And welcome to the late Late Show.

也歡迎你來晚秀。

I hope you all had a great weekend.

希望大家週末過得愉快。

I know what you're thinking.

我知道你在想什麼

Where am I right now?

我現在在哪裡？

Well, I could tell you, because today I was told that I had come into contact with someone who recently tested positive for co vid 19.

好吧，我可以告訴你，因為今天我被告知，我接觸到了一個人 誰最近測試陽性的Co VID 19。

I've taken a test.

我考過了

That test has come back negative, but out of an abundance of caution, Um, for everyone that works on the show, I'm gonna host the show over Zoom Way more than 6 ft apart from anyone.

那項測試結果是陰性的 但出於謹慎起見 Um, for everyone that works on the show, 我要在Zoom Way上主持節目 I'm gonna host the show over Zoom Way 超過6英尺的距離 from anyone.

But my face will still be here in the studio.

但我的臉還會在這裡的工作室。

Look at that.

你看那個。

I'm on TV while I'm on TV.

我在電視上，而我在電視上。

It's a classic.

這是一個經典。

It's a double TV on.

這是一個雙電視上。

It's a shame, because I felt like we were really getting into a rhythm in the studio when we GMO can't wait to play.

這是一個恥辱，因為我覺得我們在錄音室裡真的進入了節奏，當我們GMO迫不及待地玩。

James want to see it?

詹姆斯想看嗎？

That's what I'm looking forward, Thio.

這正是我所期待的，Thio。

You wanna play, James?

你想玩嗎，詹姆斯？

Want to see it like this?

想看這樣的嗎？

Yeah, Exactly.

是的，沒錯。

James.

詹姆斯。

Want to see James seeing it.

想看到詹姆斯看到它。

James.

詹姆斯。

Want to see what James?

想看看詹姆斯?

Yeah, that's it.

是的，就是這樣。

You've nailed it.

你已經釘住它。

Also in the studio over there tonight.

今晚也在那邊的演播室裡。

Filling in for Ian is one of our writers.

頂替伊恩的是我們的一位作家。

Tom.

湯姆

Hey, Tom.

嘿，湯姆

How you doing?

你好嗎？

I'm doing great, James.

我做得很好，詹姆斯

Thanks for having me.

謝謝你邀請我。

Oh, that's a good energy.

哦，那是一種很好的能量。

You started with a good energy, Tom.

你一開始就精力充沛，湯姆。

Yeah, I wanted to mix it up for me in a little bit sore to do my own thing.

是啊，我想混個痛快，讓我做自己的事情。

Yeah, absolutely.

是的，絕對的。

Is this your first time doing something like this on TV?

這是你第一次在電視上做這樣的事情嗎？

Absolutely.

絕對的

This is my first time, but I'm a bit of a natural.

這是我的第一次，但我是一個有點自然的人。

I e could tell that, you know, mhm up to I can feel it.

我可以告訴你，你知道，我可以感覺到它。

Hey, I think there's a very real chance by the end of this week, you'll just hosting the show e mean, the energy in this room is palpable.

嘿，我認為有一個非常真實的機會，本週結束時， 你會只是主持節目，E的意思是，在這個房間裡的能量是顯而易見的。

You know, we'll get our agents involved, and we'll figure something out.

你知道，我們會讓我們的特工參與進來，我們會想出辦法的。

Now, Tom, I should tell you listen, Any time I need a little help with a joke, I'm just gonna need you to run up to the desk and hit the last button for me.

現在，湯姆，我應該告訴你，聽著，任何時候我需要你幫我講個笑話，我只需要你跑到桌子前，幫我按下最後一個按鈕。

Is that okay?

可以嗎？

You know, James, I'm here to provide fake laughs for you in whatever form you want.

你知道嗎，詹姆斯，我是來為你提供假笑的，不管你想要什麼形式。

You want me to hit the button?

你要我按下按鈕？

That's that's even easier.

那就更簡單了。

So that's that's perfect.

所以，這是... ...那是完美的。

I mean, you You have been providing those laughs for many years.

我是說，你... ...你已經提供了很多年的笑料。

Especially a lot of practice.

尤其是大量的練習。

Yeah, but the show must go on on.

是啊，但節目必須繼續下去。

We're here and we're doing the show.

我們在這裡，我們在做節目。

And we're so happy that you're watching tonight.

我們很高興你今晚在看。

We'll be chatting with Dr Phil.

我們會和Phil博士哈拉。

Then we have a performance from Kelsea Ballerini A hope you stick around to watch that Now.

然後，我們有一個性能 從凱爾西Ballerini A希望你堅持周圍觀看，現在。

I hope everybody had a great weekend, Reg.

希望大家週末過得愉快，Reg。

How was your weekend?

週末過得怎麼樣？

Was it a good one?

是一個好的嗎？

Uh, yeah, Yeah, I saw the movie Flatliners from the eighties.

嗯，是的，是的，我看了80年代的電影《平林》。

It was really great.

真的很不錯。

So you weren't dragged into a fake political conspiracy theory this weekend, Or was that just make?

所以，你沒有被拖入一個假的政治陰謀論這個週末， 或者是隻是讓？

I'll give you a little background.

我給你介紹一下背景。

Because over the past few weeks, right wing conspiracy theorists have been accusing Joe Biden of using a teleprompter toe answer questions during recent appearances.

因為在過去的幾周裡，右翼陰謀論者一直在指責喬-拜登在最近的演講中使用提詞器回答問題。

Okay, but now they've gone so far as to claim that it happened on this show.

好吧，但現在他們已經走得太遠了 聲稱它發生在這個節目。

They say that the reflection in this screenshot proves that Biden was using a prompter.

他們說，這張截圖中的反映證明拜登使用的是提示器。

Have a look.

看看吧

What?

什麼？

So you see that there And then this morning, President Trump re tweeted this now the first thing I want to say is that I'm just really hurt that this is only coming out now.

所以你看，有然後今天早上，特朗普總統再推特上說，現在我想說的第一件事是，我真的很受傷，這個現在才出來。

Joe Biden was on the show in April.

喬-拜登在4月份的節目中。

I'm also just glad the conspiracy theorists are focused on this instead of the fact that Joe Biden is actually the man towing the carpool karaoke car.

我也只是很高興那些陰謀論者把注意力集中在這件事上，而不是喬-拜登其實是拖著拼車卡拉OK車的人。

Yeah, but seriously, just to clear this up, none of this is true.

是的，但說真的，我只是想澄清一下，這些都不是真的。

The teleprompter is for me now.

提詞器是我的了。

This is back from when we were doing the shows in my garret.

這是我們在我的車庫裡做節目的時候。

And that screen is what all of our guests who zoomed into the show could see.

而這塊螢幕是我們所有放大到節目中的嘉賓都能看到的。

Okay, that's it's very similar to the screen I'm using now.

好吧，這和我現在用的螢幕非常相似。

Okay, so there, that's the actual truth.

好吧，所以，這就是實際的真相。

So I'm sure actual hard facts will put this controversy to bed.

所以，我相信實際的硬事實會讓這場爭論平息。

It seems to work with or any other conspiracy theory, So we'll move on Andi.

這似乎與其他陰謀論有關，所以我們會繼續安迪。

Over the weekend, the Internet blew up after the president of the United States bragged about how much Miami Cubans love him.

週末，美國總統吹噓了邁阿密的古巴人有多愛他之後，網上炸開了鍋。

Here he is here.

在這裡，他在這裡。

Ondas.

波。

You know, a little while ago I received the Bay of Pigs Award from the Cuban Americans in Miami.

你知道，不久前，我獲得了邁阿密古巴裔美國人頒發的 "豬灣獎"。

Now here's the thing.

事情是這樣的

The Bay of Pigs Award that Trump said he won.

特朗普說過的豬灣獎。

It doesn't exist.

它不存在。

There is no such award.

沒有這樣的獎項。

Okay, Now, for those of you who don't know, the Bay of Pigs was a humiliating disaster for the United States.

好了，現在，對於那些不知道的人來說，豬灣戰役對美國來說是一場恥辱性的災難。

So you can see why President Trump would think that he would be the person to win that Trump didn't win a Bay of Pigs Award.

所以你可以看到為什麼特朗普總統會認為他將是特朗普沒有獲得豬灣獎的人。

I think it's incredible that he's even so.

我覺得很不可思議，他竟然如此。

I mean, I didn't even know we could do this.

我的意思是，我甚至不知道我們可以這樣做。

Wretch, Can we just make up awards?

可憐蟲，我們能不能補獎？

Is that something we could do now?

我們現在能做什麼？

Yes, if you're human.

是的，如果你是人類。

You could do that, Tom.

你可以這樣做，湯姆。

What sort of award should I be eligible for?

我應該獲得什麼樣的獎勵？

I mean, I would gladly nominate you for some sort of Nobel Late night host fries something like that.

我的意思是，我很樂意提名你為某種諾貝爾深夜主持人薯條之類的東西。

Yeah.

是啊。

You know, orange shell.

你知道，橙色的外殼。

Mhm.

嗯

That's a shame you started.

這是你開始的恥辱。

So yeah, came out?

所以是的，出來了？

Yeah, I think I think I used all the energy up right.

是啊，我想我想我用了所有的能量了吧。

Right at once.

馬上就好。

And I'm just petered out about half halfway.

而我只是在半途而廢。

But there is no Bay of Pigs Ward.

但沒有豬灣區。

So for that reason, Trump hasn't won one, But he has been awarded the coveted moons over my hammy award by several Denny's restaurants in the tristate area.

是以，特朗普還沒有贏過，但他已經被三州地區的幾家Denny's餐廳授予了令人垂涎的moon over my hammy獎。

Get out wars.

滾出戰爭。

If you can finish the dish in under five minutes now, guys, Did you see this?

如果你現在能在五分鐘內完成這道菜，夥計們，你們看到了嗎？

Earlier this morning, President Trump endorsed the idea of a four hour presidential debate moderated by podcaster Joe Rogan, which makes complete sense.

今天上午早些時候，特朗普總統贊同由播客喬-羅根主持的四小時總統辯論的想法，這完全有意義。

Joe Rogan often talks about doing the psychedelic drug Ayahuasca and Joe Biden and Trump talk like they're doing the psychedelic drug ayahuasca So it doesn't all make sense.

喬-羅根經常談論做迷幻藥Ayahuasca，而喬-拜登和特朗普的談話就像他們在做迷幻藥Ayahuasca，所以這一切都沒有意義。

But a debate hosted by Joe Rogan, It would be kind of called to have a debate with the two presidential candidates.

但由喬-羅根主持的辯論，與兩位總統候選人進行辯論，這就有點叫人難以接受了。

Just smoke a joint and spend four hours talking about UFOs.

抽根菸，花四個小時談論UFO。

Yes, Reggie, you've done.

是的，雷吉，你已經做了。

You've done Joe Rogan's podcast.

你做了喬-羅根的播客。

What do you think?

你覺得呢？

He How do you think he'd Fairuza moderator?

你覺得他怎麼會是費魯扎版主？

I think it would be cool.

我認為這將是很酷的。

I just texted him today and said like it would be really, I would love to see that because you know, he's got He's his own thing.

我今天剛給他發了簡訊，說像這將是真的，我很想看到，因為你知道，他有他自己的事情。

So it would be very, very interesting.

所以這將是非常非常有趣的。

But aliens for sure?

但外星人肯定嗎？

Yeah, I also I do think I do think he's kind of the right person because I think, unlike I think, Trump is kind of odd to say yes, this is right because I think unlike lots of moderators, I think Joe Rogan would just sort of be like, No, I think that's true.

是的，我也我確實認為我確實認為他是一種正確的人，因為我認為，不像我認為，特朗普是一種奇怪的說是的，這是正確的，因為我認為不像很多主持人，我認為喬-羅根會只是有點像，不，我認為這是真的。

Yeah, like on both sides?

是啊，就像在兩邊？

Totally.

是啊

I mean, that's the great thing.

我的意思是，這是偉大的事情。

That's why I like going on his show.

這就是為什麼我喜歡上他的節目。

He's just kind of like he just says what he says, and I'm kind of that way, and I like, I think it would be great.

他只是有點像他只是說他說， 我是那種方式， 我喜歡，我認為這將是巨大的。

I think it would really allow you to see the character of both the people.

我想這真的可以讓你看到兩個人的性格。

Yeah, that's that's why I like going on a show to I've seen a lot, a lot of the same stuff, very similar stuff.

是啊，這就是為什麼我喜歡上一個節目，我已經看到了很多，很多相同的東西，非常相似的東西。

That's true.

這倒是真的。

Meanwhile, President pull campaign mode.

同時，總統拉競選模式。

Yesterday, Trump ignored objections from local officials and held a massive indoor rally in Nevada.

昨天，特朗普不顧當地官員的反對，在內華達州舉行了大規模的室內集會。

Trump wasn't too concerned about hosting a super spreader event because he just kept saying, Hey, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.

特朗普並不太在意舉辦超級撒幣活動，因為他只是一直在說，嘿，在拉斯維加斯發生的事情就留在拉斯維加斯。

But while Trump was the headliner, it was actually Vice President Mike Pence, who really shined in Vegas system, for instance, on Trump, supporters were excited to be there.

不過雖然特朗普是頭牌，但其實真正在拉斯維加斯體系中大放異彩的是副總統邁克-彭斯，比如在特朗普身上，支持者們都很興奮。

Have a look at this here they are rushing into the event e love that everyone's doing that sort of half jogging, half walking speeds like when someone holds the door open for you.

看看這個，他們衝進了活動現場，我喜歡每個人都在做那種半慢跑、半步行的速度，就像有人為你開門一樣。

But you're still, like, 30 ft away.

但你還是一樣，30英尺遠。

You're like, No, you're good.

你就像，不，你很好。

You don't have to.

你不必這樣做

Oh, okay.

哦，好吧。

You are.

你是。

Yep, I'll pretend to run.

是的，我會假裝跑步。

And just this morning, Fox and friends started its broadcast with video of the crowd from Trump's Nevada rally chanting We love you at the president.

而就在今天早上，福克斯和朋友們在廣播開始時，播放了特朗普在內華達州集會上的人群高呼We love you at the president的視頻。

This is how they started the show.

他們就是這樣開始表演的。

Mm.

嗯。

That's some of the most aggressive subtitling I think I've ever seen.

這是我見過的最激進的字幕。

Is that Microsoft Word art Good on Trump.

是微軟的Word藝術 好在特朗普。

In many ways, I guess between them chanting We love you and Him winning the Bay of Pigs Award.

在很多方面，我想在他們高呼我們愛你和他獲得豬灣獎之間。

He really has had a great weekend.

他真的度過了一個很棒的週末。

And here's an amazing story.

而這裡有一個驚人的故事。

Postcard was delivered to a woman in Michigan almost 100 years after it was sent in the mail.

明信片在寄出近100年後，被送到了密歇根州的一位婦女手中。

The card was postmarked in the year 1920.

這張卡的郵戳時間是1920年。

So good luck with the mail in voting booth.

所以，祝你在郵遞投票箱中好運。

Back of the card, it says, I hope this finds you well.

卡片背面寫著，希望這能給你帶來好運。

Oh, my God.

哦，我的上帝。

I hate to break it to you, but it doesn't.

我不想打斷你，但它沒有。

Can you believe that 100 year old postcard?

你能相信那張100年的明信片嗎？

Although it is less exciting when you see what's on the front of the postcard on Finally, Did you guys see this?

雖然在最後看到明信片正面的內容就不那麼興奮了，你們看到了嗎？

Scientists have discovered a possible sign of micro biotic alien life in the clouds of Venus.

科學家在金星的雲層中發現了一個可能的微生物外星生命的跡象。

That's right.

是的

Alien life in the clouds of Venus.

金星雲層中的外星生命。

How many times have we said this wretch?

這個可憐蟲我們說了多少次了？

Check the clouds of Venus.

檢查金星的雲。

Why are they checking the clouds of Venus for alien life?

為什麼他們要檢查金星的雲層是否有外星生命？

Every show, every show.

每一個節目，每一個節目。

Now, on the surface of Venus, the temperature is more than 800 degrees.

現在，在金星表面，溫度超過800度。

It's covered by clouds of sulfuric acid on the atmosphere is almost completely made of carbon dioxide so slightly more livable than Los Angeles right now.

它被雲層上的硫酸覆蓋，大氣層幾乎完全是由二氧化碳構成的，所以比現在的洛杉磯稍微宜居一些。

But this is exciting.

但這是令人興奮的。

And if I will say, I don't want to me, that's just my own, you know, advancement.

如果我會說，我不想我，那只是我自己，你知道，進步。

But the timing of this is great for me because the clouds of Venus is actually the name of my new signature fragrance.

但這個時機對我來說很好，因為金星的雲彩其實是我新的招牌香水的名字。

I got this.

我得到了這個。

Oh, yeah, 100%.

哦，是的，100%。