Do you realize that there's not one picture

of us on your Instagram?

Do you want an online relationship or one in real life?

[Farrah] I knew that prick was using Hurley,

and I did nothing to stop it.

Would you want to hang out sometime?

-That sounds good. -Great.

You're goin' on a date with Ilo's sister.

How'd you finagle that?

I talked about things we had in common.

-Like anxiety stuff? -Some.

You're under arrest.

I had nothing to gain from getting Hook arrested.

You already made a play at his share of the snack bar business.

I'm done with all of it. Alcohol, everything.

-She's your hacker? -Don't call me a hacker.

I'm just a chick with a pink laptop.

There is a whole e-mail chain

between your mother and someone named Cerberus.

This whole back-and-forth is to track down The Crotch.

[Farrah] I hate when people tell me to enjoy these years

because they're gonna be the best ones of my life.

How could this possibly be the best time of our lives?

The pressure on us is absolutely insane.

Our parents, our teachers and coaches, our friends?

It's piling on top of us from every angle.

It's a wonder more of us don't crack under the pressure.

You look like a crazy person. What's with your smile?

Oh, wait till you see. It's so stupid.

I don't want to spoil it.

Okay, well, I mean, I do love stupid.

Ho ho, this one is beyond stupid.

[all chattering and laughing]

Shit.

- [mic feedback] - [theme song]

♪ In a manner of speaking ♪

♪ I don't think we'll be speaking at all ♪

[Farrah] What kind of idiot puts his jersey number

-on his graffiti? -Ilo.

I mean, that doesn't add up.

Why would Ilo risk getting suspended,

and not only missing a bunch of games,

but missing the game against Mountain View?

Because karma equals... bitch.

Okay, let's maybe not burn him at the stake so quickly, okay?

You were into what he was throwing you.

Otherwise, you wouldn't be so angry about it.

I'm just saying, Ilo's going All-State,

and the game this week is for counties.

Why screw with that?

[school bell rings]

[Farrah] How come those other two morons

didn't paint their numbers up there?

Because Ilo thinks he's the man.

Talked to Big Al,

and he can for sure only make out your two cohorts.

They weren't co-anythings. I'm the one who painted it.

Then you're even more lucky you got me, right?

Remember that when you go big-time.

-What about the other guys? -Gus is your boy, right?

Yeah. He'll have your back.

Look, put that behind you.

Need you to focus on Mountain View tonight, okay?

[Ilo] Yeah, but I don't think it's fair that I'm getting off,

and they're not.

[scoffs] Wait, the star football player gets off?

This is all kinds of wrong,

and it's gonna piss a lot of people off.

Well, for every one of them, there's two more who want to see

Ilo win a county championship game.

Meanwhile, those two lunch bags get screwed

'cause they're backups.

This is a big steaming pile of entitlement bullshit.

[marching drums play]

[Plain Jane] So how long's the suspension?

[Jayne] Two weeks.

Apparently Big Al wasn't sure Ilo was there.

[Hurley] He was there.

[Farrah] Well, there or not, Gus took the fall.

He said he did it and painted Ilo's number as a joke.

I say we find Big Al, and we get him to admit

on tape that the prick-face did it.

And then we expose the audio to The Crotch.

It's a little revenge-y.

Well, the Crotch isn't posting anything.

At least I want to do something.

[Plain Jane] If Ilo really was there,

Gus is a good friend for covering for him.

Yeah, and Ilo is a shit friend to Gus.

I would never let one of you guys take the fall for me.

Look, I get that you hate him for whatever happened

between you two, but this can't actually surprise you.

What?

I mean, some people just get special benefits--

you know, actors, millionaires, athletes.

It's just the way the world works.

Said the girl with entitlement tits.

-Okay, that escalated quickly. -[Hurley] You know what?

Maybe I am being a little revenge-y. Wanna know why?

Because every guy that I think is gonna be cool to me

ends up being a piece of shit, and then, suddenly,

Ilo comes along, and I'm in this secret thing with this guy

that half the school is in love with.

-You don't-- -Only to find out

that in the end, he's just using me to get to Farrah.

So, yeah,

maybe Ilo's entitlement

pisses me off a little bit more than you.

I didn't know all that stuff.

Should we do something?

No. Let's let her go.

It's too bad you lost two players today.

Who cares about Gus?

He's just the backup kicker, right?

-It is what it is. -Is it?

Oh, 'cause I remember you showed up to school

on the first day of third grade wearing a button-down and a tie.

God, you remember that, don't you, Sully?

Oh, and then Gus ran to his cubby to grab you a T-shirt

so that you wouldn't look like a total dork.

And didn't he quit soccer when he was the starter

so that he could be the backup field-goal kicker

-because you asked him to? -You done yet?

I can't imagine a suspension looking so good

on Gus' college app, either.

[Hurley chuckles]

Bye.

[marching drums play]

Punk.

Where are your balls?

They're nestled up close to my body.

You can't see them from street level.

Post something already.

You can't let Cerberus shut down The Crotch.

-I have nothing to say. -Really?

There's a football scandal with a possible cover-up

involving a giant phallic symbol.

Sack up.

I have to go to Home Ec.

You pretty much have one power at this school.

Use it. Protect it. Just don't do nothing with it.

Look, I need you to be the guy behind it.

It's kind of our thing.

I'm gonna e-mail Cerberus.

Hey, Jane.

-Oh, hi. -I'm so glad we ran into you.

I wanted to float something by you.

Float away.

How would you feel about reopening

the other half of the snack bar?

I assume you mean Hook's half.

He gave up the business on his own.

-We had nothing to do with it. -You're in on this, too?

-Peripherally. -Okay, why?

I don't want to work nights all summer

at some crappy barista job just to make spending cash.

This is a faster and way more effective use of resources.

And the me of it all?

I watched your boyfriend sell the bottles.

-I just don't know-- -How he got what goes in them.

-That's the me of it all. -Well, look, maybe you could talk to him,

and he could hook us up with his supplier.

-He's gonna say no flat-out. -I don't think he will.

Not with the deal we're offering him.

Yeah, I heard about your last deal.

He would be a silent partner.

Actually, more than silent. He would be totally invisible.

-Like me. -It's all reward, no risk.

You get him to hook us up with his guy,

and he gets a dollar per sale.

I'm not sure that'll be enough.

For doing nothing? Ask him.

And you can volunteer in the legit side

of the snack shop with me.

That way you know how much money's coming in.

[Grace] I know one thing about your boyfriend,

and he needs money for college more than any of us.

All I ask is that you at least call him and offer him the deal.

And when you mix sulfur with a metal like aluminum,

we get an interesting chemical reaction.

[students groaning]

[coughing]

Hey, ocho-cero, stink don't bother you?

What?

It literally smells like we're inside an asshole.

I spoke to both Gus and Cal last night,

and neither of them is giving an inch.

I can't believe Ilo is getting away with this crap.

-[scoffs] Farrah? -I'm sorry.

I just don't think Ilo's getting away with anything.

What do you mean?

You don't actually believe him now, do you?

No, I believe that he painted it.

I just don't think he did it for shits and giggles.

[cell phones buzz and chime]

Oh, look, The Crotch finally woke up.

Maybe they know something.

Colin Cowher and Hannah Hampton new couple alert?

Why are these two nobodies dating

more important to The Crotch than Ilo's scandal?

I have to go.

Farrah, what--

[Farrah] It's just a warning shot.

Aimed right at me.

I should have known when we e-mailed that psycho,

he'd be able to hack into The Crotch.

What did the e-mail say? Were there threats in it?

No, not really.

I mean, barely.

How did they hack in?

I'm not a tech pro, okay?

I knew just enough to stay hidden until now.

Hannah's probably freaking out.

She can't handle people looking at her.

Now everybody is.

Look, I know that you feel bad for her,

but we have to focus on a solution,

not the damage that we can't control.

I should've never agreed to take over The Crotch.

I mean, what did I think I was gonna get out of it?

Cowher, there is no turning back now.

We are in this. Hey, look at me.

I need you here, okay?

Okay. Okay.

Cerberus is obviously someone in this high school.

We just have to figure out who it is.

Is that all?

This guy has tech skills that are way beyond mine.

Then maybe we need to bring someone on board

who can match Cerberus.

If we go to Y with this, there is no turning back.

We will be completely exposing ourselves to her.

Do we have any other choice?

-Dude. -But I did it, and I don't want you

to take the fall for me, all right, Gus?

Look, tomorrow I'm going into the principal

and insisting that I was the guy who painted it.

Don't you dare. This game doesn't mean jack-shit to me.

-But it's important to the whole school. -Man, forget the school.

We both know it's even more important for you.

What, the recruiters? I could care less about 'em.

You know people think my getting off is just athletic privilege.

So screw 'em. Is it privilege that you're running around

in 100-degree heat with a parachute wrapped around your waist?

I know, man, but you're not listening to me. I'm trying to tell--

I'm suspended either way, so don't make me

taking the fall for your dumb ass be for nothing.