Correctional Training Facility and Soledad Cell number three or six in Hefling on potential yard.

懲戒訓練設施和索萊達牢房三號或六號在海夫林的潛在院子裡。

I live in Elk Grove, California Wow, Gays, Minorities Over 7000.

我住在加州的Elk Grove，哇，同志，少數民族超過7000人。

So it's like a 7300 something I've been out of prison for 44 days.

所以就像7300什麼的，我已經出獄44天了。

April 20th, 2000 Yesterday on Eldorado Trail, January 1st of this year Ah, law passed called Senate Bill 14 37 which stated that an offender who did not commit an actual murder should not be charged with murder.

2000年4月20日，昨天在埃爾多拉多小道，今年1月1日啊，法律通過了，叫參議院1437號法案，規定沒有實際殺人的罪犯不應該被指控謀殺。

Um, we were engaged in robbery on my commitments and our victim was killed by my co defendant.

嗯，我們從事搶劫 我的承諾和我們的受害者被殺害 我的共同被告。

The law stated that whether you are the actual killer or not, if you were involved in the felony, you were guilty of murder.

法律規定，不管你是不是真正的凶手，只要你參與了重罪，你就犯了殺人罪。

And that's what I was convicted.

這就是我被定罪的原因。

Under July 27th of 2000 and 19 I was recommended by the secretary of CDCR for 11.

2000年7月27日和19日，我被中紀委書記推薦為11。

70 d, which is a penal code that states that if a an incarcerated person has demonstrated exceptional behavior while incarcerated than the secretary has the right the authority to recommend that a sentencing for re sentence and vacate that incarcerated persons time and I was awarded that recommendation based on my conduct and present either a fan blowing or CEOs blacking the bar.

70D，這是刑法典，規定如果一個被監禁的人在監禁期間表現出特殊的行為，祕書有權建議重新判刑，並撤銷該被監禁者的時間，我被授予該建議，基於我的行為和目前的風扇吹或CEO黑酒吧。

Which means taking a metal clanger and claiming the bar to alert inmates that it's time for work.

也就是拿著一個金屬鏗鏘器，認領欄杆，提醒犯人該上班了。

The first thing I hear is like a It's a It's a bouncing sound.

我聽到的第一個聲音就像一個 It's a It's a bouncing sound.

Imagine a kid bouncing in a crib going A.

想象一下，一個孩子在嬰兒床裡蹦蹦跳跳地走A。

The last thing I see is either the prison lights coming through the window or my television, which is I usually put on a sleeper timer so well, not off to that.

最後看到的不是監獄的燈光從窗外射進來，就是我的電視，這是我平時開的睡眠定時器，所以好不容易才關到那。

The last thing I hear is my wife said, I love you goodnight on a pay phone on the central P R E in my bedroom that I share with my wife.

最後我聽到的是我妻子在我和妻子共用的臥室的中央P R E上用公用電話說：我愛你晚安。

She's getting further along in her pregnancy, which makes her a little bit less easy to keep comfortable.

她的孕期越來越遠，這讓她有點不太容易舒服。

See, ifthis is her pregnancy pillow, so I know that there is a very good possibility that something favorable will happen on the ninth.

你看，如果這是她的懷孕枕頭，所以我知道，有一個非常好的可能性，一些有利的事情將發生在9日。

I expect the themes the judge is going toe is going to rule.

我期望法官要去的主題是趾高氣揚地去裁決。

The judge is going to decide if I do in fact qualify for relief under the Senate bill 14 37.

法官將決定我是否真的有資格獲得參議院法案14 37的救濟。

I hope that he finds in my favor.

我希望他能找到對我有利的。

On September 9th 2019 Judge denied my petition.

2019年9月9日，法官駁回了我的申請。

He found that the law was actually unconstitutional.

他發現該法律實際上是違憲的。

Moreover, he believed that I was a major participant in the crime.

而且，他認為我是犯罪的主要參與者。

It's challenging because a lot of people I want to encourage me.

這很有挑戰性，因為很多人我都想鼓勵我。

And I guess for lack of a better term, excuse me with hope like Oh, man, it's gonna happen.

我想，對於缺乏一個更好的詞， 原諒我與希望像 哦，夥計，它會發生。

You're going home.

你要回家了

It's still very surreal.

還是很超現實的。

It's very surreal the possibility that I could be going home soon.

我可能很快就要回家了，這是很超現實的可能性。

I think initially I felt disappointment a little bit shocked.

我想最初我感到失望有點震驚。

I think I think that the shock came from like in my heart.

我想，我覺得這種震撼來自於喜歡的心裡。

I believed that I qualified and I had had that.

我相信，我有資格，我也有過這樣的經歷。

That sentiment kind of reinforced by a lot of my loved ones and friends who felt that I would be getting relief subjectively like for being the worst thing about being in prison right now is not being a resource that I could be for myself from my son with my wife, my mother left orders objectively speaking, you know, like 20 years of experience in years.

這種情緒一種加強了很多我的親人和朋友，他們覺得我會得到救濟主觀上喜歡為是最糟糕的事情在監獄裡現在是不被資源，我可以為自己從我的兒子與我的妻子，我的母親離開訂單客觀地說，你知道，像20年的經驗年。

The worst thing about prison is that a culture that prisoners have created is an incredibly alluring temptations for individuals to choose to spare, just believe that they are not capable of doing things.

監獄最可怕的是，犯人所營造的文化是一種極具誘惑力的文化，個人選擇放過，只是相信自己沒有能力做的事情。

And it takes really an extraordinary effort to break through that culture and discover that, you know, there are a lot of resources available to you to become the person that you wanna be.

它需要一個真正的非凡的努力 打破這種文化和發現，你知道，有很多資源 提供給你成為你想成為的人。

The worst thing about being in prison for me is a sense of helplessness when it comes to being able to care for people I love.

對我來說，在監獄裡最糟糕的事情是，當我無法照顧我愛的人時，有一種無助感。

I'm literally unable to help my wife around the house.

我真的無法幫助我的妻子在家裡。

I am literally unable to one of the most like, paralyzing experiences for me was something so simple is hearing my son cry over the phone and not being able to pick him up and hold him.

我是真的不能最喜歡的一個，對我來說癱瘓的經驗是如此簡單的東西是聽到我的兒子在電話裡哭，不能接他，抱他。

So an overwhelming sense of powerless to powerlessness to me, um, to be there for the people who I care about, Um, that's the hardest part of prison.

所以，一種壓倒性的無力感對我來說，嗯，要為我關心的人在那裡，嗯，這是監獄裡最難的部分。

There are aspects of the culture that are are challenging.

文化的某些方面是具有挑戰性的。

For sure, it's a It's a daily challenge to keep a positive perspective when you're surrounded by a context of negativity, and largely that's true.

當然，當你被負面情緒包圍時，保持積極的觀點是一個日常挑戰，大體上也是如此。

That's largely true in prison.

監獄裡的情況基本如此。

That's a challenge.

這是一個挑戰。

It's a challenge to wake up and say, Well, I'm going to do something positive with my day.

一覺醒來，說："好吧，我要對我的一天做一些積極的事情，這是一個挑戰。

My wife is a very realistic moment.

我的妻子是一個非常現實的時刻。

You know, She came back into my life eight years ago.

你知道嗎，八年前她回到了我的生活中。

We got married five years ago, and she chose to be with me, support me to be on inside nonetheless, So she's hopeful.

我們五年前結婚了，她選擇和我在一起，支持我的內心，所以她很有希望。

At the same time she protects herself from, you know, extreme pain by appreciating the reality that until it happens, I'm still in prison.

同時，她也在保護自己不受，你知道，極端的痛苦，通過欣賞現實，直到它發生，我仍然在監獄裡。

She didn't think like that.

她不是這樣想的。

She doesn't think like that anymore.

她不再那樣想了。

Excited about the future.

對未來感到興奮。

Now she's more like I can't wait for what's next.

現在的她更像是我迫不及待地想知道下一步的發展。

Until very recently, people who were sentenced to life terms in prison were not eligible for family visits.

直到最近，被判處無期徒刑的人還沒有資格接受家屬探視。

When she married me, I still had another 10 years at least to do in prison before they would think about paroling me.

她嫁給我的時候，我至少還有10年的牢獄生活，他們才會考慮假釋我。

The only thing we had waas periodic regular visit coming into a space of visiting room Uh huh, and sharing it with 200 to 300 other people sitting at a like a picnic table, always under the supervision of multiple cameras.

我們唯一的事情就是定期定期地到探視室的空間裡來，嗯，和200到300個其他的人坐在像野餐桌一樣的地方分享，總是在多個攝像頭的監督下。

Always watching you always monitoring behavior.

一直在監視你一直在監視行為。

My parents, my son being born.

我的父母，我的兒子出生了。

The biggest thing that's happened in my life.

這是我一生中最大的事情。

I was released from prison on April 2nd.

我在4月2日出獄。

I mean, the answer would be the birth of Jackson.

我的意思是，答案應該是傑克遜的誕生。

But that's over a year, and Tristan isn't here yet.

但這都一年多了，崔斯坦還沒來呢。

The fact that both of my sons were conceived while I was incarcerated in a 46 hour window once every three months.

事實上，我的兩個兒子都是在我被監禁的時候懷上的，每三個月一次，每次46小時。

So that's like a miracle in itself.

所以這本身就像一個奇蹟。

Eight mark, three months old.

八個記號，三個月大。

My son was born on January 11th, 2019.

我的兒子是2019年1月11日出生的。

So he is 15 months and some change.

所以他是15個月，有些變化。

Last weekend, I'll get 26 this morning.

上個週末，我今天早上會得到26。

When I dropped him off a daycare, he didn't want to let me go That I love you.

當我送他去託兒所時，他不想讓我走，說我愛你。

Uh, from now, what would I tell my son?

呃，從現在開始，我怎麼跟我兒子說？

Well, I'm so grateful for today and all the days to come.

好吧，我很感激今天和未來所有的日子。

Can I get to be in your life?

我可以進入你的生活嗎？

He'll be too.

他也會的。

Be a good brother.

做一個好哥哥。

I want to take into the beach for sure.

我想帶進海灘的肯定。

We hear from our I want to expose him to new environment.

我們聽到我們的我想讓他接觸新的環境。

At a early age.

在很小的時候。

It would be like potty training because I'm tired of changing diapers, but I don't know.

這就像坐便器訓練一樣，因為我換尿布很累，但我不知道。

I don't even know if that's right in the timeline.

我甚至不知道這是否符合時間線。

My son.

我的兒子

He's the greatest thing I've ever done in my life.

他是我這輩子做過的最偉大的事情。

Without a doubt.

毋庸置疑。

Asi faras like literally objective accomplishments.

Asi faras像字面上的客觀成績。

How we have to say my master's thesis for my master's degree in philosophy.

我們要怎麼說我的哲學碩士學位論文。

It was the most, um, exhaustive piece of work I've ever done.

這是我做過的最，嗯，最詳盡的作品。

And I was very proud of myself for seeing it all the way through.

而我也為自己能一路看到它而感到非常自豪。

Such a scarce resource is available when I look at you know, my degrees or, uh, you know, senatorial recognition, my certifications when I look at having my sentence commuted by the governor of California.

當我看到我的學位，或者，呃，你知道，參議員的認可，我的證書，當我看到我的刑期被加州州長減刑時，這樣的稀缺資源是可用的。

I mean, it's incredible documents, but none of that comes even close to my boys.

我的意思是，這是令人難以置信的文件，但沒有一個甚至接近我的男孩。

Yes, I dio have several.

是的，我有幾個。

I'm pretty much I feel done with school.

我差不多我覺得上學完了。

But I do have this, like, far off, uh, dream, I guess.

但我確實有這個，就像，遙遠的，呃，夢想，我猜。

I don't know fantasy.

我不知道幻想。

Perhaps, I dare say, a vision of retiring in my sixties, going back to school and receiving my PhD writing some type of dissertation about all these years of work that not only that I've done in prison, but that I will continue to do for the next 20 years at least.

也許，我敢說，我的願景是在60多歲的時候退休，回到學校，獲得博士學位，寫一些關於這些年工作的論文，不僅是我在監獄裡做的工作，而且至少在未來的20年裡，我還會繼續做。

Porter.

波特

We married housing clerk artery, but I would say we need is the official title.

我們娶了房屋辦事員動脈，但我想說，我們需要的是官銜。

I am the director of restorative programs for the crop organization Crop Organization.

我是作物組織Crop Organization的恢復性項目主任。

Um, it stands for creating restorative opportunities and programs.

嗯，它代表著創造恢復性機會和計劃。

It's a nonprofit with the mission of transforming the culture of prison and helping to redefine the purpose of prison in America.

這是一個非營利組織，其使命是改變監獄文化，幫助重新定義美國監獄的目的。

How people relate to each other.

人與人之間的關係如何。

When I came to prison, I had a Nokia cell phone that the coolest feature on it was the fact that you could take off the front of it could change the way it looked.

當我來到監獄的時候，我有一部諾基亞手機，它最酷的功能就是你可以把它的正面拿下來可以改變它的樣子。

A social media and, ah, lot of the technology that is available stages working around back then in 1999.

一個社交媒體和啊，很多技術，是可用的階段工作周圍，然後在1999年。

So, um, I have heard, and I suspect that the way people relate to one another is is very different.

所以，嗯，我聽說，我懷疑人們之間的關係方式是非常不同的。

So I'm curious to see how I'm going to adjust.

所以我很好奇，看我怎麼調整。

I mean, I'm used to being in conversation with people looking them in behind Uh huh.

我的意思是，我習慣於在談話中 與人看他們在後面 呃，呵呵。

And I'm I'm very curious if if I'm gonna seem strange, like I don't fit in with the way things are in contemporary fine today.

我... ...我很好奇，如果我看起來很奇怪，就像我不適合當今當代精細的事物。

How good of a driver I am.

我是一個多好的司機。

I know it sounds That might sound stupid, but it's true.

我知道這聽起來很傻，但這是真的。

I mean, just being a passenger in the car, when we do go places, I wonder like, am I gonna be a good driver?

我的意思是，只是作為一個乘客在車上， 當我們做去的地方，我想知道一樣， 我是要成為一個好司機？

Because that my experience is that so many people aren't my wife included it way have to entertain you.

因為我的經驗是，這麼多的人不是我的妻子包括它的方式有娛樂你。

I'm not sure I know that.

我不確定我是否知道。

Yesterday I got a notification on my phone saying my screen time was down.

昨天我的手機收到通知，說我的螢幕時間減少了。

Uh, like it was like it 2.5 hours.

呃，像它是像它2. 5小時。

So I don't know if that's a good number or not, but I guess we could We could round it up to three, three times 7 21 hours a week.

所以我不知道這是不是一個好數字，但我想我們可以把它四捨五入到3，3次721小時一週。

And I mean, the most amazing thing to me is Google.

我的意思是，對我來說最神奇的是谷歌。

I know that might sound weird, but the fact that I can just type in any question I have or or speak it in rather and it's right there that's amazing to me, like literally the it seems like pretty close to the depth and breadth of human knowledge is available in a search engine.

我知道這可能聽起來很奇怪，但事實上，我可以只鍵入任何問題，我有或或說話，而是和它的權利在那裡，這是驚人的我，像字面上的它似乎像相當接近人類知識的深度和廣度是可用的搜索引擎。

I'll go back to my housing units and I will shower.

我回到我的住房組織、部門，我會洗澡。

I will check in with my supervisors, see if there's anything that needs to be done in the wings.

我會向上級彙報，看看有沒有什麼需要做的事情。

Uh, sporadic conversations with a small group of friends that I keep and I'll have dinner and then I'll go to get what time is it was 4 16.

呃，零星的談話與一個小團體的朋友，我保持和我會吃晚飯，然後我會去得到什麼時間是4 16。

I'm gonna go get my son off my wife and put on Motel Magic.

我去把我兒子從我老婆身邊接過來，放 "汽車旅館魔法"。

It's the first thing he does when he wakes up, and he is the last thing he does when he goes to sleep.

這是他醒來後的第一件事，也是他睡覺時的最後一件事。

So I'll get my boy and enjoy the rest of my evening with him and my wife.

所以，我將得到我的男孩，享受我的餘下的晚上與他和我的妻子。