♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: JON BATISTE,

JON BATISTE,

EVERYBODY.

每個人。

SAY HI TO JON.

向喬恩問好。

YOU SOUNDED GOOD.

你聽起來很好。

♪ ♪ ♪ GOOD TO SEE YOU.

很高興見到你。

>> Jon: YES, INDEED.

>> 喬恩。是的，確實如此。

>> Stephen: WE TALKED ABOUT VOTING LAST NIGHT.

>> Stephen:我們昨晚談了投票的事。

WE TALKED ABOUT VOTING LAST NIGHT.

我們昨晚談了投票的事。

>> Jon: YES.

>> 喬恩。是的。

>> Stephen: BUT NEVER A BAD TIME TALKING ABOUT VOTING.

>> Stephen:但永遠不會是談論投票的壞時機。

HAVE YOU DECIDED WHEN AND WHERE YOU'RE GOING TO VOTE?

你決定好投票的時間和地點了嗎？

>> Jon: I'M VOTING THIS SATURDAY.

>> 喬恩：我要在本週六投票。

I'M GETTING OUT THERE, MAN, EARLY IN NEW YORK CITY.

我要去那裡，男人，早在紐約市。

AND I LOVE WHAT YOU'RE DOING WITH "BETTER KNOW A BALLOT."

我喜歡你用 "更好地瞭解選票 "來做的事。

WE HAVE TO GET THAT OUT THERE, MAN.

我們必須把它弄出來，夥計。

>> Stephen: LAST NIGHT WE WERE TALKING.

>> Stephen:昨晚我們在談話。

I DIDN'T KNOW YOU CAN TRACK A BALLOT.

我不知道你可以跟蹤投票。

I FOUND OUT FROM THE CRACK TEAM AT "BETTER KNOW A BALLOT."

我從 "更好地瞭解投票 "的黑客團隊那裡發現的。

YOU CAN GO TO "BETTER KNOW A BALLOT" AND YOU CAN FIND OUT IF

你可以去 "更好地瞭解投票"，你可以知道是否

AND WHEN EARLY VOTING STARTS IN YOUR STATE, FIND OUT WHERE YOU

當您所在的州出現提前投票的情況時，請了解您在哪裡。

CAN VOTE IN YOUR TOWN OR YOUR COUNTY.

可以在你的城市或縣裡投票。

YOU CAN FIND OFFICIAL DROP BOXES NEAR YOU.

您可以找到您附近的官方投遞箱。

YOU CAN TRACK YOUR BALLOT.

你可以追蹤你的選票。

ALL THAT AT "BETTERKNOWA BALLOT.COM AND YOU CAN FIND OUT

所有這些都在 "BETTERKNOWA BALLOT.COM，你可以找到了。

WHERE TO VOTE ON ELECTION DAY IF YOU DON'T WANT TO VOTE EARLY OR

如果您不想提前投票或在選舉日去哪裡投票？

BY MAIL.

通過郵寄。

WHICH I GET.

我得到的。

THERE'S SOMETHING EXCITING ABOUT GOING ON THE DAY OF.

在這一天，有一件事讓人興奮：

>> Jon: GOING ON THE DATE OF IS SUCH A RITUAL, WE GO THERE

>> 喬恩：我們去的日期是一個儀式，我們去那裡。

AND STAND AND STAY AND PACK LUNCHES AND WE BRING OUR

和站立，停留和包裝午餐，我們帶來了我們的。

HEADPHONES AND WE JUST STAY.

耳機和我們只是停留。

WE DO IT.

我們做到了。

>> Stephen: THE VOTING HAS JUST BLOWN THE DOORS OFF ALL THE

>> 史蒂芬：投票已經把所有的門都炸開了。

RECORDS RIGHT NOW.

唱片現在。

>> Jon: MAN, YEAH.

>> 喬恩：夥計，是的。

I SEEN THOSE EARLY NUMBERS.

我看到那些早期的數字。

AND THE BLUE IS ROLLING IN.

而藍色是滾滾而來的。

COME ON NOW, COME ON.

來吧，來吧。

>> Stephen: EVERYBODY COME ON.

>> Stephen:大家都來吧。

YOU'RE GOING TO WANT TO BE PART OF IT.

你會想成為它的一部分。

YOU WANT TO BE ABLE TO TELL YOUR GRANDCHILDREN YOU DID THE RIGHT

你想告訴你的孫子，你做了正確的事情。

THING.

事情。

>> Jon: THAT'S RIGHT.

>> 喬恩。沒錯。

HISTORY HAS ITS EYE ON YOU.

歷史的目光在你身上。

>> Stephen: JON, DID YOU-- HOW ABOUT-- DOES HISTORY HAVE ITS

>> Stephen:瓊，你有沒有... 歷史有它的意義嗎？

FINGERS ON THE PIANO KEYBOARD RIGHT NOW?

手指在鋼琴鍵盤上的現在？

WHAT HAVE YOU GOT?

你有什麼？

>> Jon: OH, YEAH, A WHOLE LOT OF HISTORY, AND FUTURES WITH IT,

>> 喬恩。哦，是的，有很多歷史，還有未來。

TOO.

太。

♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: JON BATISTE,

JON BATISTE,

EVERYBODY.

每個人。

THANK YOU, JON.

謝謝你，喬恩。

>> Jon: AAAHHH!

>> 喬恩：AAAHH！

>> Stephen: FOLKS, EVERY NIGHT I TAKE THE HIGHEST QUALITY BOLT OF

>> Stephen:夥計們，每天晚上我都會拿著最高品質的螺栓。

STORY CLOTH OF THE DAY, THE SILKIEST NEWS THREADS, AND

當天的故事布，最簡單的新聞線索，以及。

METICULOUSLY HAND-STITCH THEM INTO THE FINE ITALIAN DESIGNER

精心地用手工縫製成精美的意大利設計師作品。

JACKET THAT IS MY MONOLOGUE.

外套，這是我的獨白。

BUT NOW AND THEN, I LIKE TO GATHER UP THE DISCARDED NEWS

但時不時地，我喜歡收集廢棄的新聞。

RAGS OFF THE FLOOR OF MY COMEDY CABIN, YANK SOME RATTY TWINE OUT

從我的喜劇小屋的地板上拽出幾根破爛的繩索

OF AN OLD FEED BAG, AND LOVINGLY SEW THEM TOGETHER INTO THE

的舊飼料袋，並愛不釋手地將它們縫合在一起。

THAT IS MY SEGMENT: "QUARANTINE-WHILE!"

這是我的部門："量化 -WHILE！"

QUARANTINE-WHILE, I'M A HUGE PROPONENT OF FACE MASKS.

夸父，我是一個巨大的支持者 面部面具。

THEY'RE SIMPLE, THEY'RE PRACTICAL, AND THEY SAVE LIVES.

他們很簡單，他們很實用，而且他們能拯救生命。

BUT, DAMMIT, WHY CAN'T THEY BE DELICIOUS?

但是，該死的，為什麼他們不能是美味的？

WELL, NOW THEY ARE, BECAUSE "HORMEL FOODS HAS ANNOUNCED A

好了，現在他們是，因為 "HORMEL FOODS已經宣佈了一個。

BACON-SCENTED FACE MASK THEY CALL 'BREATHABLE BACON.'"

以BACON為中心的面膜，他們稱之為'可呼吸的BACON'。"

OKAY, SOUNDS NICE, NOT A BREAKTHROUGH.

好吧，聽起來不錯，不是一個突破口。

AMERICANS ALWAYS INHALE BACON.

美國人總是吸入麵包圈。

I HAVE HUFFED A PORK BELLY.

我有一個豬肚。

THE NUMBER-THREE CAUSE OF DEATH IN AMERICA IS HAM LUNG.

美國排名第三的死因是火腿肺。

QUARANTINE-WHILE, AS PART OF THE EFFORT TO BUILD A LUNAR BASE BY

作為建立月球基地的努力的一部分，夸父----------------。

2028, "NASA AND NOKIA ARE PUTTING A 4G NETWORK ON THE

2028年，"美國宇航局和NOKIA正在把一個4G網絡放在上面。

MOON."

月亮。"

I DON'T KNOW IF THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.

我不知道這是不是一個好主意。

YOU KNOW, THE NEXT TIME SOME DUDE LANDS UP THERE, IT'LL SOUND

你知道，下一次有人在那裡降落，它會聽起來。

LIKE THIS: >> THAT'S ONE SMALL STEP FOR

像這樣。>> 這是一個小步驟

MAN...

男人...

ONE GIANT PENIS PIC FOR MANKIND!

一個巨大的陰莖圖片為人類！

YOU'RE WELCOME, LADIES!

歡迎你們的到來，女士們！

>> Stephen: ACCORDING TO NASA, THE WIRELESS NETWORK WILL BE

>> 史蒂芬：根據美國宇航局的說法，無線網絡將是一個很好的選擇。

USED FOR "STREAMING HIGH-DEFINITION VIDEO."

用於 "串流高清晰度視頻"。

JUST WHAT YOU WANT ASTRONAUTS FOCUSED ON DURING A

你想讓天文學家在飛行期間關注什麼？

HIGH-PRESSURE SPACE MISSION: NETFLIX.

高壓空間任務：NETFLIX。

"UH, HOUSTON, WE HAVE A PROBLEM.

"嗯，休斯頓，我們有一個問題。

EMILY IS IN PARIS, BUT SHE DOESN'T SPEAK FRENCH.

埃米莉在巴黎，但她不會說法語。

HOW WILL SHE HELP SAVOIR'S SOCIAL MEDIA STRATEGY?

她將如何幫助SAVOIR的社會媒體戰略？

PLEASE ADVISE."

請注意。"

NASA IS DOING THIS AS PART OF ITS "ARTEMIS" PROGRAM, WHICH

美國宇航局正在這樣做，作為其 "ARTEMIS "計劃的一部分，該計劃：

AIMS TO "SUSTAIN A HUMAN PRESENCE ON THE MOON."

旨在 "維持人類在月球上的存在"。

AND YOU STARTED WITH CELL SERVICE?

而你從細胞服務開始？

"LOOK, WE'RE GOING TO GET TO OXYGEN AND POTABLE WATER IN A

"聽著，我們要去找氧氣和飲用水，在一個星期內就能找到。

MINUTE, BUT I'M NOT GOING UP THERE UNLESS I CAN POST MY TANG

分鐘，但我不會去那裡，除非我可以發佈我的唐。

ON THE GRAMS!" QUARANTINE-WHILE, THIS TIKTOK

在GRAMS上！"夸父--雖然，這個提克托克... ...

VIDEO IS GOING VIRAL THIS WEEK OF A WOMAN RUNNING A SUB-SIX-

視頻是去病毒本週的一個女人跑了一個sub-six -

MINUTE MILE WHILE NINE MONTHS PREGNANT!

懷孕九個月時的分鐘里程!

HOLY MOTHER OF GOD!

聖母瑪利亞！

I THINK MAYBE LITERALLY.

我想可能是真的。

THE CLOSEST I'VE GOTTEN TO A SUB-SIX-MINUTE IS AFTER EATING A

我最接近6分鐘的時間是在吃完飯後。

SUB IN SIX MINUTES.

SUB在六分鐘內。

AFTER WHICH I LOOKED PREGNANT.

在這之後，我看起來懷孕了。

QUARANTINE-WHILE, AN AIRPLANE PASSENGER IN INDIA WAS "CAUGHT

SMUGGLING GOLD NUGGETS IN HIS RECTUM TO AVOID TAXES."

在他的直腸裡偷運金塊以躲避稅款。"

SMART.

聰明的。

PLUS, NOW HE CAN WRITE OFF HIS RECTUM AS A HOME OFFICE.

而且，現在他可以把他的直腸寫成家庭辦公室了。

THE TROUBLE STARTED WHEN AIRLINE AUTHORITIES "SPOTTED A MAN

航空公司當局 "發現一個人 "時，麻煩就開始了。

WALKING ODDLY, AND DISCOVERED HE HAD ABOUT TWO POUNDS IN BULLION

走著走著，發現他有大約兩英鎊的錢。

SHOVED INTO HIS RECTUM."

捅進了他的直腸。"

OH, THERE'S GOLD IN THEM THAR HILLS.

哦，那些山裡有金子。

NOW, I'M SURE YOU'RE WONDERING WHAT THAT GOLD LOOKED LIKE, AND

現在，我肯定你在想金子是什麼樣子的，還有... ...

I'M SURE IT'S PRETTY SMALL STUFF, MAYBE SOME LITTLE COINS

我確定這是非常小的東西，可能是一些小硬幣

OR LITTLE BALLS OR-- OH, MY GOD!

或小球或 -- 哦，我的上帝！

EVEN MORE AMAZING: HE RAN A SUB-SIX-MINUTE MILE WITH THAT UP

更令人驚奇的是：他用那東西跑了不到6分鐘的路程。

THERE.

在那裡。

A 24-YEAR-OLD NURSERY FOR BABY SHARKS WAS FOUND IN SOUTH

南方發現了一個24年的鯊魚寶寶養育所。

CAROLINA.

加利福尼亞州：

I BELIEVE WE HAVE FOOT ANNUAL OF THE PALEONTOLOGISTS ANNOUNCING

我想我們已經有了古生物學家的年度公告

THEIR DISCOVERY OF THE SHARK NURSERY

他們對鯊魚療養院的發現。

♪ BABY SHARK DO, DO, DO, DO ♪

嬰兒鯊魚做，做，做

IN CANADA, THEICA YAND TOWN OF ASBESTOS HAS CHOSEN A NEW NAME.

在加拿大，THEICA和石棉鎮已經選擇了一個新的名字。

IT WAS ORIGINALLY NAMED AFTER THE LOCAL MINE 100 YEARS AGO

它最初是以100年前當地礦井的名字命名的。

WHEN ASBESTOS WAS A CUTTING-EDGE MATERIAL TO BE PROUD OF.

當石棉是一種值得驕傲的尖端材料時。

SO NOW THEY'VE RENAMED IT TO SOMETHING THEY WILL NEVER

現在他們把它改名為他們永遠不會知道的東西了

REGRET: "BITCOIN, QUEBEC."

"比特幣，魁北克"

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH DOLLY PARTON.

我們很快就會和DOLLY PARTON一起回來。