So sliding windows, as long as they don't go down

所以推拉窗，只要不倒就行

are always openable from the outside.

總是可以從外面打開。

Oh, hey that's a fun thing to know!

哦，嘿嘿，這是一個有趣的事情知道嗎？

Thank you for that!

謝謝你！

That's a really cool thing to know in my new house,

在我的新房子裡，這真是一件很酷的事情。

in this new neighborhood,

在這個新社區。

that there is a point of entry for people

人有一個切入點

if they just wanna come inside.

如果他們只是想進來，

You should be very worried.

你應該很擔心。

Cells proliferate, and then it creates disease!

細胞增殖，就會產生疾病!

Wait, are you doing a bit?

等等，你在做一點嗎？

Is that real?

那是真的嗎？

Is it real that you can really slide-

你真的可以滑行嗎？

No. Oh, you fucker!

不，哦，你這個混蛋！

You fucker!

你這個混蛋！

No, no, no, no.

不，不，不，不。

You're fine, you're safe.

你很好，你很安全。

Okay.

好吧，我知道了

Is this the new house? Yeah.

這是新房子嗎？是的，是的

Because on the show you had made the

因為在節目中，你已經做了

entire studio audience on "Conan" yell "buy me a house".

整個演播室的觀眾在 "柯南 "上大喊 "給我買房子"。

[Crowd] Buy me a house!

給我買個房子！

Buy me a house!

給我買房子！

I don't think there's anything people like more

我想沒有什麼東西是人們更喜歡的了

than someone asking someone who's very wealthy

比起有人向有錢人要錢來的更快

to buy them something very expensive.

給他們買很貴的東西。

And I think the way the entire audience just turned

我認為整個觀眾的方式只是轉身

on Conan and then just started chanting with me.

在柯南上，然後就開始和我一起唸叨。

It's one of the most thrilling moments of my life.

這是我一生中最驚險的時刻之一。

I think when you're on TV,

我想當你上電視的時候。

people have this idea that you have millions of dollars.

人們有這樣的想法，你有數百萬美元。

If you've ever appeared on television before,

如果你以前在電視上出現過。

you are a billionaire and could just afford a house.

你是一個億萬富翁，只是可以買得起房子。

'Cause people are like, "Well you could pay for that!"

"因為人們都喜歡，"好吧，你可以支付！"

And I'm like, I made $47.

我想，我賺了47美元。

(Sona laughing)

（Sona笑）

The inflated sense that we have that anyone

膨脹的感覺，我們有，任何人

on TV is cash rich.

在電視上是現金豐富。

Though it's fair that Conan could afford

雖然很公平，柯南能負擔得起。

to buy you a house in deep Glendale.

給你在格倫代爾深處買一套房子。

Well first of all, it's Altadena.

好吧，首先，它是阿爾塔迪納。

And I think you thought Glendale 'cause I'm Armenian.

我想你以為是格倫代爾，因為我是亞美尼亞人。

Yes, which congratulations on the,

是的，這恭喜你了。

it's not what you say when you raise awareness.

這不是你說什麼 當你提高意識。

What?

什麼？

(TV signal beeping)

（電視信號嗶嗶聲）

Is that what that is?

是這樣的嗎？

'Cause I will be fine to admit that,

'因為我承認這一點就可以了。

that I was ignorant to it.

我對它一無所知。

I thought it was like a reminder

我覺得這就像一個提醒

of like, "Hey, this terrible genocide happened."

的喜歡，"嘿，這可怕的種族滅絕發生。"

But, there is a new issue.

但是，有一個新的問題。

There's an area in,

有一個區域在。

there's an area near Azerbaijan and Armenia called Artsakh.

在阿塞拜疆和亞美尼亞附近有一個地區叫阿爾扎赫。

And then the Soviet Union gave it to Azerbaijan.

然後蘇聯把它送給了阿塞拜疆。

But it's like 95% Armenian and they govern it

但這裡有95%的亞美尼亞人，他們管理著這裡。

and they run it.

並由他們來管理。

And then Azerbaijan just suddenly brought Turkey in.

然後阿塞拜疆就突然把土耳其拉進來了。

And was like, "Hey Turkey, come and let's,

並說："嘿，土耳其，來吧，讓我們。

let's invade this area."

讓我們入侵這個地區。"

And Armenians are like, what the fuck?

而亞美尼亞人就像，什麼他媽的？

And so, yeah, that's what's happening right now.

所以，是的，這就是現在的情況。

It's awful.

太可怕了

I mean, it could become an all-out war.

我的意思是，這可能成為一場全面的戰爭。

And you know, Armenians in LA, we're very vocal.

你知道，在洛杉磯的亞美尼亞人，我們很有發言權。

Very vocal, shut down the 101.

很有發言權，關閉101。

Yeah.

是啊。

So you've probably seen a lot of Armenian flags

所以你可能已經看到了很多亞美尼亞的國旗

on a lot of cars.

在很多汽車上。

There's a bunch of, a bunch of cars

有一堆，一堆的車。

on the 101 and saw the orange and blue flag everywhere.

在101公路上，看到到處都是橙色和藍色的旗幟。

The past two weeks they've been really getting it

過去兩個星期，他們真的得到了它

out there, but I've just been not paying attention

在外面，但我只是一直沒有注意

to the message.

到的消息。

But now we know. Now you know!

但現在我們知道了現在你知道了！

You've been doing a Team Coco show,

你一直在做可可團隊的節目。

"Sona Movsesian Fixes Your Life".

"Sona Movsesian修復你的生活"。

(musical flourish plays)

(樂府戲)

Where you've talked about how you could scam

你說過你怎麼騙人的地方

the "pet support system" as my pet animal.

"寵物支持系統 "作為我的寵物動物。

"How do I convince my husband then

"那我怎麼說服我老公

our landlord we need a pet?"

我們的房東我們需要一個寵物？"

You need a pet!

你需要一隻寵物！

Look up all the reasons people have service dogs,

查查人們養服務犬的所有原因。

whether it's like social anxiety.

是否像社交焦慮。

Then it becomes like a medical issue.

那就變得像醫療問題一樣。

You've also talked about something called juice-juice.

你還說過一種叫汁液的東西。

"How do you manage a stressful day at work?"

"你是如何處理工作壓力大的一天的？"

Something called juice-juice time.

叫做 "汁液時間 "的東西。

Trouble at work, you're stressed?

工作上遇到麻煩，壓力大？

Drink on the job.

工作時喝。

That's juice-juice time?

那是果汁時間？

You know, am I qualified?

你知道，我合格嗎？

Some would say maybe I'm not.

有人會說也許我不是。

But I think that I am because I've lived.

但我認為，我是因為我活過。

And so when these people ask me these questions

所以當這些人問我這些問題時

that are very serious, I like to like take

是非常嚴重的，我喜歡喜歡拿。

from my experiences.

根據我的經驗。

And say wen I'm stressed at work,

說我工作壓力大的時候。

I do things like I have juice-juice time,

我做的事情就像我有果汁時間。

which is you take a normal-looking beverage,

也就是你拿一個看起來很正常的飲料。

whatever it is, orange juice.

不管是什麼，橙汁。

And then you put a little bit of vodka

然後你放一點伏特加酒

in there or any other type of alcohol

裡面的酒或其他類型的酒

that's easily accessible.

那是很容易獲得的。

Then you put it on your desk in a, like water bottle

然後，你把它放在你的辦公桌上，在一個，像水瓶。

or some sort of hidden vessel.

或某種隱藏的容器。

Yes, a cocktail. Yes.

是的，一杯雞尾酒。是的，一杯雞尾酒。

You mix alcohol with,

你把酒精和。

you're saying, a non-alcoholic beverage.

你是說，一個不含酒精的飲料，

Right, right, right.

對，對，對。

You take something, I don't know,

你吃了什麼，我不知道。

we'll call it like, you mix it.

我們會叫它喜歡，你混合它。

So let's call it a mixer.

所以我們就叫它攪拌機吧。

Call it a mixer (laughing).

稱之為攪拌機（笑）。

You take some alcohol and then you put it

你拿一些酒精，然後你把它

in this "mixer" and then.

在這個 "攪拌機 "中，然後。

Yeah?

是嗎？

That way you can have a nice buzz

這樣你就可以有一個很好的嗡嗡聲

but you're not getting like, you know,

但你沒有得到像，你知道，

"Hollywood Boulevard" wasted at work.

"好萊塢大道 "浪費在工作上。

Okay, so it flies under the radar.

好吧，所以它飛在雷達之下。

I'm always nervous about that.

我總是很緊張

Even for like doing standup live,

甚至對於喜歡做站立現場。

like that people would know I'm drunk for some reason.

這樣人們就會知道我因為某些原因喝醉了。

Has anyone caught on to you in the office?

辦公室裡有人發現你了嗎？

I've been to your desk, it's fluorescent lights.

我去過你的辦公桌，是日光燈。

There's always episodes of a "Friends" playing.

總有一集《朋友》在播放。

There's a bunch of junk on there.

有一堆垃圾在那裡。

Has anyone been like, "Hey, you seem happy.

有沒有人一直在說："嘿，你看起來很開心。

What's wrong?"

怎麼了？"

Yeah.

是啊。

It's happened.

它的發生。

First of all I should say,

首先我應該說。

I don't do juice-juice time all the time.

我不做汁液時間所有的時間。

I think that's like,

我想這就像。

that's a problem. Yeah.

這是一個問題。是啊。

But when I do do it, my eyes do kind of glaze over

但當我這樣做的時候，我的眼睛確實有點發花了。

and my reaction time slows down.

我的反應時間就會變慢。

And so I think people are like,

所以我覺得人們都喜歡。

"You have a fun lunch?"

"你的午餐很有趣嗎？"

That's code for that.

這就是代碼。

(laughing) I don't know.

（笑）我不知道。

They're like, "Something's different about you."

他們說，"你有些地方不一樣"

Be like, "I got highlights."

要像，"我得到了亮點。"

And they're like, "What?"

他們會說："什麼？"

And then they're on to the next thing.

然後他們就會去做下一件事。

Yeah, "Sona Fixes Your Life",

是的，"Sona Fixes Your Life"。

I think that I've fixed a lot of lives.

我想，我已經修復了很多人的生命。

It's amazing what you can do

你能做的事情真了不起

by just answering a single question that people have.

通過僅僅回答人們的一個問題。

Could you fix my life right now?

你現在能不能幫我解決問題？

(musical flourish playing)

(樂曲演奏)

I'm supposed to go back out on the road

我應該回去上路了。

because I'm supposed to shoot this special.

因為我應該拍這個特別節目。

And some comedy clubs are open.

而一些喜劇俱樂部也在營業。

I know, HBO Max special. [Sona] Hey!

我知道，HBO最大特別。[索納]嘿！

Some comedy clubs are open

有些喜劇俱樂部是開放的

and I'm a little worried right now.

我現在有點擔心。

I think if, I think if I could fixed my life,

我想如果，我想如果我可以固定我的生活。

that maybe the clubs aren't the most sanitary environments,

也許俱樂部不是最衛生的環境。

that maybe they're not taking it as seriously

也許他們並沒有把它當回事

as like a big brand like Target.

作為像Target這樣的大品牌。

'Cause just like, a comedy club employee.

因為就像一個喜劇俱樂部的員工。

It's like, "Meh, I wiped that down."

這就像，"呵，我擦了下來。"

No, comedy clubs are, have always been disgusting.

不，喜劇俱樂部是，一直都很噁心。

Yeah.

是啊。

I'm gonna digress for a second.

我先把話題岔開。

So, I feel like I've never seen like an updated comedy club.

所以，我覺得我從來沒有見過像一個更新的喜劇俱樂部。

And so you have no like, okay.

所以你沒有喜歡，好嗎。

So once I went, this is really random.

所以我一去，這個真的很隨意。

I went to the Playboy mansion once.

我去過一次花花公子的豪宅。

Yeah. And I went there,

是的，我去了那裡我去了那裡。

not for a party.

不是為了聚會。

I went there for a nice lunch with two other people

我和另外兩個人去那裡吃了一頓豐盛的午餐。

and we just sat and we had lunch.

我們只是坐著，我們吃了午飯。

There was no like naked girls running around or anything.

沒有像裸體女孩跑來跑去什麼的。

But then I got a tour of the Playboy mansion after,

但之後我又參觀了花花公子的豪宅。

and they took us to this one room.

他們把我們帶到了這個房間。

We open this door and the floor is like a soft, cushy bed.

我們打開這扇門，地板就像一張軟綿綿的床。

And it's clear that there were just like orgies

而且很明顯，有 只是像狂歡

on orgies on orgies in here.

在這裡狂歡的狂歡。

And I don't think that they changed

而且我不認為他們改變了

that flooring since like 1976.

那地板自從像1976年。

Right.

好吧，我知道了

'Cause there's no fitted sheet for a floor.

因為沒有貼身的床單做地板。

Well it's like, it's like the carpet.

嗯，這就像，這就像地毯。

It's just, it's weird.

這只是，它的怪異。

It was like a very soft flooring.

就像一個非常柔軟的地板。

My point is I look at comedy clubs that same way

我的意思是，我也是這麼看喜劇俱樂部的

as I do as that room that was

就像我做的那個房間一樣

in the Playboy mansion. Yeah.

在花花公子的豪宅。對啊

And like back in the day, people were like doin' it.

就像以前一樣，人們都喜歡這樣做。

And they were like doing coke and whatever.

他們就像做可樂什麼的。

So there's like, the entire club is just full

所以，有像，整個俱樂部只是充滿了。

of jizz and coke remnants, and like drinks

酒精和焦炭的殘渣，就像飲料一樣。

that people spilled and people laughing,

讓人灑脫，讓人發笑。

and there's spit all over the place.

而且到處都是口水。

And the jizz.

和jizz。

If you're a good comedian, the whole audience is jizzing.

如果你是一個好的相聲演員，全場觀眾都會津津樂道。

So much jizz (laughing).

這麼多的jizz（笑）。

The comic's jizzing.

漫畫的jizzing。

Yeah, you are right that they're not updated at all

是啊，你說的沒錯，他們根本就沒有更新過

in the fact that there'll still be like photos up

在事實中，仍然會有喜歡的照片了。

of canceled comedians that were canceled a long time ago.

的被取消的喜劇演員，很早以前就被取消了。

Like, that guy was canceled for doing jokes

就像，那個傢伙被取消 因為做笑話

about the Challenger and that's still up.

關於挑戰者，那還在。

(laughing) But I think you'll be fine.

但我想你會沒事的。

Okay.

好吧，我知道了

So your advice for me is, "I think you'll be fine

所以你給我的建議是，"我想你會沒事的

and watch out for jizz puddles."

並小心jizz puddles。"

(makes slipping sound)

（發出滑稽的聲音）

Yeah, like you've been to protests, I've been to protests.

是啊，就像你參加過抗議活動，我也參加過抗議活動。

Yeah.

是啊。

That like, I thought that they were gonna be really scary.

我還以為他們會很嚇人。

If you have a mask and you stay away

如果你帶著口罩而你又遠離

from people and you don't touch anything

從人們身上，你不碰任何東西

in the comedy club, then I think you're gonna be fine.

在喜劇俱樂部，那麼我想你會沒事的。

Okay. Yeah.

好的，好的

If you're gonna catch anything,

如果你想抓到什麼，

it's going to be like syphilis, not COVID.

這將是像梅毒，而不是COVID。

Right, it's going to be a hepatitis,

對，這將是一個肝炎。

it's gonna be yeah, one of the strains.

它會是 是的，其中一個菌株。

Which we have vaccines for, it's fine!

我們有疫苗的，沒事的!

Please.

求你了

I always say don't let hepatitis dominate your life.

我總是說不要讓肝炎主宰你的生活。

Yeah, give me hepatitis!

是啊，給我肝炎！

No don't, (laughing) that was a terrible thing to say.

不，不要，（笑）這是一個可怕的事情說。

No, don't.

不，不要

No, I was trying to say like,

不，我是想說喜歡。

I'd rather have something that's treatable than, what?

我寧可得一些可以治療的病，也不願意，什麼？

You were just included in the "DIY Conan".

你剛剛被列入 "DIY柯南"。

Where they reanimated, fans of the show reanimated

在他們重生的地方，劇迷們重生了。

your interview, when you were on the show

你的採訪，當你在節目中

after Kumail canceled. Yeah.

在庫邁爾取消之後對啊

So there's animators submitting.

所以有動畫師提交。

There's people playing you.

有人在耍你

How, how did you feel about the portrayal?

如何，你對這個描寫有什麼感受？

I loved it for the most part.

我喜歡它的大部分內容。

For the most part, it was all very flattering and sweet.

大多數情況下，都是很貼心的，很甜蜜的。

There was one that someone drew

有一個人畫的

where I look like 400 pounds.

在那裡我看起來像400磅。

Is this the one that you had the super powers?

這就是你擁有超能力的那個人嗎？

Like you come out and you completely evaporate Andy?

就像你出來後完全蒸發了一樣，安迪?

That's not it, but now you're making me think

不是這樣的，但現在你讓我想到的是

that there's an, oh maybe that is.

有一個，哦，也許這是。

It was a hand-drawn animation where I'm like.

那是一部手繪動畫，我在那裡像。

(harp notes playing)

（豎琴音符演奏）

Your signature face, your headshot, yeah.

你的招牌臉，你的頭像，是的。

(laughing) Oh my God, this person has no neck.

(笑)哦，我的天，這個人沒有脖子。