It is Friday. It is Fri-yay.

今天是星期五。這是週五耶。

[ Cheers ] Let's do it. Come on, now.

[歡呼]讓我們做到這一點。來吧，現在。

Welcome to "The Tonight Show," everybody.

歡迎來到 "今夜秀"，各位。

Let's get to the news and jokes.

讓我們來看看新聞和笑話。

Well, guys, new polling shows President Trump's support

好了，夥計們，新的民調顯示，特朗普總統的支持率。

among senior citizens has slipped

老年公民中的老年人

in key battleground states, and you could tell

在關鍵的戰場州，你可以告訴。

Trump's worried 'cause look at what he just announced

特朗普很擔心，因為看看他剛剛宣佈的事情。

to help win back older voters.

以幫助贏回老年選民。

-Under my plan, 33 million Medicare beneficiaries

-根據我的計劃，3300萬醫療保險受益人

will soon receive a card in the mail containing $200

很快就會收到一張裝有200美元的卡片。

that they can use to help pay for prescription drugs.

他們可以用來幫助支付處方藥的費用。

Nobody's seen this before. These cards are incredible.

沒有人見過這個。這些卡是不可思議的。

The cards will be mailed out in coming weeks.

這些卡片將在未來幾周內寄出。

I will always take care of our wonderful senior citizens.

我會一直照顧我們優秀的老人。

-Wow. That is exciting.

-哇哦哇。 這是令人興奮的。

I mean, between the $200 card

我是說，在200元的卡之間

and the second COVID stimulus check, that's $200.

和第二個COVID刺激檢查， 這是200美元。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

I did a little Kenan Thompson, a little...

我做了一點凱南-湯普森，一點... ...

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

I stole his move. Kenan, I stole your move.

我偷了他的招數凱南，我偷了你的招式

That's right, Trump is really pandering to seniors today.

沒錯，特朗普今天真的是在向老年人獻殷勤。

He also announced that his new attorney general is Matlock.

他還宣佈，他的新任檢察長是馬特洛克。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

Not only that, Trump's also changing his slogan to

不僅如此，特朗普還把自己的口號改成了

"Chicken soup in every pot and nickel slots in every garage."

"每一個鍋裡都有雞湯，每一個車庫裡都有鎳槽"。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

It was a big announcement.

這是個大消息。

When history looks back at our great achievements

當歷史回顧我們的偉大成就時

in healthcare, they'll think,

在醫療保健領域，他們會認為。

Lyndon Johnson's Medicare and Medicaid,

林登-約翰遜的醫療保險和醫療補助。

Obama's Affordable Care Act,

奧巴馬的《平價醫療法》。

and now Trump's plastic coupon.

而現在特朗普的塑膠券。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

I think Trump might be out of touch with the average American,

我認為特朗普可能與普通美國人脫節。

'cause if there's one thing people don't need

"因為如果有一件事人們不需要

it's another savings card on their key chain.

這是他們鑰匙鏈上的另一張儲蓄卡。

It's like, "Are you a member?"

這就像，"你是會員嗎？"

"Ah. I'm not." "You want to be?"

"啊，我不是。""你想當？"

"I-I really don't."

"我，我真的不知道。"

"It only takes about 45 minutes."

"只需要45分鐘左右。"

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

Trump's like everyone who waits too long to order a present

特朗普就像所有等了很久才訂到禮物的人一樣

and then panic-buys a gift card.

然後慌忙買了一張禮品卡。

Like, "Oh, gosh. Do they go to Bass Pro Shops?

就像，"哦，天哪，他們會去Bass Pro Shops嗎？他們會去Bass Pro Shops嗎？

Sure." [ Laughter ]

當然，"[笑聲]

On top of the discount card, Trump also signed

在打折卡的基礎上，特朗普還簽署了

an executive order to protect people

保護人民的行政命令

with preexisting conditions, which is already in Obamacare.

與預先存在的條件，這已經在奧巴馬醫改中。

That's like the new C.E.O. of Olive Garden saying,

這就像橄欖園的新任總裁說的那樣。

"And I'm happy to introduce my new idea --

"我很高興向大家介紹我的新想法------。

unlimited breadsticks." [ Laughter ]

無限的麵包條。"[笑聲]

[ Cheers and applause ]

[歡呼聲和掌聲]

Speaking of the President, this is going viral.

說到總統，這可是要瘋了。

A CNN reporter snapped a photo of a duplex in Dallas

美國有線電視新聞網記者在達拉斯拍到一張複式樓的照片。

where one side is covered in Biden flags,

其中一邊掛滿了拜登的旗幟。

the other side is decked out for Trump.

另一邊是為特朗普打扮的。

Take a look at this. This is real.

看看這個。這是真實的。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

Yeah, even crazier,

是啊，更瘋狂的。

there's an undecided voter living in the chimney.

煙囪裡住著一個猶豫不決的選民。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

That's pretty over-the-top.

這是非常過分的。

Even people who bought the 12-foot skeleton

即使是買了12英尺長的骨架的人也是如此

from Home Depot were like, "Y'all need to tone it down."

家得寶的人都說，"你們都需要調下來"

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

Listen to this -- an exhibit just opened

聽聽這個 -- 一個展覽剛剛開幕

at the Richard Nixon presidential library

在理查德-尼克松總統圖書館

that reveals Trump and Nixon were pen pals in the 1980s.

揭示了特朗普和尼克松在80年代是筆友。

Yeah, it's pretty historic. Here are some of the letters.

是的，這是相當歷史性的。這裡有一些信。

♪♪

♪♪

-"Dear Mr. President, you're one of my idols.

-親愛的總統先生，您是我的偶像之一。

Next time you're in New York City,

下一次你在紐約的時候，

I'd be honored if you stay at Trump Tower.

如果你能住在特朗普大廈，我會很榮幸。

I can get us tickets to "Starlight Express,"

我可以幫我們弄到 "星光快車 "的票。

a spectacular Broadway show about singing trains.

一場關於火車唱歌的壯觀的百老匯演出。

Really thought-provoking stuff.

真是發人深省的東西。

Yours, Donald."

你的，唐納德。"

-"Dear Donald, so happy to receive your letter.

-"親愛的唐納德，很高興收到你的信。

You remind me of myself if I were 30 years younger,

你讓我想起了年輕30歲時的自己。

not as bright, but also not as paranoid,

沒有那麼聰明，但也沒有那麼偏執。

and had the exact same ego.

並有完全相同的自我。

Have you thought of running for president one day?

你有沒有想過有一天要競選總統？

Best regards, Richard.

問候，理查德。

-"Dear Richard, I have considered being president.

-"親愛的理查德，我曾考慮過當總統。

Either that or a game-show host. Keeping my options open.

要麼就是做遊戲節目主持人。保持我的選擇權。

My only fear of being president would be screwing up

我唯一怕的就是當總統的時候把事情搞砸了

and leaving the White House in disgrace.

並恥辱地離開白宮。

Best, Don Don." [ Laughter ]

最好的，唐唐。"[笑聲]

-Dear Don Don, that's the mistake I made -- leaving.

-親愛的唐唐，這是我犯的錯誤--離開。

The secret is to stay in office

祕密是留在辦公室裡

no matter how many scandals you have.

不管你有多少醜聞。

And here's a hot tip -- even if you're voted out of office,

而這裡有一個熱門的提示 -- 即使你被選下臺。

you can always refuse to leave.

你可以隨時拒絕離開。

With any luck, one day you too

如果運氣好的話，有一天你也會

will be lurching through the White House halls like an ogre,

會像食人魔一樣在白宮大廳裡亂竄。

despised by America, continuing the work I started.

被美國人鄙視，繼續我開始的工作。

Your friend, Dicky Baby."

你的朋友，迪克寶貝。"

[ Laughter and applause ]

[笑聲和掌聲]

-"Dear -- Dear Don Don."

-"親愛的... 親愛的唐唐"

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

Oh, I saw, you guys, that United Airlines is taking

哦，我看到了，你們，美國聯合航空公司正在採取

a big step to try and get people flying again.

試圖讓人們重新飛起來的一大步。

Check out their plan.

看看他們的計劃。

-United is the first U.S. airline to roll out

-美聯航是美國第一家推出的航空公司。

a COVID testing program for passengers

一個針對乘客的COVID測試方案；

starting October 15th.

從10月15日開始。

Bay Area flyers bound for Hawaii will be given the option

灣區飛往夏威夷的旅客將可以選擇。

to order an at-home testing kit

訂購家庭檢測包

or reserve a time for a rapid test at the airport.

或在機場預約快速檢測時間。

-It's like United looked at the TSA line and thought,

-就像美聯航看了TSA的線路後認為：

"What if we probed even deeper?"

"如果我們探查得更深呢？"

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

Meanwhile, if you test positive, you can still fly.

同時，如果你的測試呈陽性，你仍然可以飛行。

They just give you a pillow

他們只是給你一個枕頭

and stuff you in the overhead compartment.

並把你塞進頭頂的車廂裡。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

In sports news, it was a big night for NBC

在體育新聞方面，這是NBC的一個重要夜晚。

'cause tonight was game 4 of the Stanley Cup finals...

因為今晚是斯坦利杯決賽的第四場比賽... ...

[ cheers and applause ]

[歡呼聲和掌聲]

...with Tampa Bay and Dallas facing off in Edmonton.

...坦帕灣和達拉斯在埃德蒙頓對決。

Tampa Bay's enforcers have been unstoppable this season.

本賽季坦帕灣的執法者們已經無法阻擋。

Hey, you guys know what an enforcer does, right?

嘿，你們知道執法者是幹什麼的吧？

Just checking. -[ Whistle blows ]

只是檢查。-[哨聲響起]

[ Groans ]

[呻吟]

Sorry there, Jimmy, I'mma have to send you back

對不起，吉米，我得把你送回去。

to the penalty box for that one.

到罰球區的那個。

-Come on!

-來吧！

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

-Ooh, this has got to be disappointing for Fallon,

-哦，這對法倫來說一定很失望

whose monologue was on fire right up till that last joke.

他的獨白是在火 直到最後一個笑話。

[ Laughter ] Here's hoping this penalty

[笑]這裡的希望這個處罰

doesn't derail him too badly for the rest of the show.

並沒有讓他在接下來的節目中脫軌太嚴重。

Let's see what happens.

讓我們看看會發生什麼。

[ Buzzer ]

[蜂鳴器]

-Um...

-嗯...

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

-Tonight was game 4 of the Stanley Cup finals.

-今晚是斯坦利杯總決賽的第四場比賽。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

Tampa Bay and Dallas facing off.

坦帕灣和達拉斯的對決。

It's pretty exciting 'cause the last time

這是相當令人興奮的，因為最後一次。

Texas and Florida got together, truck nuts were born.

德州和佛羅里達州走到了一起，卡車瘋子誕生了。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

Well, this is interesting. Amazon just unveiled

嗯，這很有趣。亞馬遜剛剛發佈了

a new kind of home-security camera

新型家庭安全攝影機

that I've never really seen before.

我從來沒有真正見過。

Watch this.

看這個。

-Amazon announcing a new Ring security camera

-亞馬遜宣佈推出新的Ring安全攝像頭

that is fixed on top of a flying drone.

是固定在飛行無人機上面的。

It's meant to fly through your house

它的意思是飛過你的房子

when you're not there and record footage,

當你不在那裡，並記錄的鏡頭。

show you what's going on there.

給你看看那裡發生了什麼。

-I actually think this is a great invention.

-其實我覺得這是一個偉大的發明。

It's way better than what I usually do.

這比我平時做的要好得多。

GoPro tied to a ceiling fan.

GoPro綁在吊扇上。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

Meanwhile, every nanny saw that and was like,

同時，每一個保姆看到了，都喜歡。

"I get it. You don't trust me."

"我明白了，你不信任我。你不信任我。"

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

"Find someone else."

"找別人吧。"

Here's some good news for restaurants in New York City.

對於紐約市的餐館來說，這裡有一些好消息。

Listen to this.

聽聽這個。

-Outdoor dining is becoming permanent year 'round.

-室外就餐已成為常態化的一年四季。

Mayor de Blasio making that announcement,

市長德布拉西奧宣佈了這一消息。

but he's also making the open restaurants

但他也讓開放的餐廳

initiative permanent, so that means the streets

倡議永久，所以這意味著街道

and sidewalk areas blocked off for dining right now

和人行道區域封鎖的餐飲現在。

are going to stay that way. -Yeah, open year 'round.

是要保持這種方式。-是的，全年開放

Be a little tricky in the winter.

在冬天的時候會有點棘手。

The waiter will give you a basket of warm rolls

服務員會給你一籃子熱乎乎的花捲。

and then turn away while you stuff them in your pants.

然後轉身離開，而你把他們塞進你的褲子裡。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

On the bright side, you won't need a steak knife.

好的一面是，你不需要牛排刀。

You can just use your nipples.

你可以只用你的乳頭。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

Speaking of New York City, officials just found something

說到紐約市，官員們剛剛發現了一件事。

pretty interesting in one of the storage rooms

相當有趣的一個儲藏室

at Grand Central Station. Check this out.

在中央車站。看看這個。

-Three transit employees are accused of

-三名公交員工被指控

turning a storage room at Grand Central Station

中央車站的儲藏室

into their own personal man-cave.

變成了他們的個人洞穴。

Officials say they found a futon, a large flat-screen TV,

官員說，他們發現了一個被褥，一個大的平板電視。

a fridge, workout equipment, even an A.C.

冰箱，健身器材，甚至是空調。

[ Laughter ] -What?

[笑聲] 什麼？

-Hey, could we see that couch in that man-cave again?

-嘿，我們能不能再看看那個男人洞裡的沙發？

[ Laughter ] Oh, gosh.

[笑]哦，天哪。

The only thing that belongs on that couch

唯一屬於那個沙發上的東西

is a giant bedbug smoking a cigarette.

是一個巨大的臭蟲抽著煙。

[ Inhales ] "Want a beer?"

[吸氣]"要啤酒嗎？"

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

That isn't a futon, it's actually one giant sleeping rat.

那不是蒲團，其實是一隻巨大的睡鼠。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

Actually, that bed is -- that's where they take you

事實上，那張床是... ... 那是他們帶你的地方。

if you book the presidential suite

如果您預訂總統套房

at the Times Square Hampton Inn.

在時代廣場漢普頓酒店。

It's true. [ Laughter ]

這是真的。[笑聲]

And, finally, guys, journalists have a tough job these days,

最後，各位，現在的記者工作很辛苦。

and there's been so many great TV reporters

有這麼多偉大的電視記者。

working out in the field,

在外地工作。

but because everyone's wearing face masks,

但因為大家都戴著面膜。

we realize it's possible to make it seem like they're saying,

我們意識到有可能讓它看起來像他們在說。

well, anything. So with that in mind, it's time

好吧，什麼都可以。所以考慮到這一點，現在是時候了

for another installment of "Face Mask the Nation."

為另一期的 "面膜國民"。

Check it out.

看看吧

♪ Face mask the nation ♪

面罩的國家

-We're gonna talk about the Arizona Senate race.

-我們要談談亞利桑那州的參議員選舉。

[ Inhales loudly ]

[大聲吸氣]

We discovered every time I breathe through my mask...

我們發現每次我用口罩呼吸時... ...

[ Inhales loudly ]

[大聲吸氣]

...you can see every breath I take.

...你可以看到我的每一次呼吸。

[ Inhales loudly ]

[大聲吸氣]

-You think I got what it takes for "America's Got Talent"?

-你認為我有能力參加 "美國達人秀 "嗎？

[ Inhales loudly ]

[大聲吸氣]

-So, I show up to the hospital, and I say,

-所以，我出現在醫院，我說：

"I'd like to volunteer as a candy striper,"

"我想做剝糖工的志願者"。

and the nurse says, "It doesn't work that way.

護士說："不是這樣的。

You gotta sign up, and it helps if you're a high school kid."

你得報名，如果你是個高中生，就會有幫助。"

I say, "Look, I got the outfit. This is my lunch hour.

我說，"你看，我得到的裝備。 這是我的午餐時間。這是我的午餐時間。

Do you want a candy striper or not?"

你到底要不要吃糖條？"

-Am I a "Mortal Kombat" character? Yes.

-我是 "真人快打 "的角色嗎？我是 "真人快打 "的角色嗎？

Do I know Scorpion's finishing move? Of course.

我知道天蠍的終結技嗎 Do I know Scorpion's finishing move?當然知道 Of course.

His fatality is a flaming skull.

他的死亡率是一個火焰骷髏。

Do I know anything about politics? Yes.

我對政治有了解嗎？懂

If by politics you mean arcade fighting games from the '90s.

如果你說的政治是指90年代的街機格鬥遊戲。

-I tried eating lunch through my mask the other day,

-前幾天我試著用我的面具吃午飯。

and I'll tell you something, I do not recommend it,

我告訴你一件事，我不推薦你去。

unless you want a lap full of soup, Jack!

除非你想喝一整圈的湯，傑克！