NOW OBVIOUSLY, WE TAPE THIS SHOW EARLIER IN THE DAY, SO WE DON'T

現在，很明顯，我們在一天中較早的時候錄製了這個節目，所以我們沒有。

KNOW WHAT HAPPENED YET.

知道發生了什麼事嗎？

IF YOU HAD TO GUESS, REGGIE, WHAT HAPPENED IN THE DEBATE?

如果讓你猜，雷吉，辯論會上發生了什麼？

>> Reggie: TRUMP SAID A BUNCH OF STUFF THAT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE

>> 雷吉：特朗普說了一大堆沒有意義的事情。

BUT KEPT SAYING IT ANYWAYS, AND THEN BIDEN WAS, WHAT ARE YOU,

但一直說反正，然後比登是，你是什麼。

SOME JIVE TURKEY?

一些JIVE TURKEY？

( LAUGHTER ) >> James: IMAGINE IF WE TUNE

（笑） >> 詹姆斯：想象一下，如果我們調

IN TONIGHT AND JOE BIDEN DOES SAY, WHAT ARE YOU, SOME JIVE

在今晚，喬-比登說，你是什麼人，一些JIVE。

TURKEY?

土耳其？

( LAUGHTER ) IT WOULD CEMENT WHAT I'VE ALWAYS

這將鞏固我一直以來的想法

THOUGHT IS REGGIE TRAVELS BACK AND FORWARD THROUGH TIME.

思想是REGGIE穿越時空的回溯和前行。

>> Reggie: YES.

>> 雷吉：是的。

>> James: I DO BELIEVE IT.

>> 詹姆斯。我確實相信它。

I DO.

我做的。

WELL, DONALD TRUMP'S TEAM WASTED NO TIME GOING ON THE OFFENSIVE

好吧，唐納德-特朗普的團隊沒有浪費任何時間去進攻。

TODAY.

今天。

AHEAD OF THE DEBATE THIS MORNING RUDY GIULIANI WENT ON "FOX

在今天早上的辯論之前，RUDY GIULIANI去了 "福克斯"。

& FRIENDS" AND CLAIMED JOE BIDEN IS UNWELL.

和朋友"，並聲稱喬-比登是不健康的。

>> THE MAN HAS DEMENTIA.

>> 該男子有老年痴呆症。

NO DOUBT ABOUT IT.

毫無疑問

I'VE TALKED TO DOCTOR, HAD THEM LOOK AT 100 DIFFERENT TAPES OF

我跟醫生談過了，讓他們看了100多盤不同的錄像帶。

HIS FIVE YEARS AGO AND TODAY.

他的五年前和今天。

>> THE BIDEN PEOPLE SAY HE'S FINE.

>> 比登的人說他很好。

>> WELL, WELL, WELL, HE CAN'T RECITE THE PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE

>> 好，好，好，好，他不能背誦誓詞。

AND HE'S FINE?

他很好？

>> Reggie: WOW.

>> 雷吉：WOW。

>> James: I HAVE TO GIVE IT TO JULIAN, IT'S HARD TO ARGUE WITH

>> 詹姆斯。我必須把它給朱利安，它很難與爭論。

BUAWAAWA!

BUAWAAWA！

LOOKS LIKE HE GOT BUSTED BY SCOOBY AND THE GANG.

看上去他好像被Scooby和那幫人抓了。

I LIKE WHEN HE SAID I'VE TALKED TO DOCTORS.

我喜歡他說我已經跟醫生談過了。

THOSE WHO DON'T WANT TO WEAR MASKS, SUDDENLY DOCTORS ARE

那些不願意戴口罩的人，就會被醫生忽悠。

EXPERTS AGAIN.

專家們又來了。

I AM CERTAIN RUDY GIULIANI HAS SPOKEN TO MULTIPLE DOCTORS AND

我確信魯迪-吉利安尼已經向多名醫生和

DEMENTIA.

DEMENTIA：

( LAUGHTER ) HIS FAMILY WERE LIKE, NO, NO,

（笑）他的家人都喜歡，不，不。

IT'S NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU.

這和你無關。

THEY'RE GOING TO ASK YOU QUESTIONS ABOUT JOE BIDEN.

他們會問你一些關於喬-比登的問題。

YEAH, YOU WILL BE THERE THE WHOLE WEEKEND!

是的，你整個週末都會在那裡！

GIULIANI THEN TRIED TO PRESENT MORE EVIDENCE OF BIDEN'S MENTAL

GIULIANI然後試圖提出更多的證據比登的精神。

DECLINE BUT SEEMED TO STRUGGLE A BIT HIMSELF.

衰落，但自己似乎有點掙扎。

>> HE'S BEEN A -- HE'S BEEN -- HE WAS IN A CENTER FOR 160

>> 他是一個... 他是... 他曾在一箇中心呆了160年。

YEARS.

年。

I MEAN, HE CAN'T DO THE PROLOGS TO THE CONST -- THE CONSTITUTION

我的意思是，他不能做憲法的序曲... ...憲法

OF THE UNITED STATES OR THE DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE OR

獨立宣言》或《經濟、社會、文化權利國際公約》的執行情況

ANY OF THEM?

其中任何一個？

HE CAN'T DO NUMBERS.

他不能做數字。

THE NUMBERS ARE SCREWED UP.

數字都被擰起來了。

>> James: I STOPPED LISTENING WHEN HE SAID BIDEN WAS IN THE

>> 詹姆斯。我停止聽他說比登在裡面時，

SENATE FOR 160 YEARS.

參議院160年。

LOOKT AT HIS FACIAL EXPRESSION.

看著他的面部表情。

RUDY GIULIANI CAN'T EVEN BELIEVE RUDY GIULIANI SAID THAT.

RUDY GIULIANI甚至不能相信RUDY GIULIANI說的。

MAYBE GIULIANI IS RIGHT, 160 YEARS.

也許GIULIANI是對的，160年。

WHO COULD FORGET JOE BIDEN'S PIVOTAL WORK TO UNIT THE COUNTRY

誰能忘記喬-比登為團結國家所做的重要工作？

DURING THE AMERICAN CIVIL WAR?

在美國內戰期間？

( LAUGHTER ) I'VE ONLY LIVED IN AMERICA FIVE

我只在美國住了五天。

AND A HALF ALMOST SIX YEARS.

六年半了。

IAN, EXPLAIN RUDY GIULIANI TO ME.

IAN，向我解釋一下RUDY GIULIANI。

>> UM -- HE'S LIKE A ONE-HIT WONDER POLITICIAN.

>> 他就像一個一鳴驚人的政治家。

HE WAS KIND OF POPPING IN THE EARLY 2000s, BUT NOW PEOPLE

他是有點流行在2000年代初，但現在的人。

ONLY CARE ABOUT HIM BECAUSE OF TRUMP.

只關心他，因為特朗普的緣故。

HE'S LIKE IF KID ROCK WAS A POLITICIAN.

他就像如果搖滾小子是一個政治家。

>> James: DO YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK THE RUDY GIULIANI THING

>> 詹姆斯你知道我怎麼看魯迪-吉利安尼的事情嗎？

IS?

IS？

I THINK IT MIGHT BE A GENIUS MOVE -- I THINK THEY BRING HIM

我想這可能是一個天才的舉動 - 我想他們把他帶來了

OUT ON TV RIGHT BEFORE A DEBATE TO MAKE TRUMP LOOK MORE TOGETHER

辯論前上電視，讓特朗普看起來更團結。

AND NORMAL.

和正常。

>> Reggie: OH, NICE.

>> 哦，很好。

>> James: PRESIDENT TRUMP DIDN'T SEEM TOO CONCERNED ABOUT

>> 詹姆斯：特朗普總統似乎並不太擔心。

HIS DEBATE WITH JOE BIDEN TONIGHT BECAUSE ACCORDING TO

他今晚與喬-比登的辯論，因為根據

REPORTS, TRUMP DID ALMOST NO DEBATE PREP WHATSOEVER.

報道，特朗普幾乎沒有做任何辯論準備什麼的。

ALMOST NO PREP IS STILL MORE PREP THAN I WOULD HAVE GUESSED.

幾乎沒有準備仍然是更多的準備比我猜測。

APPARENTLY, EACH TEAM MADE UNUSUAL REQUESTS HEADING INTO

顯然，每個小組都提出了不尋常的要求。

TONIGHT'S DEBATE AND THOSE REQUESTED WERE VETOED BY THE

今天晚上的辯論，以及那些被要求的人都是經過委員會審核的。

OTHER SIDE.

另一邊：

TEAM BIDEN APPARENTLY REQUESTED FOR A BREAK EVERY 30 MINUTES,

比登小組顯然要求每30分鐘休息一次。

WHILE TEAM TRUMP ASKED FOR EACH CANDIDATES' EARS TO BE INSPECTED

當特朗普團隊要求對每個候選人的耳朵進行檢查的時候，

FOR ELECTRONIC DEVICES.

電子設備：

>> Reggie: WOW.

>> 雷吉：WOW。

>> James: THE SECOND REQUEST WAS REJECTED BECAUSE THEY

>> 詹姆斯。第二項請求被拒絕，因為他們...

COULDN'T FIND A SINGLE PERSON IN THE COUNTRY WILLING TO LOOK

找不到一個人在全國範圍內，願意看。

INSIDE DONALD TRUMP'S EARS.

在唐納德-特朗普的耳朵裡。

( LAUGHTER ) THOUGH I THINK IF YOU LOOK INTO

但我想，如果你看一看

HIS EARS, YOU WILL JUST SEE RIGHT OUT THE OTHER SIDE.

他的耳朵，你就會看到從另一邊出來。

( APPLAUSE ) >> YES, THAT'S TRUE.

( 掌聲 ) >> 是的，這是真的。

>> James: I CAN'T BELIEVE I GOT OVERLOOKED IN THE WRITING

>> 詹姆斯。我不敢相信我在寫作中被忽略了。

CATEGORIES.

類別：

( LAUGHTER ) I ACTUALLY THINK THAT'S THE JOKE

我真的覺得那是個笑話。

THAT WILL BRING HIM DOWN.

那會把他拉下水的

>> THAT'S IT.

>> 就是這樣。

IT'S CURTAINS FOR HIM AFTER THAT.

之後，他就會受到限制。

>> James: THEY'LL PROBABLY CANCEL THE DEBATE AFT THAT.

>> 詹姆斯。他們可能會在那之後取消辯論。

IF THEY PUT THAT UP NOW, THEY'LL CANCEL THE DEBATE.

如果他們現在提出來，他們就會取消辯論。

THEY CAN'T COPE WITH THAT LEVEL OF SATIRE.

他們無法忍受這種程度的諷刺。

>> IT'S TRENDING ON TWITTER NOW.

>> 現在在微博上熱議。

THE SHOW HASN'T GONE OUT YET, I HAVE NO IDEA HOW IT HAPPENED,

節目還沒播完，我不知道是怎麼發生的。

BUT IT'S THE NUMBER ONE TOPIC.

但它是頭號話題。

BIDEN ASKED FOR A BREAK EVERY 30 MINUTES?

比登要求每30分鐘休息一次？

HE CAN'T JUST CHECK OUT WHENEVER HE WANTS TO!

他不能隨便退房，他想退就退!

WHO DOES JOE BIDEN THINK HE IS, A MEMBER OF OUR BAND?

誰是喬-比登認為他是，我們樂隊的成員？

YOU CAN'T JUST ZONE OUT IN BETWEEN COMMERCIAL BREAK BUMPS.

你不能只是在商業休息區之間的緩衝區。

IN THE PRESIDENCY, IF YOU HAVE TO TAKE A BREAK EVERY 30

在總統任上，如果你每隔30分鐘就要休息一下，那麼你就會發現，你是一個很好的人。

MINUTES, YOU'RE NOT GETTING A SHIFT MANAGER POSITION AT DEL

MINUTES，你不會在DEL得到一個輪班經理的職位。

TACO.

TACO：

AND BIG NEWS THIS MORNING FOR JOE BIDEN, HE'S BEEN OFFICIALLY

和重大新聞今天上午喬-比登，他已經正式。

NOMINATED FOR A NOBEL PEACE PRIZE.

被提名諾貝爾和平獎。

I MEAN, YEAH.

我的意思是，是的。

HE SHOULD GET SOME KIND OF AWARD.

他應該得到某種形式的獎項。

HE SERVED 160 YEARS IN THE SENATE.

他在參議院服務了160年。

>> Reggie: YEAH.

>> 雷吉：YEAH。

>> James: FIRST, TRUMP WAS NOMINATED FOR ONE, NOW BIDEN.

>> 詹姆斯。首先，特朗普被提名為候選人，現在又被提名為候選人。

HOW EASY IS IT TO GET THESE NOMINATIONS?

獲得這些提名有多容易？

I'M STARTING TO THINK GETTING A NOBEL PRIZE NOMINATION SEEMS A

我開始覺得獲得諾貝爾獎提名似乎是個好機會

LIT LIKE AN INSTAGRAM CHALLENGE.

LIT像一個INSTAGRAM挑戰。

WHO ELSE DESERVES A NOBEL PRIZE NOMINATION THIS YEAR, IAN?

今年還有誰值得諾貝爾獎提名呢，IAN？

REGGIE?

雷吉？

>> Reggie: PROBABLY CINDY LAUPER.

>> 可能是辛迪-劉珀。

>> James: YEAH, GO ON.

>> 詹姆斯。是的，繼續。

>> Reggie: YOU MEAN SOMEONE ELSE?

>> 你是說別人？

>> James: NO, I MEAN WHAT'S SHE DONE THIS YEAR?

>> 詹姆斯。不，我是說她今年做了什麼？

>> Reggie: OH, GOSH -- >> James: RETROSPECTIVELY.

>> 哦，天哪 -->> 詹姆斯：回顧一下。

>> Reggie: SHE'S JUST DONE A LOT.

>> 她做了很多事。

SHOWN HER TRUE COLORS.

展示了她真正的顏色。

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> James: YOU'RE RIGHT.

（歡呼聲和掌聲） >> 詹姆斯：你是對的。

SHE JUST WANTS TO HAVE FUN.

她只是想找點樂子

>> Reggie: SHE JUST WANTS TO HAVE FUN.

>> 她只是想找點樂子。

WE NEED THAT.

我們需要的。

>> JAMES: AND WE HAD TO TELL YOU ABOUT THIS.

>> 我們不得不告訴你這件事。

A FIVE-YEAR-OLD AFRICAN RAT WAS RECENTLY AWARDED A PRESTIGIOUS

最近，一隻五歲的非洲老鼠被授予了一項殊榮。

MEDAL FOR HIS WORK DETECTING MINES AND EXPLOSIVES IN

頒發給他的地雷和爆炸物探測工作獎章。

CAMBODIA.

CAMBODIA.

THE RAT WAS GIVEN A MEDAL.

老鼠被授予獎章。

OR AS THE RAT CALLED IT, "NOT CHEESE."

或如老鼠所說的，"不是奶酪。"

( LAUGHTER ) THE RAT'S LIKE, RIGHT, WHAT DO I

老鼠喜歡，對，我應該怎麼做？

DO WITH THIS?

做這個？

TH THAT IS THE MOST IMPRESSIVE RAT

這是最令人印象深刻的老鼠。

I'VE EVER SEEN.

我見過的。

AND I ONCE SAW A DOCUMENTARY ABOUT A RAT WHO LOVED TO COOK

我曾經看過一部紀錄片，是關於一隻愛做飯的老鼠的。

AND ENDED UP OWNING HIS OWN RESTAURANT.

並最終擁有了自己的餐廳。

( LAUGHTER ) BUT THE EXPLOSIVE-DETECTING RAT

但是，爆炸探測鼠。

WAS REALLY MODEST ABOUT THE WHOLE THING.

他對這一切都很謙虛。

THE RAT SAID HE THINKS NOTHING OF PUTTING HIS LIFE ON THE LINE

老鼠說他不屑於把自己的命搭上。

TO SAVE OTHERS... BECAUSE HE HAS NO CLUE WHAT'S GOING ON.

拯救他人... 因為他不知道發生了什麼事。

( LAUGHTER ) BECAUSE HE'S A RAT.

（笑）因為他是一隻老鼠。

I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

我不明白。

SO THE RAT GOES IN AND SAYS, THERE'S MINES HERE OR THERE

所以老鼠進去說，這裡有礦或者那裡有礦。

ISN'T MINES HERE.

是不是礦在這裡。

IMAGINE THAT, REGGIE.

想象一下，REGGIE。

IT'S FINE, YOU CAN GO ACROSS THAT FIELD NOW.

很好，你現在可以走過那片場地了。

YOU SURE?

你確定？

NO, THE RAT SAID IT'S FINE.

不，老鼠說它很好。

( LAUGHTER ) SORRY, WHAT?

（笑）對不起，什麼？

THE RAT.

老鼠：

SORRY, HAVE YOU MET NIGEL?

對不起，你見過NIGEL嗎？

NIGEL SAYS -- ( LAUGHTER )

NIGEL說 - （笑）。

TOTALLY FINE.

完全是好的。

SO I'M GOOD TO GO ACROSS.

所以，我可以去跨越。

YEAH, YEAH YEAH.

是啊，是啊是啊。

BECAUSE -- ( LAUGHTER )

因為 - （笑）

BUT WHY DON'T YOU GO?

但你為什麼不去呢？

I CAN'T.

我不能。

I'M LOOKING AFTER NIGEL.

我在找NIGEL。

I'M GIVING HIM A MEDAL LATER.

我要給他一個獎章以後。

GO ON, YOU GO.

去吧，你去。

YOU TAKE OFF.

你起飛。

( LAUGHTER ) DID YOU SEE THIS STORY?

你看到這個故事了嗎？

AN AIRLINE IS NOW SELLING OFF USED DRINK CARTS FROM THEIR

一家航空公司現在正在出售從其旗下的二手飲料車。

RETIRED 747 AIRSPACE.

退役的747飛機空間。

YOU KNOW THE BIG CARTS THAT ROLL DOWN THE AISLES?

你知道那些在過道上行駛的大車嗎？

THEY'RE FULLY STOCKED WITH DRINKS AND SOLD FOR $685 EACH.

他們滿載著飲料，每瓶售價685元。

GREAT NEWS FOR ANYONE ON THE HUMP OF A METAL BOX

對於任何一個在金屬盒上的人來說，都是一個好消息。

FILLED WITH CANS OF EXPIRED TOMATO JUICE.

裝滿了過期的番茄汁罐頭。

MAKES A GREAT CONVERSATION STARTER THAT STARTS WITH, KEVIN,

是個很好的對話開端，從KEVIN開始。

WE'RE ALL A BIT CONCERNED ABOUT YOU.

我們都有點擔心你。

( LAUGHTER ) AND THIS IS NICE, FOR AN EXTRA

（笑），這是很好的，對於一個額外的。

$50, THEY'LL BRING IT TO YOUR HOUSE AND SLAM IT INTO YOUR KNEE

50美元，他們會把它帶到你的房子，並把它砸在你的膝蓋上。

WHILE YOU'RE ASLEEP.

在你睡覺的時候。

( LAUGHTER )

（笑）