AND GENTLEMEN, WELCOME TO THE "LATE LATE SHOW."

女士們，歡迎收看 "深夜秀"。

HOPE YOU ENJOYED YOUR WEDNESDAY.

希望你能享受你的週二。

WE HAVE A FUN SHOW PLANNED FOR TONIGHT.

我們今晚有一個有趣的表演計劃。

LATER WE'LL BE TALKING TO THE LEGENDARY GLORIA STEINEM.

稍後我們將採訪傳奇人物格洛麗亞-斯坦姆。

THEN, SALLY HAWKINS AND CRAIG ROBERTS WILL BE STOPPING BY FOR

然後，SALLY HAWKINS和CRAIG ROBERTS會順便來這裡參觀。

A CHAT.

哈拉。

AND FINALLY A MUSIC PERFORMANCE FROM CONAN GRAY, DO YOU KNOW

最後是柯南-格雷的音樂表演，你知道嗎?

WHAT THIS MEANS, IT MEANS THE SHOW, DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT MEANS,

這意味著什麼，這意味著節目，你知道這是什麼意思。

REG, JAM-PACKED.

REG，JAM-PLACKED。

>> Reggie: YEAH.

>> 雷吉：YEAH。

>> James: JAM-PACKED, JAM-PACKED SHOW.

>> 詹姆斯。JAM -PACKED，JAM -PACKED SHOW。

>> Reggie: YEAH.

>> 雷吉：YEAH。

>> James: OR DO YOU CALL IT JELLY PACKED IN AMERICA.

>> 詹姆斯。或者你叫它果凍包裝在美國。

DO YOU SAY JELLY PACKED OR JAM-PACKED.

你說是果凍包裝還是果醬包裝。

>> MORE PEOPLE SAY JELLY PACKED.

>> 更多的人說果凍包裝。

>> James: WHAT EVEN IS JAM SO AN AMERICAN?

>> 詹姆斯：什麼是JAM如此美國人？

>> I THINK JAM IS MORE WITH FRUIT AND JELLY HAS -- GEL AT

>> 我認為果醬是更多的水果和果凍有 - 凝膠在。

NOWS.

現在。

>> James: I-- I RED-- IT WAS AN AWFUL COMMENT, WHO KNEW THIS

>> 詹姆斯：我 -- 我紅 -- 這是一個可怕的評論，誰知道這一點。

WOULD BE THE THING THAT THE BAND WAS ABSOLUTELY JUMP IN WITH BOTH

會是什麼東西，樂隊是絕對跳在用兩個。

FEET.

英尺：

IF I ASKED THEM ABOUT THE VICE PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE, YEAH, NO,

如果我問他們關於副總統辯論的事，是的，不是。

IT WAS ALL RIGHT.

它是所有權利。

>> JAM AND JELLY, WHOOO.

>> 果醬和果凍，喔。

>> UH-HUH.

>> UH -HUH。

>> James: YOU JUMP IN, DO YOU JUMP IN.

>> 詹姆斯：你跳進去，你跳進去嗎。

>> >> Reggie:

>> >> 雷吉。

>> James: JUMP INITIATED.

>> 詹姆斯。JUMP INITIATED.

OF COURSE THERE ARE STILL CONCERNS ABOUT DONALD TRUMP'S

當然，人們仍然擔心唐納德-特朗普的。

HEALTH SO EARLIER THIS EVENING THE PRESIDENT RELEASED A VIDEO

所以，今天晚上，主席發佈了一段視頻。

TO PROVE THAT HE IS DOING WELL.

為了證明他做得很好。

AND HERE HOW IT STARTED OUT.

而這裡如何開始了。

>> HI, PERHAPS YOU RECOGNIZE ME, IT IS YOUR FAVORITE PRESIDENT.

>> 嗨，也許你還記得我，這是你最喜歡的總統。

AND I'M STANDING IN FRONT OF THE OVAL OFFICE AT THE WHITE HOUSE.

而我正站在白宮的橢圓辦公室前。

WHICH IS ALWAYS AN EXCITING PLACE TO BE.

這永遠是一個令人興奮的地方。

>> James: GOOD FOR YOU, HE IDENTIFIED HIMSELF.

>> 詹姆斯。對你有好處，他認出了自己。

I SAW THE VIDEO AND I THOUGHT IT WAS-- IS IT JUST ME OR IS TRUMP

我看到這段視頻，我以為是... 是我的錯，還是特朗普的錯？

LOOKING ESPECIALLY ORANGE?

尋找特別的橙色？

IN THIS VIDEO?

在這個視頻中？

LOOK.

看。

WHAT DO YOU GET WHEN YOU-- .

你能得到什麼...

♪ GENUINELY THAT IS WHERE MY-- WHERE MY MIND WENT.

真正的那是我的... 我的心思在哪裡。

I DON'T LIKE THE LOOK OF IT.

我不喜歡它的外觀。

>> OOMPA LOOMPA I'M GOING TO PASS ON COVID TO YOU.

>> OOMPA LOOMPA 我要把COVID傳給你。

>> James: AND THEN MIKE PENCE IS LIKE, I DON'T LIKE THE LOOK

>> James:然後邁克-彭斯就說："我不喜歡這個樣子

OF IT.

的。

♪ ALTHOUGH IT IS NICE TO SEE THE FAKE COLOR, RETURN TO HIS FACE,

雖然它是很好的看到假的顏色， 返回到他的臉上。

STRONGER THAN EVER.

比以往任何時候都要強。

WHILE RAMBLING ABOUT HOW THE-- ARE IN THE HOSPITAL, THE

當我在醫院裡喋喋不休地談論著如何...

PRESIDENT WENT ON TO PROMISE EVERY AMERICAN FREE ACCESS TO

主席接著承諾，每個美國人都可以免費獲得以下服務：

THOSE SAME DRUGS.

這些相同的藥物。

HAVE A LOOK.

請看一下。

>> I WANT EVERYBODY TO BE GIVEN THE SAME TREATMENT AS YOUR

>> 我希望每個人都能得到和你一樣的待遇。

PRESIDENT.

主席：

BECAUSE I FEEL GREAT.

因為我感覺很好。

I FEEL LIKE, PERFECT.

我覺得，完美的。

>> James: I MEAN LOOK AT THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE COLOR OF

>> 詹姆斯。我的意思是，看看顏色之間的差異，

HIS HAND.

他的手。

>> Reggie: OH MY GOD.

>> 哦，我的天啊。

>> James: AND THE FACE, LOOK.

>> 詹姆斯。和臉，看。

I DON'T-- WHO IS DOING THE MAKEUP.

我不 -- 誰在做化妝。

>> I MAYBE THEY ARE EIGHT FEET AWAY WITH A FIRE HOSE.

>> 我想他們可能在八英尺外用消防水龍頭。

>> James: IS THAT WHAT YOU THINK IT IS?

>> 詹姆斯。你是這麼想的嗎？

BUT AT NO POINT DOES ANYONE GO SHOULD WE DWO THE HANDS, NO, I

但在任何時候，任何人都不應該去，我們應該用手，不，我

NEVER USE THEM FOR TALKING.

永遠不要用它們來說話。

I NEVER, YOU BARELY SEE THEM, I NEVER, REALLY, I'M NOT A BIG

我從來沒有，你幾乎沒有看到他們，我從來沒有，真的，我不是一個大。

HAND GUY.

手藝人。

I AM JUST CONSTANTLY-- YOU SEE THE HANDS, WOULDN'T YOU, IT

我只是一直... ... 你看到手了，是不是？

MAKES ME WORRY ABOUT MY MAKEUP.

讓我擔心我的妝容。

IS IT-- OH NO, LET'S SEE.

是它 - 哦，不，讓我們來看看。

YEAH, CAN I SEE IT IN THE MONITOR IT IS NOT AS BAD BUT-- I

是的，我可以看到它在顯示器上，它是不壞，但 -

MEAN I WILL BE HONEST, I REGRET GOING ON THIS NOW BECAUSE I AM

我將是誠實的，我後悔去這個現在，因為我是。

IN A GLASS HOUSE.

在玻璃屋裡。

WHILE RAMBLING ABOUT HOW THE DRUGS THEY HAD GIVEN HIM IN THE

一邊絮絮叨叨地說著他們在醫院裡給他吃的藥是如何的

HOSPITAL, THE PRESIDENT WANT ON TO PROMISE EVERY AMERICAN FREE

主席想繼續向每個美國人承諾免費的醫院。

ACCESS TO THOSE SAME DRUGS.

獲得這些相同的藥物。

TAKE A LOOK.

看看吧

>> I WANT EVERYBODY TO BE GIVEN THE SAME TREATMENT AS YOUR

>> 我希望每個人都能得到和你一樣的待遇。

PRESIDENT.

主席：

BECAUSE I FEEL GREAT.

因為我感覺很好。

I FEEL LIKE, PERFECT.

我覺得，完美的。

I WANT TO GET TO YOU WHAT I GOT.

我想讓你知道我得到了什麼。

AND I'M GOING TO MAKE IT FREE.

而我要讓它免費。

>> James: GREAT, NOW THAT YOU GIVE THE FULL PRESIDENTIAL

>> 詹姆斯。很好，現在你給了總統的全部權利

EXPERIENCE, DOES THAT MEAN WE DON'T HAVE TO-- EITHER.

經驗，這是否意味著我們不需要... ... 無論是。

BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE GREAT.

因為那將是偉大的。

YOU HEARD HIM, FOLKS.

你聽到了，夥計們。

THE DRUGS ARE GOING TO BE FREE.

藥品將是免費的。

AND MEXICO IS GOING TO PAY FOR IT.

而墨西哥要為此付出代價。

AND EVEN MORE RAMBLING, TRUMP TRIED TO END THE VIDEO ON AN

更多的廢話，特朗普試圖結束視頻上的一個

OPTIMISTIC NOTE.

優化說明：

YOU TELL ME.

你告訴我。

>> YOU ARE GOING TO GET BETTER FAST JUST LIKE I DID, SO A

>> 你會像我一樣快速得到更好的，所以，一個。

BLESSING IN DISGUISE.

祝福於危難之中。

GOOD LUCK.

好運氣。

>> James: AND YOU'RE GOING TO NEED IT BECAUSE LET'S BE HONESTK

>> 詹姆斯。你會需要它，因為我們是誠實的。

GOOD LUCK IS PRETTY OF THE ENTIRE TRUMP HEALTH-CARE PLAN.

好運是整個特朗普醫保計劃的漂亮。

EVEN THOUGH THE PRESIDENT STILL IS BACK IN THE OVAL OFFICE, MORE

儘管總統仍舊回到了VAL辦公室，但更多的人還是會選擇在這裡。

LIKE OVAL COUGH-ICE.

像VAL COUGH-ICE。

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE).

（歡呼聲和掌聲）：

>> James: THAT'S THE ONE, THAT'S THE ONE.

>> 詹姆斯。就是這樣，就是這樣。

YOU DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU JUST WITNESSED.

你知道你剛才看到了什麼嗎？

DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU JUST WITNESSED, YOU KNOW WHAT YOU

你知道你剛才看到了什麼，你知道你是什麼

WITNESSED?

證人？

A TAKE DOWN.

一個採取下來。

WE TOOK HIM DOWN.

我們把他打倒了。

HE CAN'T WIN THE ELECTION NOW, PUT HIM DOWN.

他現在贏不了選舉，把他放下來。

NOT EVERYONE IS READY TO INTERACT WITH DONALD TRUMP

不是每個人都準備好了與唐納德-特朗普交往

BECAUSE YESTERDAY JOE BIDEN SAID THAT NEXT WEEK'S DEBATE SHOULD

因為昨天喬-比登說，下週的辯論會應該是

NOT BE HELD IF TRUMP IS STILL INFECTED WITH THE CORONAVIRUS.

如果特朗普仍然被感染了冠狀病毒，就不會被追究。

DOES THIS EVEN NEED TO BE SAID.

難道這還需要說。

ISN'T IT OBVIOUS.

這不是很明顯嗎？

THIS IS LIKE SAYING KEANU REEFS LOVES TURTLE NECKS.

這就像說KEANU REEFS喜歡龜頭。

YES, WE KNOW THIS, THIS IS NOT NEW INFORMATION BUT TRUMP

是的，我們知道這一點，這不是新的資訊，但特朗普。

DOESN'T UNDERSTAND WHY BIDEN WOULD BACK OUT OF THE SECOND

不明白為什麼BIDEN會退出第二輪比賽？

BAIT.

誘餌：

WELL, I HAD COVID LAST TIME AND YOU DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE SO.

好了，我有COVID最後一次，你甚至沒有注意到這樣。

I THOUGHT I WOULD GET MORE.

我以為我會得到更多。

THAT WAS MY FAVORITE JOKE.

這是我最喜歡的笑話。

THAT IS A REAL.

這是一個真實的。

>> YOU WERE FLYING HIGH ON THAT ONE IN REHEARSAL.

>> 你在排練時飛得很高。

REALLY WERE.

真的是。

>> James: OVER ZOOM, THAT FLEW N PERSON, [BLEEP].

>> 詹姆斯。OVER ZOOM，那飛了N個人，[BLEEP]。

>> I THINK TOMORROW PEOPLE ARE GOING TO-- IT WILL HIT AND

>> 我想明天人們會... ... 它將會襲擊和

PEOPLE WILL.

人們會。

>> James: MAYBE I STUMBLED.

>> 詹姆斯。也許我跌倒了。

DID I STUMBLE ON THE.

我是不是偶然發現了。

>> KEANU REEVES TURTLE NECKS, WHAT?

>> KEANU REEVES TURTLE NECKS，什麼？

THIS ISN'T NEW INFORMATION, WE KNOW THIS BUT TRUMP DOESN'T

這不是新的資訊，我們知道這一點，但特朗普不知道。

UNDERSTAND WHY BIDEN WOULD-- AHHH.

理解為什麼比登要... ... 啊。

>> MAYBE YOU NEED A-- .

>> 也許你需要一個... ...。

>> James: YOU THINK I DON'T KNOW THAT!

>> 詹姆斯。你以為我不知道！

>> HE JUST SAY-- [BLEEP].

>> 他只是說 - [BLEEP]。

>> WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

>> 你是什麼意思？

LIKE I WAS SAYING WA, ABOUT KEANU REEVES WEARING TURTLE

就像我說的那樣，關於基努-裡維斯穿上捲髮的事。

NECKS, THIS IS NOT NEW INFORMATION.

NECKS，這不是新的資訊。

HE KNOWS IT BUT TRUMP DOESN'T BUT TRUMP DOESN'T UNDERSTAND WHY

他知道這一點，但特朗普不知道，但特朗普不明白為什麼。

BIDEN WOULD BACK OUT OF A SECOND DEBATE.

比登會退出第二次辯論。

HE WAS LIKE, “WELL I HAD COVID LAST TIME AND YOU DIDN'T EVEN

他想，"好吧，我有COVID最後一次，你甚至沒有。

NOTICE, SO.” ( LAUGHTER )

注意，所以。"（笑）

♪ ♪ ♪ THE LAUGH IS TOO BIG NOW, THAT

笑是太大了，現在，該

IS TOO BIG.

是太大。

IN THE EDIT, IN THE EDIT THAT IS TOO BIG.

在編輯中，在編輯中，這是太大。

I MEAN-- THAT IS TOO MUCH.

我的意思是... ... 那是太多了。

OKAY.

好的。

WHAT ABOUT KEANU REEVES THOUGH, AND THOSE TURTLENECKS, RIGHT?

那基努-裡維斯呢，還有那些捲髮，對吧？

>> Reggie: YEAH.

>> 雷吉：YEAH。

>> James: WHAT ABOUT THE TURTLENECKS.

>> 詹姆斯。那轉輪手槍呢？

>> YEAH.

>> 是的。

>> James: NO, THAT IS TOO MUCH!

>> 詹姆斯：不，那太多了!

GUYS, THIS IS WHY-- TRUMP DOESN'T UNDERSTAND WHY BIDEN

夥計們，這就是為什麼... ... 特朗普不明白為什麼比登。

WOULD BACK OUT OF A SECOND DEBATE.

會退出第二次辯論。

IT IS LIKE WELL I HAD COVID LAST TIME AND YOU DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE.

這就像我上次有視頻，你甚至沒有注意到。

SO SHALL-- (LAUGHTER)

所以，SHALL -- （笑）

OF COURSE, THE ONE AND ONLY VICE PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE OF THE 2020

當然，2020年唯一的副總統辯論。

CAMPAIGN WAS HELD TONIGHT IN SALT LAKE CITY, UTAH.

競選活動於今晚在猶他州鹽湖城舉行。

OR AS MIKE PENCE CALLS IT, “SIN CITY.”

或者像邁克-彭斯所說的 "罪惡之城"

( LAUGHTER ) HERE'S WHAT THE STAGE LOOKED

這就是舞臺的樣子。

LIKE.

喜歡。

YOU'LL NOTICE THE PLEXIGLASS BARRIERS.

你會注意到長條形的障礙物。

IT LOOKS LIKE IT'S EITHER A DEBATE STAGE, OR THAT PART OF

看起來像是一個辯論的舞臺，或者是那部分的。

THE BANK WHERE YOU GO TO TALK ABOUT REFINANCING.

你去的銀行談再融資。

( LAUGHTER ) THE KAMALA HARRIS TEAM INSISTED

卡馬拉-哈里斯團隊堅持認為

ON HAVING A PLEXIGLASS BARRIER FOR EACH CANDIDATE.

關於為每個候選人設置多級障礙的問題；

YOU KNOW WHAT THEY'RE CALLING THAT?

你知道他們叫什麼嗎？

YOU KNOW WHAT THEY'RE CALLING THAT?

你知道他們叫什麼嗎？

A “PENCE FENCE.” >> Reggie: YES!

到 "PENCE FENCE"。>> 雷吉：是的!

AND FINALLY, EARLY THIS MORNING A CNN JOURNALIST REPORTING FROM

最後，今天凌晨，CNN記者從美國有線電視新聞網報道

THE WHITE HOUSE LAWN WAS DISTRACTED FROM HIS BROADCAST BY

白宮草坪被剝奪了廣播的權利。

HAVING TO FEND OFF WILD RACCOONS.

不得不抵禦野生浣熊。

HAVE A LOOK.

請看一下。

>> AAHHH!

>> AAHHH！

-- .

-- .

>> James: I HONESTLY THINK THAT THE WHITE HOUSE HAS GONE

>> 詹姆斯。我真誠地認為白宮已經消失了。

TOO FAR WITH NAIR ATTACKS ON THE PRESS.

太遠了，與NAIR攻擊新聞界。

I DO.

我做的。

THE WILD RACCOONS CAME RIGHT UP TO THE

野生的浣熊向我們走來。

THE WILD RACCOONS CAME RIGHT UP TO THE REPORTER DURING THE

野生浣熊在記者採訪過程中直奔記者而來。

BROADCAST.

廣播：

SO, CLEARLY, THE RACCOONS ON THE WHITE HOUSE GROUNDS AREN'T

所以，很明顯，在白宮場地上的浣熊不是...

AFRAID OF HUMANS.

AFRAID OF HUMANS.

BUT TAKE A LOOK AT THIS ONE RACCOON, HE CLEARLY HAS TO GO

但看看這隻浣熊，他顯然得走了。

NEAR THE OVAL OFFICE.

在VAL辦公室附近。

( LAUGHTER ) >> Reggie: THERE IS NO WAY

（大笑） >> 雷吉：沒有辦法。

( LAUGHTER ) >> Reggie: THERE IS NO WAY

（大笑） >> 雷吉：沒有辦法。

THAT THAT IS REAL.

這是真實的。

(LAUGHTER) (LAUGHTER)

(笑聲)

(LAUGHTER) SEE IT AGAIN.

(笑)再看一遍。

>> Reggie: THERE IS SOMETHING OFF ABOUT IT.

>> 雷吉：這事有點不對勁。

>> James: THERE IS SOMETHING OFF ABOUT IT.

>> 詹姆斯。有什麼不對勁的地方。

>> Reggie: LOOK AT IT.

>> 看看它。

>> James: THAT GRAPHIC, THAT GRAPHIC HAS BEEN-- ALL DY, ALL

>> 詹姆斯。那張圖，那張圖已經... ... 所有的染料，所有的

DAY WE'VE REHEARSED THE MONO AND BOTH TIMES WE HAVE DONE IT, THE

我們已經排練了一天的單聲道，兩次都是這樣做的。

TBRASK IS NOT QUITE READY YET.

TBRASK還沒有完全準備好。

AND HOW DID IT TAKE THAT LONG.

它是如何採取那麼久。

(LAUGHTER) THERE IS NO WAY THAT CAN BE--

（笑）沒有辦法，可以是 -

THERE IS NO WAY, NO WAY.

沒有辦法，沒有辦法。

WELL, THERE IT IS.

好了，有它。

THE END OF THE MONO.

單聲道的結束。