And then looking back, there are four main lessons I've worked on that have helped me regulate my emotions, improved my quality of life and embody a more mindful me one.

再回過頭來看，我主要有四條經驗，這些經驗幫助我調節了情緒，提高了生活品質，體現了一個更加心靈手巧的我。

How you talk to yourself can transform your life when you're kind to yourself, forgiving with yourself, encouraging of yourself.

當你對自己好，對自己寬容，對自己鼓勵時，如何與自己對話，就能改變你的人生。

Watch as your life flourishes myself.

看著你的生命蓬勃發展的自己。

Talk used to be incredibly critical, mean and non compassionate.

說話曾經無比的挑剔，刻薄，不富有同情心。

You're such in English.

你是這樣的在英語。

Of course, you're sucks so bad.

當然，你是爛到不行。

But when you're aware of yourself talk, you can then improve it.

但是當你意識到自己說話的時候，你就可以改善它。

Now my rule is that I talk to myself the same way that I would talk to a close friend.

現在我的原則是，我和自己說話的方式和和好友說話的方式一樣。

Okay, That wasn't your best moment.

好吧，這不是你最好的時刻。

But we learned a valuable lesson here that we can implement in the future.

但是，我們在這裡學到了寶貴的經驗，我們可以在未來實施。

Yeah, Yeah.

是啊，是啊。

I'm glad this happened.

我很高興這件事發生了。

I'm glad this happened.

我很高興這件事發生了。

This was good.

這是很好的。

This was good and grateful for this two.

這很好，也很感激這兩位。

You can't make emotional appointments.

你不能做情感上的預約。

Whatever you're feeling is valid because feelings are fax.

無論你有什麼感受都是有效的，因為感受是傳真。

Even if someone had good intentions, if they've said something or done something that has hurt you, you are allowed to feel her.

即使人家是好意，如果人家說了什麼話，做了什麼事，傷害了你，也允許你去感受她。

It's really important to give yourself the space and permission to feel whatever it is that you're feeling so you can process it and move forward.

給自己空間和許可，讓自己感受到你所感受到的任何東西，這樣你就可以處理它並向前邁進，這真的很重要。

And though you cannot control your feelings, your reaction to them is something well within your control.

雖然你無法控制自己的感情，但你對感情的反應是你可以控制的。

So when conflict inevitably happens, instead of shoving feelings down and letting resentment fester, take a step back, reflect and then talk directly to the person about how they made you feel when you make plans with other people, like right in front of me.

所以，當衝突不可避免地發生時，與其把感情往下推，讓怨恨發酵，不如退一步，反思一下，然後直接和對方說說，當你和別人制定計劃時，比如當著我的面，他們讓你有什麼感受。

And then you don't invite me out for these plans, I just feel really, like, left out and excluded and like, I'm not important or something.

然後，你不邀請我出去 這些計劃，我只是覺得真的一樣， 被遺棄和排斥 就像，我不重要什麼的。

And so if you're gonna make plans with other people, I would just love it if you could do it in private.

所以如果你要和別人做計劃的話 我希望你能私下裡做。

Three boundaries are actually a blessing.

三界其實是一種福報。

You know, I used to be very uncomfortable with saying no to things, but now I realize that that's incredibly healthy.

你知道，我以前很不喜歡拒絕一些事情 但現在我意識到這是非常健康的。

If things are too overwhelming, it's okay to communicate that it's okay to say that Hey, this makes me really uncomfortable.

如果事情太過壓抑，可以溝通說，嘿，這讓我真的很不舒服。

It's okay to speak up about the values that are important to you.

說出對你來說很重要的價值觀是可以的。

Setting boundaries not only honors yourself But it honors the people in your life because it shows them that you could be honest and up front with them and that you trust that they can handle it.

設定界限不僅是對自己的尊重，也是對你生活中的人的尊重，因為它向他們展示了你可以對他們坦誠相待，你相信他們可以處理好。

Hey, so when you jump, like, from the headboard onto my boobs in the middle of the night, it's really disrupting my sleep.

嘿，所以當你跳一樣，從頭板 到我的胸部在半夜， 它真的擾亂我的睡眠。

So if you can refrain from doing that, I'm gonna have to close my door when it's bedtime.

所以，如果你能不這樣做，我要去有 關閉我的門時，它的睡覺時間。

You know, I'm sorry.

你知道，我很抱歉。

Okay?

好嗎？

You don't have to be like that for this one is really blow my mind.

你不一定要這樣，因為這個是真的讓我很震驚。

Like I had a lot of resistance to this idea.

就像我對這個想法有很大的牴觸情緒。

At first I was like, No, I don't like it.

一開始我說，不，我不喜歡。

Are you ready?

你準備好了嗎？

We are more hurt by our own expectations of other people than by their actions were more hurt by our own expectations of others than by their actions.

我們被自己對別人的期望比被別人的行為傷害更大的是自己對別人的期望比被別人的行為傷害更大。

I did not like this idea because I mean, besides the obvious caveats of abusive action, it felt like a little victim blaming.

我不喜歡這個想法，因為我的意思是，除了明顯的濫用行動的注意事項，它感覺就像一個小的受害者指責。

But then I realized Well, okay, maybe like, I don't like this because something about it resonates with me.

但後來我意識到，好吧，也許就像，我不喜歡這個，因為它的一些東西與我產生了共鳴。

The idea that maybe it wasn't anyone else that was hurting me but myself.

這個想法，也許傷害我的不是別人，而是我自己。

Didn't like that because that means I'm responsible for my own pain and, like who wants to be responsible for their own pain?

不喜歡，因為那意味著我要為自己的痛苦負責，而且，誰願意為自己的痛苦負責？

But when I really analyzed, like, recent wounds, that guy I ended things with because he wouldn't commit, I was more let down by the potential of a relationship and of our connection growing into something beautiful, a k a.

但是，當我真的分析， 像，最近的傷口， 那個傢伙，我結束的東西 因為他不會承諾， 我更多的是讓下來的潛力 一個關係和我們的連接 成美麗的東西，a k a。

My expectations.

我的期望。

Then when he decided to reveal that he wanted to keep things more casual and wasn't ready, that friend who I distance myself from because I felt like she wasn't there for me during hard times, I was more disappointed that the level of giving I was extending wasn't reciprocated.

然後，當他決定透露他想讓事情更隨意，還沒有準備好的時候，那個我與之保持距離的朋友，因為我覺得她在困難的時候不在我身邊，我更失望的是，我所付出的程度沒有得到回報。

But maybe that's just not in her nature and that job that I almost booked but didn't because the director changed his mind at the last second, I was fully expecting to go in and just be a movie star.

但也許這並不是她的本性，還有那份我差點就定了但因為導演在最後一秒改變主意而沒定的工作，我完全期待著進去後只是做個影星。

This is a lesson that I also learned about when I was studying Buddhism in my early twenties.

這也是我在二十多歲學佛時的體會。

But I think it's one of the hardest ones because the mind likes to plan and my mind loves to plan.

但我覺得這是最難的一個，因為頭腦喜歡計劃，我的頭腦也喜歡計劃。

And with planning comes expectations and with expectations, comes the inevitable disappointment when they're not met and, though it's unrealistic to assume, will never have any expectations.

而有規劃就會有期望，有了期望，就難免會有不滿足時的失望，雖然假設不現實，但永遠不會有任何期望。

Weaken.

弱化。

Certainly recognize when our reality isn't lining up to the fantasy in our head of who someone is and what they should dio.

當然要認識到，當我們的現實與我們腦海中的幻想不一致的時候，某人是誰，他們應該dio什麼。

So there you have it for impactful lessons from my last decade of therapy that will be $150.

所以，你有它的影響教訓從我過去十年的治療，將150美元。

I'm Anaconda and thank you so much to privacy for sponsoring today's video privacy is actually this pretty ingenious idea.

我是蟒蛇，非常感謝隱私的贊助，今天的視頻隱私其實是這個很巧妙的想法。

The services completely free, easy to set up and basically allows you to generate a brand new virtual card number for every purchase that you make online, which protects your actual card from hackers and identity thieves.

該服務完全免費，設置簡單，基本上可以讓你在網上進行的每一次消費都能生成一個全新的虛擬卡號，從而保護你的實際卡免受黑客和身份竊賊的攻擊。

You can make as many cards as you want and set a maximum spending limit for each of them.

你可以製作任意數量的卡片，併為每張卡片設置最高消費限額。

It's super easy.

這是超級簡單的。

All it takes is a few clicks.

只需要點擊幾下就可以了。

If you wanna go on ghosts and stars dot com to pick up some sweet march, and you can even install a browser extension that makes the process even faster.

如果你想上鬼子和星星點點網去領取一些甜蜜的征途，你甚至可以安裝一個瀏覽器擴展，讓這個過程更快。

Privacy has military grade encryption does not sell your information, and they make their money from merchants so they're completely free for you to use.

隱私有軍工級加密不出售你的資訊，他們的錢來自商家，所以你完全可以免費使用。

All you do is create an account like a checking account or debit card and yada yada.

你要做的就是創建一個賬戶，比如支票賬戶或借記卡，然後呀呀呀。

Go to privacy dot com slash anaconda to sign up today and get $5 to spend on your first purchase.

今天就去privacy dot com slash anaconda註冊，第一次購物就可以獲得5元消費。

Maybe get that sweet.

也許得到那個甜。

I love this headache from ghosts and stars wherever you want to spend that free $5.

我喜歡這個來自鬼子和星星的頭疼，無論你想在哪裡花那免費的5美元。

Go to privacy.

進入隱私。

Calm such Anna Kana to sign up now.

冷靜這樣的安娜卡娜現在就去報名。

Bye.

掰掰