♪ >> STEPHEN: WELCOME BACK.

歡迎回來。

LET'S SAY HELLO TO JON BATISTE!

讓我們向JON BATISTE問好!

>> Jon: HELLO.

>> 喬恩：HELLO。

YOU GOT THE INK ON THE SHIRT.

你把墨水弄到襯衫上了。

WHAT'S THAT?

那是什麼？

>> Stephen: I THREW A PEN AT CHRIS JUST NOW BECAUSE HE WASN'T

>> 史蒂芬：我剛才向克里斯扔了一支筆，因為他沒有。

LOOKING AT ME.

看著我。

I'M NOT A FRAGILE PERFORMER BUT I WILL NOT, NOT BE LOOKED AT, SO

我不是一個脆弱的演員，但我不會，不會被人看，所以。

I THREW A PEN AT HIM AND GOT INK ON HIS SHIRT SO I THINK I HAVE A

我向他扔了一支筆，把墨水弄到了他的襯衫上，所以我想我有一個。

DRY-CLEANING BILL.

乾洗法案。

DO YOU KNOW WHY I'M IN A GOOD MOOD?

你知道我為什麼心情好嗎？

>> Jon: WHY IS THAT?

>> 喬恩：這是為什麼？

>> Stephen: OVER THE WEEKEND I GOT MY MAIL-IN BALLOT.

>> 週末我拿到了我的郵寄選票。

I'M REALLY EXCITED.

我真的很興奮。

I CAN'T WAIT.

我不能等待。

>> Jon: IT'S TIME.

>> 喬恩：是時候了。

LET'S GO.

我們走吧

>> Stephen: LOOKING AT THE BALLOT GAVE ME A FEELING OF

>> 史蒂芬：看著選票，我有一種感覺。

AGENCY, LIKE I COULD ACTUALLY HAVE SOME SAY OVER THE FUTURE OF

機構，就像我可以實際有一些發言權 在未來的。

THIS COUNTRY.

這個國家。

I HIGHLY RECOMMEND IT.

我強烈推薦它。

>> OH, YEAH, YOU LOOK AT THAT BALLOT YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU

>> 哦，是的，你看看那張選票，你就知道你在做什麼了。

WANT TO DO.

想做。

>> Stephen: VOTE.

>> Stephen:投票：

>> Jon: THAT'S RIGHT.

>> 喬恩。沒錯。

>> Stephen: JON BATISTE, EVERYBODY.

>> Stephen:JON BATISTE，每個人。

YOU KNOW, I SPEND A LOT OF TIME RESEARCHING THE MOST TOPICAL

你知道嗎，我花了很多時間來研究最熱門的話題。

TRADITIONAL MAORI TATTOO DESIGNS OF THE DAY, DEVELOPING A VISUAL

當今傳統毛利紋身設計，發展視覺效果。

METAPHOR FOR A MEANINGFUL PERSONAL STORY, CRAFTING NEEDLES

一個有意義的個人故事的方法，製作材料。

OUT OF ALBATROSS BONES AND METICULOUSLY APPLYING A PIGMENT

出了阿爾巴託斯骨，並細緻地應用了一個豬。

MADE OF BURNT TIMBER TO CREATE THE ELEGANT BODY ART THAT IS MY

用燒過的木材製造出優雅的身體藝術，這就是我。

MONOLOGUE.

獨白：

BUT SOMETIMES, SOMETIMES I LIKE TO GO TO THE PART OF THE

但有時，有時我喜歡去的部分的。

PLAYGROUND WHERE THE TEACHERS CAN'T SEE ME, TAKE THE PENKNIFE

* PLAYGROUND WHERE THE TEACHERS CAN'T SEE ME, TAKE THE PENKNIFE * 在老師看不到我的地方，拿著小費。

MY FRIEND TOMMY STOLE FROM HIS DAD'S GLOVE COMPARTMENT, CARVE

我的朋友TOMMY桌子從他爸爸的手套櫃裡拿出來，雕花

HALF A PORTRAIT OF SPEED RACER IN MY ARM BECAUSE IT HURTS TOO

半張飛車手的肖像畫在我的手臂上，因為它太疼了。

MUCH TO KEEP GOING, AND THEN RUB SOME BIC PEN INK IN THERE TO

多多保持下去，然後擦一些BIC鋼筆墨水在那裡，以

FORM THE ADOLESCENT D.I.Y.

形成青少年發展計劃。

MISTAKE OF NEWS THAT IS MY SEGMENT:

錯誤的新聞，這是我的部門。

"QUARANTINE-WHILE!" QUARANTINE-WHILE, "A MELBOURNE,

"QUARANTINE-WHILE！"QUARANTINE-WHILE，"A MELBOURNE。

AUSTRALIA PILOT TOOK TO THE SKIES WITH THREE CHICKENS TO

澳洲飛行員帶著三隻雞飛上了天空，以

CARRY OUT A PREYOM KIPPUR RITUAL."

執行一個PREYOM KIPPUR儀式。"

IT'S THE SACRED JEWISH TRADITION OF CONFUSING THE HELL OUT OF

這是神聖的猶太傳統的迷惑地獄的

LIVESTOCK.

生活用品。

DUE TO THE BAN ON LARGE GATHERINGS, MANY ORTHODOX JEWS

由於禁止大型集會，許多東正教猶太人

WERE UNABLE TO PERFORM THE RITUAL OF "KAPPAROT," WHICH

無法進行 "KAPPAROT "儀式，其中：

"INVOLVES SWINGING A LIVE CHICKEN OVER ONE'S HEAD THREE

"將一隻活雞在自己頭上揮舞三下，就可以了

TIMES AND RECITING A PRAYER TO TRANSFER SINS TO THE BIRD."

時代和誦讀禱文，將罪孽轉移到鳥兒身上。"

SEEMS REALLY UNFAIR TO THE BIRD.

似乎對鳥兒不公平。

"NO, HONEY, THIS EXTREMELY DIZZY CHICKEN IS THE ONE WHO CHEATED

"不，親愛的，這隻極度暈眩的雞就是那個作弊的人

ON YOU."

在你身上。"

QUARANTINE-WHILE, WE HERE AT "MEANWHILE FAMILY ENTERTAINMENTS

AND WEAPONS SYSTEMS INCORPORATED" SOMETIMES COME

和武器系統集成公司 "有時也會有這種情況。

ACROSS SO MANY FAST-FOOD RELATED STORIES THAT WE HAD TO CREATE

遇到這麼多與快餐相關的故事，我們不得不創造了

OUR NEW QUARANTINE-WHILE SUB SEGMENT "CUISINE-WHILE."

我們新的 "酒水-時間 "子部門 "酒水-時間"。

CUISINE-WHILE, AS A FUN WAY TO SOOTHE PEOPLE UNDER LOCKDOWN "A

飲酒，作為一種有趣的方式，以安撫人們在鎖定狀態下的 "A"。

BROOKLYN PIZZERIA IS OFFERING "COMFORTING WORDS" AS A DELIVERY

布魯克林披薩店提供 "安慰性話語 "作為送貨服務

MENU ITEM."

MENU項目。"

I DON'T THINK THEY GET HOW PIZZA WORKS.

我想他們不知道比薩餅是怎麼做的。

MELTED CHEESE ON BREAD IS THE COMFORT.

融化的奶酪在麵包上是舒適的。

WORDS ARE AN UNNECESSARY TOPPING, LIKE VEGETABLES.

字是一個不必要的頂點，就像蔬菜一樣。

YOU SAY YOU WANT THEM, BUT COME ON.

你說你想要他們，但來吧。

ACCORDING TO THE PIZZERIA, "FOR $1, OUR DELIVERY DRIVER WILL

根據比薩店的說法，"只要花1元錢，我們的送貨司機會

LOOK YOU STRAIGHT IN THE EYES AND TELL YOU 'EVERYTHING'S GONNA

直視你的眼睛，告訴你 "一切都會好起來的

BE OKAY AND YOU'RE DOING THE BEST YOU CAN.'"

"沒事的，你在做你能做的最好的事。"

AND FOR $2, THEY WON'T.

而2美元，他們不會。

BY THE WAY, EVERYTHING'S GONNA BE OKAY AND YOU'RE DOING THE

順便說一句，一切都會好起來的，你在做的是...

BEST YOU CAN.

你能做到的最好。

CUISINE-WHILE, IN IRELAND, THEIR HIGHEST COURT HAS RULED THAT

酒類--在愛爾蘭，最高法院裁定

SUBWAY SANDWICHES ARE TOO SUGARY TO MEET THE LEGAL DEFINITION OF

賽百味三明治的糖度太高，不符合法律定義。

"BREAD."

"麵包。"

SAID SUBWAY IN A STATEMENT, "YES, THIS IS THE MOST

賽百味在一份聲明中說："是的，這是最。

CONTROVERSIAL BRUSH WITH THE LAW SUBWAY HAS EVER HAD.

爭議性的與法律擦肩而過 SUBWAY有史以來。

THIS SUGAR BREAD THING.

這個糖漿麵包的事情。

NOTHING ELSE."

沒有別的。"

SO IRELAND IS CONCERNED THAT SUBWAY'S BREAD IS TOO SUGARY.

所以愛爾蘭擔心賽百味的麵包太甜。

IRELAND, YOU'RE ADORABLE.

愛爾蘭，你真可愛。

AMERICA LITERALLY HAS A SANDWICH THAT IS FRIED CHICKEN BETWEEN

美國真的有一個三明治，是炸雞之間的炸雞

TWO DONUTS.

兩個甜甜圈。

YOU CAN GET IT WITH A SIDE OF FRIES AND A DEFIBRILLATOR.

你可以得到它與一副薯條和除顫器。

AND THE DEFIBRILLATOR IS BETWEEN TWO DONUTS!

而除顫器在兩個甜甜圈之間！

'CAUSE THESE COLORS DON'T RUN!

"因為這些顏色不會跑！

CUISINE-WHILE, "A MCDONALD'S FANATIC IN NORTH DAKOTA IS

CUISINE-WHILE，"北達科他州的MCDONALD'S FANATIC是。

ENJOYING WIDESPREAD INTERNET MCFAME AFTER SHE WAS SPOTTED IN

在她被發現後，享受廣泛的互聯網MCFAME。

THE MCDONALD'S DRIVETHRU WITH HER 'HMBRGLR' LICENSE PLATE."

MCDONALD'S DRIVETHRU與她的'HMBRGLR'牌照。"

WHAT A FUN COINCIDENCE.

多麼有趣的巧合。

JUST LIKE THAT TIME I WENT THROUGH THE TACO BELL

就像那一次我經過塔可鍾一樣

DRIVE-THROUGH WITH MY LICENSE PLATE THAT SAYS "RE-GRET."

用我的車牌開過的車，上面寫著 "重生"。

QUARANTINE-WHILE, RESEARCHERS ARE NOW ASKING, "COULD CATS HOLD

量子化--雖然，研究人員現在正在問："貓能不能抱住？

THE KEY TO A COVID-19 VACCINE?" I HOPE NOT.

COVID-19疫苗的關鍵？"我希望不是。

I DO NOT WANT HUMANITY'S FATE IN THE HANDS OF CREATURES THAT

我不希望人類的命運掌握在以下創造物手中：

CLEARLY DON'T CARE IF WE LIVE OR DIE.

顯然不關心我們的生存或死亡。

SCIENTISTS SAY "CATS DEVELOP A PROTECTIVE IMMUNE RESPONSE TO

科學家們說："貓咪發展出了一種保護性的免疫反應，以應對

COVID-19, LEADING RESEARCHERS TO WONDER WHETHER IT'S WORTH

COVID-19，引導研究人員想知道是否值得。

STUDYING PETS TO AID IN THE DEVELOPMENT OF A HUMAN VACCINE."

研究寵物，以幫助開發人類的疫苗。"

SOUNDS GOOD.

聽起來不錯。

BECAUSE MINGLING HUMAN AND CAT D.N.A. HAS NEVER GONE WRONG.

因為人與貓的混血從來沒有出過錯。

RELEASE THE BUTTHOLE CUT.

釋放屁眼切口。

( LAUGHTER ) QUARANTINE-WHILE, COLOR EXPERTS

（笑） 量子化，顏色的專家，

PANTONE, IN AN EFFORT TO END THE STIGMA ASSOCIATED WITH

潘通公司為結束與 "中國 "有關的汙名而努力。

MENSTRUATION, HAVE UNVEILED "A NEW SHADE OF RED INSPIRED BY THE

MENSTRUATION，推出了 "靈感來自紅色的新色系"。

COLOR OF WOMEN'S PERIODS."

"婦女的色彩"。

WHICH IS JUST WRONG.

這是錯的。

ANYONE WHO'S WATCHED A MAXI PAD COMMERCIAL KNOWS THE COLOR OF

看過MAXI PAD商業廣告的人都知道這款產品的顏色。

WOMEN'S PERIODS IS ELECTRIC BLUE.

女裝的PERIODS是電藍色的。

I THINK THEY WOULD KNOW.

我想他們會知道的。

QUARANTINE-WHILE, IN ENGLAND, DURING A TEST RUN OF THE FUTURE

在英國，在未來的試運行期間，Quarantine-Whoil，

OF EMERGENCY MEDICAL SERVICES, A JETPACK-EQUIPPED PARAMEDIC WAS

裝備噴氣揹包的輔助醫務人員被授予緊急醫療服務資格。

ABLE TO COVER A NORMALLY 25-MINUTE TREK UP A MOUNTAINSIDE

能夠覆蓋通常25分鐘的山路跋涉。

TO A SIMULATED EMERGENCY IN ONLY 90 SECONDS.

在短短90秒內完成模擬緊急情況。

NOW UNFORTUNATELY, THE JET PACK ISN'T POWERFUL ENOUGH TO

現在不幸的是，噴氣揹包沒有足夠的動力，無法讓你的飛機起飛。

TRANSPORT YOU TO A HOSPITAL, SO IN MANY CASES THEY CAN'T SAVE

送你去醫院，所以在很多情況下，他們不能救你。

YOUR LIFE.

你的生活。

BUT THE LAST THING YOU SEE WILL BE SO COOL!

但你最後看到的東西會非常酷!

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH ETHAN HAWKE.

我們馬上回來與伊桑・霍克。

I WANT TO SEE THAT JET PACK.

我想看看那個噴氣揹包。

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