providing us with enough privacy to get to know one another and enough public scrutiny

為我們提供足夠的隱私，讓我們彼此瞭解，並提供足夠的公眾監督。

to help us feel safe as we do so. The food and drink has largely been an excuse. But what we decide

以幫助我們感到安全，因為我們這樣做。吃喝玩樂在很大程度上已經成為一種藉口。但我們決定

to eat and drink together isn't merely incidental to the real task of mutual understanding.

在一起吃喝並不僅僅是相互理解這一真正任務的附帶條件。

It too is rich in psychological clues, communicating messages about who we are and what we might

它也有豐富的心理線索，傳遞著關於我們是誰以及我們可能會發生什麼的資訊

be like over a lifetime. How we order can in a minor key belong to the task of winning

一輩子都是這樣的。我們如何在小調中訂購可以屬於贏得任務的

someone else over to our cause. Let's think of a number of ways of ordering food and drink

別人對我們的事業。讓我們想一想點菜和喝酒的幾種方式吧。

that suggest intriguing and complex things about our identities: What we might order:

暗示了關於我們身份的有趣而複雜的事情。我們可能會下令：

A large mixed salad, accompanied by a plate of fries on the side; we could eat the fries

一大盤混合沙拉，旁邊還有一盤薯條，我們可以吃薯條。

with our fingers and occasionally dip them in the vinaigrette.

用我們的手指，偶爾蘸一下醋汁。

What we'd be communicating: That we're

我們要交流的是什麼？That we're

pretty sensible, in many ways, with a keen eye for restraint and a decent amount of self-control.

相當明智，在許多方面，有敏銳的眼光，剋制和適當的自制力。

But, at the same time, that we aren't afraid of our own more impish desires. We'd be

但與此同時，我們並不害怕自己更衝動的慾望。我們會是

hinting that we were a sound blend of the mischievous and the prudent; that we had enough

暗示著我們是調皮和謹慎的完美結合；我們有足夠的。

self-mastery and obedience to have earned the right for occasional moments of unorthodox

自我修養和服從，以贏得偶爾的非正統時刻的權利。

indulgence. What we might order: Fish fingers off the children's menu. What we'd be

縱容。我們可能會點什麼？兒童菜單上的魚條我們要做的是

communicating: Through our order, we'd be implying that we could recognise, without

溝通。通過我們的命令，我們將暗示我們可以認識到，而不需要

anxiety, the claim of the more childish parts of our personalities, but that we were sufficiently

我們的焦慮，我們個性中更幼稚的部分的訴求，但我們有足夠的能力去解決。

grown up to be undisturbed by their presence. The order might work best if we combined it

長大後不被他們的存在所打擾。如果我們把這個順序結合起來，可能效果會更好

with an obviously sophisticated starter or desert. No one can be free of the legacy of

與明顯複雜的主力軍或沙漠。沒有人可以不受遺產的影響。

their early past, we'd be saying through our food, what matters is the maturity with

他們早期的過去，我們會說通過我們的食物， 什麼是重要的是成熟的，與

which we can acknowledge and navigate around it. What we might order: Almost nothing. What

我們可以承認並繞過它。我們可以點什麼？幾乎沒有。ぐ或

we'd be communicating: After putting in our bare order, we might allow ourselves to

我們會進行交流。在把我們最基本的順序排列好之後，我們可能會允許自己... ...

say with beguiling frankness that we were simply too nervous to eat. This would be importantly

坦率地說，我們實在是太緊張了，吃不下飯。這將是重要的

different from – and much more attractive than – merely ordering a normal amount,

then pushing it idly around our plate. We'd be showing that we were upfront in revealing

然後在我們的盤子裡漫不經心地推著它。我們會表現出我們是在坦率地揭示

that the date meant a lot to us, and that there was in our eyes nothing shameful about

那次約會對我們來說意義重大 在我們眼裡沒有什麼好羞恥的

being anxious in relation to an event that might turn out to be hugely significant. Our

對可能變得非常重要的事件感到焦慮。我們的

inability to countenance any desert whatsoever (not even a few berries) would be a flattering

不堪沙漠（幾粒漿果也不行）是一種恭維

way of sending out a message that we were in the company of someone with a power to

的方式發出資訊，我們是在一個有能力的人的公司，以

alter our lives. What we might order: Cranberry juice What we'd be communicating: The deep

改變我們的生活。我們可能會點什麼：蔓越莓汁 我們要交流的是：The deep

red drink would be a symbol of independence; we'd be making a rather unconventional order

紅酒是獨立的象徵，我們要做的是非常規的訂單

through it, this not being what people typically ask for in a restaurant. But it wouldn't

通過它，這不是人們通常要求的餐廳。但它不會

be willful or crazy either. We'd just be quietly asserting that we didn't mind appearing

也不是故意或瘋狂。我們只是悄悄地宣稱我們不介意出現在這裡

a little odd for the sake of getting something we genuinely liked. We'd be, via the glass,

為了得到我們真正喜歡的東西，有點奇怪。我們會，通過玻璃。

saying that we were our own sort of people.

說我們是我們自己的那種人。

What we might order: the chicken, but – we'd add with a large smile and a hugely polite

我們可能會點什麼：雞肉，但是--我們會帶著燦爛的笑容和非常禮貌地補充說："我想吃雞肉。

and patient explanation – ideally without the ginger and garlic and with the sauce on

和耐心的解釋--最好不放姜蒜，放上醬汁。

the side in a little jug, if that was even vaguely acceptable to the guys in the kitchen,

旁邊的一個小壺裡，如果這對廚房裡的人來說甚至是隱約可以接受的話。

who we really hope wouldn't be put out by this sort of (in our words) 'unbearably

我們真的希望他們不會被這種（用我們的話說）"難以忍受 "的事情所困擾。

fussy' request. What we'd be communicating: That we knew our tastes were complicated and

挑剔的 "要求。我們要交流的是什麼？我們知道我們的口味很複雜

off the beaten track but that we had the self-belief and requisite charm to lay out our desires

但我們有自信心和必要的魅力來闡述我們的願望。

calmly and without undue or grating petulance. Everyone in relationships turns out in time

平靜，沒有過分的或磨人的嬌氣。每個人在感情中都會及時轉出

to harbour a host of very particular requirements: no one, however casual they might appear at

有許多非常特殊的要求：沒有人，無論他們看起來多麼隨意，都不可能把自己當成一個人。

first, is ever really 'easy' in the long-term. So what matters hugely is if we have learnt

首先，從長遠來看，是真正的 "容易"。所以，最重要的是，我們是否學會了。

the art of communicating our needs clearly, with grace, without entitlement or wilfulness,

清楚地、優雅地、無權無勢地傳達我們的需求的藝術。

with the wit and will of the best teacher – an accomplishment there can be perfect

opportunities to display in our approach to the ordering of the main course.

我們在主菜排序的方法上有機會展示。

Something we hadn't ever ordered, but that was sitting on our date's plate and

一些我們從未點過的東西，但它就在我們的約會對象的盤子裡，而且。

that looked especially appealing – and that we'd very sweetly ask if we could have a

我們會很貼心地問我們是否能有一個。

bit of. What we'd be communicating: that we were ready to step over conventional barriers

位的。我們要傳達的是：我們已經準備好跨過傳統的壁壘

in the name of friendship; that we understood there were certain standard obstacles to intimacy

以友誼的名義；我們明白有一些標準的障礙 親密的關係

but that we were interested in finding a few playful ways of getting past them – possibly

但我們有興趣找到一些好玩的方法來克服它們--可能是。

later that night.

當天晚上。

In the end the success of a date will not hang entirely on what's eaten or drunk.

最後，一次約會的成功與否，不會完全掛在吃喝上。

But nor should we ignore how much could be communicated through such details

但是，我們也不應該忽視通過這些細節可以傳達多少資訊。

therefore how legitimate it always is to reflect at depth on more apparently minor sides of love.

是以，深入反思愛情中更多明顯的小面，總是多麼合理的。

To learn more about love try our set of cards that help answer that essential question, "who should i be with?"

要想了解更多關於愛情的資訊，請嘗試我們的一套卡片，幫助回答這個基本問題，"我應該和誰在一起？"