WE'RE BACK WITH THE AUTHOR OF "IS THIS ANYTHING?," JERRY

我們回來與 "這是什麼？"的作者，傑瑞。

SEINFELD.

SEINFELD.

I'M GOING TO ASK YOU A QUESTION THAT I ASKED YOU DURING

我要問你一個問題，我問你的期間

"COMEDIANS AND CARS GETTING COFFEE," WHE DID THAT.

"喜劇演員和汽車得到咖啡，"WHE做到了。

IT DIDN'T MAKE IT TO THE CUT.

它沒能被剪掉。

I DON'T THINK IT MADE TO THE EDIT WHAT PEOPLE SAW WHICH WAS

我不認為它使編輯 人們看到了什麼，這是

NICE OF YOU BECAUSE IT'S A TERRIBLE QUESTION.

你真好，因為這是一個可怕的問題。

DO YOU KNOW WHAT I'M GOING TO ASK YOU?

你知道我要問你什麼嗎？

>> YOU KNOW, YES.

>> 你知道，是的。

>> Stephen: YOU ASKED ME, "IF I WAS A GUEST ON THE SHOW--" IT

>> 你問我，"如果我是節目的嘉賓..."信息技術

WAS BETWEEN THE SHOWS, "WHAT WOULD YOU ASK ME?"

是在節目之間，"你會問我什麼？"

AND I LITERALLY ASKED YOU THE FIRST THING THAT WAS ON MY MIND.

我問你的第一件事就是我的想法。

AND YOU SAID,"THAT'S A TERRIBLE QUESTION."

而你說，"這是一個可怕的問題。"

AND I SAID, "YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT."

我說，"是的，你是對的。"

THE QUESTION WAS, "DO YOU STILL ENJOY DOING STAND-UP?"

問題是，"你還喜歡做站立嗎？"

AND THE REASON WAS THAT I HAD JUST ENDED A SHOW THAT I HAD

原因是我剛剛結束了一個節目，我已經。

DONE FOR ALMOST 10 YEARS, AND I STILL ENJOYED IT, BUT I COULD

做了將近10年，我仍然喜歡它，但我可以。

TELL I WAS ABOUT TO NOT ENJOY IT.

告訴我，我不喜歡它。

>> RIGHT.

>> 右邊。

>> Stephen: THAT'S WHAT WAS ON MY MIND.

>> Stephen:這就是我心中的想法。

MY M O, JERRY, DO YOU STILL ENJY DOING STAND-UP?

我的M O，傑瑞，你還喜歡做站立嗎？

>> WELL, I DO, I REALLY DO.

>> 好吧，我做，我真的做。

I THINK I'M ONE OF SHOWS SURFERS-- YOU KNOW, THOSE OLD

我想我是一個節目衝浪者... 你知道，那些老傢伙。

GUYS THAT JUST STILL PADDLE OUT EVERY DAY, AND NOBODY EVEN KNOWS

那些每天都在外面散步的傢伙，卻沒有人知道。

THEY'RE DOING IT.

他們正在做的。

BUT IT'S LIKE, THEY HAVE TO DO IT, AND IT'S JUST PART OF THE

但是，這就像，他們必須這樣做， 這只是一部分的。

DAY, AND PART OF THE DEAL, AND --

日，和交易的一部分，和 --

>> Stephen: SURE.

>> Stephen: SURE.

>> THAT'S WHY I DO IT.

>> 這就是我為什麼要這麼做。

IT'S--... I-- I-- REALLY LIVE OFF IT.

這是--....我... 我... 我... 靠它過活。

I LIVE OFF IT.

我靠它生活。

IT'S A BEAUTIFUL, NATURAL, ENERGETIC THING.

這是一個美麗的，自然的，能源的東西。

IT'S SO NATURAL AND REAL.

它是如此的自然和真實。

AND I-- AND I-- I CAN BE ACCUSED OF USING TOO MANY SURFING

我... 我... 我可以被指責使用了太多的SURFING。

ANALOGIES, BUT THAT'S THE THING I WANTED TO DO IN MY LIFE THEY

對比一下，但這是我想在我的生活中做的事情，他們。

DIDN'T DO.

沒有做。

I REALLY WANTED TO DO.

我真的很想做。

>> AND NEVER DID IT.

>> 從來沒有做到這一點。

>> Stephen: HAVE YOU BEEN ARB KUZZED OF USING TOO MANY SURFING

>> Stephen:你有沒有因為使用了太多的SURFING而被ARB KUZZED了呢？

ANALOGIES IN THE PAST?

ANALOGIES IN THE PAST?

>> YOU KNOW, I COULD BE, IF YOU SAID THAT.

>> 你知道，如果你這麼說，我也可以。

>> Stephen: I WOULD NEVER DO THAT.

>> Stephen:我絕不會這樣做。

I WOULD NEVER DO THAT.

我絕不會這樣做。

IT'S NEVER TOO LATE.

永遠不會太晚。

HAVE YOU EVER TRIED TO GO SUSHING?

你有試過去打獵嗎？

>> I TRIED 20 YEARS AGO.

>> 我20年前就試過了。

YOU NEED A CERTAIN KIND OF KNEES, YOU KNOW.

你需要某種類型的膝蓋，你知道的。

YOU NEED GOOD QUADS.

你需要好的四重奏。

I DON'T HAVE IT.

我沒有它。

I DON'T HAVE WHAT YOU NEED.

我沒有你需要的東西。

>> Stephen: DO YOU HAVE A FIRE OF SHARKS OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT?

>> 史蒂芬：你有鯊魚的火種或類似的東西嗎？

I HAVE THE FEAR OF THE SHARKS WHERE THE WAVES ARE GOOD.

我對波浪好的地方的鯊魚有恐懼感。

>> I'M AFRAID OF THE SHARKS ON YOUTUBE MORE THAN I AM IN REAL

>> 我害怕YouTube上的鯊魚比我在現實中更害怕

LIFE.

生活。

THE YOUTUBE SHARKS SCARE ME THE MOST.

YOUTUBE的鯊魚嚇唬我最。

>> Stephen: VERY HUNGRY, VERY HUNGRY.

>> Stephen:很餓，很餓。

>> DO YOU KNOW HOW TO STOP YOUTUBE FROM SENDING YOU SHARK

>> 你知道如何阻止YOUTUBE向你發送鯊魚的資訊嗎？

ATTACK KAYAKERS VIDEOS?

攻擊凱亞克人視頻？

HOW DO I MAKE THEM STOP?

如何讓它們停止？

BECAUSE I WATCHED ONE-- I WATCHED ONE, AND I DON'T WANT TO

因為我看了一個... ... 我看了一個，我不想再看了。

WATCH 30.

看30。

>> Stephen: YOU HAVE TO-- >> DO YOU KNOW HOW TO STOP IT?

>> Stephen:你必須... ... >> 你知道如何阻止它嗎？

>> Stephen: I DON'T.

>> 史蒂芬：我不知道。

I DON'T.

我不知道

I THINK YOU HAVE TO WATCH A LOT OF SOMETHING ELSE TO, LIKE,

我想你得看很多其他的東西，喜歡。

THROW OFF THE ALGORITHM.

扔掉這個算法。

>> OKAY, ALL RIGHT.

>> 好吧，所有的權利。

>> Stephen: OR CHANGE THE NAME AND BURN OFF YOUR FINGERPRINTS,

>> 斯蒂芬: 或者換個名字，然後燒掉你的手指頭。

BECAUSE THEY'VE GOT YOU NOW.

因為他們現在已經抓住你了。

THAT'S IT.

這就是它。

THAT'S WHAT THEY'RE HITTING YOU WITH.

這就是他們打你的原因。

>> WELL, I WATCHED ONE.

>> 好吧，我看了一個。

YOU WATCH ONE...

你看一個...

YOU HAVE TO BE VERY CAREFUL.

你必須非常小心。

EVEN IF YOU DON'T WATCH IT, IF YOU LET IT PLAY, AND WITHOUT

即使你不看它，如果你讓它播放，並沒有。

CLICKING "PLAY," BUT JUST KIND OF LET IT PLAY.

點擊 "播放"，但只是有點讓它播放。

>> Stephen: OH, WHERE IT DOES THE AUTOMATIC THING.

>> Stephen: 哦，它在哪裡做自動的事情。

>> YEAH.

>> 是的。

AND THEN THEY'LL SMELL YOU OUT AND GO, "OH, HE LIKES IT.

然後他們會聞到你的氣味，然後說："哦，他喜歡它。

GIVE HIM MORE OF THAT."

給他更多的。"

>> Stephen: I FELL ASLEEP ONE NIGHT.

>> 有一天晚上，我睡著了。

I WAS ON THE ROAD AND I PUT MY COMPUTER THERE, AND A HYPNOTIC

我在路上，我把我的電腦在那裡，和HYPNOTIC的。

SLEEP VIDEO, SOMETHING TO MAKE ME GO TO SLEEP.

睡眠視頻，讓我去睡覺的東西。

AND IT PLAYED LIKE SOMEONE GOING, "AND YOU'RE RELAXED, AND

它發揮了像有人去， "你是放鬆，並

THERE'S A MEADOW--" WHATEVER, I WOKE UP AT, LIKE, 4:00 IN THE

那裡有一個麥田 --"什麼的，我醒來的時候，喜歡，4: 00在。

MORNING, AND IT WAS STILL ON.

早晨，它仍然在。

BUT IT HAD ALREADY PLAYED, WHATEVER THE ALGORITHM DECIDED,

但它已經播放了，無論算法如何決定。

THERE WAS A WOMAN'S FACE THIS BIG GOING, "I AM YOUR FOCUS.

有一個女人的臉這個大的去，"我是你的焦點。

YOU WILL SEND ME A CHECK FOR $1,000."

你會給我一張1000美元的支票。"

AND I ALMOST DID IT.

我幾乎做到了。

I JUST WANTED TO SEE, YOU KNOW, WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF I DID.

我只是想看看，你知道，如果我這樣做會發生什麼。

>> YOU TYPING IN "HYPNOTIC SLEEP VIDEOS."

>> 你輸入 "催眠視頻"。

YOUR WIFE WAS OUT OF TOWN, I ASSUME.

你的妻子出城了，並假設。

>> Stephen: NO, I WAS OUT OF TOWN.

>> Stephen:不，我是出城。

I WAS OUT OF TOWN.

我是出城。

>> OH, YOU WERE OUT OF TOWN.

>> 哦，你出城了。

>> Stephen: I DON'T SLEEP WELL--

>> 我睡不好----------------------------------。

>> OH, THAT IS-- THE LEVEL OF SADNESS THAT YOU HAVE REACHED.

>> 哦，那是... ... 你所達到的悲傷程度。

HYPNOTIC SLEEP VIDEOS?

催眠視頻？

>> Stephen: WHAT, IT'S-- I DON'T WANT TO POP PILLS.

>> 什麼，它是 -- 我不想彈丸。

I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOUR HOLLYWOOD ANSWER SJER.

我不知道你的好萊塢答案是什麼 SJER。

BUT I'M NOT A PILL POPPER.

但我不是一個藥丸愛好者。

>> TRANSCENDENTAL MEDITATION.

>> 超凡冥想。

>> Stephen: DO YOU MEDITATE?

>> Stephen:你冥想嗎？

>> OH, YEAH, I'M THE BIG MEDITATOR GUY.

>> 哦，是的，我是一個大的冥想者的傢伙。

ONE OF THE GREAT MEDITATOR S.

偉大的冥想家之一S.

>> Stephen: I HAD NO IDEA.

>> Stephen: 我不知道。

I HAD NO IDEA.

我不知道。

>> YEAH, SINCE 1972.

>> 是的，從1972年開始。

>> Stephen: I LIKE THE BREATHING.

>> 我喜歡呼吸。

YOU HAVE BEEN MEDITATING SINCE 1972.

你從1972年就開始冥想了。

>> I HAVE BEEN DOING TRANSCENDENTAL MEDITATION SINCE

>> 我一直在做超凡入聖的冥想，自

1972.

1972.

IT'S THE GREATEST TECHNIQUE FOR REST AND LOWERING THE STRESS

這是最好的休息和減輕壓力的技術。

LEVEL.

水準：

LOOK AT ME.

看著我。

DON'T YOU WONDER, HOW COULD THIS GUY BE SO RELAXED AND SO HAPPY

你不覺得奇怪嗎，這傢伙怎麼會這麼放鬆，這麼開心呢？

IN IN THE MIDDLE OF THIS TERB CRISIS?"

"在這場土地危機中？"

>> Stephen: THAT'S WHAT I SAID BEFORE THE CAMERA TURNED ON.

>> 這就是我在開機前說的。

THAT'S WHAT I SAID, "YOU SEEM RELAXED."

這就是我說的，"你看起來很放鬆。"

AND YOU SAID, "YES."

而你說，"是的。"

AND I SAID, "IT MUST BE LONELY."

我說，"它必須是孤獨的。"

>> NO, IT'S TRANSCENDENTAL MEDITATION.

>> 不，這是超凡的冥想。

>> >> Stephen: I'LL TRY IT.

>> >> 斯蒂芬。我會嘗試的。

IS THERE AN APP OR SOMETHING?

是否有一個APP或什麼東西？

>> NO.

>> NO.

>> Stephen: THIS IS MY LIFE, THIS IS IT.

>> Stephen:這是我的生活，這是它。

>> JUST TYPE IN "HYPNOTIC SLEEP VIDEOS."

>> 只要輸入 "催眠視頻"。

>> Stephen: JERRY WE'RE NOT CLOSE TO TALKING ABOUT YOUR BOOK

>> Stephen:傑瑞，我們還沒到談你的書的地步

YET.

是的

THEY'RE WAVING NUMBERS TO ME HERE BUT THEY'RE MEANINGLESS TO

他們在這裡對我揮舞著數字，但對我來說毫無意義

ME BECAUSE I'M TALKING TO JERRY SEINFELD.

因為我在和傑瑞・塞夫德說話。

YOU HAVE A BOOK.

你有一本書。

IT'S CALLED "IS THIS ANYTHING?" FOR THE PEOPLE OUT THERE WHO

這就是所謂的 "這是什麼東西？"對於人們在那裡誰

AREN'T COMEDIANS WHO AREN'T TRYING TO COME UP WITH JOKES

喜劇演員不是不試著想出笑話嗎？

WITH THEIR FRIENDS, EXPLAIN WHAT "IS THIS ANYTHING?" MEANS TO

與他們的朋友，解釋 "這是什麼東西？"意味著什麼。

YOU?

你呢？

>> ""IS THIS ANYTHING?" IS WHAT I SAY BEFORE YOU TRY A BIT OUT

>> ""這是什麼東西？"是我說的，在你嘗試一點之前

ON ANOTHER COMEDIAN.

在另一個喜劇演員。

I HAVE BEEN SAYING THAT MY WHOLE LIFE.

我一直在說這句話，我的整個生活。

SO THIS BOOK, STEPHEN, THAT'S EVERYTHING I-- I'VE DONE WITH MY

所以這本書，史蒂芬，這就是我... ...我對我的書所做的一切。

LIFE.

生活。

THAT'S MY WHOLE LIFE IN A BOOK.

這就是我在書中的全部生活。

>> Stephen: IT'S DOUBLE SPACED.

>> Stephen:它的雙倍空間。

IT'S-- IT'S DOUBLE SPACED, JERRY.

這是... ... 這是雙倍的步行，傑瑞。

YOU'VE PADDED OUT YOUR LIFE.

你已經把你的人生鋪滿了。

( LAUGHTER ).

（笑）：

>> YEAH.

>> 是的。

>> Stephen: IT'S LITERALLY DOUBLE SPACED.

>> Stephen:它完全是雙倍的空間。

>> YEAH.

>> 是的。

BECAUSE IT-- BECAUSE IT READS LIKE A-- A STAND-UP RESIDENT

因為它... 因為它看起來像一個... 一個站立的居民。

BETTER THAT WAY.

BETTER THAT WAY.

>> Stephen: I UNDERSTAND.

>> 斯蒂芬：我明白了。

I DON'T REALLY.

我真的不知道。

>> WHY DON'T YOU PERFORM ONE OF THE BITS IN THERE.

>> 你為什麼不表演其中的一段呢？

>> AT THE POST OFFICE THEY HAVE POSTERS.

>> 在郵局，他們有海報。

COLLECT STAMPS.

收集郵票。

IT'S FUN.

它的樂趣。

REALLY, AT WHAT POINT IN STAMP COLLECTING DO YOU FEEL THE FUN

其實，在收集郵票的什麼時候，你才會覺得有趣呢？

IS REALLY KICKING IN?

是真的開始了嗎？

YOU GET THE STAMP.

你得到的印章。

YOU BRING IT HOME.

你把它帶回家。

YOU PUT IT IN A DRAWER.

你把它放在抽屜裡。

COME BACK A YEAR LATER.

一年後再來。

'HEY, STILL GOT IT!

'嘿，還是有的!

THAT STAMP-- THAT