Good luck.

好運。

Sitting close to the TV will damage kids vision.

靠近電視坐會損害孩子的視力。

Sitting close to the TV does not damage your vision.

靠近電視坐不會損害視力。

Strict parents raise well behaved kids.

嚴格的父母培養出乖巧的孩子。

Strict parents raise possibly kids who look like they're well behaved to the parents but actually act out more than any other child.

嚴格的父母培養出來的可能是那些在父母看來很乖巧的孩子，但實際上卻比其他孩子表現得更出色。

Hi, I'm Dr Liza Press Hman.

嗨，我是Liza Press Hman博士。

I'm a developmental psychologist and co founder of the Mount Sinai Parenting Center, and I'm Dr Blair Hammond, the other co founder of the Mount Sinai Parenting Center and a general pediatrician at Mt.

我是發展心理學家，也是西奈山親子中心的聯合創始人，我是西奈山親子中心的另一位聯合創始人布萊爾-哈蒙德博士，也是西奈山的普通兒科醫生。

Sinai Hospital.

西奈醫院。

You may have heard us before when we talked about common issues with babies.

之前我們說到寶寶的常見問題時，大家可能都聽過。

Today we're going to be talking about older Children.

今天我們要講的是大齡兒童。

Let's get started.

我們開始吧

The terrible twos are indeed terrible.

可怕的兩口子確實可怕。

That is a myth, though you may feel like they're terrible, and so it's also personal.

這是一個神話，雖然你可能覺得他們很可怕，所以也是個人的。

It's not that it's terrible twos.

這不是說它是可怕的二。

It's having the developmentally appropriate expectations of what a two year old is capable of recognizing their need and labeling and naming those feelings for them because they're struggling to understand what's happening and what's making them so upset while also being there to set appropriate boundaries and limits.

就是對兩歲的孩子有發展上的適當期望，能夠認識到他們的需求，併為他們的這些感受貼上標籤和命名，因為他們正在努力理解發生了什麼，是什麼讓他們如此不安，同時也要在那裡設置適當的界限和限制。

So if you can really look at this age as a time of Children learning to control their emotions, but it's still not well developed, it gives you a whole new lens to stay calm and what can be stressful times when they're really upset.

所以，如果你真的能把這個年齡看成是兒童學習控制情緒的時期，但它仍然沒有得到很好的發展，它給了你一個全新的視角，讓你保持冷靜，當他們真的不高興的時候，什麼可能是壓力。

Ah, slap on the bottom.

啊，拍拍屁股走人。

Never hurt anyone.

不要傷害任何人。

Myth, you might think.

神話，你可能認為。

Well, I was spanked here and there is a child, and I turned out fine.

好吧，我這裡被打了屁股，那裡是個孩子，我原來很好。

You probably aren't doing forever damaged your child with the occasional spanking.

你可能沒有做永遠損壞你的孩子偶爾打屁股。

It's that when you spank, you are more likely to up the ante and spank more and harder as your discipline strategy isn't working.

就是當你打屁股的時候，由於你的管教策略不奏效，你更容易加大賭注，打得更多更狠。

What you want is to be the person that they come thio.

你想要的是成為他們來的那個人。

And if they're afraid of you, if they do something wrong, which they will, they will lie to you about it.

如果他們害怕你，如果他們做錯了什麼，他們會的，他們會對你撒謊。

Parents might think by hitting.

家長可能會認為通過打。

They're getting a kid who's behaving better.

他們得到了一個表現更好的孩子。

What they're doing is getting a child who gets really good at hiding their bad behavior.

他們在做的是讓一個孩子變得非常善於隱藏自己的不良行為。

But take that moment and be like What I'm trying to do is to not swing a bat in house to a lamp like How do I do that.

但要把握好這一瞬間，我想做的是不要在屋裡對著一盞燈揮棒，比如我怎麼做。

And how do I set that?

那我該如何設置呢？

And that actually is a great possible learning experience for your child to see you get upset, calm yourself down and then really address it in a more long term, productive way for the child.

而這對孩子來說，其實是一個很好的可能的學習經驗，看到你不高興了，讓自己冷靜下來，然後真正以一種更長遠的、有效的方式為孩子解決。

Strict parents raised well behaved kids.

嚴格的父母培養出了乖巧的孩子。

Common myth.

常見的神話。

When you think I'm gonna be just an authoritarians parent who just sense because I said so, what you get is either up a very rigid child who is terrified of you so they don't want to break any rules or a child who is set off to be incredibly rebellious and have oppositional issues because they cannot feel seen and heard.

當你認為我會是一個權威主義的父母誰只是感覺，因為我說，你得到的是要麼是一個非常僵化的孩子誰是害怕你，所以他們不想打破任何規則或一個孩子誰被設置為令人難以置信的叛逆和對立的問題，因為他們不能感到看到和聽到。

It's absolutely fine toe have limits that actually makes your child feel safe.

有限制是絕對沒問題的，其實讓孩子有安全感。

But if you can do it in a sensitive way, where you know it's more about discussions and back and forth interactions that show that you're responding to your child and that you value their input.

但如果你能以一種敏感的方式來做，你知道這更多的是討論和來回的互動，這表明你在迴應你的孩子，你重視他們的意見。

That's how you get a person who wants to open up to tell you about their mistakes because we all make mistakes and you want to be there to help them through that.

這就是你如何讓一個願意敞開心扉告訴你他們的錯誤的人，因為我們都會犯錯，你想在那裡幫助他們度過難關。

Saying yes equals failing thistles, a common myth.

說好的等於失敗的鐵蒺藜，這是一個普遍的迷思。

My mom used to have this phrase which you'd say yes means I'm lazy.

我媽以前有這樣一句話，你說是的意思是我很懶。

No means I care the saying yes equals failing likely comes from the idea that you just don't have boundaries for your Children, but saying, Yes, you want to go to that party and I'm not letting you, and I know that's really hard that helps your child's brain go into an open state.

不意味著我在乎說是等於失敗很可能是來自於你對孩子就是沒有界限的想法，但是說：是的，你想去那個聚會，我不讓你去，我知道這真的很難，這可以幫助孩子的大腦進入一個開放的狀態。

If you say no, you're not going anywhere and you're not allowed to do that.

如果你說不，你就哪裡也去不了，你也不允許這樣做。

Your child goes into a defensive state and is gonna end up potentially arguing with you not hearing you going into what's called fight flight or freeze giving your child the ability Thio know that you understand them is a good thing, but not having boundaries and saying yes to any question they have and saying, Yes, they could do any behavior because you would rather them just feel happy all the time.

你的孩子進入防禦狀態，最終可能會與你爭論，不聽你進入所謂的戰鬥飛行或凍結給你的孩子的能力Thio知道你理解他們是一件好事，但沒有界限，並對他們的任何問題說是的，並說，是的，他們可以做任何行為，因為你寧願他們只是覺得快樂所有的時間。

That is a failure.

這是一個失敗。

After the first three years, your child's brain is set for life.

過了頭三年，你的孩子的大腦就已經定型了。

So this is a myth, which comes from the idea of the power of those first few years.

所以這是一個神話，它來自於前幾年的力量的概念。

In fact, building one million or more neural connections per second in those first few years.

事實上，在最初的幾年裡，每秒建立一百萬個或更多的神經連接。

It's remarkable.

這是了不起的。

It's not a myth that your baby's brain grows drastically and the most in those first few years.

這不是神話，在最初的幾年裡，寶寶的大腦會急劇增長，而且增長幅度最大。

But it is a myth that your baby's brain is set in those first three years.

但這是一個神話，寶寶的大腦在前三年就已經定型了。

Kids go hyper on sugar, this one I hear all the time and my child got a cold from the Colt.

小孩吃糖會亢奮，這個我經常聽到，我的孩子就因為吃了柯爾特而感冒了。

Children do not get cold from the colt.

小孩不會因為駒子而受涼。

They get calls from people with the colt.

他們接到了一些人的電話，有了這匹小馬。

There are now studies that show that, in fact it his parents perception that the sugar is gonna make them hyper.

現在有研究表明，其實他的父母認為，糖是會讓他們亢奮的。

And if the parents think they're gonna be hyper on jer, the child will actually almost behave like a self fulfilling, self fulfilling prophecy.

而如果父母認為他們會對傑爾進行超前教育，其實孩子幾乎會表現得像一個自我實現，自我實現的預言。

Certainly, if your child is hungry and has not eaten for a while, they might.

當然，如果你的孩子餓了，有一段時間沒吃東西，他們可能會。

Some Children not behave as well.

有些孩子的表現不盡如人意。

So you wanna make sure your child has good nutrition throughout the day and certainly sugar from a health perspective, you don't want your child having lots of sugar because it's not good for their body, but it has not actually been linked toe hyperactivity.

所以你要確保你的孩子整天都有良好的營養，當然從健康的角度來看，你不希望你的孩子有很多糖，因為這對他們的身體不好，但它實際上並沒有被鏈接到多動。

It's better to shield Children from Los this is a difficult question because, of course, if you could prevent loss for Children and not have them have difficulty, horrible traumatic experiences, that would be wonderful.

這是更好地屏蔽兒童從洛杉磯這是一個困難的問題，因為，當然，如果你能防止兒童的損失，而不是讓他們有困難，可怕的創傷性經驗，這將是美好的。

But if you pretend those experiences haven't happened or shield Children from information about loss, that they inevitably are going to find out about what you're doing is preventing them from building the resilience that they're going to need to build by experiencing loss and then support and love to help them get through it.

但是，如果你假裝這些經歷沒有發生過，或者屏蔽孩子們關於損失的資訊，那他們不可避免地會發現你所做的事情是在阻止他們建立復原力，他們需要通過經歷損失來建立復原力，然後支持和愛來幫助他們度過難關。

And so it's very important to just be straight forward again in a sensitive and loving way and explain the loss to your child so that they don't also have fantasies, that something will change.

所以非常重要的是，只要再以一種敏感和愛的方式直截了當地向孩子解釋失去的東西，讓他們不要也有幻想，有些東西會改變。

Because a child who hears that there dog ran away instead of their dog died, their bodies stopped working and they're not coming back could spend days, weeks, if not years, fixating on waiting for that moment.

因為一個孩子如果聽到有狗跑了，而不是他們的狗死了，他們的身體停止了工作，他們不會再回來了，可能會花幾天，幾周，甚至幾年的時間，固定在等待那一刻。

To come sitting with them through difficult experiences so that they know they can get through them is a much more powerful lesson for their future than anything.

和他們一起坐到困難的經歷中來，讓他們知道自己可以度過難關，這對他們的未來來說，是比什麼都有力的教訓。

All kids are picky.

所有的孩子都很挑剔。

This is a myth.

這是一個神話。

Not all kids are picky.

不是所有的孩子都挑剔。

Many Children well, especially when they're trying new foods.

許多孩子好，特別是當他們嘗試新的食物。

Spit it out.

吐出來。

Not like it.

不喜歡它。

You have to reintroduce the food multiple times they say 10 to 15 times, sometimes for a food that your child may have initially seen to not like.

你必須多次重新介紹食物，他們說10到15次，有時對於一種食物，你的孩子可能最初看到不喜歡。

So if you can make it seem less of a battle, it's less of a battle for your child to try to win.

所以，如果你能讓它看起來不是一場戰爭，那麼你的孩子想贏也就不是一場戰爭了。

The other thing is that parents can influence pickiness by accommodating pickiness.

另外就是父母可以通過遷就挑剔來影響挑剔。

So over the years, if every time your child doesn't want something, you panic that they're going to starve or they're not gonna be able thio go to school because they're not.

所以這些年來，如果每次你的孩子不想要什麼東西，你就會驚慌失措，認為他們要餓死了，或者他們不會因為不想要東西而不能去上學。

You know, unless you give them the sugared cereal instead of the healthy breakfast and you accommodate their pickiness, you're going to end up kind of creating again a self fulfilling prophecy of a picky kid.

你知道，除非你給他們加糖的麥片，而不是健康的早餐，你適應他們的挑剔，你最終會再次創造一個自我實現的預言，一個挑剔的孩子。

Children should come first.

兒童應該是第一位的。

That's a tricky one, because you've made the decision to raise a child and be there person that's going to take into account their health and well being.

這是一個棘手的問題，因為你已經做出了養育孩子的決定，併成為那裡的人，要考慮到他們的健康和福祉。

That said, if you sacrifice yourself and your mental health for your child, you're actually taking away from your child's development.

也就是說，如果你為了孩子犧牲自己和心理健康，其實是在剝奪孩子的成長。

Think about on an airplane when they say, Put your oxygen mask on first.

想想在飛機上，他們說，先把氧氣罩戴上。

You cannot take care of another person without taking care of yourself.

不照顧好自己，就不能照顧好別人。

And also you are showing your child through modeling that you could have self compassion and self care and still love other people and in fact, thrive loving other people.

同時你也在通過榜樣讓孩子知道，你可以有自我同情和自我關懷，還可以愛別人，其實也是在愛別人中茁壯成長。

Because because you've taken that time, nighttime and daytime toilet training should happen at the same time.

因為你花了那麼多時間，晚上和白天的如廁訓練應該同時進行。

That is a myth.

這是一個神話。

That is a myth.

這是一個神話。

There are some Children who you toilet, train them and magically they're done and they're done overnight to.

有一些孩子，你上廁所，訓練他們，神奇地他們就完成了，他們一夜之間就完成了到。

But for most Children, actually, daytime toilet training occurs before nighttime toilet training.

但對於大多數兒童來說，其實白天的如廁訓練是在夜間如廁訓練之前進行的。

But there are many Children who will still wear pull ups and have night time accidents up to age five through age five.

但是有很多孩子在五歲之前到五歲之前仍然會穿著拉拉褲，發生夜間意外。

In fact, um, and that is completely nor parents shouldn't fight in front of their Children.

其實，嗯，這完全也是父母不應該在孩子面前吵架。

Good luck.

好運。

If you start a fight, then at least show your Children how you resolve a fight so that they don't have to sit with the discomfort of wondering what's going on behind closed doors.

如果你開始打架，那麼至少讓你的孩子看看你是如何解決打架的，這樣他們就不用坐在那裡不知道閉門造車是怎麼回事。

And, of course, if you can regulate yourself in such a way that you can have a wonderful and open dialogue as a disagreement.

當然，如果你能以這樣的方式來調節自己的情緒，你就能以分歧的方式進行精彩而開放的對話。

That's even better, but to try to never fight in front of your kids, but have that tension where you're like, Let's take this in the other room or you're giving each other eyes is something that your Children will pick up on.

那就更好了，但要儘量不要在孩子面前吵架，但要有那種緊張的氣氛，你就像，讓我們到另一個房間去，或者你給對方的眼神是你的孩子會發現的。

Sitting close to the TV will damage kids vision.

靠近電視坐會損害孩子的視力。

This is a common myth.

這是一個常見的神話。

Sitting close to the TV does not damage your vision, however, something that everyone should be aware of looking and fixing your eyes on one spot for a long period of time, especially if it's close to you, can affect the eyes.

緊挨著電視坐不會損害視力，但是，大家要注意的是，長時間看電視，眼睛固定在一個點上，特別是離你很近的時候，會影響眼睛。

You want them toe, look off in the distance toe help with what we call eyestrain.

你要他們的腳趾，看遠處，以幫助我們所謂的眼疲勞。

Now, if you notice that your child's sitting close to the TV because you think they can't see, that will be something you would want to discuss with your pediatrician.

現在，如果你注意到你的孩子坐在靠近電視的地方，因為你認為他們看不見，這將是你想和你的兒科醫生討論的事情。

Praising kids makes them smarter.

讚美孩子會讓他們更聰明。

This is a fun one, because getting praised for the process but not the outcome.

這是個很有趣的問題，因為得到表揚的是過程而不是結果。

Getting an A on your paper is always going to promote a more growth mindset.

論文得A，總能促進更多的成長心態。

Ah, fixed mindset can come from being praised for the outcome, so if you get a all the time in English, you're gonna kind of avoid the other subjects that might be more challenging because you've been praised for the A's and not how you're taking on a challenge of doing a new subject that's a little bit harder for you.

啊，固定的思維方式可能來自於被表揚的結果，所以如果你的英語一直都是A，你就會因為被表揚了A而有點避開其他可能更有挑戰性的科目，而不是你如何接受挑戰，做一個對你來說有點難度的新科目。

And on the flip side, if you feel like you could really use a little bit more support for them, go ahead and praise them.

而反過來說，如果你覺得自己真的可以為他們提供更多的支持，就去讚美他們吧。

Just make sure that its support, that you believe in them and that with effort and strategies they're growing smarter, as opposed to telling them they're, you know, the most brilliant person in the world.

只要確保它的支持，你相信他們，並通過努力和策略，他們正在成長的更聰明，而不是告訴他們，你知道，他們是世界上最聰明的人。

Children need protection 24 7 because the world is a dangerous place, Children can't have protection 24 7 and the world is a dangerous place.

兒童需要24小時保護，因為世界是個危險的地方，兒童不能24小時保護，世界是個危險的地方。

Those are two separate things.

這是兩碼事。

Even though we are aware that there are some really scary things going on in the world and even though your Children might be giving them a sense that there generally gonna be pretty safe if they follow basic guidelines around being street smart and taking care of their bodies and developmentally appropriate freedom is much better for them because kids who don't know how to cross the street by looking.

即使我們意識到有一些非常可怕的事情在世界上發生，即使你的孩子可能會給他們的感覺，一般會相當安全，如果他們遵循基本準則周圍是聰明的街道和照顧他們的身體和發展適當的自由是更好地為他們，因為孩子們誰不知道如何過馬路看。

Both ways because their parents are taking them across the street actually are in more danger.

兩條路因為父母帶著他們過馬路其實都比較危險。

They don't know how to protect themselves.

他們不知道如何保護自己。

What they need to do is at an age appropriate time.

他們需要做的是在一個合適的年齡段。

Slowly but surely learn toe live more independent lives, making the good choices that you've taught them to make.

慢慢地但一定要學會更獨立地生活，做出你教給他們的好的選擇。

You'll end up parenting like your parents, both myth and true, depending on your consciousness about it.

你最終會像你的父母一樣為人父母，既是神話，也是真的，這取決於你對它的意識。

If you had parents who were authoritarian and used fear based parenting, if you didn't take note of that and think about how you want to parent your child, you may revert to what feels like home to you.

如果你的父母是專制的，採用的是恐懼型的教養方式，如果你沒有注意到這一點，沒有思考你想如何教養你的孩子，你可能會重新回到對你來說像家一樣的感覺。

However, if you come to terms with and think through the pain or difficulty of what you experienced in your childhood that you wouldn't want and think about the positive parts of your childhood that you want to repeat as you raise your Children, then you'll be able to consciously parent your Children.

然而，如果你能接受並思考你童年所經歷的那些你不願意看到的痛苦或困難，並思考你童年中積極的部分，你想在撫養孩子的過程中重複，那麼你就能有意識地養育你的孩子。

However you would like so that you can then thrive as a parent.

無論你想怎樣，這樣你就可以作為父母茁壯成長。

Parenting comes naturally.

為人父母，自然而然。

This is a myth.

這是一個神話。

It's very easy to see how people would think This is a truth because having Children seems like natural process.

很容易理解人們會認為這是一個事實，因為生孩子似乎是一個自然的過程。

What can happen is you can feel like I should know all of this.

可能發生的情況是，你會覺得我應該知道這一切。

I'm the parent.

我是家長。

What you know best is your child.

你最瞭解的是你的孩子。

You're born at the same time.

你們是同時出生的。

Is your baby as a parent?

你的寶寶是父母嗎？

Right.

好吧，我知道了

You were not a parent until they were born.

在他們出生之前，你不是父母。

So you're growing and developing together throughout your child's life.

所以在孩子的一生中，你們是共同成長和發展的。

And so as you're growing and developing as a parent, you confined those strengths and enhance them.

所以當你作為一個家長在成長和發展的過程中，你就會禁錮這些優勢，並增強它們。

You're gonna hear a lot of myths.

你會聽到很多神話。

As a parent, it's one of everybody's favorite things to do is tell a parent how to be a better parent.

作為父母，大家最喜歡做的一件事就是告訴父母如何做一個更好的父母。

You're doing great just by virtue of the fact that you sought out watching information about parenting and your child's development.

你做得很好，就憑你找了看有關育兒和孩子成長的資料。

And when you do feel like you're struggling, don't hesitate to reach out for support.

而當你真的覺得自己在掙扎的時候，不要猶豫，伸出手來尋求支持。