALGORITHM.

算術：

BOTH CANDIDATES WERE ON THE ROAD TODAY.

兩位候選人今天都在路上。

BIDEN TRAVELED TO MINNESOTA, WISCONSIN, AND IOWA, WHILE TRUMP

比登前往明尼蘇達州，威斯康星州和愛荷華州，而特朗普

CAMPAIGNED IN MICHIGAN, MINNESOTA, AND WISCONSIN.

在密歇根州、明尼蘇達州和威斯康星州進行了競選活動。

TRUMP'S HITTING AMERICA'S HEARTLAND, HOPING THEY'LL FORGET

特朗普攻擊美國的心臟地帶，希望他們會忘記。

WHAT HE'S DONE TO AMERICA'S LUNG-LAND.

他對美國的肺地做了什麼。

SO FAR, THE POLLS HAVE BEEN GOOD FOR BIDEN, AND NOT JUST IN THE

到目前為止，民意調查對比登有利，而且不僅僅是在

BLUE STATES.

藍色國家：

HE'S CURRENTLY SLIGHTLY AHEAD IN GEORGIA, AND TEXAS IS A TOSSUP!

他目前在喬治亞州略佔上風，而德克薩斯州則是兩敗俱傷!

TEXAS-- A STATE SO CONSERVATIVE, THEIR LIEUTENANT GOVERNOR IS AN

德州--一個如此保守的州，他們的副州長是一個。

OIL DERRICK WITH A PISTOL.

用手槍給DERRICK上油。

DESPITE THE GOOD NEWS ALL AROUND THE ELECTORAL MAP, PREPARE TO

儘管選舉地圖上到處都是好消息，但還是要做好準備。

PANIC.

恐慌。

I'LL GIVE YOU A MOMENT, OKAY, READY?

我給你一點時間，好嗎，準備好了？

TWO POLLSTERS WHO CORRECTLY PREDICTED THAT TRUMP WOULD WIN

兩位民調人士準確預測特朗普會勝出。

IN 2016, ARE SAYING THEY SEE POLLS AGAIN UNDERESTIMATING HIS

在2016年，都說他們看到民意調查再次低估了他的。

SUPPORT.

支持：

THEIR THEORY IS THAT TRUMP HAS A LOT OF SUPPORTERS WHO DON'T SHOW

他們的理論是，特朗普有很多支持者，但他們不露面。

UP IN THE POLLS BECAUSE THEY ARE RELUCTANT TO SHARE THEIR

因為他們不願意分享自己的觀點，所以民調上升。

OPINIONS FOR FEAR OF BEING JUDGED.

害怕被評判的意見。

THEY CALL THEM "SHY TRUMP VOTERS."

他們叫他們 "害羞的特朗普選民"

REALLY?

真的嗎？

"SHY TRUMP VOTERS"?

"害羞的川普選民"？

HAVE YOU SEEN THEIR RALLIES?

你看過他們的集會嗎？

WHAT WOULD "SHY TRUMP VOTERS" EVEN LOOK LIKE?

"害羞的特朗普選民 "會是什麼樣子？

"UM... EXCUSE ME, MAYBE WE COULD LOCK HER UP JUST A LITTLE OR

"UM...對不起，也許我們可以把她鎖起來一點，或者...

JUST KEEP HER IN A LITTLE ROOM, OR SOMETHING?

只是把她關在一個小房間裡，還是什麼？

SHE'LL BE FINE.

她會沒事的。

MAYBE BUILD A LITTLE BIT OF THE WALL?

也許可以建一點牆？

I'M SORRY.

我很抱歉。

STUPID, STUPID.

無心，無心。

I HATE MYSELF.

我恨我自己。

AND IMMIGRANTS."

和移民。"

THE BIDEN CAMPAIGN HAS GOTTEN SOME INTERESTING HELP ONLINE,

比登競選活動在網上得到了一些有趣的幫助。

WHERE "DOMINATRIXES HAVE BEEN GETTING THEIR SUBMISSIVES TO

在哪裡 "DOMINATRIXES一直在把他們的臣服者帶到哪裡？

VOTE BLUE."

投藍色的票。"

IT MAKES SENSE.

這是有道理的。

WHO BETTER THAN A WOMAN WITH A WHIP TO WHIP THE VOTE?

誰比一個女人更適合用鞭子來鞭打選票？

ONE DOMINATRIX DOING THIS IS GODDESS GIA, A FOOT AND

一個主宰做這是女神GIA，一腳，一腳。

FINANCIAL DOMINATRIX.

金融霸主。

OKAY, FOOT AND FINANCIAL, SHE'S A DOUBLE MAJOR.

好吧，腳和金融， 她是一個雙主修。

GOOD FOR YOU.

對你有好處。

IN EXCHANGE FOR PROOF THAT HER SUBMISSIVES HAD VOTED FOR BIDEN,

以換取她的支持者投票給比登的證據。

SHE GAVE FREE CONTENT FOR A WEEK.

她提供了一個星期的免費內容。

SHE'S NOT THE ONLY ONE GIVING OUT FREE SEXY CONTENT.

她不是唯一一個提供免費性感內容的人。

IF YOU CAN PROVE TO ME THAT YOU VOTED, I'LL GIVE YOU A WEEK'S

如果你能證明你投了票，我就給你一個星期的時間。

MEMBERSHIP TO "CBS: SERIOUSLY, WE MEAN ALL ACCESS."

"哥倫比亞廣播公司：認真地，我們意味著所有的訪問。"

YAY, PRETTY RACY.

耶，漂亮的賽車。

YOU KNOW "BOB HEARTS ABISHOLA?" YOU GO VOTE, YOU GET TO SEE

你知道 "BOB HEARTS ABISHOLA "嗎？ 你去投票，你就能看到了

BOB EGGPLANT ABISHOLA.

BOB EGGPLANT ABISHOLA。

I'D WATCH THAT.

我會看的。

AND THERE'S MORE AT STAKE THAN THE SATISFACTION OF DOING YOUR

這比做你的工作的滿足感更重要。

CIVIC DUTY.

公民義務：

YOU SEE, SUBMISSIVES HAVE TO OBEY THEIR DOMINATRIXES

你看，臣民必須服從他們的統治。

AND MANY OF THESE DOMS ARE SAYING, "IF YOU DON'T

這些DOMs中的許多人都說，"如果你不...

REGISTER TO VOTE, YOU DON'T GET TO FINISH."

註冊投票，你沒有得到完成。"

AND UNTIL WE KNOW WHO WON, THEY'RE ALL GOING TO BE STUCK

在我們知道誰贏了之前，他們都會被困住。

WITH RAGING ELECTIONS.

隨著肆虐的選舉。

WARNING: IF YOUR TRUMP LASTS MORE THAN FOUR YEARS, CALL YOUR

警告：如果你的特朗普持續時間超過四年，請致電你的朋友。

DOCTOR.

醫生：

WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT.

我們已經為你準備了一個很棒的節目，今晚。

NEIL deGRASSE TYSON IS HERE.

尼爾-德格拉斯-泰森在這裡。

BU WHEN WE RETURN, I'LL BE JOINED BY A SURPRISE GUEST.

當我們回來的時候，我會加入一個驚喜的客人。

IT'S JON STEWART.

我是JON STEWART.

STICK AROUND.

堅持下去。